Well, happy New Year. It's been a while, but hey. I think I may just be able to do something with this after so long. So go me. And thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. I know, a lot of you are thinking that Pepsi's character needs to pull out of his nosedive and that's what the next few chapters are all about. So I do listen to you all! This one is for you guys!

Disclaimer: Pointless

Chapter 9: Man in the Mirror

My life was pathetic. I could admit that now. I'd denied it for the last few days, but it was obvious that I would have to be living in a delusion to continue on that path. And I'd rather accept it than pretend any longer. Not that anyone would believe me if I told them any differently. And I guess that was the worst part of all this.

For a solid month I had been on the search for a job. There were jobs all over Tulsa; good paying, honest ones run by fair employers. That was the problem. What fair employer would want anything to do with an ex soldier who was also a murdering greaser with a criminal record that was more than a mile long? Of course I didn't tell them that when I came around asking for a job, but every time a guy looked hopefully at me, promising me that I could have the job and he'd get back to me, I knew it was never going to happen. They didn't want to be liable for my baggage and I hated it. I wasn't going to kill anyone. I just wanted whatever the hell was passing for minimum wage these days and to come home every night as dog tired as Darry always was. Between rumors and my file…well, I had a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting that. So I pretty much gave up looking last week when I couldn't even get a job painting houses. It was my last bit of confidence.
I knew Darry and Soda could call in some favors and get me working with them, but I would then be their responsibility; my screw ups their screw ups, and I liked that thought even less than I liked deluding myself. So I took some vacation time on the couch until Darry finally told me I'd better at least get up, get outside and maybe bathe before I made myself sick. He made it clear that if I didn't do what he asked, he was going to physically make me and from the look in his eye I was willing to bet that even Dallas would have made a beeline off that couch and into the shower.

So here I was, out and about doing the shopping so maybe Darry would get off my back for a few days. I kept asking myself what the hell I was doing here. There wasn't another man in sight that wasn't wearing a store uniform and all the ladies kept giving me looks down their noses. I suppose I gave them too much to work with. I hadn't shaved in over a week, I was still tanned dark from the jungle, my blonde hair was long and I hadn't done anything with it before I left the house. I was wearing ripped jeans, a stained white wife beater and an old plaid shirt hanging open over that. I knew I looked like hell. They knew I looked like hell. You'd think they'd move on from that fact. I sighed and picked up a pack of chicken from the freezer, shivering from the icy touch, before unceremoniously throwing it in the cart and moving down the line of doors filled with meat. It was funny to think that this is what we were fighting for over in Nam. The right to go and buy frozen meat, fresh fruit and canned goods. It wasn't like some third world country like Nam was going to come and threaten that way of life, but the government didn't seem to think that way. It all seemed dumb to me, but at the same time I was glad to be out of it.

'At least being a soldier was man's work…'

I really wanted to flip off the voice in my head, but the old lady ahead of me would probably take it the wrong way and I was definitely not in the mood to deal with anything like that today. So I muttered a curse under my breath and steered towards where the veggies were. Darry didn't cook enough green food for my liking. That was just one of the many things Darry didn't do right. Darry didn't keep the house hot enough for my liking, Darry didn't leave anything I dropped where I dropped it, Darry didn't let me do whatever the hell I wanted all day…Darry was getting on my nerves. Even when we were fighting after Mom and Dad died, Darry had never managed to annoy me this much. I blamed it on the rest of the universe. I figured it was just another reminder that life wasn't going my way. I sighed as I put a bag of carrots into the cart along with the sack of potatoes I knew my brothers would eat in a week. That would feed a town of peasants for a good two weeks. That's if they lived that long to actually enjoy them or if a unit came through demanding to be fed and waited on. If they weren't brutalized and bloodied until they gave in to stronger people. I doubt they knew what a bloody potato even was….

"Stop thinking," I ordered myself

"Pepsi-cola? Pepsi-cola Curtis, is that you?"

I froze. Someone actually called me Pepsi-cola in a public place without the whole 'I'm not Soda and I'm not dead' talk. It had been a month, but you wouldn't believe how many people still did it. Looking up over the cart I saw the smiling face of Mrs. Mathews and instantly relaxed. Of course Mrs. Mathews would know all about me by now. If Two-Bit hadn't got around to telling her his sister Katie would have run into Ponyboy and found out at some point since school started back up. I smiled back at her, hesitantly as she made her way over. Mrs. Mathews was the closest thing I had had to a mother since the crash. She'd practically fed us for the first two weeks after we lost Mom and Dad and she checked in on us for a long time after that. I imagine she would have come to see me off if I had have had that option when I got shipped out. She would have told me to take care of myself and kissed me on the cheek and everything embarrassing only mothers could do. In short, she was a good person and I was happy to see her.

"Hi Mrs. M," I offered, straightening up

"Oh, so you do remember me." She smirked and I sighed

"Yeah, I had planned on coming to visit, but with everything…"

"Stop with the excuses and let me get a look at you," she ordered, looking me over from head to toe

"I know, I look like hell," I replied, rubbing the back of my neck just so my hand would have something to do

"I've seen some of the other boys who came back from that war," she said waving my appearance and the war off in the same gesture "And most of them look a slight worse off than you do."

I nodded, remembering the bum outside this grocery store who had scurried away from the door when he had seen me coming. Yeah, I was one of the lucky ones all right.

"Hasn't that brother of yours been feeding you?" she asked, abandoning her cart so she could tug on my, well, Soda's pants to see how loose they were around my hips

"Everything he can shove down my throat and then some," I answered, feeling my face getting red as I let her look me over

"And honey, when was the last time you cleaned up?" she asked, licking the end of her thumb so she could scrub at something on my cheek "You really need to take better care of yourself. You come on by the house and I'll get you fed up and your hair all trimmed, too."

"Yes Ma'am," I answered, knowing she would hunt me down if I didn't

"It's just too good to see you. After you went missing and that letter came," she tutted something in her thoughts and I waited patiently for her to go on "Well, it's just good to see you."

"You too, Mrs. M," I replied and she laid a hand on my cheek in such a motherly gesture that I leaned right into it

Right then I wanted to kick Two-Bit's ass. He had this wonderful woman of a mother at home and he couldn't be bothered to go and see her unless he was down on his luck or too drunk to remember where we lived. I would kill to have my mother being the one fussing over me, nagging me about the way I looked, and telling me I needed a haircut. I missed her something awful right then.

"Listen Hunny, if you need anything or if there's anything I can help you out with, you come and see me," she ordered and I nodded

"I'll do that;" I assured her, "I'll say hi to Two-Bit for you."

She laughed, smile lighting up her face. She knew just as well as I did that he practically lived at our place. She nodded and went back to her cart, still looking me over like a mother hen would. I waved a little and looked around the grocery store, feeling more lost than ever.

"Oh, and Pepsi? When you get sick of settin' around like a bump on a log, come by the bar and we'll put you to work."

I blinked, turning in time to see Mrs. Mathews turn around the corner into the next isle, heels clicking on the linoleum. I blinked again, wondering if I had really heard her right.

To think all I had to do was mosey into a bar and I'd have had a perfectly acceptable, illegal job weeks ago.

"I'll be damned," I muttered to myself

/-/-/-/-/-

When I got home that afternoon no one was around. That was just fine for me. I didn't really want anyone around. My head was still going through the conversation I had had at the grocery store. A job offered up to me on a plate. Man, it was too good to be true. I almost considered not showing up for it, ever. What can I say, when things are looking too good to be true they generally are.

I sighed, leaning a little deeper into the couch, and glanced around the quiet room. Ponyboy was probably at school, Soda was probably just getting off work and Darry would be home in a few hours. It looked like it was just me, myself and I. I hated that combination, so I went and flicked on the TV leaving the volume off. I watched Perry Mason traipse around the courtroom and thought to myself, as I always do when Perry is on, that he doesn't know shit about being a real lawyer. I don't know why, but it always seemed more interesting this way. I could make up whatever story I wanted, put the right words in that idiot's mouth, and it never seemed to get boring. On rough days like these, it was something.

"Hey, Peps. How'd the job hunt go?" Soda asked coming in the door and kicking his shoes against the wall an hour later maybe.

"Two-Bit probably had a more productive day," I lied, still not committed to taking the job or even thinking about taking it, so why worry Sodapop? "How was work?"

Soda blinked at me before coming to sit down on the couch beside me.

"Why do you want to know how work was?" he asked

"What, I have to have a reason?"

"Yeah, it's you. You've never ask me how work was."

"Because it usually bores the hell out of me," I replied and Soda smiled slightly "Tell me anyways."

"Well, it probably will bore the hell out of you. There hasn't been a wreck or accident directed to the garage in over a week, so Steve and I have been doing nothing besides minding the till and filling gas tanks."

"You're right. That did bore the hell out of me."

"Well, maybe next week we'll have an interesting job."

I shook my head, doubting it as Soda grinned. He sighed and looked over at the TV. I shrugged and he grinned at me again, probably thinking it was nice that I was still the same old Pepsi-cola when it came to some things. Why was normal so hard an act when you lost it?

"So, I was thinking tonight we should get out, do something," Soda suggested, "We'll go over to Two-Bit's. I'm sure Mrs. Mathews would love to see you. She was asking about you at the garage today…"

"You can cut the crap, Soda. I saw her today," I told him, thinking that she made a lot more sense now than she had then. Sodapop had obviously told her all about my problems. No wonder she knew I was me.

"Did she talk to you about the job?" he asked, his right foot fidgeting as he concentrated on the TV

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And I'm thinking about it," I told him

"What's to think about?"

"Sodapop," I sighed, "Thanks for setting me up with Mrs. M and thanks for the prodding, but it's illegal for me to work there. The last thing I need is a cop on my ass."

"No, Mrs. M and I talked about it. You're an adult. That coupled with her supervision and Darry's permission puts you in the clear. You just can't drink a drop."

I wondered who had thought that up for him. Sodapop was not the thinking kind. He had too much going on to be thinking and this was something that needed a lot of thinking to work.

"It's something, Pepsi. It's the first something since Rodeo season passed. I'm pretty sure this is it or you're gonna end up roofing with Darry or pumping gas with me. Can you at least try it?"

I looked him over for a minute and sighed. He knew me too well. He knew I didn't want to jeopardize this family and the stability he and Darry had worked so hard to carve out. He also knew I would never be happy working under their shadows – or Steve's. What the hell. I had nothing else to lose.

"I'll try, Soda. I'll try," I finally huffed out and his smile was gentle

"And that's all anyone's asking. Now, about your hair…"

"Damn, does everyone have to put in their two cents about my hair?" I asked, scowling at him to keep from smirking

"When it looks like you're a hobo…" Ponyboy drawled from the door

"Look who's calling who a hobo, kid," I replied.

He looked at the grass stains on his ripped jeans and the cigarette burn on the front of his shirt. He looked like a hobo, all right. I was sure this was going to start another fight. The last month had been strewn with them. But instead he just shrugged and headed down the hall for his room. I blinked myself and Soda smiled a little. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

"Where are you going?" Soda asked as I got up myself

"Well, if I have a job to get to, I might as well shave and wash my hair before I let Darry chop it off."

"Yeah, I was starting to wonder if you were going to grow breasts to match that mop."

I gaped at Soda. Man, I was the smart mouth in the family. I threw him a glare and he shrugged in his good-natured Soda way. Resisting the urge to flip him off – or worse, laugh at him – I continued to the bathroom and figured every new start should take place on a clean foot…or something. Give me a break, Ponyboy was the creative one.

It wasn't until later that night that I decided I wasn't the brave one – ballsy, yes; brave, no. I'd had the nerve to own a fake ID when I was 16 that told the whole world I was 21 and anyone to tell me otherwise was going to start a fight. Still, I had only ever had the guts to drink at Buck's or Tim's where no one even cared how old I was. Here it was going on display for the whole world. It made me nervous and when I was nervous I fidgeted.

"Stop that," Darry ordered "Or you'll end up short a piece of your ear."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," I replied wittily and Darry put a heavy hand on my head to steady me

"Only Soda," he answered

Sodapop looked up from where he was flipping through a magazine with horses all over it and smirked. Yeah, laugh it up. If there was any justice in the world, he was next. I tried to relax under Darry's hand, but I couldn't sit still for the life of me and he just had to cut up my hair right then. I knew he wanted me to look good, but damn, I just didn't feel like me with it all gone. It was like being in some monkey suit at a Soc supper and hoping they didn't notice you or something like that where you had to dress up and be someone else for the night. Only a haircut was a lot more permanent than just a night.

"I don't see why you're chopping off my mop right now; I haven't got the job yet," I pointed out

"This is just an excuse. Your hair's been bugging me since you got home."

I sighed and resigned myself to his ministrations. He had a steady hand at least and by the time he was done I had managed to settle down some. Darry combed what was left of my hair back and swept around my feet real quick before finally letting me up. I wandered over to the mirror above the kitchen sink and took a step back. Staring back at me was the same Pepsi-cola look I'd sported since I was 12. Mom had always cut my hair that way – parted on the right instead of the left so Soda and I weren't exactly the same. It made me look younger and more civilized. It reminded me of better days. I ran a hand through it, moving a few strands into place and thought a low whistle would have been appropriate. In half an hour Darry had erased three years' worth of growth.

Too bad he couldn't have gotten rid of three years' worth of memories, too.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Well, that's the end of that chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed, the next one is better. And once I get the next two of these chapters up I can post my new story, so there's some extra incentive. Hope everyone got drunk for me last night and that you all enjoyed.

See ya in the funny papers!!!

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