"Hear ye hear ye," said Artemis at the podium. "Today we are meeting to discuss where we've all been the last season."
"I'll go first!" said Motoki. "They cancelled my contract!"
"I died of old age!" said Grandpa's ghost.
"I was too busy with my snail watching club!" said Umino.
"I got a new boyfriend," said Naru with her new boyfriend Yaten.
"Umm, that's a girl," said Motoki's sister.
"Shut up," said Naru. "You don't even have a name, you're just Motoki's sister."
"I haven't been noticed since season one!" said Usagi's fat friend, codename Tubby.
"I am Momoko," said Momoko. "I was Chibi-usa's friend, but then she went back to the future. Did I mention that's a different timeline?"
"I got fired for punching a child," said Ms. Haruna.
"I got disowned by my family," said Shingo.
"After Shingo left, my wife divorced me!" said Kenji.
"After I divorced Kenji, I became Princess Kakyuu!" said Usagi's mom.
"Hey," said Queen Serenity. "I'm Usagi's mom."
"No you're dead," reminded Usagi's real mom.
"D'ah," said Serenity. She faded away.
"Quiet in the courthouse!" called Artemis.
"Can it Artemis," said Luna. She closed the arcade blinds. "Now listen up folks. Does anyone have any strategies to become more relevant?"
"I say we get attacked by the season's bad guys' youmas!" suggested Naru.
"Good idea!" said Artemis. "We need more thinkers like her!"
Suddenly the door slammed shut and locked itself.
"Hey," began Artemis. "What gives?"
"Hiya," said Jadeite, getting sucked out of a portal.
"Jadeite!" cried Luna.
"Yes," said Jadeite.
Luna thought about what her question was exactly. She figured she had just wanted to scream his name, but she still had to come up with a question to not look like a goof.
"Why are you here?" asked Luna at last.
"I have been sent by Sailor of Destruction-sama for the master plan!"
"What's the master plan?" asked Umino.
Jadeite told everyone the master plan.
"Uh oh," said Luna. "You won't get away with this!"
"I just did!" said Jadeite. "You are all just bad humans who haven't even been relevant for a couple seasons now!"
Motoki charged Jadeite with the fists of fury. He threw three consecutive punches, but none of them landed.
Jadeite kicked him into an arcade machine.
Three more stray cats climbed out. "We're free!" they said.
"Brothers!" called Artemis.
Jadeite went to stomp the strays.
"No!" cried Artemis.
But Yuuichirou head-butted Jadeite.
Jadeite was thrown off balance, and Yuuichirou fell to the floor.
"I need to work on my head-butts," said Yuuichirou. But he never got the chance, because Jed shot lightning out of his hands, toasting Yuuichirou to a crispy brown.
"Shyaaaaa yaaaaa I haven't been this tan since Florida! And I haven't been this surfer since season 2 when they turned me into a British Guy in the dub!"
Yaten reached for his transformation pen but it was nowhere to be seen.
"Drat!" he said. "Looks like I have to fight in hand-to-hand combat!"
He threw a quick kick but it had no effect against Jadeite's solid skin.
Jadeite threw a punch, but Yaten used his signature base-form block that he used to block the Great Makoto's punch.
Jadeite snapped Yaten's wrist and then kicked him to the curb.
"Who's next?" asked Jadeite with a laugh.
Umino transformed into none other than Tuxedo Umino. He took out three shrimp and got ready for an assault.
"Get ready, fiend! These shrimp are extra spicy!"
He threw them at Jed, but Jed dodged. Had they landed directly in his eyes, he would have been toast.
This angered Jadeite. "I'll take you straight to hell!" he told Umino.
He shot dark energy from his palm and Umino was sent flying.
Luna and Artemis looked at each other and nodded in agreement.
They charged Jadeite, and started clawing his face, but he threw them both into the wall one-by-one.
"You're lucky I look too cool to care about these slashes," said Jadeite. "However, I will still dispose of you like the rubbish you are!"
Jadeite opened the nearest trashcan and made a gesture for them to come at him. But while he was distracted Grandpa got him in a full nelson.
Kenji ran up and threw punches at Jadeite's exposed torso, but all it did was annoy Jed.
He leapt up and kicked Kenji straight down to hell, then he jerked his head back, hitting Grandpa square in the head with his head.
He then kicked Grandpa into the wall.
"I FEEL EVIL!" yelled Grandpa. He pulled out his sword from his samurai days and charged Jed. He threw many blows and he kept up for a while, but Jed went to 50% power and Grandpa was no match.
Grandpa died of old age before he hit the ground.
"Let me at em'," said Grandpa's ghost.
But Jeddy pulled out his vacuum cleaner and sucked up the ghost. He suddenly got mad and started shooting energy blasts everywhere.
He took out Umino and Usagi's mom. Shingo dodged and charged. "This is for mom and Kenji!"
He backflipped and did a wild kick, but Jed backhanded Shingo and then he was dead.
Jadeite literally wiped the floor with him.
"We can't let this go on!" sputtered Luna. "There are still a few stragglers, we can save them!"
"Alright, let's give it our all!" said Artemis.
But sadly, they didn't give it their all soon enough. The rest of the humans and Usagi's fat friend died that very moment when Jed shot an energy wave, killing them all mid-charge.
"Hahahaha," said Jadeite. "I have redeemed myself!"
Luckily Luna and Artemis were too close to the ground, so the energy wave missed them.
They were furious.
"You fiend! All those innocent people and Usagi's fat friend!" shouted Artemis.
"What are you gonna do about it, furballs?! shouted Jadeite a little angrier than he should have been.
Luna jumped up in the air and spun around, dropping two pens.
"What are those?" asked Artemis.
"I'm tired of giving the Senshi these, just to have them be no match for the Negapower! Let's take two for ourselves, Artemis!"
"Good idea!" said Artemis.
They grabbed their wands in their paws.
"Moon Kitty Power!" said Luna.
"Kitty Crescent Beam!" said Artemis.
They transformed.
Luna was now glowing, as was Artemis. They were as strong as Sailor Senshi season 1.
"It's time to go," said Jadeite. "I have better things to do," he lied. But he decided he needed a cool transition, so he let himself be sucked into a portal.
"That wasn't necessary and was also unpleasant," said Jadeite.
"Looks like the kittens are out without their mittens!" thought Luna.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" thought Artemis.