Chapter 10

Kensi drove home slowly, again. This time it was because she was afraid of what would be waiting for her. Or not waiting for her. She was so damned tired. The last few days had been a rollercoaster of emotions, beginning with the confusion and fear she felt when he'd been ripped away from her side, arrested for murder, cuffed and stuffed into the back of the car. His last words "I love you." ringing in her ears. From there she had experienced anger, worry, frustration, elation and back to fear.

She remembered Nell running down the stairs saying "Deeks is out!"

"What? How?" asked Sam.

"A woman named Tiffany Warner confessed to the crime. They had to let Deeks go after that!"

Kensi stood up and grabbed her bag.

Nell hesitated, not knowing how to tell her the rest of the news. "Where are you going Kens?"

"To pick him up! He'll need a ride home. I need to see him. To know he's okay."

"Uh, Kens." Nell stopped, realizing everyone's eyes were on her. She cleared her throat and continued softly. "He was released a little over four hours ago."

Kensi sat back down, hard. She stared at Nell but couldn't form any thoughts. Finally she said "That has to be a mistake. He would have called. He would have wanted me, wanted us, to know that he was out."

"I don't know what to tell you. The alert we had on his case just let us know. LAPD just updated their database but the time of release was hours ago. Maybe he's still there? Clearing some things up?"

Kensi pulled out her phone and dialed his number. It went straight to voicemail. She looked to find five pairs of eyes watching her expectantly. Eric had come down to join Nell in the bullpen and Hetty had appeared out of nowhere. "Voicemail." She told them.

"Maybe he hasn't turned it back on yet?" asked Eric. "He took off the earwig and camera just before Bates took him out of the cell. We haven't had any communication from him since then. Why would he just go dark like that?"

Sam sighed. "Maybe he just has some things he needs to work out."

Kensi looked at him sharply. "He should have let us know the moment he could get to a phone."

"I understand that Kens, but look at it from his point of view. He was set up to take the fall for a murder he didn't commit. Someone inside LAPD had to have been the one to plant the evidence. Then you and Callen questioned his innocence, inadvertently or not. Maybe he just needs to clear his head without everyone crowding him."

Kensi looked unconvinced but didn't know what else to say. She looked at Hetty who nodded. "Go home Miss. Blye. It's close enough to quitting time. Let him know we're glad he's out and that we're thinking of him. Tomorrow you and Mr. Deeks will work with Detective Rivera to see what information she has that might lead us to who did this. The rest of us will work other angles to see if we can wrap this up. Just because he was exonerated and released, doesn't mean this is over. If they tried once, they will try again. Now go!"

Kensi nodded her thanks and headed out to her car. Once behind the wheel, she didn't immediately turn the key in the ignition. Her mind turned over so many different explanations of why he didn't call her, or at least one of the others, if he was still mad about her 'wrong question'. None of the reasons ended well. She started the car and headed home.

When she turned onto 'their' street, the first thing she noticed was that his truck was gone and the house was dark. Even from here it felt empty, like the spark that had turned it from a house into a home was gone. She parked and turned off the car. She felt rooted to the spot. If she didn't go in, she wouldn't have to know. She finally decided she couldn't sit here all night and got out. Walking up to the front door, she anxiously waited to hear Monty's excited bark. He always greeted them at the door the same way. Tonight, there was no sound. She knew when she put the key in the lock. She knew he wasn't there and neither was the dog. That meant he'd managed to get home somehow and was now gone again. She wondered for how long, feeling anger at him start to take shape. If he was going to just walk away like this, then maybe it was better to find out now, before they got in too much deeper. She sighed, who was she kidding? She was already in so deep that his being gone would be like missing a limb. She turned the key and entered.

The first thing that hit her was the emptiness. The furniture was still there. Everything like she'd left it that morning when she had raced into work, worried about him, trying to figure out why this was happening to them. Now, it felt cold and lonely. She noticed immediately that his favorite board wasn't propped up against the wall where it had been this morning. A glimmer of hope sparked in her. He would go to the ocean after what had happened. It was his solace, the place he always went when he needed to think, to be comforted. The hope died when she saw the envelope on the table, addressed to her in his handwriting. His handwriting was like the way he kept the house, so out of keeping with his appearance, neat and clean. She picked it up and ran her finger over her name, afraid to find out what was inside. Was he going to tell her to pack her things and be gone before he got back? She really didn't know what to expect. She knew she'd been wrong when she'd asked him why he did it. Knew he would never do this thing. Looking back she really didn't even understand herself why she would have gone there.

Steeling herself, she ran her finger under the flap and pulled out the letter he had left for her. In addition a key she recognized fell out into her hand. He'd left her his copy of her apartment key. Her fist closed around it, not sure what it meant. She opened the letter and began to read.

Kensi,

I don't even know where to begin. I find myself torn. I thought you would have my back, just like I had yours when Granger accused you of killing the members of your dad's old unit. Regardless of any evidence against you, I believed with everything in me that you were innocent. I'd hoped you would do the same for me. I love you. I will love you until the end of my days. You are my world and I can't imagine it without you.

However, I can also see the other side. The one where you were taken by surprise and you knew I was hiding something from you. I know you've suspected that for months. For that, I need to take the blame. There are some things I need to tell you, things I need you to know. I should have told you when the investigation first started. I'm not really sure why I didn't other than the fact that it involved more than just me.

First, about the woman who confessed. I knew her back when I had just become a detective. She became one of my first CI's and I liked her. In the course of talking about family, I figured out she's actually my half-sister. Didn't see that coming! I never told her we were related as she had a very idealized view of our dad. I didn't want to take that away from her. All I could do was watch out for her. I knew Boyle made use of her services and I suspected that she was the one who killed him. I never told anyone. I helped her get out of that life and back on her feet. When they arrested me for the murder, I couldn't just give her up. I was counting on you and NCIS to figure out another way to prove me innocent. She was just a kid when it happened and she was now living a normal, happy life. Turns out she couldn't allow me to take the fall for something she did. I've already been in touch with a lawyer to help her out. I will be with her every step of the way, doing anything I can, from wherever I am.

Second. I resigned from LAPD as soon as they released me. I can't continue to work for an organization that is so corrupt that it almost cost me my freedom and possibly my life. That means I won't be the Liaison anymore, for obvious reasons. I won't be your partner anymore. If you're thinking that this opens the door to me applying to become an NCIS agent, don't. I am done with law enforcement. I don't know what's next for me. It will come to me in time. That's one of the things I need to discover while I'm away.

I know I should stick around to help figure out who set me up, but I need some time away to think, to come to terms with everything that's happened. I always considered being a cop more than just a job, it was who I was. Now that's gone and I feel lost. I don't know how long it will take. It might be a week, a month or longer. But know this, I will be back and we will talk. Let me do this and when I get back, we'll figure it out, we always do.

In the meantime, look into Fisk and Monica Lee. Whiting is also involved in this somehow, I know it. I just don't know why. What could they have hoped to gain? The only thing I keep coming back to is revenge. Monica told me it was my fault that she got disbarred. That it was my talking Quinn into giving evidence against her and Fisk that led to it. I think she doesn't understand that we had more than enough against both of them, even without Quinn. He was just the icing on the cake.

Tell Sam that I'm sorry I wouldn't talk to him in lock up. I just couldn't handle any more suspicion from the people I care about most. I do regret that. I'll never know what he might have said. How things might have gone differently.

Callen, I don't even know what to tell you to tell him. I know he and I have never gotten as close as I would have liked. I don't know if it was me or him.

Do me a favor, my Kick-Ass Kensi? Take care of everyone for me? I know that sounds weird, but it comes from my heart. Please take care of yourself as well. Monty would be upset if anything happened to his favorite person while we're gone.

It's time for me to go. Know that you will always be in my thoughts.

I love you,

Marty

She put the letter down on the table and stared into space. The letter had both devastated her and given her hope. Yes, he was gone. Yes, she wouldn't be able to explain to him, until he got back, that she had believed in his innocence once the initial shock was over. But he was coming back. He'd promised and Marty Deeks always kept his promises. She would work on his case while he was gone. She would find out who had done this to him, to them and they would pay.

~,~,~,~

A/N – I have now watched Internal Affairs about six times. I really wished he hadn't done it but I'm coming around to understanding why. He isn't perfect, no one is. This, now alternate reality, story began before the episode aired and was more what I had hoped would happen. We don't always get what we wish for, but it's been a fun story to write. I hope to wrap it up in just a chapter or two more.

I've also watched Cancel Christmas and am so glad he told Kensi the truth so quickly. Yes, it was a weird place for him to do it but she gave him the perfect opening with her innocent question of what he wanted for Christmas, just like he'd asked her. I am so pleased that they didn't drag this out! I was envisioning episode after episode where he drew away from her, both because of his secret and what Hetty had said to him at the end of the previous episode. I could just see them starting to argue about every little thing which would have become tedious. Way to go Deeks!