Chapter 10 Why? Randy
So, I've decided today I'm going to do just that. I'm going to confront her and find out what her problem is. I mean, is she angry, upset or does she really want to forget about us, because she's with someone else?
I need to stop thinking about this. I just need to talk to her and I'll find out.
Okay, now I just need the guts to actually go and talk to her. Oh god, why is this so difficult? Just go out there and confront her. It's not that hard, you talked to her yesterday... Yeah, and look how that turned out! Oh, great, now I'm talking to myself...
Come on, breathe in deeply and breath out and go out there and talk to her!
No one is in the house right now, we can have all the privacy we need. Mom and dad went to work and Mark and Brad went to the mall for a couple of hours. Plenty of time.
Alright, here we go. I inhale deeply once more and walk outside where I can see Wilson working in the garden.
'Hey Wilson!' I stand on the lawn chair and look over the fence, where Wilson is brewing something in a big black kettle.
'Heidi-Ho, Taylor teen.' He keeps stirring in the pot, where smoke is now erupting, giving it a somehow very creepy look.
'Um, what are you cooking?' I try to say it with a smile.
'Oh, just some soup. It's a family recipe. Would you like to try some?' He takes out the ladle and brings it over to me, the smell almost makes me gag.
'You know, I think I'll pass. Mom is cooking tonight, so I'll just wait for that to kill me.' I give him a goofy smile as he laughs. 'Wilson, is Lisa home?'
'Yes, she is. I think she's in the living room. Would you like me to go get her?'
'Thanks, that would be great. I'll just wait out here.' I try to control my breathing and keep an eye on our own living room, to make sure no one comes home yet.
When I turn back around I almost have a heart attack as Lisa is standing right in front of me.
'Hi. Wilson said you asked for me?' She gives me another fake smile. I try not to show my annoyance to it.
'Um, yeah. Look, I was wondering whether we could talk for a minute. In private.'
'What do you want to talk about? You mean you want to get to know me better. We don't have to do that in private.'
'Actually, I think you know what I want to talk about. Please?' Her smile slightly fades.
'Okay, sure.'
'Great. Could you come to this side? No one is home right now, so we can talk in private over there.'
A few minutes later...'You want anything to drink?' I ask her as she sits on the couch.
'No, thanks.' I pour myself some water and sit on the chair in the corner.
'So, how are things with Wilson?' She looks at me with annoyance and gets up.
'You wanted to talk to me in private just to ask me how I'm doing? Just forget it, I don't know why I even went along with this.' I get up quickly.
'Okay, I'm sorry. Please sit back down. You're right, I wanted to talk to you in private for a reason. I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday.' She sits down in reluctance and looks at me with faked confusion.
'Yesterday? What do you mean?' I sigh in frustration.
'Oh, don't give me that bullshit, Lisa. You know what I'm talking about. I come home after a year. I see you surprisingly after three months and you pretend like you've never met me. Why would you do that? We were together for four months Lisa, how can you pretend that never happened?' I can't believe it when I see her expression change to amusement.
'Yeah, that was some great acting, wasn't it? I guess I just wanted you to know how it feels when the person you love just throws away your relationship like it never meant anything! And you know what? It made me feel a whole lot better.'
'What? What the hell are you talking about? I never threw our relationship away. You're the one who left without saying goodbye or letting me know how to get in touch. Or maybe that was because you really didn't want to be in touch, you wanted to break up with me, didn't you?' She just smiles and gets up.
'You know what, Randy? Fine, just go ahead and put the blame on me. I don't care anymore. You've already caused me enough pain and tears. You're just not worth it anymore. For your information, the reason I wanted to pretend We never happened is exactly because of this. It just hurt too damn much and I don't want to remember any of it. For all I know, it didn't happen.' She tells me all this in a cold voice, which I've never heard her use. But I can hear the hurt come through it, along with the tears that are shining in her eyes.
'Lisa, I don't know what I did to hurt you, but I never intended to. Please, can we just talk about this? What did I do to make you so upset? Is it Lauren? You have to know, it's not my baby. She cheated on me, which is why I broke up with her in the first place, remember?' She doesn't look at me, she just turns away from me. I grab her arm gently and turn her towards me. 'Lisa, please. I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you...' She pulls free and steps backwards.
'Just don't. I don't want to hear it. I don't care anymore, you and I are over. No wait, we were never together. I almost forgot about that.' She laughs slightly as she says the last part.
'Oh, come on, Lisa! You can't tell me you'd rather forget our relationship ever existed than talk about what happened and work things out? How does that make things easier? If you ask me, it would make things even harder, because you'll have to put up an act everyday, since we live next door now. You'll have to act all friendly towards me, even though you're boiling on the inside and you really just want to hurt every inch of me. Am I right?' She still doesn't look at me.
'So what? Yeah, sure, I'd have to act like I don't know you, but I don't have a problem with that. No one ever said I had to act friendly. I can pretend not to know you and hate you at the same time. Some people just don't get along.' There's that smile again. Only this time anger and pain go with it.
'Lisa, please... I don't want to do this. I want to talk, we used to be able to talk about everything. I need to know why this is happening. Don't tell me you hated me those four months we were together? Did you hate walking on the beach with me? Watching the stars at midnight? Lying in each other's arms, just enjoying the company? Laughing together, crying together, dancing together? Did you hate us kissing? Because I didn't. I loved every minute of it. I loved you. No, wait, I still do. And I know you still love me, too.' She turns away from me again.
'Just stop... You have no idea what I feel... Of course I loved those moments and I loved you. For four months I was stupid enough to believe that you loved me, too. But now I know you're just full of it. You don't love me, you never did. You were acting, just like I'm doing right now! Oh, don't act you're surprised to hear this, I'm a lot smarter than you might think. And I'm smart enough not to believe all the fucking lies you keep telling me. God, all those times you told me how special I was and how much you loved me... Lies, all lies. You faked the whole thing!' In anger and frustration I grab a photo that was taken in Costa Rica with just the two of us, sharing a loving kiss. We're at the beach, her in a bikini and me in my swimming shorts, one of the few pictures in which my tattoo is visible on my right hip. No one here knows about it and I want it to stay that way.
'Just look at this! You want to forget? Fine, go ahead. You can ignore me, forget me, pretend it never happened, do whatever you have to if that makes you feel better. You don't have to believe me. Just look at the picture, think of the memories we shared together. I do love you, I have since the day we met and this picture is a living proof of that!' With one swift movement she grabs the picture out of my hands and tears a piece off with tears streaming down her face. Now it just shows the bottom half of the picture and a part of her face.
'This is not proof of anything! It's a picture. Pictures may say a thousand words, but it doesn't make them true. You can tear a picture apart and put the pieces back together, you can't do that with a heart, Randy. Did you know that? I thought I could. After you broke my heart the first time I carefully let it heal and promised myself this wouldn't happen again. And then you come back and break it all over again... Why do you think I want to forget about us? It hurts too much, Randy.. It hurts too fucking much! I can't do this, not again... So can we please just forget about all of it?' She sounds like she;s pleading. It just makes me so angry.
'Why can't we talk? I don't want to forget, I'll never be able to forget about us. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, why would I want to throw that away? Lisa, please!' I grab her hands and feel both of our hands are shaking. I wipe a tear from her face carefully. 'I understand that I hurt you somehow, but I don't know what I did wrong. Please tell me, I hate to see you cry. I'll make it up to you, whatever it is, please just tell me.' She pulls away from me shakily.
'Don't... If you really love me, then please forget about us... I have to go now.' Her voice is quiet as tears are still trickling down.
'Lisa...' My own voice is almost cracking up as she walks towards the back door.
'I'm sorry, I have to go... Goodbye Randy...' She closes the door behind her. I yell in frustration and punch the wall, making my knuckles hurt. Then I slide down the wall with my back and sit on the floor. I don't stop the tears flowing down my face as I think about what just happened. How can I just forget about her? I love her, damn it! I put my head in my hands and silently cry, until I see a piece of the picture she tore up. It's the piece that has both of our faces on it, well, part of her face. But we're kissing and we look happy and that just hurts the most. You can see the love radiating from this picture.
I can't believe she thinks I faked loving her. I never did that. And in this whole strange conversation, I still haven't figured out what I did. She never even gave me a chance to explain or make it up to her, she didn't even tell me what I did. She just made up her own conclusions and this is how she wants to solve it... Well, you know what? Fine, if that's what she wants, that's what she gets. Two can play this game...
I get up in anger and grab the piece of the picture. I try to look for the other piece, but I can't find it anywhere. Oh, screw it. It doesn't matter, anyway. It's just a picture, right? Doesn't mean anything.
I storm downstairs to my room and start to set up my boxing gear. At least that way, I can let off some steam...
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A/N Okay, I'm hoping you guys like this chapter. I hope I didn't repeat a lot of things or make things confusing. I tried my best, but I don't know if it's good. Somehow I kept getting distracted when writing this chapter, making it harder to use good inspiration. Oh, well, I tried ;)
If you don't like it, let me know, 'cause getting bad reviews are still better than no reviews at all. And maybe if you let me know what was bad or if you would like to see an improvement somewhere, let me know, I'll rewrite the chapter where necessary :) So please R + R everyone!
Thanks! Love, Baxxie