DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.
Heads up! After this chapter, I'm going on another one week break because of another mini time jump in the story. Chapter One of Part Two will be posted two weeks from now.
As always, thanks for your awesome reviews!
iowahawx, Nae10 and StagHen... Thanks for the PM.
PART ONE: "Mutantur Omnia Nos Et Mutamur In Illis"
~ All things change, and we change with them. ~
CHAPTER TEN
One Year Ago...
Emily locked the doors of her mother's car and pocketed the keys before hurriedly making her way towards the towering house in front of her, fully aware that her pulse was racing because of the anticipation. She stopped just short of the front door and rang the doorbell of the Hayes household with a huge smile on her lips as she waited for her girlfriend to let her in. When Jai called her a few minutes ago saying the mail came today and that she got the letter from UPenn, Emily told her girlfriend that she was coming over right away. This moment was important not only for Jai but for her as well. It was a part of their dreams. One of the many things they want to cross off in their vision board. And today she knew without a doubt that they would be able to do that.
"That was fast." Jai said in greeting once she opened the door, grinning at Emily. "I guess you're as excited as I am." She added as she moved to let her girlfriend in.
Emily nodded. "Of course. I know how much this moment means to you. So it's important to me too." She admitted, stepping inside the spacious house and kissing Jai on the cheek in greeting.
"Come on. The letter's up in my room." Jai revealed once she closed the door, taking Emily's hand and leading the way upstairs. "I called you as soon as I saw the mail. I wanted you to be the first to know."
"Are you nervous?" Emily asked just as they entered Jai's bedroom.
Jai took a deep breath and nodded. "A little bit. Yeah." She admitted, closing the door behind them.
"Well don't be. I'm a hundred percent sure that you got in." Emily said confidently as she squeezed Jai's hand. "I'm so proud of you love."
Jai smiled and picked up the sealed envelope from her bed. "Here." She said, handing the letter to Emily. "Open it." She instructed as she and Emily sat on the edge of her bed.
"What? No." Emily protested, refusing to accept the letter. "You should be the one to open it. This is your dream." She pointed out.
"It's part of our dream too. So open it." Jai urged.
"Jai I know it's part of our dream. That's why I drove here as soon as I heard. But it's your letter." Emily insisted. "You should be the one to open it."
Jai squinted her eyes, studying Emily thoughtfully. "Okay how about this. I'll open the letter... and then I'll show it to you. That way I opened the letter just like you wanted me to. But you'll get to see first if I got in. Just like I want you to. Deal?" She asked, grinning at her girlfriend.
Emily laughed. "There are days when I wish you weren't so smart." She said, smiling at Jai in amusement. "Deal." She finally answered.
Jai leaned forward and kissed Emily on the lips quickly. "Here goes nothing." She said before starting to open the letter. She took out the piece of paper inside the envelope and unfolded it, facing the clean side to her so that Emily could read the content. "Well?" She asked, looking at her girlfriend anxiously.
Emily quickly scanned the words written on the paper and broke into a smile. She threw herself to Jai, hugging the girl tight. "Congratulations love." She whispered as Jai's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. "I knew you'd get in."
"I got in?" Jai asked, seemingly in disbelief.
Emily nodded. "I'm so happy for you Jai. Your dreams are coming true." She said, the pride evident in her voice.
"It's our dreams Em." Jai reminded her girlfriend softly. "And I couldn't be happier that it's you and me."
"I know the feeling." Emily affirmed. She pulled away and saw Jai looking at her with admiration. "What?" She asked, feeling her cheeks flush.
Jai shook her head and moved to cradle Emily's cheek in her hand. "I love you so much Emily Fields." She whispered, her eyes never leaving the girl's. "In case I don't tell you enough."
Emily moved to hug Jai again and smiled. "I love you too." She whispered back, closing her eyes and resting her head on Jai's shoulder. Her girlfriend was right. It was their dreams. And they were one step closer to reaching them.
Present Day...
Emily sat motionless on the edge of her bed, her gaze transfixed on the letter she held in her hand. She touched the familiar school seal on the upper left hand corner of the envelope and felt a pang of sadness. The letter arrived a few weeks ago in the mail but she still hasn't opened it. In two weeks she's going to graduate from high school and she still didn't know if she's going to go to college in the fall semester. It seemed foolish now but she never thought of applying to other schools because the plan has always been UPenn for her and Jai. Now she didn't care if she got in or not. She didn't mind going to college in a different school in the spring semester because if she did get in, she didn't know if she could be in UPenn for four years without her girlfriend.
Ever since the day she and her girlfriend opened Jai's acceptance letter into UPenn, Emily had always imagined the moment when it would be her turn and Jai was there beside her. They would open the letter in her room together and celebrate the fact that they were one step closer again to reaching their dreams. The future they envisioned. Opening the letter together was a big deal. Like one's acceptance into UPenn was a fulfillment of the other's dreams as well. And that was the reason why she couldn't bring herself to open the letter from UPenn now.
"Sweetie it's time for breakfast!" Pam Fields called out from downstairs. "You better hurry up or you're going to be late for school."
"I'll be down in a minute mom!" Emily replied, her eyes never leaving the letter in her hands.
Emily knew she had to open the letter sooner or later. For weeks her mom had been asking whether she's heard from UPenn and she kept saying that maybe tomorrow or next week the letter will arrive in the mail. She needed to open the letter. But not today. Because today she has to focus on acing her final exams and later in the evening she has plans with Paige to watch a movie to unwind.
Tomorrow. Emily told herself resolutely, standing up and grabbing her bag from the windowseat. She returned the letter to where she's been hiding it for weeks (inside one of her notebooks) and slung the strap of her bag on her shoulder before heading downstairs for breakfast.
Paige pulled the theatre door open and hurriedly exited the building, looking up and down the street in search of her insulted companion. She was about to take out her phone from the front pocket of her jeans to call Emily when she saw the girl cross the street.
"Emily wait up!" Paige called out, crossing the street in a hurry to catch up to the girl. "Hey. Come on. I'm trying to apologize." She said, putting on an extra burst of speed so she could overtake Emily. "I'm sorry for calling you a crybaby." She blurted out once she turned around to block Emily's path. "I was just teasing you. I wasn't making fun of your taste in film. I just don't get why you would want to watch something so depressing." She hastily explained. "I mean I thought the whole point of watching a movie tonight was to unwind?"
"It is." Emily answered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Okay. So why did you insist on watching Hachi?" Paige asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "We could've watched a comedy film but instead you opted to watch a dog and his master die. Haven't you done enough crying?"
Emily shrugged. "It's not like I knew they were going to die. I just thought it was a good film about dogs being man's best friend. You have to admit Hachi was fiercely loyal to his master." She pointed out.
"Don't get me wrong. I love animals. I don't have anything against watching films that feature them. Just not tonight. I was hoping to find a reason to laugh after those brutal exams today but instead I'm going home thinking about a dog." Paige complained. "Not to mention you spent the better part of the movie crying."
"Well you didn't have to give me such a hard time for shedding a few tears." Emily said, embarrassed. "It's a sad film. There's nothing wrong with crying."
"I know. I'm sorry." Paige repeated sincerely. "It won't happen again." She promised.
"You're probably regretting agreeing to watch a movie with me." Emily guessed, moving past Paige to start walking home.
Paige shook her head. "Not at all. If anything I was surprised you asked me. And that for the first time it wasn't because your friends couldn't come with you." She admitted as she fell into step beside the girl.
Emily gave the girl a small smile. "Well I haven't been doing my part in the whole looking after each other promise we made to Jai. You've been holding your end of the deal even if it meant having to force yourself to set aside your hatred of me for now. All because of Jai. So I'm trying to do my part." She explained. "I just realized that we're going to go our separate ways once we graduate. You're headed to USC so I'm trying to make the most out of spending time with you."
Paige bit her lip. She didn't know which was worse. Emily asking her to watch a film because her friends couldn't make it or telling her she's doing it because of the promise. "That's the only reason you insist on spending time with me?" She asked as they rounded a corner.
"Should there be another one?" Emily asked, looking at Paige in confusion.
Paige shook her head. "No." She answered, refusing to meet the girl's eyes.
"That's the second time you've asked me that question." Emily commented.
"What question?" Paige asked, pretending she didn't know what the girl was talking about.
"If the promise is the only reason why I'm spending time with you." Emily answered. "Why do you keep asking me that?"
"I guess I'm just waiting for your answer to that question to change." Paige confessed.
"Change into what?" Emily asked, puzzled.
Paige shrugged. "I don't know. Something different." She answered vaguely. "So what did you think of the film?" She asked, trying to change the subject.
"It was poignant." Emily admitted. "Whenever Jai and I watched films like Hachi we end up leaving the theatre in tears. That's why when Hachi died I couldn't help but cry. What about you?"
"What about me?" Paige asked, placing her hands inside the front pockets of her jeans.
"Which part of the movie did you cry?" Emily clarified, looking at Paige.
"None." Paige answered casually.
"Not even when Hachi died? How can you not cry after that scene?" Emily asked in disbelief.
Paige shrugged. "I just don't see what's so sad about it." She answered truthfully.
Emily narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Do you have an illness of some sort?" She asked, making Paige look at her in surprise.
"Wha... what makes you say that?" Paige stammered, terrified that Emily found out her secret.
"I haven't noticed until now but… I've never seen you cry. Like ever." Emily admitted.
"What are you talking about? Yes I have." Paige said indignantly. I have, right? She thought, racking her brain.
"When?" Emily challenged. When Paige couldn't answer her she grinned. "See? You've never cried. Not even on Jai's funeral. Why's that? I mean, I know how much Jai meant to you so why didn't you shed any tears the whole time we were mourning her?" She asked, curious.
"I was sad. But I knew she's in a better place now so I didn't see the point of crying." Paige explained.
"The point is to show that you're capable of mourning when someone dies." Emily answered wryly.
"I don't have to cry just to show people I'm mourning." Paige argued. "We all mourn in a different way."
"Okay… so what would it take to make you cry then?" Emily asked, inclining her head to the side as she studied the girl thoughtfully.
Paige glanced at Emily. "I don't know. It's not like I spend my time thinking of ways to cry." She pointed out dryly.
"But if there is one thing that would make you cry, what is it?" Emily persisted, refusing to let Paige off the hook.
"Depends. Tears of happiness or sadness?" Paige asked, finally deciding to answer the girl's question.
"Either. Both." Emily answered, shrugging.
Paige sighed. "Happiness... when I get to keep something that's really important to me more than anything else in this world. Sadness... the complete opposite of that. When I lose that something despite doing everything I can to keep it but in the end I still didn't get it." She replied.
Emily nodded slowly. "So what you're really trying to say is that you're going to cry over your bike." She said teasingly.
"Hey that bike is my most prized possession!" Paige shot back indignantly.
"I'm kidding." Emily said, laughing. "But seriously, what would make you cry?" She asked softly.
Paige bit her bottom lip. "A broken heart." She finally answered. They continued to walk the rest of the way to Emily's house in silence until they reached the end of the driveway. "You ready to leave all of this behind?" Paige asked when Emily turned to face her to say goodnight. "In two weeks all of this will be over. We're finally graduating."
Emily smiled faintly. "I guess." She began. "I can't say I'm excited to head off to college. I don't know if I can be in UPenn for four years without Jai."
"Oh so you got in?" Paige asked, ready to congratulate the girl.
"I don't know yet." Emily answered.
"Well Spencer's going to be there with you if you do get in so I'm sure you'll be fine." Paige reminded the girl lightly. "I mean, she's one of your closest friends so that's not too bad. Right?"
Emily instinctively touched the locket on her necklace. "Maybe." She replied hoarsely. "I better head inside." Emily suddenly said, looking behind her. "Thanks for going with me to see that movie. Goodnight."
Paige nodded as she glanced at the necklace. "Goodnight." She repeated despite seeing the distant look in Emily's eyes. She waited until Emily was safely inside the house before starting to make her way home with her head down, seemingly deep in thought.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm all for you going to UPenn and finally telling your dad about the letter. I'm just trying to understand something." Kayla admitted, her voice coming clearly through the phone Paige was holding to her ear. "Why not tell him yesterday or tomorrow? What brought this on?"
"Nothing really." Paige answered distractedly as she looked around her room for her messenger bag. She finally spotted it resting at the foot of her bed and leaned down to grab it.
"Really. So just out of the blue you decided to finally show your dad that letter from UPenn at breakfast today. Because you've decided that you don't mind going to UPenn after all." Kayla said skeptically.
Paige cradled the phone in the crook of her neck so she could free both hands while she searched her bag for the acceptance letter. "What do you want me to say? I just woke up and realized that it was inevitable. I really can't do anything about it now. I'm still trying to feel better and I'm seeing your dad everyday." She explained patiently. "My dad wants me in UPenn, you want me in UPenn..."
"Emily wants you in UPenn." Kayla continued.
"I didn't say that." Paige said into the phone indignantly.
"Didn't have to." Kayla retorted. "Tell me. How was prom?"
"Prom? I didn't go to prom." Paige answered, still rummaging her bag for the letter.
"Don't lie to me Paige. I know you missed that after dark marathon because you went to Emily's house and took her to prom right in her very own backyard instead." Kayla revealed accusingly.
Paige abruptly stopped rifling through the contents of her bag. "How did you find out?" She asked, nervously running a hand through her hair.
"Jai may be dead but that doesn't mean Emily and me are just going to lose touch. She's been part of my family for three years. She's like my other older sister. I called her last week to check how she's doing and she told me about what you did for her." Kayla explained. "I must say. For a person who said she's not giving up on her dreams you're doing a pretty good job of showing otherwise. What the hell Paige?"
"Kayla I'm not giving up on my dreams, okay? I just didn't want Emily to be alone on prom night. You didn't see her face when she was trying on all those dresses. She wanted to go to prom. She just didn't want to go with all those other girls who kept asking her." Paige explained, going back to searching for the acceptance letter.
"So you thought that if you showed up in her backyard instead with your very own prom she'd have no choice but to say yes to you and just like that you got to take Emily to prom." Kayla guessed.
"What? No. I would've left if she said she didn't want to go to prom, okay? I'm not forcing my presence in her life." Paige said defensively. "Why are you giving me such a hard time about this?"
"Because someone needs to remind you that your world doesn't stop revolving just because you think Emily needs you." Kayla answered. "Paige I know you really like her, okay? And you're probably thinking that this is your chance to show her that. Maybe to make amends for how you've treated her in the past. But not at the expense of putting everything on hold." She reminded the girl. "This isn't right. You're already too attached and I'm scared your heart is going to get broken again."
"Kayla... Kayla... slow down." Paige said just as her hand touched the sides of the envelope. "Look. I promise that's the last time I'm putting things on hold for Emily. But I've made up my mind about this. My dad's going to find out about it sooner or later. And it's better that I show him now rather than keep lying to him until he decides to call UPenn and ask the status of my application himself. He's going to get mad once he finds out I've been lying to him for weeks. I'm going to UPenn. But this time I'm not against it."
"Yeah but why?" Kayla asked, still not getting a clear answer to her question. "Something must have happened for you to change your mind now. So what was it?"
"You're not gonna like the answer." Paige admitted.
"Emily." Kayla guessed.
"I need to make sure that she's going to be okay." Paige answered truthfully. "I gotta go." She added before Kayla could start reprimanding her again. "Thanks for calling to check up on me but if I don't hang up now I'm going to be late for school and I have an exam this morning."
"Yeah okay." Kayla uttered grudgingly. "I'm sorry I've been giving you such a hard time lately. I'm just trying to look after you. Someone has to."
Paige sighed. "Kayla I'm not mad at you. I get where you're coming from. I'm not disregarding your worry nor am I trying to get rid of you." She explained, feeling guilty for making the girl feel like she's a nuisance. "I just really have to go. I promise I'll call you once my exams are over."
"Yeah okay." Kayla repeated. "Congratulations by the way. You're officially a Quaker." She reminded the girl lightly.
"Thanks." Paige said before ending the call. She stood up and walked over to her study table to return the phone to its cradle before grabbing her bag and heading downstairs for breakfast.
Emily studied Paige out of the corner of her eye as she cleaned out her locker after their swim team's farewell pool party that afternoon. It was their team's last meeting for the school year and in line with the tradition, Coach Fulton asked the team's younger members to throw a party for the graduating seniors. Emily had been trying to find a way to ask Paige for her usual favor since the start of the party but she didn't want the girl to think that she's pathetic for always going there. She smiled at her teammates as they walked past her, acknowledging them with a nod of her head as they bid her goodbye. She waited until it was just her and Paige inside the room before she closed the door of her locker and walked over to the girl.
"Hey Paige... do you have plans now?" Emily asked hesitantly as she watched the girl fix her things.
Paige checked the time on her watch before answering. "Um, I have an appointment but it's not until six. Why?" She inquired, looking at Emily keenly.
Emily bit her lower lip. "Oh. Uh... I was just wondering if you could come with me to the cemetery again today. I wanted to visit Jai and..."
"Yeah. Sure." Paige interjected. "I don't mind driving you there."
Emily slowly released the breath she was holding in. "Thanks. I won't stay too long so you won't be late for your appointment." She promised.
Paige nodded. "We better get going then." She said, closing the door of her locker and slinging the strap of her duffel bag on her shoulder. She moved to follow Emily towards the exit but stopped short when she heard someone call out to her.
"McCullers." A woman's voice behind her made Paige turn around.
"Coach Fulton." Paige said in greeting. Crap.
"I'm glad I caught up to you." The woman said, walking up to her. "I've been meaning to ask how that triathlon in Virginia went." Coach Fulton continued. "Did you place in the top twenty?"
Crap. I knew it. "Oh." Paige muttered, the hairs on the back of her neck rising when she felt Emily's piercing gaze behind her. "About that. I, uh, forgot to tell you. I wasn't able to make it. There was an event in Philadelphia held in honor of Jasmine Hayes the night before." She began to explain, clearing her throat awkwardly.
"The Gray Matter Foundation?" Coach Fulton asked. "I heard about that. Logan Hayes requested a meeting with the school board and the faculty last week. He wanted to publicize the foundation's offer of a scholarship for incoming senior students who want to pursue a career in the medical fields related to the study of the human brain."
Paige nodded. "Yes that's the one. And I decided to attend the event thinking I could catch a later flight to Virginia instead. But it ended past midnight and I knew I was in no condition to compete. I wouldn't have enough sleep to be able to give my best so I decided to forego the competition for now." She admitted, suddenly feeling embarrassed and guilty. Now she understood what Kayla was trying to say. "I'm so sorry I wasted your time with the training, coach. It's just that the event was more important for me."
Coach Fulton smiled. "I understand your decision. Just because you chose to miss out on the competition this year doesn't mean all that training we did was for nothing. You can continue with your training and join another triathlon next year." She said encouragingly. "Well then I guess I better let you two head on out. You look like you're in a hurry."
"On our way to visit Jai's grave, coach." Emily supplied, reminding Paige that she was in the room with them and that she heard everything.
Coach Fulton nodded. "I'll surely miss having the two of you in my pool next year." She admitted. "In two weeks both of you will be graduating. Congratulations in advance."
"Thanks coach." Emily and Paige said at the same time.
Paige waited for the woman to go back to her room before turning around to face Emily. "Let's go." She said, avoiding the girl's suspicious stare as she walked past her and headed for the door.
Emily creased her brows in puzzlement. Paige never told her about joining any competition. But then again, Paige never told her anything about herself willingly.
"Are you coming?" Paige asked impatiently, looking at Emily as she held the door open.
"Yeah." Emily replied, deciding to forget about what she learned for now. She fixed the strap of her duffel bag on her shoulder and quickly made her way towards the waiting girl.
Paige sighed once Emily walked past her. She knew the girl was itching to ask her about what just happened and she didn't know how she could explain her decision without Emily reprimanding her like Kayla did. Here's to hoping that she's too preoccupied with thoughts of Jai that she forgets to ask about the triathlon later.
Emily wistfully stared at Jai's name on the marker before crouching to lay down a bouquet of flowers beside it, sitting down in front of the marker with her legs crossed. She gently touched the letters that made up Jai's name and smiled softly.
"Hey love." Emily began. "It's me again. I, uh... I just came home from school today. Paige drove me here again but like always she decided to stay in the car." She continued, playing with the freshly cut grass she was sitting on. She rested her left elbow on her leg and leaned her head on her hand, reading the name on the marker again. "Let's see... what happened today. Well I missed you. But that's nothing new. And I kicked Paige's ass in swimming. Nothing new there too." She added, chuckling.
"But... um." Emily uttered, reaching for the letter in the back pocket of her jeans. "The acceptance letter from UPenn came in the mail a few weeks ago and until now I still haven't opened it." She revealed as she began toying with the envelope she held in her hands. "Two weeks. Just two weeks to go and I'll be graduating."
"It's funny. Or not really... but it feels like it was just yesterday that we were standing in my room after we found out you got accepted into King's College and you said you wanted to see me during my senior year. And today it's almost over." Emily whispered sadly.
"Yesterday I was staring at this letter in my room." Emily confessed. "And I remembered the time when you got your letter from UPenn and I came over and we decided to open it together. Back then I couldn't wait when it's my turn. When you would be the one sitting on my bed while I opened the letter and showed it to you this time. 'Coz I wanted you to be the first one to know. 'Coz my dreams are your dreams too. Right?" She asked softly.
Emily stared at Jai's name again. "I didn't want to open this. Because I don't know what I want to see inside. I mean... either way you're still not going to be here." She pointed out. "But I'm running out of time and excuses. So I finally decided to muster the courage to open it today. But I need you to be beside me when I do. This time it's the other way around. I'll open it but you have to read it first. Deal?" She asked, smiling faintly.
"Here goes nothing." Emily said after letting a moment of silence pass. She carefully tore open the envelope and took the letter out, unfolding the piece of paper and facing the side with the writing on Jai's grave. "So. Did I get in?" She asked, tears welling from her eyes. She waited for a few seconds again before looking at the contents of the letter and choked back a sob. "I got in." She uttered, letting her tears fall. "I guess I'm going to UPenn." She managed to say before resting her head on her hands and crying. "I don't want to go without you." She whispered brokenly.
Emily knew she needed to stop crying. She had to leave soon or Paige is going to be late. But she didn't want to go back to the girl and let Paige see that she was falling apart. Emily took a deep, shaky breath to compose herself and finally stood up when she felt she had a better grip on her emotions.
"I have to go. Paige has an appointment at six and I think I've been taking up too much of her time lately." Emily admitted as she wiped the last of the tears in her eyes. "I've been trying to keep the promise I made to you. That I would look after her. But it hasn't been easy especially when I remember that the only reason Paige is being nice to me is because she made that promise to you as well." She added.
Emily took a deep breath before continuing. "Jai… once we graduate she's headed to USC. I won't be able to look after her anymore when that happens. Not as much as you would want me to. I hope you understand. I guess we'll still see each other during the holidays if she ever decides to visit Rosewood though. And if by some miracle she's still nice to me… maybe we can spend time together." She said hesitantly.
She bit her bottom lip, still reluctant to leave. "You'll be with me, right? When I go to UPenn?" Emily asked softly. "I'd like to think you'd be with me." She said, smiling faintly before turning around to leave.
Paige shifted the car's gear into park before cutting the engine once they were in front of Emily's house. Other than the occasional small talk, the drive to and from the cemetery was spent mostly in silence and she understood that Emily's mind was filled with thoughts of Jai. Paige didn't ask any questions when she saw the girl emerge from the cemetery and wordlessly got inside the car although she knew that Emily was upset. She knew the girl had been crying but didn't want to let her know so she pretended not to have noticed. Paige nervously cleared her throat and faced the girl in an effort to start a conversation but Emily spoke up first.
"Thanks for driving me to the cemetery again." Emily said sincerely. "Are you sure you can still make it in time for your appointment?"
Paige nodded. "Yeah. It isn't far and I still have thirty minutes left." She said reassuringly. They sat in silence once again before she decided to speak up first this time. "So. That letter from UPenn you've been staring at since last week... did you finally open it with Jai?" She asked gently, knowing that was the reason Emily went to the cemetery today.
Emily nodded. "Yeah. I got in." She revealed, looking down on her lap.
"That's great. Congratulations." Paige said sincerely. Now she knew the reason why the girl was crying earlier. "I'm sure Jai is really proud of you. Wherever she is." She added, knowing Emily still couldn't accept the reality.
"I wish she could be proud of me right here." Emily said brokenly. "She's the one I wanted to go to UPenn with. No one else." She admitted before looking at Paige. "What about you? Did you get in?"
"Me?" Paige uttered, trying to buy some time while she contemplated her answer. Emily has been so emotionally vulnerable since the funeral and it was obvious that the girl was just asking her out of courtesy. She had a feeling that Emily was expecting her to say she didn't and that her getting in as well wouldn't exactly fall on the good news category. "No. I, uh... I didn't get in." She finally answered. Now how do I avoid running into Emily and Spencer in UPenn for the next four years? Damn it! Where's Harry Potter's invisibility cloak when you need one?!
"Oh. Sorry about that." Emily said, feeling awful that she felt relieved when she heard the girl's answer.
Paige shook her head. "Don't be. I didn't plan on going there anyway." She lied.
"So I guess you're headed to USC just like you planned." Emily continued, smiling at the girl. "You must be really excited."
"Totally." Paige answered emphatically, her expression and tone not quite matching. "I mean, it's been my dream school since I was twelve. Why wouldn't I be?" Come on Paige. You can do better than that. You sound like someone just died.
"Wow if that's your face when you're excited about something I don't think I want to see your expression when you lose your bike." Emily commented, shaking her head in amusement.
Paige looked at Emily in alarm. "Why would you say something like that? Take that back! Don't jinx my bike!" She cried out comically. "I need my bike to compete. Don't say things like that!" She added mock urgently, trying to improve Emily's mood, but the girl's expression turned pensive instead. Oh crap. She remembered.
"Why didn't you tell me about the triathlon in Virginia?" Emily asked quizzically.
Paige sighed. So close. "I did tell you." She pointed out.
Emily shook her head. "No you didn't. You just said that you had to be somewhere else. You didn't give me an answer when I asked if it was more important than Jai." She reminded the girl. "Why didn't you tell me? I would've understood."
"What's done is done." Paige said indifferently. "There's no sense talking about it now because I made my choice that night. I don't regret missing that competition if that's what it took for you to attend the event." She continued. "You didn't want to go without me so I decided to skip the triathlon."
"Yeah but I only said that because I thought you were just trying to find an excuse not to go. I would've understood if you just explained it to me." Emily repeated exasperatedly.
"Maybe so but you still wouldn't attend the event." Paige argued. "I heard what Kayla said to you. That it meant a lot to her and Logan that you came because it showed that you're still willing to be a part of their family even if Jai isn't around anymore." She reminded the girl. "Skipping the competition was the right thing to do. I don't get why you're pissed."
"Because you're not being fair!" Emily exclaimed, surprising Paige. "You keep going out of your way to keep the promise you made to Jai. At the expense of your plans." She added as she unbuckled her seatbelt to face the girl. "I don't want to be used as an excuse everytime someone comes up to you and you tell them that you couldn't make it because you chose to spend time with me instead. I refuse to have that on my conscience. You insist on looking after me but you won't let me do the same for you. You won't let me in."
"Because you're merely curious about my life. You were never concerned." Paige snapped, gripping the steering wheel tightly as she focused her eyes on the road instead of Emily. "Until you know the difference... until you figure out which is more important to you... I'm not letting you in. You're not being fair either." She reminded the girl. "I'm not using you as an excuse but obviously you're using me as one. I'm not merely a means for you to keep the promise you made to my best friend, Emily." She said, finally looking at the girl. "I bet you were relieved when you found out I didn't get accepted. Because then you wouldn't have to go out of your way to keep the promise you made to Jai. With me gone you have the perfect excuse as to why the promise we made doesn't matter anymore."
"That's not the reason." Emily blurted out before her mind could process the words she said.
Paige looked away, hurt. "But I was right. You were relieved." She said hoarsely.
Emily sighed. "Paige..."
"You should go." Paige interjected, starting the engine again. "I'm going to be late for my appointment if I don't leave soon." She added, her gaze never leaving the road.
"Okay." Emily finally uttered when it was obvious that the girl wasn't planning on hearing her out. "Thanks for the ride." She said before opening the door and getting out.
Despite the pain she was feeling, Paige tore her eyes briefly away from the windshield and checked to make sure that Emily was standing at a safe distance from the car before shifting the gear into drive and pulling away. She knew she lost her temper back there. And that she should've let Emily explain herself when the girl admitted that she was relieved. But Paige didn't want to hear what Emily had to say. Because any other reason as to why the girl was relieved when she said she didn't get in couldn't be good. The end result is the same. Emily didn't want her there. Period. But now she couldn't help but wonder. If it wasn't because Emily wanted out, then what is it?
Emily checked one last time the small white slip of paper she held in her hand before knocking on the door in front of her. On the way over, she kept racking her brain for something she could've done that merited a white slip so close to graduation day. She was surprised when she heard Mr. Roberts call her name just as she was finishing her exam in their Film and Literature class. But she was even more surprised when she found out the reason. In her four years in high school, she had rarely been on the other side of this door and it was by no means for being in trouble so she was never nervous. Except now.
The truth was Emily expected to receive the white slip of paper after the plane crash. But almost two months has passed and she was never summoned. Today she couldn't shake the feeling that Sara Thompson wanted to talk to her because of it. Like the guidance counselor just let her mourn for a few weeks and now the woman wanted to find out how she's doing.
"Come in!" Emily heard Sara Thompson call out from behind the door. Let's get this over with. She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned it, pushing the door open and setting foot inside the guidance office.
"Emily." Sara said in greeting once she saw the girl enter the room. "Please. Have a seat." She instructed, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk.
Emily gave the woman a small smile and did as she was told, pulling the chair closer to Sara's desk. "You asked to see me Ms. Thompson?"
Sara nodded. "Yes. You weren't in the middle of an exam, were you?" She asked, checking the piece of paper in her hand which clearly contained Emily's schedule for the day.
"I wasn't. I just turned in my paper actually." Emily admitted.
"Well I won't take up much of your time." Sara began as she arranged the papers on her desk. "I know you need to get home soon so you can study for your exams tomorrow. I just wanted to see how you're doing." She continued, studying Emily carefully. "So are you excited?" Sara asked kindly. "You're on the homestretch. Just a few more exams to go and you and your friends will be graduating."
"Still a bit nervous but I'm looking forward to it." Emily answered, smiling back.
"I know lately things haven't been that easy for you." Sara said sympathetically. "But despite that I can see that you've been coping well and that is admirable." She added as she leaned forward in her chair. "Congratulations by the way. You're headed to UPenn for college. How do you feel about that?"
Emily sat up straight and wet her lips, contemplating her answer. "I would be lying if I said I feel fine. Or that I'm looking forward to it. It's really hard." She confessed. "A part of me doesn't want to go. Being there for four years is going to be really hard because Jai and I were supposed to be there together. I would rather go to college somewhere else but UPenn was the only school I applied to." Emily admitted, looking down on the floor. "And while I'm willing to start college a semester behind if it meant applying to a different school, I know my parents and Jai wouldn't want me to pass up the opportunity to study in UPenn. So I'm going. But I'm dreading the day that would come."
"That's understandable." Sara said comfortingly. "Eventually things will get better. Trust me on that. And remember that you have a support system when you go there in the fall. Your friends will be there to keep you company." She pointed out.
"It's really just me and Spencer." Emily corrected the woman timidly. "Hanna's going to Parsons in New York and Aria's going to Barnard College. Also in New York. But you're right. Having a friend there makes a difference." She admitted, smiling faintly.
Sara creased her brows in confusion. "It's not just Spencer Hastings. I heard Paige McCullers is going there as well." She revealed, looking at Emily quizzically. "Isn't she one of your friends too?"
Emily felt the smile on her lips falter. "Of course. Paige." She muttered weakly. "It must have slipped my mind." She added, looking at the woman apologetically. "Um, is that all?" She asked; suddenly keen to put an end to their conversation. She needed to get out of there. She couldn't breathe.
Sara nodded. "Enjoy the rest of your senior year." She said in farewell.
Emily hastily got up and forced herself to smile. "I will." She managed to say, trying to compose herself as she left the room. She leaned on the door once she was outside, her mind racing. Paige lied to her. This can't be happening. I can't go to UPenn with Jai's best friend.
One Year Ago...
Emily squinted her eyes in an effort to see despite the glare of the afternoon sun, bringing her left hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the heat. "Ready to give up yet?" She asked smugly.
Paige smirked. "In your dreams Sniffles." She shot back, moving closer to the girl while making sure that her hand never lost contact with the surface of the car. "This baby's mine so I suggest you concede before you embarrass yourself." She mocked.
"No way. I want this car." Emily insisted, lowering her hand when Paige was finally standing right next to her.
Emily, Paige, and a guy wearing loose pants and a baggy shirt were the only ones left in the Hands on a Hybrid contest outside the mall. She and the girl had been standing beside the car close to twelve hours now, occasionally crouching and even walking around the car to get some circulation going in their legs. They've been there since four in the morning and as the number of contestants dwindled, the more Emily anticipated her win.
"Well I want it more." Paige argued stubbornly.
"Fine. I just don't want it. I need it." Emily emphasized.
When she found out that the prize was a brand new car, Emily didn't hesitate to join the contest. She has always wanted to drive her own car but her parents didn't see the point of buying her one right now. So although she knew beforehand that the contest was going to be held outside the mall, and that the car goes to the last person standing, she decided to enter anyway. The rule sounded simple. All the contestants had to do was to keep their hand on the car at all times. Like those other 'hands on cars' contests she's seen on TV. But now, after staying under the scorching heat of the sun all day, Emily was exhausted, thirsty and hungry. It was a hot summer day and the sun was unusually high. She didn't tell her friends about the contest because she didn't want them to spend the entire day with her when they could be spending their vacation doing more productive things. But now she wished she asked one of them to come with her since Jai wasn't around. Her girlfriend left for London a few weeks ago with her family to check out King's College and at the same time, it was Logan's graduation gift to his daughter. Now that her girlfriend has graduated from high school and the chances of Jai going back to London for the internship in September was relatively high, Emily wanted to have her own car when she started her senior year.
She was eager to start the contest until she found out that Paige joined as well. Suddenly Emily dreaded being stuck in one place. The last thing she wanted was to spend hours with Paige nearby especially when Jai isn't around but she figured there were other people around them so Paige wouldn't dare make fun of her. But that was twelve hours ago. Now it was just the two of them and a guy who had his headphones on. And he was on the other side of the car, completely oblivious to what was happening.
Paige rolled her eyes. "I seriously doubt that." She said sarcastically.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Emily asked, glaring at the girl indignantly.
"It means you're a walking, talking, breathing cliché Sniffles. The popular, spoiled, privileged rich girl who can easily ask daddy and mommy dearest for a shiny, brand new car if she wanted to. You don't need to stay under the scorching heat of the sun just to win one. Are you trying to get me in trouble?! Jai is going to kill me once she comes back and finds out that you joined this contest and that I just let you burn to a crisp!" Paige snapped.
"That's the reason you want me to quit? You're scared Jai is going to bite your head off?" Emily said incredulously.
"You're her queen. She will bite my head off then feed it to the wolves. Do us both a favor and just give up." Paige demanded, glaring at the girl.
"Oh you mean pull a Paige McCullers?" Emily shot back. "Sorry to disappoint but I don't want to be like you. Will you stop treating me like I'm some fragile thing? I'm getting tired of it." She added, annoyed.
"Are you telling me that you don't like it when Jai treats you like one? Wow. For a second there I thought I was the only one who noticed." Paige said mockingly.
"What are you saying?" Emily asked, her left hand clenching into a fist.
"I'm saying you're not enjoying the attention. Not anymore. Not like you used to when we were freshmen." Paige explained smugly.
"You're wrong. Jai makes me feel special when she pays attention to me. You, on the other hand, make me feel like I'm an invalid and an imbecile. She does it because she cares. You're doing it to prove to yourself that I'm helpless. I don't need your attention. I don't want it." Emily snapped. "Why do you want to win this car anyway?"
"I just do." Paige answered vaguely.
"Wow. Great argument right there." Emily retorted, fighting the urge to clap her hands for effect because she knew she'll lose the contest.
"Okay why do you want to win this car?" Paige challenged.
"I want to have my own car. Duh." Emily explained impatiently.
"Why? It's not like you need one. Just snap your fingers and Jai is going to appear out of thin air." Paige mocked, snapping her fingers for effect. "You have my best friend wrapped around your finger so tight it's pathetic." She said bitingly. "What did you feed her? Or are you just that good in bed?!"
Emily stepped away from Paige, taken aback by the girl's rudeness. "You're disgusting." She uttered, trying to control her anger. "Whenever Jai isn't around you never fail to conceal your hatred of me. I'm not taking advantage of her. I don't have Jai wrapped around my finger." She said, offended.
Paige scoffed. "Yes you do. Ever since you became her girlfriend she hasn't been the same." She snapped. "You must've done something to her."
"It's called being in love. Which you'd know if you had a heart." Emily managed to respond despite the hurt she was feeling.
"Why are you so selfish? You already have a girlfriend who has a car. Give this one to me!" Paige demanded.
"I'm not selfish. I just want something for myself. Is that so bad?" Emily asked, insulted.
"If you keep showing up when I'm clearly going out of my way to avoid you, yeah. It is." Paige answered haughtily. "Why did you have to join this?" She asked, annoyed. "You're ruining my day! Why don't you go somewhere where you're actually wanted?!"
Emily wordlessly stared at Paige, unable to believe that someone this awful could be friends with Jai. She finally decided to concede and lifted her hand from the surface of the car, effectively breaking contact and losing the contest.
"And we are down with two contestants!" The male host declared enthusiastically.
"There. Happy?" Emily asked, not bothering to hide the hurt she was feeling because of Paige's attitude and words.
"No. But if you get out of my face I will be." Paige answered coldly.
"Done." Emily stated before turning her back and walking away with her head down. She just wasted her time. Now she was tired, parched, starving and upset. Winning that car wasn't worth being treated by Paige so horribly. Jai was away for merely two weeks and Paige was already making her life harder than usual. She hated to think what would happen if Jai got accepted into King's College.
Present Day...
Paige rummaged her bag for her notebook in Economics, trying to make sure for the nth time that it wasn't inside as she blindly headed for her locker. School was over for the day and she needed to find her notebook before heading home since she had to study for her final exam tomorrow. I really can't find it. Please, please be in my locker. Paige thought, frustrated. She halted when she looked up and saw Emily waiting for her. She tried to read the girl's mood but it was like Emily was in the middle of a very intense poker game. She didn't know what to make of the girl's presence. Paige thought that after what happened the other day she would never see Emily again until Graduation Day. She waited for the girl to say something once she was standing in front of her locker but Emily just stood there watching her. It was unnerving. Paige moved to open her locker and looked for her notebook inside, all the while aware that Emily was just standing next to her. Bingo. She thought when she finally spotted the notebook.
"So." Emily uttered from beside Paige, startling the girl. Even if she knew Emily had been standing right next to her, Paige was still surprised when the girl finally spoke up. Gripping the door of her locker rigidly, she slowly turned and faced Emily.
"I guess congratulations are in order." Emily continued, her face still not registering any emotion.
"Um... for what?" Paige asked, for some reason nervous.
"Were you ever going to tell me or do you just plan on popping up behind me during the first day?" Emily asked monotonously.
"What… are you talking about?" Paige said, confused.
"UPenn. You think I wouldn't find out?" Emily inquired, waiting for Paige to react but the girl just stood there looking back at her guiltily. "I was wrong when I said you and Jai suck at lying. Apparently you're really good at pretending you're not." She remarked, hurt. "Did you really expect me not to find out?!"
"How did you find out?" Paige asked, her thoughts immediately drifting to Kayla. Other than her dad, Jai's sister was the only other person who knew about her acceptance into UPenn… but Emily's answer proved her wrong.
"Guidance counselor. She called me in to congratulate me and said knowing I had friends going there must've made me feel relieved. When I corrected her and said it's just Spencer she kindly informed me that you're going there as well." Emily explained, barely containing her irritation.
"I wasn't going to tell you." Paige admitted.
"Why?" Emily asked, upset.
"If I remember correctly you weren't exactly jumping for joy when I asked for your help with the extracurricular activities. I know you're not looking forward to spending four more years with me so forgive me if I seem uneager to tell you that I got in. It's not like you'd be happy for me. It's hardly good news for you." Paige pointed out, looking away. "And after what happened the other day, it's pretty obvious you don't want me there."
"So what, now you really plan on going to UPenn? Is that it?" Emily asked anxiously. This can't be happening.
"I'm not going there to make your life miserable if that's the reason why you're so upset right now." Paige reassured her.
"You just lied about getting in." Emily pointed out. "Why should I believe you?" She asked warily. "All this time the only thing that's keeping you from reverting to your old ways is the promise..."
"Just once will you shut up about the promise?!" Paige exclaimed, fed up. "You've been saying those words every single time you're around me. Like you constantly need to remind yourself that the only reason you're spending time with me is because of Jai. Well guess what? I didn't look after you for Jai. I stopped looking after you for her when she died. I stuck around for you." She finally confessed.
"What?" Emily muttered, trying to figure out the reason for the girl's sudden outburst.
"I'm not heartless Emily." Paige whispered, unable to meet Emily's eyes. "So it hurts. It hurts that all this time you still tell me that the only reason you're here is because you're merely honoring your promise to Jai. Like everyone else, you don't see me. You see Jai. I represent the promise you made to her. Nothing more. And that really sucks."
"Why?" Emily asked, baffled by Paige's words.
"You seriously don't know the answer to that question?" Paige asked in disbelief.
"No. I don't. So will you just stop with the mind games?! What do you want from me?!" Emily asked, fed up.
"I want you to care! Because I do! I care about you!" Paige admitted emotionally. "This isn't about the promise anymore. I forgot about that a long time ago." She continued, studying Emily's reaction. "But apparently the same can't be said for you."
"How could you expect me to care when for three years all you did was make my life in high school a living hell?!" Emily said angrily. "What, you just expected me to forget all those years?"
"No." Paige answered inaudibly, ashamed when she realized that Emily was right. She couldn't blame the girl for distancing herself. She didn't know what she was thinking.
"That's not even the point. I thought you're going to USC? That's your dream school. Not UPenn. Things weren't supposed to turn out this way." Emily insisted.
Realization dawned on Paige. "Oh. I get it now. Once again, this conversation is about Jai. The two of you were supposed to go there together and instead you got me." Paige stated, meeting the girl's gaze head-on.
Emily resignedly ran a hand through her hair. "It's not fair. Jai's the one who's always dreamed of attending UPenn. She's worked so hard to get in. Since freshmen year she's been actively pursuing it. Now she's gone and..."
"I'm going instead." Paige finished, insulted. "You think I don't deserve to go there. Because I haven't tried as much as you two have. Because I didn't exert the same amount of effort. That I didn't even want it as badly as you two did because my dad was the one who insisted that I apply in the first place. You think I had it easy. Don't worry. I don't plan on taking your precious dreams away. I'm not going to UPenn if that's what you want." She offered dejectedly.
"Don't act like you're doing me a favor. Don't change your plans for me. If you want to go to UPenn you have every right to." Emily pointed out.
"Just stay away from you, right?" Paige guessed, trying to figure out why things between them were starting to get hostile again when she wasn't doing anything to provoke Emily.
"Why not? You've told me to get out of your face several times. Now it's your turn." Emily answered bitterly.
"If that's the way you feel then I'm going to do both of us a favor. I'm going to move across the country and go to USC." Paige declared. "You're waiting for the day when the promise won't mean anything to either of us. Why don't we just start that now? My dad was right. Trying to keep that promise by forcing ourselves to spend time together is preventing us from moving forward with our lives." She explained, looking away. "Especially when we're doing it for different reasons. So starting today consider yourself relieved of that stupid promise." Paige stated, slamming her locker door shut. She let out a humorless laugh before looking at Emily again. "It's funny. For a second there I actually thought things were changing between us. I guess I was just imagining things."
Emily followed Paige's retreating back as the girl slowly walked away from her. She had every chance to run after Paige and apologize. Try to explain what's really bothering her about Paige's acceptance and decision to go to UPenn. But she didn't. Instead she just let the girl leave. If Paige going to USC meant not having to constantly worry when the girl will snap and decide that she's done playing nice around Emily, then so be it.
Two weeks later, Paige found herself staring numbly at the marker on the ground, thinking back to everything that's happened before today. It still felt surreal that she was standing here not as a senior but as an alumnus of Rosewood High. She did it. She made it through four years of high school in a place she never thought she'd love more than Girard. And while a part of her felt glad... a bigger part of her felt melancholic.
Paige crouched and placed a bouquet of flowers on Jai's grave before sitting down. Although the cemetery wasn't exactly a place teeming with people all the time, for some reason this afternoon the place was eerily silent. The Rosewood populace was mostly out celebrating with their respective families this afternoon and tonight the annual bonfire party down at the beach awaited the graduates. Yes. Paige knew for certain that no one thought of going to the cemetery today. Yet here she was.
"So I graduated today." Paige began, drawing her knees to her chest. "And I remembered what we talked about a few months ago. What you told me. That you're going to ask me where I'm going for college once I graduate." She reminded her friend, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear when a gentle wind blew past her.
"Here's the thing. It's complicated. My decision that is." Paige added. "I was all set for USC. Then I got accepted into UPenn. Then you died. Then my illness kicked in so my dad told me to go to UPenn. So I was going to. At first against my will. But then Emily and I watched a movie and it seemed like she didn't want to go to college. So I realized I wanted to go to UPenn after all. Because Emily's going there. And I wanted to make sure that she's going to be fine. Because I worry about her every second." She admitted guiltily.
Paige let out a strained laugh. "Thank god you're not really in there. Otherwise you'd probably dig your way through the ground right about now just so you could yell at me for feeling this way about your girlfriend. And I won't stop you 'coz I deserve it." She added hoarsely. "But can you blame me? Emily... she's... she's the only thing that made sense to me ever since you left. So I'm having a hard time staying away."
"But I digress. Where was I?" Paige asked, biting her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Oh. Right. UPenn. Emily found out I got in and she was really upset. I thought she was going to be happy for me or something. I didn't know what I was thinking. Why I expected her to be happy about it when I've made her life miserable for years. I guess I just thought since we've been spending so much time together that she'd changed her opinion of me. Even if for her it's because she wanted to keep the promise she made to you. But it turns out she doesn't want me there. She wants you." She said quietly. "It will always be you. And she's upset because I'm here instead. So now I have to disobey my dad. Because I'd rather that he gets mad at me than Emily. I can take it. I know he's going to talk to me eventually. But Emily... I just don't want her to hate me more than she already does. So long story short... I guess I'm going to USC. But this time it's against my will." She admitted before getting up and dusting the back of her jeans.
"Jazz... I'm so sorry I wasn't a better friend." Paige said, ashamed. "I wasn't able to keep the promise I made to you without falling for her. You deserve better."
Emily studied the clusters of people in attendance at the party tonight as she zipped the red hooded sweatshirt she was wearing, the letters P-E-N-N stitched in the front indicative of where she's headed for college. The party thrown by the incoming student council of Rosewood High was already in full swing and Emily couldn't help but smile when she saw the energy and enthusiasm of the crowd. All of them have officially graduated earlier today and the annual hoodie party is thrown as a way to let people know where each of them is headed for college.
"There you are!" Hanna exclaimed, tapping Emily on the shoulder from behind and grinning at her friend excitedly. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" She added as she fixed her gray hoodie with the orange letter P on the upper left corner which stood for Parsons. "Come on! UPenn's next in the picture taking. Aria's trying to find Spencer."
"Sorry." Emily uttered apologetically. "I was just having a moment." She explained, slightly raising her voice in order to be heard above the sound of the wind as she followed the girl towards the huge white tent in the distance.
Rosewood High's incoming student council always threw the hoodie party at the beach and a strong wind was blowing around them as they slowly made their way towards the people wearing UPenn sweatshirts who were already gathered inside the tent. Emily waved when she saw Spencer and Aria coming from the opposite direction.
"Ready to make it official?" Spencer asked, grinning at Emily keenly.
Emily nodded. "Let's do this." She answered, trying to sound enthusiastic despite the anxiety she was feeling.
It has been two weeks since she and Paige had that fight and she had no idea where the girl was headed for college. Although Paige might've said that she's going to USC, her decision was made in the middle of an argument. For all Emily knew, the girl decided she's going to UPenn after all. As she followed Spencer towards the front of the tent, she steeled herself to seeing Paige for this one. She saw the girl earlier during the ceremony but Paige didn't acknowledge her and she couldn't bring herself to approach the girl and apologize for what she said.
"Okay places everybody!" The photographer called out and Emily and Spencer went to stand at the back of the group.
"Where's Paige?" Emily asked when she noticed that the girl wasn't among the handful of students posing for the camera with them.
Spencer shrugged. "I haven't seen her." She replied indifferently. "Why?"
"No reason. I just thought she's going to UPenn with us." Emily explained, looking around her.
"Well if that's the case then I guess she's going to miss out on this one." Spencer stated. "Are you sure she's going to UPenn? What about USC?"
"Right." Emily uttered, thinking that Paige decided to really stick to her original plan. She set aside all thoughts of the girl as she smiled for the camera and when the shot was done, she looked around for a student clad in a USC sweatshirt. "Daryl." She called out, tapping the girl on the shoulder.
"Hey Emily." Daryl said in greeting, smiling at the girl. "Congratulations."
"Yeah. You too." Emily replied, smiling back. "Are you guys next for the picture taking?" She asked while casually scanning the crowd behind the girl for any sign of Paige.
Daryl shook her head. "We're the group who came before UPenn. We're done." She answered. "Why?"
"Oh. By any chance, was Paige with your group?" Emily asked anxiously. "I've been trying to find her in this crowd."
"Uh... no. I didn't see her. I thought she was headed for UPenn?" Daryl inquired, confused.
"Okay. Thanks anyway." Emily said without answering the girl's question. She turned her back to leave but stopped short when she saw that there seemed to be a commotion a few steps away from them. "What's going on there?" Emily asked, nodding her head towards the direction of the crowd behind the girl.
Daryl looked behind her quickly before turning to face Emily again. "Oh that. I guess you haven't had the chance to scan our yearbook yet. That line's for the page dedicated to Jasmine Hayes." She explained, smiling at the girl. "Paige asked the yearbook committee to do it and paid for the two pages herself. She said technically Jai belonged in our batch so she asked that we include her in our yearbook as well. If you want to write a message you can fall in line. We're going to give it to Jai's family after."
"Paige... she came up with that idea by herself?" Emily asked hoarsely. This is the reason why being around the girl confuses her. One minute she's horrible, the next she's showing a completely different side of her. Emily didn't know what to believe anymore.
Daryl nodded. "Yeah. She said Jai deserved to be remembered." She explained. "I better fall in line before I run out of space to write on." She added, gesturing behind her.
"Yeah. Okay. Thanks for telling me about it." Emily said, smiling faintly. She took a deep breath and looked around her. Suddenly she wasn't feeling so festive anymore. She was hit with a sudden pang of guilt. This is her fault. For some reason she had a feeling that Paige wasn't at the party because of her. And she needed to fix it. "Hey Spence… can you guys swing by my house last? I have to go somewhere first." Emily explained when she saw her friend walk past her.
"Right now?" Spencer asked, confused. "I thought the plan is that from here we're swinging by our houses later then leaving straight for Miami?"
"It still is. But something came up and I need to get home right now. I forgot something. Tell Hanna to swing by my place last and I'll meet you guys there. Please?" Emily implored.
Spencer nodded. "Sure." She replied, looking at her friend curiously. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to fix something." Emily answered vaguely. "Thanks. I'll see you guys later." She promised, waving at her friend and hurriedly making her way towards the road to head home.
Paige repeatedly rolled the pen she was holding in her right hand, playing with it with her fingers as she stared at the document in front of her, contemplating what to do. After she visited Jai in the cemetery she went straight home and she had been sitting in this spot for the past three hours. She started when she heard a knock on her door and turned around to see who it was. When she saw Emily poke her head inside, Paige hurriedly slid the document under its envelope.
"Uh... I hope you don't mind. Gwen let me in." Emily supplied, entering the room timidly with a paper bag in her left hand. "Are you busy?"
Paige glanced at her study table before returning her attention to Emily. "No." She answered.
Emily bit her bottom lip, tugging at the neckline of her sweatshirt. "You weren't at the hoodie party." She began nervously.
"Obviously." Paige uttered. "Looks like you came from it." She observed, nodding towards Emily's sweatshirt. "What happened? Party's over?"
Emily shook her head, moving closer. "Not yet. But it's already in full swing." She admitted.
"So why'd you leave?" Paige asked, confused.
"Why weren't you there?" Emily asked in response instead.
Paige shrugged. "Not really in the mood to party when I don't know where I'm going for college." She answered, looking away.
Emily moved to take out the blue UPenn sweatshirt she brought with her from inside the paper bag and handed it to Paige. "Yes you do." She said softly, giving the hoodie as a peace offering. "Congratulations on graduating today."
Paige slowly took the hooded sweatshirt from Emily and touched the letters before looking up at Emily, speechless.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you. For getting upset when I heard that you got accepted into UPenn." Emily explained hoarsely.
"I shouldn't have lied about it." Paige said in apology as well.
"Yeah. You shouldn't have. But I get why you lied. My reaction proved you right I guess." Emily admitted reluctantly.
"Why did you react that way?" Paige asked, placing the sweatshirt on top of her study table. "I never could figure it out. You said it's not because you wanted to break the promise. So what is it?"
"Jai's gone. And you're going to UPenn." Emily began, looking down at the floor.
"You think I don't deserve it. That it was her dream. You said that already." Paige pointed out.
Emily hastily looked up at Paige. "I never said those things. You're the one who jumped to conclusions." She reminded the girl.
"It wasn't that far of a leap. What was I supposed to think?" Paige asked.
"That I'm scared." Emily confessed. "I'm scared of being around you in college."
"Why?" Paige asked, puzzled. "I thought we've been getting along?"
"We have." Emily answered hurriedly. "But I always thought at the back of my mind that it wasn't going to last. That we're only spending time together because we're in high school. I guess all this time I was thinking that it would all eventually come to an end. That once we graduate the promise won't matter anymore since we won't have to spend time together because you're going to USC and I'm headed to UPenn. And I didn't mind." She admitted, feeling guilty. "Because the truth is the months you spent pretending to be nice to me weren't enough to make me forget the years you spent making my life miserable."
Emily bit her bottom lip anxiously before continuing. "Whenever Jai was out of town... going to competitions, vacationing outside of the country, visiting relatives... whenever she wasn't around and we run into each other accidentally you never fail to show me just how much you really hate me." She reminded the girl sadly. "When Jai's around you tone it down. But when she isn't you don't bother to hide it. And I'm scared that you're going to wake up one day and decide that you're done trying to keep the promise you made that you'd look after me. You'll look at me and instead be reminded that you really hate me and this time Jai isn't going to be around to tell you to stop. So I thought it's better if we just go our separate ways than keep waking up thinking if today is the day I'll see that side of you again. If today is the day you'll finally stop pretending that you care."
"I wasn't pretending." Paige told the girl sincerely.
"Even so." Emily insisted. "I didn't realize it until you lashed out at me for not caring. When I told you that I couldn't bring myself to care. When I found out that you lied about not getting in. I didn't expect to see you after high school. Yes. A part of me was nice to you. But you kept insisting that we're not friends and if that's true then I don't know what we are." She admitted, confused. "Jai was always there. When you made fun of me. She was always there to tell you to stop. But things are different now. If you go to UPenn..."
"You still see me as someone who would make fun of you." Paige said, realization dawning on her.
"I wouldn't put it past you." Emily admitted. "You hurt me so much Paige. And I guess I really don't trust you."
"Emily things are different now. They're better. I'm not going to UPenn just to torture you." Paige promised. "I can't even begin to apologize for being such a jerk to you for years. I didn't know things will turn out this way." She confessed hoarsely. "I care about you."
"I want to believe that." Emily admitted. "And I hope you mean it. Because I don't want to look like an idiot if this is all an act so you could have the last laugh."
"You left the party and came here to give me this?" Paige asked, looking at the hoodie again.
"And to apologize." Emily added.
"And those are the only reasons why you're here." Paige asked, her voice almost inaudible.
"No." Emily answered. "I'm here because I realized that I care too." She admitted, making Paige's eyes widen in surprise. "That's the answer you were waiting for isn't it? The answer you wanted to hear from me? For me to tell you that the reason I'm here is because I care and not just because I promised Jai that I would look after you."
"I just can't tell. With you. This promise thing we made to Jai is so confusing for me." Paige admitted, closing her eyes briefly in frustration.
"Why?" Emily asked, baffled.
"Because like I said, it hasn't been about that for me for a while now. I know I made a promise to my best friend. But I also know that I genuinely care about you." Paige confessed. "And I guess I just wanted you to tell me that you're not spending time with me because of a promise but because you actually like me. Which now I realize is asking a lot from you considering I was so horrible to you up until recently." She added understandingly.
"I do care." Emily affirmed. "I admit it was about the promise at first. Both of us spent time together because of it. But we can't exactly spend time together and keep our emotions separate at the same time. A lot has happened since the day we said those words to Jai. I've gotten to know you. When you're not being snarky or obnoxious or sarcastic. When your walls are down, I see glimpses of the you you're desperately trying to hide. I hope one day those walls will come down completely and that you'd let me in. That one day you can say that I'm one of your friends." She added optimistically.
"I don't think I can do that." Paige admitted.
"Why?" Emily asked, puzzled by the girl's stubbornness.
"Because. I just can't." Paige answered vaguely. "Thanks for this." She said, pointing to the hoodie. "Any plans for the summer?" She asked in an effort to change the subject.
"Miami." Emily revealed, smiling at Paige. "My friends and I are leaving tonight, spend the summer there. Kind of a last hurrah before we go our separate ways. They thought I could use a break from Rosewood and I have to admit they're right. What about you? What are your plans?"
"I don't know yet." Paige answered. "But I'll probably focus on my training and continue some of Jai's charity works around Rosewood with Kayla before I leave for college."
"Kind of your last hurrah for Jai." Emily said sadly. She took out something from her paper bag. "Daryl told me what you did for Jai in our yearbook. Thank you."
"It's more of for Kayla and Logan than for you." Paige admitted sheepishly. "Sorry if I didn't bring you in on it."
Emily shook her head. "Don't be. Despite what you think of me I'm not self-centered. I know this wasn't about me." She added wryly. "But what you did for Jai's family... I guess that gave me the push I needed to come here tonight. Kayla said Jai taught her to have faith in people. I'd like to think I could learn that from Jai too. You're her best friend. She must have seen something in you that you haven't shown me yet." She said softly before handing her yearbook to Paige. "Here. Sign mine and I'll sign yours."
Paige nodded and wordlessly retrieved her yearbook from her desk drawer, handing the slightly heavy object to Emily while she took the girl's. She opened Emily's yearbook to look for a spot she could write on but unintentionally flipped to the adjacent pages she asked the yearbook staff to dedicate to Jai instead. She glumly stared at the two pages, reminded that the last time she saw her best friend alive was at the airport, saying goodbye. She hasn't seen her friend in months. Not in the flesh. But she never forgot how great her friend was. How much of a dreamer she was. And she understood why Emily was having a hard time letting Jai go. Her eyes drifted to the photo of Emily and Jai as a couple. Emily had a bright future with Jai. And now it was gone. She would never understand what Emily was going through. Paige took a deep breath and continued flipping the pages until she found a space. She hurriedly wrote her message before closing the yearbook and handing it back to Emily just as the girl handed back hers.
"Enjoy your summer." Emily said, taking her yearbook and returning it inside the paper bag.
"You too." Paige said, smiling at Emily. "Have fun in Miami."
"I will. And I guess I'll see you in UPenn this fall." Emily added, smiling back.
"You mean that?" Paige asked, glad that Emily now wanted to spend time with her there.
Emily nodded. "I have to go. My friends are going to drive by my house soon to pick me up." She explained, checking the time on her watch. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Paige repeated, watching Emily leave her room. Once she was sure that the girl was gone, she turned her back to the door to face her study table again. She took out the document and stared at her incomplete signature in the NLI form before returning it inside the envelope, grinning when her eyes drifted to the blue hoodie Emily gave her. Paige had a feeling that she's going to love UPenn more than Rosewood High.
Emily carefully surveyed her room, trying to make sure that she wasn't leaving anything behind for her trip to Florida. She went over the mental list she made again and checked things off one by one. Satisfied that she had everything she needed, Emily walked over to her bed to retrieve her bag and head downstairs when she was distracted by a knock on her door.
"Door's open mom." Emily called out. "Are they here?" She asked when her mother entered the room.
"Not yet." Pam Fields answered. "I just wanted to give you something before you leave." She explained, handing Emily a plain, white box. "Logan dropped by while you were at Paige's. He wanted to give that to you personally but he was in a hurry so he left it with me instead."
"What is it?" Emily asked, shaking the box. Whatever was inside was heavy.
"I don't know. Logan said it came from London." Pam said slowly. "From Jasmine. He said his daughter had it made while she was there and made sure that it was going to arrive today. It's your graduation gift."
Emily stared at the box, hit with a sudden wave of sorrow. "Oh." She uttered, swallowing hard.
"Do you want me to leave before you open it?" Pam asked sympathetically.
Emily nodded. "Thanks mom." She said, looking up and smiling at her mother faintly.
When her mom closed the door behind her, Emily sat on the edge of her bed, her hands trembling as she held the box. She took a deep breath and finally opened it, taking the heavy object out. She smiled when she saw the snow globe. Inside was a three-dimensional entrance to UPenn and standing in front of it were two girls holding hands. Emily read the inscription at the bottom and choked back a sob.
Forever begins today.
Emily touched the locket on her neck instinctively and looked up to stare at the vision board she and Jai made together. She set down the snow globe on her bed and stood up, slowly making her way towards it. She took the vision board off the wall and stared at it closely. She didn't realize she was crying until a tear fell on the surface of the photo of the old couple sitting on the porch swing of the house with the white picket fences. Emily felt her knees buckle and then she was on the floor, crumpled in a heap as she wept in agony.
It's all over. None of these... will ever come true.