Author's Note: Takes place during Shadow of Two Gunmen I

"Aftershock"

I swam hurriedly around my tiny fishbowl for what seemed like hours before CJ appeared in her office looking tired and stressed. She dumped her purse on the desk and started rummaging through papers that Carol had handed her as she walked through the door. I was so happy to see her that I wanted to jump out of my bowl and kiss her. I'd been watching the news for the last few hours and no one seemed to have any actual news, just speculation.

I did find out that the president had been shot and was in surgery, which wasn't a good thing, but it didn't sound quite so serious. The reporters started talking about another victim, but they hadn't mentioned any names. So, to see CJ burst through the door, harried, but alive and well, made all the difference in the world to me.

"These are accurate?" CJ asked Carol.

"I just got them from Treasury," Carol replied.

"Okay," CJ said.

She looked at the papers for a moment and there was silence as Carol watched CJ read what she had handed her.

"Hey boss," Carol said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're okay," Carol said.

CJ gave her a sad smile. "Thanks," she replied. The smile and moment only last a fraction of a second before CJ continued on. "Is the press assembled?"

"They've been waiting to hear from you for a while," Carol said.

"Okay," CJ said taking a breath. "Let's go then."

A quickly as she came in the office, she left again. I was just so happy to see that she was alive and well. I caught her briefing on television. Of course, what else could I watch? I still wanted information and CJ was the only person who could give it to me.

CJ updated the press on the president's condition, which sounded bad, but not dire. They expected him to make a full recovery and be back to work in no time. The other victim, the one I had feared was CJ, turned out to be Josh. Poor witty, high-strung, loveable Josh had been shot. I didn't know what to think. I was in shock, as I'm sure the rest of the staff was as well. My mind immediately went to Donna, who must have been devastated by the news. My second thought was wondering if he would pull through his surgery.

At the time I couldn't really imagine a West Wing without Josh. He made me laugh. He made CJ laugh, but more importantly, he was such an important part of the group. Who'd offer the off-the-cuff smart ass responses? Who'd be egotistical enough to believe that he had a way with every woman in the White House? Who would CJ talk to about her true feelings? Who would Donna fall in love with?

All the questions that ran through my mind exhausted me. All the while I couldn't imagine what the news was doing to CJ, Toby and Sam. They, of course, knew Josh much better than I did. Nevertheless the wait for information was excruciating.

After CJ briefed she was busy running and out of her office for a few hours. She had briefed the press twice and when she finally returned to sit down she looked like she was lost. She just sat, contemplating the evening, I thought. She was so lost in thought that she didn't even hear the door creak open.

"Hey," Danny said approaching CJ's desk slowly.

CJ turned her chair slowly and stared at him for a moment as if she had to remember where she was. I could tell she was still in shock and after what happened I couldn't blame her. I couldn't really understand how she was able to function at all, but I'd heard about the human spirit and how it has the uncanny ability to overcome even in the most dramatic circumstances.

CJ had been sitting still staring out the window for a few minutes before Danny had showed up. The fact that he was able to snap her out of her reverie at all was nothing short of amazing. She sat there staring, pawing at her neck as if she was searching for something that was missing.

"Danny?" she questioned him as if she couldn't quite tell why he was there or how he got there or why. "How did you get in?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but CJ answered her own question by saying, "Carol."

"Yeah," he said approaching her slowly.

"I'll really get you an answer to your question I just need more time," CJ said. "You probably shouldn't be back here now."

"That's not why I'm here," Danny said.

"Danny if you're here to tell that Michigan invaded Canada on top of everything else that's happened today I really don't think I can deal with it."

"No," Danny shook his head. "The Wolverine State hasn't made a grab for territory," Danny chuckled. "The Union is safe for now."

"Then I don't understand," CJ said. Her eyes looked so tired and confused. If I could have wrapped my fins around her to make her feel better I would have. She just looked so small. I don't ever remember seeing CJ look small, but tonight she looked so fragile.

"I came by to see how you were doing," Danny said.

"I'm fine," CJ said a little more forcefully than necessary.

"CJ," Danny said.

"I'm fine," CJ protested. "I don't know what else to say. I'm okay."

"If you need to talk," Danny offered.

"Thanks," CJ said. "I really don't think that's a good idea though."

"I'm not taking notes CJ," Danny said.

"I know. I just…can't," she said sadly.

"Okay," Danny said looking despondent.

"Maybe you could talk to Toby or Sam," Danny suggested.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

Silence fell between them again. Danny just looked at her and I could tell that he was taking in every atom of her being. He was mentally ticking off the CJ he knew to make sure that she was physically okay, even if he couldn't check on her emotional well being.

"You weren't hurt at all then?" Danny asked.

"I got pulled down," CJ said absently. I wondered if she was trying to conjure the memory. "I hit my head."

"Is it okay?"

"Just a headache," CJ replied.

"Can I?" he said stopping himself from finishing the sentence before walking behind CJ's desk and extending his hand down to help her from her chair. He pulled her up and threw his arms around her and held her close for a moment.

"I know this isn't what we do," he said softly. "I'm just so glad you're okay."

I couldn't see her reaction, but I saw her squeeze his body close to hers and bury her head lightly in his shoulder for a moment. After a few moments they pulled apart and Danny took a step back to look at her.

"I have to tell you," he started, but then seemed to need a moment to regain his courage.

"Here's the thing," he started over again. "When they announced the shooting on the press bus the first thought every reporter on that bus had was, 'where's the president?' The first thought that ran through my head was, 'where's CJ?' I don't know if that makes me unpatriotic or treasonous, but it's the truth."

"I kept trying to think who you walked out with," Danny said getting a little emotional. "I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember the last thing I said to you. I know things have been awkward between us lately because of the memo and the story, but in that moment the only thing I could think about was the last thing I said to you."

I wished my bowl had been in a better position. From my point of view I could only see the back of CJ's head so I wasn't getting the reaction shot to Danny's speech. I could only see Danny, who seemed to be pouring his heart out to her in a way that he'd never done before.

"Anyway, I just want you to know that it doesn't matter if we're screaming, kissing, not speaking, joking or what, it doesn't matter because my life is so much better because you're in it Claudia Jean. For a while tonight I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you that and I don't know if I could have lived not telling you. I don't know if I'd want to live in a world you're not in."

His sentiment made my eyes well up slightly. I'm not sure what CJ's reaction was, but she had to have been part robot not to have felt her eyes moisten slightly.

"I don't want anything from you," Danny continued. "I'm not looking for a response. I just couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't say anything. So I'm saying it. We can pretend I never said it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know."

I saw CJ's hand reach out and grip Danny's tightly. They both stood a few steps apart just looking at each other, holding hands. I had a sneaking suspicion that there was some sort of silent conversation going on between them, but I couldn't be sure because of my damn vantage point. It's rough being confined to a small stationary bowl.

"Thank you Danny," she said as her voice cracked slightly.

"If you need someone to talk to," he offered.

"I know," she said letting go of his hand. "I wish I could, but it wouldn't be…we just can't."

"Okay," he said. "I'm gonna go."

Danny started walking toward the door when CJ stopped him.

"Danny," she called.

"Yeah?"

"What if…I mean the president is okay. He's going to be fine, but Josh," she said letting her sentence hang in the air.

"Josh is a fighter," Danny reminded her. "He's not gonna let this take him down."

"You're right," she replied sounding unconvinced.

"He'll make it."

CJ nodded. She didn't dissolve into the tears I would have shed if I'd lived through a night like she had. She was always so composed and in control. Danny gave her a small sad smile and exited her office, closing the door behind him.

After Danny left her office CJ sat in her chair for a good five minutes doing absolutely nothing. She occasionally rotated her chair from the window to her desk and stared so intently that it was hard to believe there was anything behind her eyes at all. She looked almost comatose only moving every so often to rub the back of her neck or massage her temple. I had a feeling that the headache she was experiencing was far worse than she was letting on to anyone but herself.

"CJ," Carol said entering her office and breaking her reverie. "Are you okay?"

Carol could tell that CJ looked worse for wear and felt bad interrupting her. But, Carol also understood that CJ was always much better at working through a crisis than just sitting by and doing nothing.

"Yeah," CJ said forcing herself into the present. "I'm okay."

"Does your head hurt?" Carol asked.

"Its fine," CJ lied. I could see in her eyes that she was deceiving Carol, if not herself as well.

"Did you have someone take a look at it?" Carol asked.

"The paramedic said it was fine," CJ said almost wincing.

"We can always have a deputy brief," Carol suggested.

"No," CJ said emphatically. "It has to be me. They need to see me up there tonight."

"Okay," Carol backed off. "Toby and Sam are on line three."

"How long have they been holding?" CJ asked picking up the phone.

"Only a minute," Carol said as CJ seemed disinterested in what she had to say. She quickly exited the office and got back to the million phone calls the press office was fielding.

I saw CJ take a quick breath as she picked up the phone. In my mind it seemed like she was preparing herself for the worst just in case.

"Toby, Sam," she said. I noted how she listened to their response but her eyes shut as if she were in pain. She quickly put the phone on speaker and hung up the receiver. At that moment I knew that her injury was worse than she'd let on.

"…things over there?" I heard the last bit of Toby's comment as the speakerphone engaged.

"Hectic," CJ said. "How's Josh?"

"We haven't heard anything more," Sam replied.

"Mrs. Bartlet said it'll be a few more hours," Toby added.

"And the president?" CJ asked. She knew he was awake, that much I had gathered from her conversation with Carol.

"Oddly lucid," Toby replied. "Abbey and Leo have been in to see him."

"When do you brief again?" Sam asked.

CJ checked her watch and sighed audibly. "A half hour and I have nothing new to tell them," she replied.

"Tell them we're working on it," Toby said irritated.

"Yeah I'm sure they'll take that at face value," CJ snapped at him.

There was a pause on the other end of the line and I wondered if Sam and Toby were exchanging glances.

"Maybe we should pack it in for the night," Sam suggested finally. "Put the lid on."

"We can't put the lid on," CJ and Toby said at almost precisely the same time.

"We've got nothing new for them. Let the Treasury Department field questions for a while is all I'm saying," Sam persisted.

"We've got a fugitive on the run, the president was shot, Josh is in God knows what kind of condition and there are two dead shooters at the scene affiliated with white supremacy," CJ replied. "I think we're far from a full lid."

"But you've got nothing new to tell them," Sam said again.

I could tell by the tones of everyone's voice that they were in the height of stress. Even Sam, who was normally so calm, even when he was angry, sounded ready to unravel. I glanced at the clock on CJ's desk and noted that it was nearly two in the morning and wondered if that was also contributing to the tension.

"Sam," CJ started to protest.

"Maybe Treasury should take the next one," Toby interjected.

"What?" CJ asked.

"They're handling the investigation," Toby explained. "Maybe they take this one and you take the next."

"They'll be able to answer the more technical questions," Sam continued. "Or at least dodge them. You won't have to do it for them."

"Besides you look exhausted up there," Toby added quickly.

"Excuse me?" CJ said.

"You look tired up there," Toby sighed. "We want you out there. We need you out there but the last briefing…CJ you looked like a deer caught in the headlights."

"A deer caught in the headlights," she repeated dangerously low.

"I understand why," Toby continued. "I'm saying, giving Treasury the next briefing will give you time to rest a little and give us time to get more information so they won't eat you alive."

"Well I'm so glad you understand why I look like shit Toby," she said angrily. "I'm so happy that it makes sense that I look fazed being as though my boss, who happens to run the country, and one of my best friends in the entire world was shot tonight. I'm glad that it's okay for me to look tired and that I have the right to rest after what happened. Except you know what? I can't rest Toby because I have a concussion. I have to stay up for the next 12 hours and if I'm going to be forced to stay awake rather than relive tonight in horrifying nightmares I'm not going to sit on my ass and let Treasury brief!"

The tirade was unexpected and loud. She raised her hand to her head after she finished and I knew immediately that it was a bad idea for her to yell. I heard a click on the other end of the phone and I could tell that Toby had picked up the receiver to have a more private conversation with CJ.

"You feel better now?" he asked slightly patronizing her.

"No," she pouted.

"Okay," he said.

"I need to brief," CJ told him. "I need to do something. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"You're not doing nothing," Toby reminded. "You're gonna be gathering information."

"Toby," she said softly. I heard his name catch in her throat and I knew that she was fighting the urge to cry. I hadn't seen CJ cry. I mean really cry. I'd seen her hold back a few tears and occasionally one would roll down her cheek, but I'd never seen her allow the tears loose and I wondered if this might be the moment.

"They shot the president," she said. "They shot Josh."

"I know," Toby said.

"What did they ever do? What did Josh ever do to those kids?"

"It wasn't about Josh," Toby reminded her. "At this point it wasn't even about the president."

"I just..." CJ said, her voice trailing off as she stared at her desk. She tried to focus on something to make the emotion go away.

"Josh is a fighter," Toby reminded her. "He's still got plenty of fight in him."

"Yeah," CJ said.

"Are you okay?" Toby asked.

"No," CJ replied more confidently than she answered any reporters question that evening.

"None of us are," Toby told her.

"I know," she said shaking her head as if she were physically shaking off the trauma of the night. "I know."

"We're gonna get through this," Toby said.

"Yeah," CJ said.

"CJ," he began again.

"I know," she cut him off. "I have to get ready to brief."

"You can sit this one out," Toby said again. "Give it to Treasury and go back out there later."

"I can't," CJ said. "I'm the one they need to see."

"I don't disagree," Toby said.

"Josh doesn't get a break tonight," CJ said. "Neither do I."

"Sam and I are coming back as soon as we hear anything about Josh," Toby assured her.

"It's okay," CJ said. "I'm holding down the fort."

She paused for a moment before adding, "I know it doesn't sound like I am, but I am. It's under control."

"I know," Toby assured her.

"Hey Toby," she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Were you scared?"

"Terrified."

"I don't really remember it," she said. "It was so fast that I don't really remember what happened. I can't even remember who pulled me down."

"It was probably Secret Service," Toby said.

"Yeah, but shouldn't I know that? Shouldn't I remember who saved my life? A car window shattered over my head and if I'd been standing there instead of on the ground..."

"Yeah," Toby said.

"And I shouldn't even be concerned with it because Josh is lying on an operating table. There was no one there to pull him down."

"Everyone did the best they could," Toby replied.

"There was no one to pull Josh down," CJ said again as if she was still trying to wrap her brain around it.

"Go brief," he said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Even if I look like a deer in headlights?"

"Yeah," he said. "We'll see you soon."

"Okay," CJ said.

She disconnected the phone call and looked more resolved than she had before she spoke to Toby. She had summoned her strength and, looking like a deer in headlights or not, she was going out there to brief the press as well as she could. While Josh fought for his life, CJ fought for the administration and though Josh had clearly been on the front lines, they were all affected by what happened that night.

TBC