Delphine wakes later than planned, the sun already high in the sky, snow beginning to fall. She shivers slightly under the blankets.
She hears a muffled groan from Cosima, as weight shifts behind her on the mattress. Delphine is far too comfortable for a moment or two, it seems this place is dead silent in the morning. Odd, Delphine muses, she thought the light would have her up long before now. The uncovered window next to the bed has seemed to do nothing to rouse either of them from their sleep.
"Are you awake?" She reaches out to touch Cosima's face, carefully adjusting position.
"Nooo..." Cosima rolls over away from her, burying her face deeper into the pillows.
"I have somewhere to be," Delphine leans forward just enough to leave a small kiss where neck meets shoulder, to a little hum from her beloved.
"Mmm too sleepy." Cosima mumbles from her place on the bed. Why is she still so cute? Delphine wonders. Haven't they slept enough? Or is this illness related? She glances at a clock, it's nearly time now.
"I have to go to the midwifery clinic... so I am going to go alone then." Delphine tells her as she pushes up from the bed, and immediately begins to dress herself.
"Shit... Shit... That's today?" Cosima exclaims shooting up in bed,.
"You can stay in bed, if you want to." She shrugs. It doesn't matter, at least it shouldn't matter whether Cosima accompanies her or not. The tests will be the same either way. There's no time to check on the development of the lungs, perhaps sending Cosima straight to the lab could have that advantage.
"No no... I'm coming. Just like, let me throw some clothes on. Do you want to get breakfast?"
Delphine shakes her off. "We're going to be late."
"So what? Then we'll be late."
"I cannot miss this appointment Cosima, it's important." She finishes her sentence, by pulling a sweater over her head and reaching for her coat.
"You have to eat..." Cosima chides her, but she dresses and hurries after her. Cosima forces them to stop to grab a couple muffins from a vendor on the next street.
The still-warm baked good is pushed into her hands by Cosima before she can hurry her away.
The clinic looks much the same at it had the last time she'd visited, though earlier in the morning she did find herself hoping it would be quieter.
She enters, to find four women sitting in chairs, waiting their turn to be seen. One seems nearly ready to pop, her red hair unkempt and her youthful face tired. So young, Delphine muses, they all looked so young. It's impossible not to notice how young some of the mothers are. Their faces round, hinting that they have barely emerged from adolescence before becoming mothers themselves.
"Eat now." Cosima warns, easing herself down beside her on one of the chairs. The clock on the wall tell her that they are already late for her appointment.
"How much longer can this go on?" She begs Kendra, who enters the room with a small paper bag.
The midwife sighs, "You're not quite at term yet, Ruby. And your baby hasn't dropped yet. Another week. Maybe two."
"I can't sleep... it's awful. And all I can feel is him kicking me all night whenever I try. I can't lift anything. I can't work. I can't clean." The young woman begins to cry.
"And your husband? Is he helping you."
"A little. He sleeps like a rock. His head hits the pillow and he's out. It's so annoying. I don't think he wants a baby..."
"Okay..." Kendra lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, "I think we're going to have to have Daniel come with you to your next appointment." She turns to the desk, "I have another client to see, Avalon, can you take Ruby upstairs and sit with her?"
As the sobbing woman is led away by a young, dark-haired, sturdy midwife. Delphine stands. She tries not to think about the end of pregnancy, she hadn't seen any woman that advanced in general practice on Huxley Station, and it did look incredibly uncomfortable.
"Delphine." Kendra smiles, "I'll see you myself, is this your friend?"
"Yes." Cosima hops to her feet with a winning smile, "I'm Cosima."
"Excellent, this way please," Kendra smiles as she leads them both to the back room.
"You're very awake." Cosima comments between bites of her own muffin. Delphine looks down at hers, she's barely eaten any of it. She does have to eat, she makes an attempt to finish it quickly as they settle into the examination room. Three reasonable chairs, a desk and an examination table take up much of the room.
"Yes. I've been up a while." The midwife laughs, her greyed hair braided back behind her head, "I was up delivering a baby at two this morning. Little girl. Her mother's fifth. Very quick delivery."
Paper. They take their notes on paper. Delphine looks incredulously at her file. She'd seen a computer in the reception area, old, but perhaps that was the only one.
"Fifth..." Cosima comments instead, nodding politely, before stopping to chew on her leftover muffin. She supposed that was the reality for people here.
"Ah..." Kendra notices her eyes shifting towards her notes, "Can't rely on the tech out here. Goes down. Gets fried. We lose all our records. So we take hardcopies. Of everything." She explains readily. "The computer is just for processing, like for credits. Occasionally we have to order from other colonies. Equipment. Things like that."
"So my tests?"
"Oh. Your blood and urine tests came back fine." Kendra grins, "Nothing to worry about. We do need a address for your file though. And a contact number."
Currently, she has neither, but she manages to give their future address and move-in date. It's enough to appease Kendra, for now. They go through the routine checks, how is she feeling, whether or not she requires a test for STIs, booking the next appointment, and finally, measuring her belly.
The midwife nods at the number and records it on the chart.
"Is it big?" Delphine asks, propping herself up on one elbow.
"No... everything looks good." Kendra reassures. "Besides, from my perspective, 'big' happens near the end."
"You look cute." Cosima says simply, hovering around behind Kendra, in a state of almost pseudo-involvement. Making comments, smiling, but mostly staying in the background and allowing Delphine to handle this.
"Are we done?"
"Nope." The midwife grins, "You're about twenty weeks now, so one more thing!"
Cosima's face shows no shock when Kendra produces a fetoscope for listening to the child's heartbeat, first finding it for herself, a smile breaking out on her face, before moving the earpieces to Delphine's ears to let her listen. Strange how such an old device can still be so effective.
It's quick, and she'd known fetal heart rates were fast, but it's steady. Reassuring and very alive. She looks over to Cosima, who is chewing on the last of her muffin. Is she bored? Or simply preferring to become too involved with this.
"There's your baby's heartbeat. All sounding good. Exactly what we like to hear."
Cosima simply nods and smiles at them, making no movement, or request to hear it for herself.
Delphine laughs, earpieces still firmly in her ears. She's sure that she's smiling like an idiot, but she doesn't care. Instead she reaches one hand up, to offer the earpieces to Cosima. Surely that would help bond them.
"Is that all? Cause I need to get back to work." Cosima interrupts the moment.
She hides her disappointment quickly, maybe it was safer this way. After all, how would these backwoods midwives look at them if they knew? Perhaps Cosima has a reason.
"Yes... of course." Kendra agrees readily. "You can go along, I'm just going to book my next appointment with Delphine. Please call the clinic and confirm your new address once you have moved. We will need to inspect it."
"Inspect it?" Delphine tugs her shirt and sweater down as she sits up, carefully moving to now sit on the table.
"Of course. We'll need to make sure it's set up for the birth."
The birth, of course. The clinic isn't set up for birthing here, at least that that she's seen so far. What will a midwife make of all the medical equipment she has already planned for the second bedroom? Of Cosima's surgery and recovery... if she can even manage to get her supplies.
"Delphine..." Cosima tries to get her attention as they speed towards the lab. Even for such a small town, it still takes time to get to the outskirts.
"What?"
"Are you upset about something?"
Is she? Delphine tries assessing her mood. She would have preferred that Cosima showed more interest in the pregnancy, if she had asked to hear the heartbeat for example. It's quiet, just so quiet between them now. What else doesn't she know?
"Non."
"Okay... you seem kind of frazzled. You were even shocked by the fetoscope."
"I had never seen one before. Only in books, or documentaries on health care in the outskirts." Delphine brushes it off, it's not important. It works, that is the important thing. As for what else they do not have here, it is not worth considering at this point.
"Okay... ummm we have to go back to the yurt tonight?"
"What?"
"Scott will stay over in the lab, babysit the lungs for us." Cosima pauses on the stairs to take a few long breaths. They've barely started the climb up the sturdy metal stairs.
She wants to hover, to press her hand to Cosima's back, to care for her, but knows that if she does Cosima will merely shrug her off and accuse her of mothering.
"Why do I have to back?" Delphine asks, "is there something from last night?"
"Yes. There is something." Cosima nods, but does not volunteer any additional information.
There may not be any point in pressing Cosima to tell her more, Delphine realizes, as she reaches the lab first. She swings open the door to find Scott sitting on the couch reading a long report.
"Hi Delphine. Hey Cosima." Scott barely looks up at them.
"What...what are you doing?" Delphine asks him. Why isn't he working on the lungs? Why is he just sitting there?
"Reading this stupid surveillance report. It's… their source has no understanding of science. At all. It's really bad." Scott winces, still reading the paper.
"But… the lungs…"
"They're fine. I already set loose the first round of programmer bacteria into the artificial womb. And topped up the feeding fluid. Growing organs isn't that interesting most of the time. I came back to the lab after the meeting last night." Scott stops to yawn. "It's under control."
"Ooh.. does that mean we can make moonshine in the lab?" Cosima adds in as she approaches them.
Delphine shoots her a look that clearly shows her opinion on that matter.
"Guess not… so lungs are coming along? Can I see? Or are they like photosensitive?" Cosima perks up a little.
Delphine warns, "I'd rather you don't." Perhaps later, when they are in fact mostly-lungs she'll feel differently about that. "I am going to take a look though, are you prepping them for accelerated growth?"
"Why? And yeah. We're trying to get them grown in a couple months, it's already accelerated." Scott yawns again, not bothering to cover his mouth. "If she wants to take a look. Not lung-like yet though, still looks like an embryo. Or it did three hours ago."
"How long until it's lungs? Or mostly lungs?" Cosima asks curiously.
"A few days." Delphine and Scott answer her together.
"But it's going to take a few months until they're ready." Scott offers, "I will be able to give you a better estimate of date in a week or so."
"Good." Delphine looks around for something else to work on. There's enough equipment here to test Sarah's, and even Kira's, genome against Cosima's. And she wants to, that's impossible to deny. Surely that would lead to the ability to create a new gene therapy, it wouldn't be entirely that different than engineering organs.
Only, Delphine smiles sadly, looking over at Cosima and Scott, that would never be permitted. Sarah hated her. Cosima, she could keep her alive, but without the help of her family what else she could do? She cannot help herself from laughing at Cosima and Scott, who were now in the middle of thumb wrestling over who would have to perform some strange task. How can she be so calm? Like nothing is wrong? Like nothing is happening?
Next, she knows, she must find a surgeon to perform the transplant. There is no chance that a suitable transplant surgeon operates out of the small hospital in town. There's another continent, she knows, but just in case perhaps she should run this through Sarah. Or Cal. Mrs. S is too intimidating to face on her own right now. And she lacks the contacts that this resistance force has built up. She's going to have to work with them.
Scott drives them both back to the farm, with their stuff.
"We'll probably sleep better." Cosima tells her, before falling asleep in the backseat, leaving her alone with Scott for the drive.
"Lucky you. I'll get there and have to head right back. I'll stay in the lab tonight." Scott volunteers.
"Why?" Delphine finds herself asking.
"Cosima's health is poor, and you're, well, you're pregnant. Can't be comfortable there." He shrugs and continues to drive, humming to himself ever so often.
It seems to take longer than before, there's not much to discuss with Scott. He'll talk about his schooling, about meeting Cosima, about the artificial organ growing he dabbled in. Nothing of consequence. He too, it seems, has been trained.
"If I wanted to get a surgeon here, and other medical supplies who would I ask?" Delphine interrupts randomly in a story Scott was telling about his cat.
"Cal. Talk to Cal." Scott says simply, allowing the drive to continue without further discussion.
They arrive in twilight, Scott quickly unloading their stuff, before picking up a couple crates from near the shed. All done in silence. Cal approaches, and waves them on into the yurt. Are they not saying anything to her now? What is this?
Cosima stumbles up into the yurt, pulling Delphine behind her. It's familiar, even if it makes her feel uneasy. Three sets of eyes meet hers, all very reminiscent of Cosima's. Even Kira's small ones as she leans against the couch, just looking at them crowded around the table.
Sarah eyes them, almost as if she's considering her options. She's unsure why Alison is present. To soften Sarah's demands? To seem more diplomatic? Perhaps, she simply insisted on being present.
"So you've found a place to live." Alison comments from her place at the table, "you can eat if you want, it was saved for you."
Cosima eats readily, which encourages her to do the same. She's not expecting poison after all. If they were going to do away with her, Delphine has come to expect something much more dramatic.
"Yeah," Cosima nods encouragingly between bites, "Delphine found us an apartment over this...tailor shop? Or something in town. We can move in this weekend."
"Good." Sarah finally speaks, "So… I want to know. How would we get someone into DYAD?"
Her first reaction is to scoff. "You can't."
"What do you mean we can't? There's tons of staff. Get someone in and like, working elsewhere or in maintenance…"
"That won't work." Delphine tells her simply.
"She's not sabotaging you," Cosima reads her sister between bites of stew, she shakes her head, "DYAD is like intense. I told you, everyone is chipped. It's all really official. It's not something any of your spies could access."
"Except Delphine." Alison motions towards her with an open hand, "Only… you said she can't go back."
"No. She can't." Cosima answers flatly. "You wanted her here, so at least listen to her."
"You'd need a science student. Or scientist. Someone to apply to DYAD, and then it's … it's half chance if they'll get in." Delphine responds, looking from Cosima's encouraging face, to the annoyed faces of her sisters.
"Chance?"
"We could like send Scott… I mean if we could get him in." Cosima laughs to herself, slumping back in her chair.
"Would it work?" Sarah asks her sharply.
"Yes. It could… but we can't lose Scott yet, not until the lungs are much closer to completion." Delphine is cautious not to say too much. Kira is drawing quietly across the yurt, but she's certain the child is aware of everything that is being said. It makes her feel safer, certainly they would not harm her in front of Kira unless she was actively a threat to the child.
"How long?" Alison and Sarah look to her together, "When will you know?"
"A few days." Delphine speaks after a hesitation, it seemed Cosima wanted to leave this to her.
"Cos, do you need anything?" Sarah asks, seeming almost gentle. Was this what Sarah was like with her sisters? With her child?
"Supplies… Delphine has a list. Bed, furniture. Medical equipment."
"A surgeon." Delphine adds, when they look at her with wide eyes she continues, "For Cosima's double-lung transplant when the lungs are mature enough."
"You can't do it?" Cosima turns to her hopefully.
"Yeah." Sarah adds in. "You're a doctor."
"No… I'm not a surgeon, Cosima. We need someone who has done multiple transplants. And… I'll be too pregnant by then."
"Right… add that one to Cal's list." Alison turns to her sister, "The other stuff should be easy enough for us to get… Donnie and I can take care of most of the furniture…"
"Yeah… just give Cal a list…" Sarah nods, looking at her sisters again, "Delphine, leave us… yeah?"
She stands, somewhat surprised to hear her name used in what could pass for a civil tone. "I'll go to the guest yurt."
"That would be best." Alison says curtly.
She has to wait, there's food around and she eats it willingly. Cosima is probably right about her not eating enough. The couch isn't a terrible place to wait up for Cosima. Delphine had made a fire in the woodstove, at at least it was warm, cuddled up in a blanket here, enjoying the small flutters her baby made whenever they felt like it. She's starting to wonder whether she had made the right decision in choosing to wait up when she hears something.
The soundproofing on yurts really is terrible, Delphine muses as she hears voices and two sets of footsteps approaching the yurt. One is definitely Cosima's. The other set is heavier, clomping through the light layer of snow.
It's Sarah's voice she can make out first. "She's pregnant. There is going to be a baby. Have you really thought about that Cos?"
"Yeah I know."
"You don't even want kids." Sarah hisses.
Cosima responds quietly, "I never said that."
"So your lover is going to have a newborn in about 20 weeks. Then what?"
"Yeah. So?" Cosima responds, Delphine can practically see her shrug through the wall. She makes no move to interrupt the sisters. Nothing to alert either of them to her presence, and through the wall, why should she.
"What is she gonna do then that's so exciting? Leak milk on you?" She can easily imagine Cosima's gruff sister rolling her eyes.
"Probably." Cosima agrees calmly.
Sarah shoots back, "While the kid wails?"
"Kira didn't cry a lot, right?" Cosima reminds her, "Babies have to sleep sometime. I mean, they like have to..."
"Yeah well." Sarah stops at what is probably the doorstep, "I'll go for now, but think this through Cos."
"I have." Cosima shouts back. "My life. My girlfriend. My choice."
"I know you Cos, I know what your taste in women is like. And your short attention span. Delphine is nothing but a liability." Sarah calls back as she's moving further away.
Is it true? Delphine wonders, is that what she will become if Cosima tires of her? Another liability? At the very least, her rational mind insists, she is a doctor. She could be useful to the resistance in other ways, if need be.
Cosima enters the yurt, careful to bar the door shut behind her before leaning down to slip out of her boots.
"So you heard all that." Cosima surmises quickly, looking at Delphine unmoving from her spot on the couch.
"Oui."
Cosima's closest hand immediately goes for her hip, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Non," Delphine shakes off the loving touch, "I want to go to bed."
"Alright… let's go to bed then."
It's finally quiet, crawling back into the bed here. There's nothing to be heard at all, except for the rustling of Cosima beginning to remove her clothes. It's not exactly safe, at least not for herself. But the yurt is so much more comfortable than the rented room or the lab. It is not, however, safe enough. Not if she cannot trust Cosima's family. Not if Sarah is trying to… divide them?
She sits, fully dressed on the bed. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Cosima's pulling her in by the shoulders, "Listening in? I don't care."
"I don't want you to feel disappointed."
"Disappointed? With what?" Cosima shakes her head, cuddling in closer to her lover.
"With me... with the life we're going to have...if things go well." Delphine cannot even bring herself to think of what will happen if they do not. There are always risks, with any experiment, with any surgery.
"Not at all... No." Cosima begins to kiss her cheek slowly, delicately. A hand coming up to smooth against her free cheek, lips finally dipping to her neck.
Once the worries escape, she cannot quite hold them all back. "I'm carrying your half-sibling and ..." Delphine stops, overly aware that her voice sounds too much like a sob.
"Shh, it's alright. Don't worry about Sarah."
"She's right. There's going to be a baby," Delphine responds distraught, "I probably am going to leak milk on you and sleep a lot and the baby will cry..."
Cosima reassures, "So we'll hold the kid and you'll nurse them, and they'll stop crying." Hands that are near constantly in motion steadily cup her face instead, forcing eye contact.
"But..." Delphine hesitates, surely Cosima must have some idea how much work an infant can be. Can she picture Cosima pacing around the floor with an infant? Just resting besides her when she's too tired for anything else?
"No buts. You know what?" Cosima grins, guiding her backwards onto the bed.
"What?" Delphine looks up at her, Cosima snuggled up to her on her side.
"You're mine." Cosima coos delightedly at Delphine, stroking her cheek.
Delphine smiles despite herself, "I am."
Cosima kisses her slowly, peeling back layers of fabric until she's bare from the waist up, kissing her swollen breasts, the firm roundness of her belly. She makes no efforts to undress her further, seemingly intent on lavishing affection on her. Reassurance, Delphine smiles at the thought, her own hand running along dreadlocks and down Cosima's smooth bare back.
She stops, a hand gently stroking along the curve of the bump, "And you're mine, too." She addresses the baby, before kissing sweetly there. Delphine was not expecting the tenderness, or the surge of arousal that flooded her at Cosima's words, at her lips against her skin.
"I'm not going to be the big sister, if we're doing this? I'm Mommy." Cosima looks up at her, hopefully.
"And I will be?" Delphine asks, a hand stroking Cosima's dreads gently. This pleases her, this at least, is promising for their future.
"Maman, of course. To our baby." Cosima states decisively.
"Say it again." Her eyes close, and a delighted smile spreads across her face. Even here, she's unable to stop it.
"Our baby." Cosima repeats, laying a soft kiss against the swell of her belly, "Our baby," the brunette mumbles into her skin.
It's strange, even though she's certain Cosima's intention is to comfort her, to declare her affection and parenthood towards their baby, her body responds ardently. With each tender kiss pressed to stretching skin, even while Cosima walks her fingers across her belly playfully, tension gathers uncomfortably between her thighs. Any thoughts of tiredness and desire for sleep are replaced with vivid imaginings of other things that Cosima could be doing with that hand and mouth.
"Hi baby…" Cosima mumbles, "are you going to move for me?" Her hand smooths across her belly, in an effort to detect motion.
She doesn't want to interrupt Cosima, but when she begins kissing trails along her skin again she wants to squirm. She resists the urge to push her beloved's head down, she's not even fully undressed.
"What? What is it?" Cosima props herself up on a free arm to gaze back at her, eyes soft and questioning. She doesn't know, Delphine giggles briefly, Cosima hadn't noticed the effects of her attentions.
"Now... take me now..." She grabs Cosima's hand, dragging it down between her legs, tension suddenly unbearable.
There's a slight delay in response. "Really?" Her girlfriend's eyebrows raise, and she doesn't want to delay any long, doesn't want to give Cosima a reason to tease her instead of sating her longing.
"Yes!" She begins yanking her own pants down, Cosima aiding her to expedite the process of undressing. She pulls her beloved to mouth once, kissing her deeply, feeling the need to do at least this much before they continue.
"You're so easy." Cosima mutters under her breath, fingers already toying with her lightly, bodies pressed as close as they can.
"Give it to me." She murmurs back. "Touch me…"
And she does, smiling down at her, probing deeply and moaning happily at her reaction. At her squirming, her noises, the passion of this.
As Cosima works into her, fingers pushing in at an achingly slow pace, she lets herself talk to her. Words spilling from her mouth in a muddle of language. Not only French or English. Not just 'je t'aime' or 'plus fort' or 'comme ça', but silly fantasies, a dream, a desire. She clings onto dreadlocks, and kisses olive skin, groping and pleading with her as they go.
She can take more and more, arousal freely dripping from her sex, Cosima burying more and more of her hand in her, more of herself in her, and she crests, again and again, until they've both slipped into some kind of haze. Where neither of them wish to stop, where every word exchanged is no longer spoken aloud. Until the sheets reek of sex, until Cosima comes against her spent form, heart beating fast and hard. Their baby moving once again, she clasps Cosima's hand to her belly, maybe she can feel it. But the lack of reaction on her lover's face shows her instantly that, for the moment, this is her own private joy.
"Feel better?" Cosima jokes as she's trying to catch her breath. They're both slick with sweat, neither capable of much movement beyond sleepy cuddling.
"Yes…" The smile that stretches across her face is both languid and genuine. "I'm worried about your family…. but… I feel much better. Very satisfied."
"You are my family." Cosima reassures.
The words have her tugging the brunette to her lips again, for another needy kiss.