Author's Note: Thanks for reading this - and for the nice reviews! Hopefully, you'll enjoy ;)

This chapter contains quite some swear words - and John is being very mean. If you don't like that... you can close your eyes for those parts ;)

Week 3 before Graduation

"But dad!" a desperate Sam Winchester exclaims.

"No arguing about it, Sam! You know that we have other business to take care of first!" John retorts gruffly. He is sitting in the old leathery armchair opposing to Sam, who is standing, breath hitched, mimic in a desperate grimace.

"But dad! This is about graduation! I'll receive my diploma that day!" Sam exclaims. This is important to him and it's unfair, so fucking unfair that dad even wants to take that away from him. Can he really be so cruel to do that?

"They can send you the damned sheet via mail just as well, young man. We have to take care of that Wendigo. Sam, people's lives depend on it!" John growls.

"It is just one damn day, dad, one day and I am all yours! I only want that one godforsaken day for myself, please! I'm not even talking about senior trip or the after-party or the prom or the… the… It's just about the ceremony! It is only a day, dad, please!" Sam shouts, tears in his eyes. To Sam it only matters to be there during the ceremony. He wants to get the diploma, do what he wanted to do, tell his friends goodbye and then leave for good. Sam is not living in illusions. He always knew those other things never were an option, but this one thing he should get. Even Dean had graduation, the proper way, whether or not he liked it. The hell, he didn't. Dean wore the cap, threw it in the air, and had the stupid diploma handed to him, to which he only made a victorious pose to show everyone: "Yeah, that's right, Dean Winchester got that stupid thing, even if he doesn't care. Watch my back, folks!" And now Sam won't even get that!?

"One day that might cost someone's life. Do you really want to be responsible for that death, Sam? Do you really think you'll be able to live with that kinda guilt?" John argues gloomily. And Sam is visibly shaken by that statement.

"What? I'm not… we are not responsible for that damned Wendigo! That thing decides to kill! I am not killing anyone!" Sam shoots back. John never said such a thing to him before, he never dared to blame either one of his sons for the victims of those beasts. Dad always told them that it was not their responsibility and that they should never blame themselves for the victim's sake. He said that this would destroy them, eat them up, but now the very same man tells Sam that it is his responsibility and that he should blame himself for that maybe-victim's sake?!

"Yeah, but you're not there to prevent the death either, Sam. Instead of hunting that thing and saving people, you want to spend a day in a fuckin' gym to run around in a ridiculous looking dress and listen to stupid brass band music. You put that in front of a life, Sam. You have his or her blood on your hands just as well as that damned Wendigo has the blood on its claws!" John growls.

"I can't believe you even say that, dad!" Sam cries out in both shock and anger. He just put his own son on the same step as something as low as a Wendigo, something they hunt, kill, something they don't consider worth a living, but a threat. How can his own father say that to Sam?! And mean it!?

"I'm just telling you the truth, Sam. And truth to be told, once last day of school is over… then school's over!" John says with a playful grin on his face. So that was the meaning behind all this, why he had agreed to that. From the beginning he planned on taking off before graduation! Sam growls deep in his throat.

"But it's graduation, dad. I already bought the tassel and everything. I spent all my money on it to buy the damn outfit. I worked my ass off for that money in that friggin' supermarket since we are here. Do you know how many boxes I carried back and forth to afford these?! I went as far as to sell my CD-player for half it's worth to pay for the gown and everything. They even made me orator, dad! I already wrote my speech and…," Sam tries to argue, but John interrupts him another time.

"I don't give a shit on a stupid speech, Sam. That is nothing that will save a life, kill a monster, or exorcise a demon. So what use is that speech, huh?" John argues. Of course that argument had to come, that's always been the argument created for John Winchester alone. If it doesn't have any practical use, you can flush it down the toilet. And that is also something that creates the big gap between Sam and his father. He doesn't understand the value Sam, for instance, can see in literature, what it gives to him, the emotions, the thrill, the excitement, the feeling of being praised for a school project on something as "ridiculous and useless" as the economic effects of the Great Depression in America, Martin Luther King, or Of Mice and Men. It doesn't give John anything to eat, kill, or pleasure himself with. Therefore, it's not worth anything, even if it means the world to Sam, at least the world other than the family, the world of his mind, where he can imagine, imagine things greater than a Wendigo, a vampire, a werewolf, a ghost, a ghoul, where danger can be something uplifting, nothing that necessarily gets you killed, where the world can be bright for just once, where people don't die in fires or are killed by some beast. However, that is something John never understood, never wanted to understand to begin with and will probably never understand, till the end of his days.

"It is important to me to give that speech. It simply matters to me, dad!" Sam exclaims. Really, he can't repeat that often enough inside his head: That is so typical for John Winchester. Anything that isn't required for a hunt is unworthy, unworthy the existence. And Sam, for a very long time, actually believed that, since he was not as good in hunting as his older brother, that he was unworthy living as well. It was Dean who always told him how much he mattered and that is when Sam started to embrace the idea of him being important to someone, to have a worth in this world, and it hadn't been because of his father. And now his dad is standing in front of him and delivers the very same stupid argument again. Really, this is one of Sam's personal nightmares in endless loop.

"You know, we had a deal, Sam…," John says.

"What kinda deal?" a voice rings through the room. Dean just came back from getting food from the closest diner. It doesn't take a genius to know that the other two Winchesters are in the middle of an argument, but a"deal" is even new to Dean. The oldest son quickly sets down the bags of food, fighting off his jacket in the same motion to take his place between Sam and John – as always, even if he, for himself, wants to know what the hell is going on here just as well.

"Nothing of your concern, Dean. Sam, you know what it was!" John says gruffly.

"Yeah, I know, dad. Deal was that we can stay in this town till school's out and for that I'd stop arguing about family business…" Sam sighs, still fighting back tears. Dean frowns at that. The older brother was well aware of Sam's desperate wish to attend the graduation ceremony, but that he would go as far as to… to stop arguing about the hunts, that's like taking paint and brush away from an artist. Moreover, Dean was kind of curious because they stayed in that town for five full weeks now, with no great gig to work on, only local stuff, small salt-and-burns, exorcisms and so on. However, the older brother simply wanted to believe that their dad would be so "nice" to allow Sam towards finals to set his mind on his studies and that this would be the reason, of course that just turned out to be a sweet dream of Dean's, for Sam's sake anyways. And on tops of everything, Dean surely has something against Sam and their dad making such deals, behind his back.

"Exactly," John smirks cockily, feeling superior once again.

"But graduation day is part of the school event! That is my official last day, dad!" Sam exclaims.

"No, last day is the last time you see the inside of a classroom, at least that's my definition. You said till school's out, well, and school's out before graduation, Sam," John smirks maliciously. Sam's jaw drops visibly, his mouth gaping. He can't believe that his dad could be so cruel to trick him that way. Sure, John pulled a lot of things on him, but that goes too far. John might be many things, but normally he is at least an honest and straight-up asshole, not the one to act behind your back, but be directly in your face to tell you how much you suck. At least that was why Sam had accepted and gone with all the arguments over the past years – better like this than behind the back and hatred growing till it bubbles up in the most unpleasant way. Or so he had told to himself, but just now John turned out to be everything Sam didn't even consider him, everything he never wanted his father to be like. And the youngest certainly never expected their dad to be so mean to do that to him.

"Are you serious?! Dad, it is just one more bloody fuckin' day until graduation! And you give me hell about that?! You, the man who is always for straight-up talk, you are the one to lose yourself in grammatical orders to nullify this deal?! Are you kidding me!?" Sam exclaims in total disbelief.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a sec. Dad, since when are we making deals for such a reason?" Dean interrupts. Usually he is always on John's side, but it never happened before that John made a deal with any of the sons, and then without Dean knowing of this. He orders them to do things, fine, but he doesn't take advantage of them, not like that, and never of Sam. That goes a little too far, even for Dean's liking. And Dean understands that Sam wants to do that ceremony-thing. It is important to him, easy as that. What he can't understand is his father's stubbornness to forbid Sam to attend graduation, though.

"Since your brother is a selfish punk who puts a stupid ceremony in front of the lives of innocent people!" John snorts.

"Dad, graduation is something important to Sam. He's supposed to do the orator and everything…," Dean argues. Of course he knew about these things, probably in contrast to John. Sam had told him first thing when Dean came to pick him up from school and the younger sibling was so full of cheerfulness that he could barely hold it together. It was one of the few times Dean saw Sam so happy about being assigned a certain position. Usually Sam being assigned a certain position means the way they enter a hunt, where he mostly ends up the monkey in the middle, and Sam always hates that, or who does what part of research or who is the attacker and defender in sparring. But Sam, on that day, was really happy, since a long time finally again, and Dean is angry at John for destroying that happiness of Sam's. Sam deserves happiness, as much as they can afford to give him, no even more than that. He, to Dean, deserves all happiness in the world. The older brother is just lacking the means to give it to the youngest, but he would, if Dean had the chance. And that should, no, must apply for John the same way. Sam is their little everything, the youngest, their treasure. He had to grow up in all that shit, so he should be allowed to be kid for at least a little while.

"And people dying is so far less important than a two-minute speech about school spirit and that there is only one juice for every attendee?" John shoots back.

"Well, it seemingly is important to Sam to deliver that speech. Even if I am not that much into such things, it's alright with me that he wants to do it. He worked his butt off to get the diploma and to give that speech, dad. And Sam's almost an adult now. He can make at least some little decisions by himself now," Dean argues.

"I am the one making the last decisions, Dean!" John retorts angrily.

"Yeah, we all know that, dad, but why can't you allow Sam to have his stupid graduation, huh?" Dean sighs. He knows Sam doesn't mind that he calls it stupid now because both know that Dean has interest in that ceremony, for Sam's sake.

"Because I say so!" John growls.

"Wow, that's really adult-like, dad," Dean says with a huff.

"Dean, you are not to talk to me like that!" John threatens.

"Well, I am not the one yelling since… probably thirty minutes non-stop about what you consider a waste of time anyways," Dean shoots back. If it was all so little that it's not worth discussing, then why does John put so much effort into this and argues that loudly and persistently? Normally, if things are really that much of a waste of time to him, then he simply yells a command and then shuts up, period.

"Dean, you are not involved into this anyways. You should better step down now and let your brother and me sort things out. I originally didn't intend to argue with you on tops, so you don't have to throw yourself into the line," John orders.

"It involves me because you are my family and because Sam asked me to be there that day. I am not going to break a promise if I can help it somehow," Dean shoots back with fiery green eyes. He never broke a promise he made to his brother and he isn't going to start that just now. Even when he promised a thirteen-year-old Sam Winchester that he was going to be there after he would wake up from the surgery, which had to be performed after a werewolf almost impaled the younger boy with its claws, and after three hours of surgery, four hours in recovery, and another few hours it took for Sam to come around, Dean was there all the way and was the first one to greet his little brother. Dean didn't even take a leak during the time, just to be sure he would be truthful to his promise. And Dean is not willing to break that new promise just now. Sam had asked him to come the day he was informed about being the orator. The younger brother was overly nervous, sweating, hitched breathing, squeaky voice when he finally stuttered the request by late evening, probably mulling this over ever since school was out. And even if Dean would have loved to laugh at him for that reason, when he heard Sam almost pleading him to come, pleading him to understand why he wanted him there, Dean realized how much it actually mattered to Sam to deliver that speech – in front of his family. And that is when he knew he had to be there, and that is exactly what Dean had told the younger brother. Sam's face seemed to shine when he heard about it and he even gave Dean a brief hug, not knowing how else to express his feelings. And how could Dean possibly deceive Sam after something like that? What kind of big brother would that make him?

"What? Sam, are you kidding me? Now you drag your brother into this on tops of everything ? Do you have even the slightest bit of pride inside of you? You intentionally dragged your brother into this just so that you would have him on your side, fighting the struggles you would have to stand up for?! Dean, you can't always fight for your little brother, and Sam, you shouldn't use Dean that way!" John speaks. Sam's mouth shapes an O upon hearing this. Dean's eyes wander between the two, equally shocked as his brother, but for a moment the older sibling is actually afraid Sam might fall over upon receiving that kind of insult. Sam's face is as white as a sheet of paper, his eyes terrified, stance uncertain and wobbly. However, Sam steadies his feet, fists clenching.

That is one of the worst things his father ever said to him, even worse than the time he told a fifteen-year-old Sam that – to quote him – Sam is "a waste of time". That was after Dean was knocked unconscious by a vengeful spirit and John had claimed that Sam was responsible for it because he left his mark open, so that the spirit could attack, even if it was in fact John who didn't look to the left to see the spirit coming. How else would it have been possible that it was indeed Sam's round of rock salt that dispersed the spirit so that they could get some distance between them and the thing – and not John's? Yet, Sam never told him. The youngest never argued about that because it didn't matter to him, never did. What mattered to him back then were Dean and his health, and even if his dad put a lot of effort into playing the blame-game, Sam simply let him have it. The youngest didn't even complain when he had to do extra-tasks in training for almost two months, so much that he almost fainted three times throughout the sessions and Dean was cursing at the father more than often to finally knock it off. Funny enough that Sam hadn't even told Dean that it was in fact their dad who had messed up. To Sam it really didn't matter who it was in the end, and he knew the same was true for Dean. Even if it had been the case that Sam left the mark open, Dean would never have blamed the younger sibling for doing so. The older brother would have comforted him, no matter what, would have told Sam that he was too young and too untrained to do everything perfectly tight on a hunt yet. And that was why Sam had decided not to tell anyone. He knew the truth, and that was enough. He knew it wasn't his failure, and that even though John had told him exactly that, that he was a "failure", Sam said nothing about it.

However, the words John said just now, they hurt Sam in a way he can't even describe. The fact that John believes his youngest would intentionally want Dean any harm or use him for his own benefit is something he can't believe. Never would Sam do that, never in his entire life would he put the most important person in his life on the line for something like that. Dean matters more to Sam than the graduation, more than the speech, more than school, more than everything in the world. How could his dad possibly dare to accuse him of the opposite?

"I… I didn't use him, dad! What are you saying!? I would never-ever in my entire life do such a thing, not even consider! No! Never! Never! Never! Dean's my brother! He's my brother and I love him! That's why I asked him to come! Because I love him I wanted him there! I didn't have anything in mind when I invited him! Nothing, you hear me!? That had nothing to do with him being on my side in the argument, to take my side! It was just because he is my brother and I thought he was the one person to actually care for that stupid thing I have going on there, for your standards anyways! I asked Dean because he is the only one of the family to actually care for this, for the graduation, for me! How can you actually believe that I would do such a thing, dad? Do you really think that low of me? Huh?" Sam yells, so loud that even Dean jumps at the force of the younger sibling's voice. It takes a lot to drive Sam to the point, so this is really, really bad.

"You know better than that! You know me better than that! You know I would never use Dean for whatever reason! I'd die for him on any of the hunts! I would dodge any bullet for him, I'd sell my soul for his sake, dammit! You know all that! You are the one to raise us that way! Family comes first, rings a bell? Huh? I live truthful to that, at least I try everything within my powers to live up to that! Dean is my family and he always comes first for me! He comes first, and that's why he was the first I told about me being orator, that's why he is the first one I asked to come! Even if all that doesn't matter to you, dad, it matters to me. And because it matters to me I asked Dean about those… those stupid things that have no value in your eyes. I asked Dean about something that is so important to me because he is so important to me! That's the only damn reason I had when I asked him!" Sam continues in his tantrum, his breath hitching almost painfully.

"And deep inside I hope you are just saying that because you're damn angry! I couldn't look you in the eye ever again if I knew you actually meant that! I really couldn't…," Sam curses, but towards the end his voice breaks as the tears almost take over. Yet, he gathers himself: "And even if probably none of this got past that dense head of yours, perhaps logic will get past your ears: If I really wanted to use Dean in any way to have him on my side during this fuckin' argument about graduation, then why would I choose a time where he would be out to get food? Why would I choose a time when he isn't even present, huh? Can you tell me that? So you come again with me being such a jackass to actually use Dean and I'll…" Sam shouts, chest heaving, throat hurting. But that had to get out, it just had to.

"You don't get to threaten me, young man! You are not to talk to me like that! Now get out of my sight or else I'll make you! Go to your room, right now! And I don't want to see your face before tomorrow! I've had enough of you and your selfishness! Get lost, now!" John screams. Sam and Dean both cringe at that. Dean remains speechless, unable to counter, unable to come up with anything to convince John of the opposite. Sam remains speechless the very same way, but tears are freely running down his face, fists tensing, and shoulders shaking due to the hiccups he is trying to swallow. Dean never saw Sam so horrified about their dad's words. They truly must have hurt him.

"Get lost now, Samuel! I am not going to repeat myself!" John growls. When he uses "Samuel" you can be damn sure he means what he says – if not his furious eyes didn't tell all truth yet.

"Dad, I think we should…," Dean tries to make his appearance again, but Sam cuts him off.

"It's alright, Dean. Just leave it… I… I'm sorry…" Sam almost whispers before he runs off for their room. He slams the door shut and icy silence returns to the room. Dean glances at the door with terror. That Sam stormed off is nothing new, or that John told him to go to their room, but that Sam cried that way, that he looked so defeated, so hurt, that is new. And Dean just wants whatever it is gone. Nothing and no one gets to hurt his Sammy like that.

"Awesome job you did as a parent there, dad!" Dean exclaims frustrated, turning his worry into another effective weapon, anger.

"What? I'm his father. If I say he doesn't go to that damned graduation, then he doesn't go to that damned graduation. And that he is using you as a shield again is really ticking me off!" John argues.

"He didn't use me in any way. Sam just told me he was going to be orator and that he would like me to come. After that he didn't even mention the word "graduation" to me just once, except when I asked him about it. Sam never cut the topic with me after he's asked me. He never asked me to help him to convince you to let him have it, he was the one to ask if I could get something to eat now, he was the one who just told me that he didn't want me to help him, as you might have realized. So now you come. How did he use me again, dad?" Dean shouts. That is really going too far. He is well aware of John's strict rules, but that doesn't want to go into Dean's head. It stops when John dares to make his Sammy cry, cry like that.

"It doesn't matter, Dean. He asked you about something that is not going to happen. That Wendigo-case is important, far more important than a stupid ceremony!" John shoots back.

"Well, the graduation seems to be a matter of heart to you just as well, huh?" Dean fumes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asks angrily.

"If you actually gave a shit on the graduation itself, then you would have told both me and Sam that graduation has to wait, we would be hitting the road and you would have ditched Sam the night before graduation so that he doesn't have a chance to argue. But now you plan all that beforehand. We are going to kill that beast the day school ends, one day before graduation, which is in three weeks. If the Wendigo-case was really that important, that urgent, we'd be rushing there now! The only reason why you are pushing is because it is another means to show that you are in charge. It's just to help your self-esteem, dad! You do that only to rule over Sam. You actually… you actually want to hurt him with that, right?" Dean says disbelieving. Normally, John always protects his sons, puts his life on the line, but now, even Dean, who is normally always their dad's greatest believer, gets the impression that he wants to see Sam hurting. If that is supposed to be another lesson John thinks Sam has to learn, then Dean doesn't see why John couldn't choose anything but that occasion to show that.

"I'm not hurting your younger brother, Dean. This is about a damned graduation! It's not like I'm putting him into a cage with water and an iron ball stuck to his foot. You two are making a fuss over something that really isn't worth the words even!" John shoots back.

"You are the one making it a fuss, dad. You are the one to make one single day sound like an ultimate sacrifice to humankind, as if that one day was going to cost the lives of thousands. And we both know that this is not true," Dean argues fiercely.

"The job goes first, Dean," John retorts angrily.

"Family goes first, dad, hunt comes second. Your words, your words!" Dean growls. How could John actually forget the one rule that is the mainframe to hold that family together?!

"Of course family comes first, Dean. But that hunt is far more important than that stupid speech could ever be!" John retorts.

"Family comes first. Sam is family. He comes first, easy as that. He comes before that hunt, he comes before any hunt. And if Sam has to give that speech, well, then I'll be there to support him. I owe him that much," Dean says with confidence in his eyes.

"You don't owe him anything, Dean. He owes you more than…" John fumes, but Dean interrupts him another time.

"Sam doesn't owe me any more than I owe him. He saved my ass just as many times as I saved his throughout our lives. He was always there for me, dad! Always! He was the one to cheer me up when we were little and I was upset about you not returning from the hunts or coz I didn't know how to handle Sammy's fever. He was the one to pat my back and tell me that he was fine and that I should stop to cry coz we could just as well play ball! Sammy was and is the one damn thing to make my day a good day, with just that stupid goofy cute little smile of his! Sam, the smart boy he's always been, helped me in Lit Class more often than I could ever help him with his math problems. He even wrote essays for me when I didn't have the time because of the hunts or when I really couldn't wrap my head around it coz the images of that nasty stuff we are hunting were still plaguing me. He allows me to do the driving around and not the research coz he knows I don't like it! Sam was there for me in hospital, all the time, when you were elsewhere, either to kill the beast that got me or when you already got the next hunt, Sam was there to hold my hand and he was the first face I always got to see after I woke up from la-la-land! He dodged a knife with his friggin' hand, catching it in midair because otherwise it would have stabbed me right in the back after a vengeful spirit decided it would be fun to throw such things at people. It was eighteen stitches that surely hurt like hell. I had to pull out the fuckin' knife, and it was huge. If that knife actually got me in the back, where it was supposed to go, you two would have been forced to carry out my lifeless body. If Sam hadn't dodged that knife, I wouldn't be here today. And Sam hadn't complained just once, dad. He almost drowned himself when he got me out of that nastily stinking bog where we had to hunt a water spirit, and damn, he was just thirteen back then and about half my height and weight! Still, he got me out, no matter how heavy I was or how hard it was to keep upright! He always has my back on the hunts! So you tell me again that he owes me any more than I owe him. He is my little brother! So I owe him as much as to play chaperone on his friggin' graduation and listen to his speech, clap my hands, and take pictures. Even if I never gave a shit on school, Sam does. It is important to Sammy to finish this properly, to walk down that aisle and receive the diploma from that mean head teacher who wouldn't let him out of school early for the hunt we had to take, even if that weird deal of yours certainly sounded like Sam was going to have time to focus on his studies for the time being… but that's not the matter. Sam is the matter! And for him that graduation is the matter. So screw it! Why can't you let him have it, huh? What's so much of a big deal about it that you're unable to swallow your pride just once and see Sammy needs that one damned thing?" Dean argues loudly. That needed to be said. Dean means every word of it and he could smack his father in the head to think that Sam owed him more than he owes his little brother. They don't owe the other, never did. Brothers are there for each other and love one another unconditionally, and the same should apply to a father, but their dad seemingly didn't get the hint yet. John is speechless now, for the very first time.

"Oh, so now you got nothing else to say? Well, that's just awesome, dad… but you know what? You can yell at me all you want, you can take my car keys, you can cut my pocket-money, whatever, I don't care, I couldn't care any less actually…," Dean throws his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Dean...," John growls.

"Your behavior just now is simply laughable and you accuse Sam of being selfish and childish all the time. I call it adult to try to solve things the right way, by working hard for the studies, by working for every penny to afford that damned robe, by making a deal with you, offering you something in exchange, so that he could have his day, his ceremony, his speech. I call it adult to send the other person away so that you two could have a word alone. I call it adult that he didn't throw accusations at you half as bad as yours. And I call it adult that Sam doesn't give in to you that easily and fights for what is important to him in life! And even if you make the both of us run twenty miles morrow, be sure I am not going to change my mind, dad. That you made Sam cry is enough for me to know that I am doing the right thing with being on his side this time. Usually I am the last one to argue about your decisions, you know that. Usually I am always on your side and Sam has to fight alone, but this time… this time you're being wrong, this time you're being the jackass of the day. And I am so going to be there on his graduation day and I'll make damn sure he's there. No matter how much you'll complain or lecture us. Sam and I are going to that ceremony. So now, if you would excuse me? I got a little brother waiting for me who is in desperate need of at least one loving family member! I'm gone then, Sir. Or do you have to tell me that you don't want to see my face till tomorrow, too? That's your last chance, you know?" Dean speaks with incredible strength in his voice. He is still surprised himself where he found that new kind of power to stand up against his dad and snap at him in such a tone. Usually that's Sam's job, and usually John would be in his face now, but the older man looks almost defeated, as he slumps down in his armchair wordlessly. Dean doesn't care anymore, though, but instead turns around with a sigh dying on his lips, before he walks over their room to go see Sammy.