10 – Golden Moments - "I try my best to behave, and I can't help feelin' this way. It's not my fault so don't blame me; love makes me do it." – Hunter Hayes (Love Makes Me)

Time only made Kendall and Jade's bond stronger. Granted, as things with the show moved forward and Big Time Rush began growing more as a band, Jade found herself without Kendall many days. Because once Nickelodeon screwed with the BTR producers, telling them they had to shave one minute from every completed episode because of commercial bill changes, the guys got more band rehearsal, and Jade had more free time. Leslie stuck with her though, missing James just as much.

On Kendall's late nights, he'd made a habit of going straight to Jade's apartment after work where she would already be in the process of making him dinner. He'd sit on the counter, or drag a chair into the room and just watch her get frustrated with herself for forgetting to do something, or dumping too much of an ingredient into the mix. She was slowly learning, expanding her culinary abilities. He always cooked for her, and even though he protested in the beginning, she felt it more than fair that she do the same for him on these seemingly endless late nights the guys were having.

He'd observe her every movement, easily dragging him into deep thought. And one night, just a few nights after the four month mark of their relationship, he found himself thinking of the changes in both of them, of course wondering where he'd be at this moment if he'd never laid eyes on Jade at that Dallas fair. Pursuing another one night stand? Sitting there, he couldn't believe he'd thought that before Jade came along that he was happy. It had taken truly being happy to realize he had been utterly miserable most of his adult life.

And then Jade turned her head to gaze at him, the slightest of grins set upon her face. It was that look that always set him off in the most incredible way. Kendall's stomach swelled with warmth and pride knowing that this beautiful girl in front of him was really his, that he had finally grown into a man he didn't even know he'd wanted to be, a man his parents could truly be proud of. Jade bashfully questioned him, blushing under his intense stare.

And so certainly, his answer rolled off of his tongue as if he were simply saying her name. Words he didn't mean to say, but meant with every inch of his being. Life-changing words. "I love you." He gauged her reaction, seeing her retain a gasp, her cheeks flushing further, and her hand tighten on the spatula she was holding. It was written all over her face that she wanted to say it back, that she felt it too, but she couldn't get the words out. Yet that was enough for him.

He smiled, reaching over and grabbing her hand hanging at her side. "Don't say it back." He pulled her towards his spot on the counter, taking her other now free hand as well, settling her between his legs. She looked down, ashamed. "Hey, look at me," he said softly, dipping his head to get her attention and lacing his fingers through hers. "I know where we stand, okay?"

"Kendall…" She shook her head slowly, tugging his arms around her back and holding them there.

"Stop." He laughed lightly. "I don't care when you say it back. Well, okay, I care, but Jade… as long as you're with me, I can wait as long as you need."

"It's not fair to you…" she muttered uncertainly.

"We're different." He shrugged. "We don't have to be some typical storybook couple that feels and does everything at the exact same time. I want you to be one hundred percent comfortable before you do or say anything, okay?" She nodded with a small smile. "Now," he grinned. "Give me a kiss…" he murmured sweetly, leaning his head down to meet her halfway.

With another month's passing came news of a month and a half long break from filming because of how badly the network screwed up, but also a tour overseas that would separate Jade and Leslie from the guys for three and a half weeks. Jade knew that James and Leslie would be better at handling that than her and Kendall, because while James and Leslie had a very physical relationship, Kendall and Jade were much more emotionally attached.

But Jade was worried about her attachment to Logan, Dustin, James, and Carlos almost as much as Kendall's. Their little clique of friends had grown incredibly close, and she wouldn't have any of them but Leslie; even Dianna was going on vacation at the same time. And Leslie now had a part-time job at their favorite coffee shop, meaning Jade really would have a lot of alone time.

She sighed, looking around at her seven close friends surrounding her. They were having the guys' going away party in Kendall and Dustin's backyard, the day before they left for their first show. Barbeque and pool extravaganza on a beautiful October day, just the eight of them.

Kendall had Jade between his legs on his favorite double chair, alternating between holding her hips and tracing his fingertips across the skin of her back through the thin rips in her shirt. She was the only one who hadn't stripped down to her swimsuit now and though he knew he needed to keep his sexual urges at bay, oddly, her being in her cute little bikini was easier to deal with than wanting her to be in her cute little bikini.

He sighed, his breath tickling the back of her neck, and he felt her shudder before she leaned back against him, using his legs as armrests. She leaned to the side so she could turn her head to see his face and smiled, mouthing the words, "Kiss me."

As soon as he happily met her lips, they heard Logan yell overdramatically, "That was it! Y'all see that?!" He jumped up with a smirk on his face. "Jade just told Kendall to fuck her! Saw it! I saw it with my own eyes!" He was already backing away from Jade, laughing, as she pushed herself away from Kendall, ready to pounce.

"I did not!" Jade glared at her boisterous friend, walking slowly towards him.

"What's the matter, hot stuff?" Logan called to her. "Can't take the heat?" He thrusted his hips provocatively in her direction, tripping over a stone near the pool as he took off running to get away from Jade.

She eventually caught up to him on the other side of the pool, jumping on his back and grinding her knuckles against the top of his head. "I'm gonna kick your ass!" she exclaimed, causing an eruption of laughter from everyone around. He did what he could to shake her, but she wasn't letting him go.

They kept struggling with one another, laughing the whole while, until Logan yelled "Help!" and Carlos came running to shove them both into the pool.

Kendall turned to James. "Would it be weird to say I'm kind of jealous of Logan's relationship with Jade?"

"Dude what are you talking about? You're her boyfriend?"

"No, I know. I don't mean it like that. She just acts… less reserved with him? I don't really know how to explain it… like she'll just tackle Logan to the ground, or use every word in the book to cuss him out…"

James laughed. "Do you want her to do that to you?"

Kendall laughed too. "You're right. Forget I said anything."

"Logan makes everyone that way, Kendall. You know that."

But Kendall was laughing and watching his love now as she lifted herself out of the pool, her shirt and shorts nearly hanging off of her. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her now ruined phone. "Thank you, Carlos."

Everyone "ooooh"ed and busted out laughing again all at once. Jade just pouted, approaching her cackling boyfriend. "Why would you leave your phone in your pocket near a pool when you're with us?" He motioned to everyone around them and took her phone from her hand, examining it as Carlos came over, still laughing, but apologizing over and over again to Jade and going on about how he'd buy her a new phone. "Let's take it inside to take it apart and try to dry it out, yes?" Kendall looked up at her suggestively, but she didn't take the hint.

"You can't take apart an iPhone, doofus." She tapped the side of his face with her hand as if she were slapping him.

"Well why don't we try sticking it in some rice anyways? You never know if we could salvage it…"

James scoffed next to them and Kendall shot him a look. Jade seemed to finally catch on. "Right… we should try that… I'll meet you in a sec." She bit the inside of her lip as he smirked and turned to walk inside.

James grasped her hand before she followed. "Take it easy, Jade." They both glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention. James gave her a firm look. "It's just getting harder for him with time to resist attacking you."

Jade pursed her lips, walking away without a word. She was brought back to a conversation she'd had with Leslie the day before as she stripped off her wet clothes at the back door.

"No offense, Jade, but are you even sure you actually have morals?" Leslie questioned. "I mean, think about it. You've never had a real boyfriend, so who's to say your morals won't go flying out the window as soon as Kendall turns you on?"

"Even if I don't have strong morals, like no sex till marriage, I really do want to make sure Kendall is my guy. Like, I mean, I know he is. But I guess I just want to make sure he's here to stay." She paused. "And you act like I haven't had the urge to give in. He's-… he's…"

"Sexy as hell without trying? Yeah. He's probably persistent too. He probably tries a small, undetectable thing every time y'all get intimate without you even realizing it." Leslie sighed. "Jade, I know you love him. If you feel like you're ready, then there's literally nothing stopping you. And tomorrow would be the perfect time. Last night before he's gone for three weeks." Jade shook her head uncertainly, obviously not comfortable with this conversation, so Leslie backed off. She wanted to tell her friend that she only had doubts because of Logan and James telling her about Kendall's previous lifestyle, and that it was basically half their fault that Jade was scared. She didn't want Kendall to be disappointed in her inexperience. But it was Chad too. Jade continuously denied it, but Leslie knew closure with Chad was what she needed to just let go, and love Kendall.

Jade gasped as she felt hands wrap around her waist and yank her into the bathroom. "Sorry, but there's no saving your phone," Kendall murmured lowly against the back of her neck as she quickly closed the door.

She turned around in his arms, feeling him instantly attach his mouth to her jaw. "No shit," she whispered shakily, directing him to her lips instead. She unintentionally gasped against him when he pulled her body tight against his, breaking the barrier of her lips with his tongue, and grabbing her ass all at the same time. She curled a leg around him, silently urging him to pick her up, and he quickly obliged, moving her against the door.

Her hands trembled as she ran her fingers through his soft hair and drug her nails across his scalp, drawing a pleasured groan from his throat. "Jade…" Kendall mumbled incoherently. She didn't respond verbally, assuming he was just getting into it, and tried to control her breathing and tremors as he placed soft kisses near her ear. But these were different. Short and sweet. She realized he had stopped holding her against the door, too. "Jade, why are you shaking?" he whispered.

"I-I'm fine," she stammered. "Just… keep going."

He kissed her gently, carrying her over and setting her on the sink. "No," he murmured, grabbing her chin so she would meet his gaze. "Why do you insist on trying to move things forward when you're not ready, love?"

She closed her eyes, every emotion she could think of brewing under her skin. Embarrassment, frustration, anger at herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought I was-... I'm sorry.." She tried to tear out of his grip, but he wouldn't budge. Slowly, she opened her tear-filled eyes and observed the man in front of her. Everything about him looked disheveled. Thanks to Jade, his hair was sticking up in every direction, his face was splotched with color, and though he was trying to cover it up, his breathing was irregular. He was still worked up. Forcing herself not to glance down, Jade murmured. "I should go and-… I should just go." She lightly pushed him away and slid off the sink.

"Hey…" Kendall saw her shiver and quickly grabbed a towel from the shelf, placing it around her shoulders. "Wait for me in the living room? I wanna talk to you." She just nodded and turned back to kiss him once more. "Okay okay…" Kendall strained. "Time for me to take care of myself." He forced a chuckle and bolted for the shower before seeing Jade out of the room.

Logan walked in on his phone, laughing hysterically. "Have you seen this shit online?" He looked up to see Kendall whispering and pecking Jade's mouth continuously, a small smile on his face. Logan scoffed. "Sorry to interrupt your failing attempt at seduction, but have you seen this?"

Kendall and Jade groaned as Logan sat on their laps, intent on separating them. But then Kendall snatched the phone after he caught a glimpse of the picture. He groaned again. "Really?" He read the headline out loud. "Cast Outing or Double Date? We'll let you decide." He shook his head, passing the phone to Jade.

It was a picture of Logan, Kendall, Jade, and Dianna decked out in beachwear. Logan and Jade were laughing at one another, but other than that, no indication of a date. "Wait… so they think Logan and I are together?" Jade laughed. "Hell no, I'm not insane!"

Logan shoved her onto her side, laughing sarcastically. "Scroll down, asswipe. There's more." He watched her face drop as she looked at the other pictures, seeing the focus was definitely on her and Kendall. She stopped on a rather convincing one of them sitting on the beach, hips touching, and gazing at one another. Logan rolled his eyes. "Is it that fuckin' hard to go a few hours without flirting or whatever you call that gazin' shit?"

Jade started reading some of the comments on the photos aloud. "Kendall is definitely with the new chick—Friends don't grab friends that romantically—It's about time Kendall gets a girlfriend!"

"Friends don't grab friends that romantically?!" Kendall reached for the phone. "What are they talking about?"

Logan leaned obnoxiously against his friend. "Probably that picture." He pointed a finger at the picture of Kendall picking Jade up from behind and spinning her around. "I mean really guys? The typical romantical move?"

"Romantical's not a word, douchebag." Jade huffed in frustration, sinking back into the couch.

Logan sighed, turning away from Kendall and leaning his head against Jade's shoulder, on the verge of a serious moment. "Jade, y'all are gonna be fine. I'd put all my money on that. People just want something to talk about. They're talking about Dianna and me, too." He shrugged awkwardly. "It's Hollywood. Our producers aren't gonna take it seriously."

Jade nodded, attempting to convince herself. Then she looked to the side at Logan. "As much as I appreciate it…" She playfully shoved him away. "Serious doesn't work for you, Logain."

The next morning arrived in a flash, and Jade awoke surrounded by the scent of Kendall, and something wet attacking her face. "I know you're going to miss me but Kendall this is an unusual way to-" Her words were cut off by a soft bark. Her eyes shot open and she found herself face to face with a tan, white, and black small furry face. She gasped, sitting up abruptly, causing the tiny puppy to tumble down the comforter when she did. Jade laughed. "Aww, I'm so sorry! Come here!" She carefully picked up the dog and held it close, looking up to see Kendall sitting on the bed, beaming at her. "Is this-?"

"Australian Shepherd? Uh-huh." He grinned, scooting a little closer to his girlfriend. "Her name is Daisy."

"And-… and she's mine? She's ours?" Jade nuzzled her nose against the puppy.

"She's yours. But I demand visiting rights!" Kendall joked, reaching across and tucking a loose chunk of Jade's hair behind her ear.

"Kendall, she's perfect! But… why?"

Kendall smiled sadly. "I've been searching for the right dog for you for a while now. I know you've always wanted an Australian Shepherd, and… I'm leaving today, and I thought it'd be the perfect time for you two to get acquainted." He chuckled.

"When have you had time to look for a dog?" Jade let Daisy free from her arms as she struggled to run towards Kendall.

He picked up the puppy and smiled guiltily. "Some of my late night rehearsals weren't exactly as late as I said they were… one or two nights a week, I'd go to my mom's friend's house. She had a litter of these puppies that she wasn't selling or giving away, but she was willing to let me have one of them. So I spent a few weeks literally spending time with the whole litter, trying to figure out which one would be perfect for you. And wittle miss Daisy here made the cut!" He puckered his lips as Daisy excitedly licked his chin.

Jade sat herself as close to him as she could, her sheepish smile endless. "Could you please stop being so perfect?" she asked softly, leaning forward for a chaste kiss. "You spoil me."

"Would you stop calling me perfect, girl?" He smiled, setting Daisy down on his lap and taking hold of Jade's face to give her a deeper kiss. When the two didn't part for a while, Daisy started jumping around on their laps and barking. Kendall laughed. "You want some kisses too, baby girl?" he cooed, picking her back up. He held her in Jade's face. "Give mommy some kisses."

Jade blushed at the word mommy, immediately wondering if that would make Kendall Daisy's daddy, but she didn't say anything. She just giggled at the contact.

The couple spent most of their day in Kendall's bed, cuddling, playing with Daisy, kissing, pretty much anything that gave them an excuse to keep touching, memorizing the feeling of the constant spark that came with grazing fingertips or lips across one another's skin. But sooner, rather than later, it was time for the guys' car to arrive to take them to the airport.

No matter how hard she tried to fight it, Jade felt tears at the brim of her eyes as she stared up at him. She knew it was just temporary, only a few weeks, but it was still hard. In the five months they had been together, the most they'd spent apart at a time was a little over a day.

"Please don't cry, Jade," Kendall pleaded, holding her as close as he could with his arms around her waist.

She laughed through a sob. "I can't help it. I'm just gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you, too. So much. Too much." He pressed his lips yearningly against hers. "But I'm just a phone or video call away." He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Every night, I will get to see your beautiful face, and that is what will get me through the days. We're gonna talk every single night, okay?"

She nodded sadly, holding the hand still resting on her face, struggling with words. Now would be the perfect time to tell him she loves him. But it was all jumbled in her throat, and she hated herself for not being able to return anything but innocent affection. She couldn't give herself to him, she couldn't tell him she loved him. What kind of loving girlfriend was she? And all she could think about was her stupid resistance to love, and how there were going to be hundreds of girls throwing themselves at him. She couldn't help but be that worrying girlfriend. What if she was pushing him away without even realizing it? "Just don't forget about me." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her stage smile.

Kendall faltered. "You can't use that smile against me," he whispered. "I taught you that in one of our lessons."

A tear crept down from her eye. "You also blindfolded me as part of an exercise so you could control our annual kissing session…" She breathed out a laugh, not wanting either of them to dwell on negative.

Leaning his forehead against hers, he chuckled. "Yeah, I wasn't a very good teacher."

"Mmm…" She wrapped her arms tight around his neck. "Great boyfriend though." She smiled genuinely this time, gently pecking his lips three times in a row.

"There's my girl," he mumbled into her mouth, not planning to separate from her as long as he could manage.

Their final goodbye before they were to endure the next few weeks came in just a couple of minutes, and they had a hard time letting go once the moment was there. Finally, Kendall sighed and walked over to the bed to give a sweet goodbye to little Daisy, then made his way back to his girlfriend, planting a deep kiss on her lips, unleashing a world of passion on her. "Remember," he whispered breathlessly, backing away from her with her hand in his. "Miles don't mean anything. Right?"

She nodded slightly, a small sad smile set on her face as his fingers raked through hers, finally parting. "Right."

Jade felt like time slowed down the second Kendall walked out of his bedroom door, and she just sunk down into his bed, cuddling with her new puppy. Due to the recent articles about Kendall and Jade, they had all agreed it would be better for Jade to wait until nightfall to leave. Being alone in the mansion-like house freaked her out, truth be told, but she knew Leslie would be there to keep her company soon. Unlike Jade, Leslie got to see the guys off from the airport, but she was much deserving of that. While Jade got her whole day with Kendall, Leslie had to work, only managing to get off right before their departure.

The days passed painfully slow, and while Kendall got to feel the rush of performing on stage, there was still that longing in his heart and stomach, the need for Jade to be next to him only growing. He couldn't believe how much he loved that girl. And it only exceeded each day. Every time she touched him, kissed him, looked at him, his heart swelled with the best feeling he knew he would ever feel.

But it was definitely getting hard for Kendall to hold himself back. He did his best to behave, to keep her comfortable, but he was a Scorpio for crying out loud—a sexual being. His fantasies could only suffice for so long. And what was even worse was one, he had no idea when or if Jade would be ready to take that next step, and two, he had a friend like Logan voicing his uncensored thoughts every five seconds.

"I think y'all just need to fuck." Logan said matter-of-factly.

The guys groaned, simultaneously mumbling, "Logan."

"She has morals Logan," Kendall responded. "And I'm going to respect them."

"She'll crack soon enough." Logan shrugged.

"Okay, go home, Logan. Goodbye." James shoved Logan off the armrest of the bus couch, onto the ground.

"Oh come on! We're bros!" Logan sat up.

But Carlos and James both knew this was pretty much still a new experience for Kendall, and he was going to need help through it. He wasn't used to relationships with depth, whereas the guys had all been in at least one. Even Logan, surprisingly enough.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Logan mumbled as he took a seat back in his spot. "Well, then, what exactly are her morals," he said the word as if it were disgusting. "Like, no sex till marriage? Or just no sex until she fuckin' can't handle it anymore? Or…?"

Kendall grimaced. "I don't know…" he murmured. "That's probably the worst part about it."

With only four days left to go, Jade was at her breaking point. Missing Kendall and homesickness had her weak. She'd gotten a call from her cousin John a couple of days before, telling her how he was getting to go home for a day or two unexpectedly. It hit her then that she hadn't seen her family or Texas friends in six and a half to seven months. Her Texas friends didn't even know about her and Kendall.

She knew she was being ridiculous, but she felt like she was slipping into a depression. She didn't know why she didn't plan some kind of vacation during this long break. She'd even resorted to spending a day with Kathryn and Blakely, whom Jade had quickly grown apart from—she and Kathryn ended up just not clicking as friends, and she and Blakely just never tried.

And soon, Kendall's mom was trying to come to the rescue. She planned a whole day for herself and Jade, having her bring Daisy out to the house to play with the Schmidt's other pets. They went out for lunch, did a little shopping, some gardening, and Momma Schmidt taught Jade how to cook one of Kendall's favorite meals.

"Thank you so much for today, Kathy." Jade hugged the woman. "I had a really great time."

"Oh, anything for you, sweetie. You are, after all, the light in my youngest son's life." She beamed at Jade.

Jade blushed. "He's the light in mine." She paused. "I love your son very much."

Mrs. Schmidt nearly jumped for joy and cried all at the same time. "Now why are you having such a hard time telling him that, my dear?"

"I don't know…" Jade shook her head shamefully. "It's different, I guess, talking about it with other people. But once I get around him, as much as I want to just tell him… I choke up."

"It'll come, Jade darling. That perfect moment. It'll be a moment when you just let go of everything holding you back, even if only for a few seconds. Those few seconds that you just forget your fears and let yourself be free are your golden moments." She stroked Jade's hair endearingly. "Don't force those golden moments Jade. Let them happen, and embrace them."