Ninja Chef Naruto
By ______
Chapter Ten: Author Forgot About The Ramen
#Otogakure#
Yugito shifted uncomfortably, wishing not for the first time that she hadn't been caught and that the one who caught her was less clingy. They hadn't actually performed any sort of yuri acts, other than the black haired girl teasing and complimenting her for various potentially lewd characteristics. Never before had her gracefulness been pointed out as a means of attracting someone, or her lithe frame declared desirable. Probably because everyone hated and feared her back home, but it was nice to know why mens' eyes had lingered on her hungrily despite knowing what she contained.
For most of the experience she had been helplessly weak, forced to just go along with her captor's will right up until they fell asleep sharing a bed. At which point the shorter, bustier girl revealed a few traits Yugito could have lived without knowing about.
To begin with, the shorter girl grabbed and cuddled anything within reach while unconscious, once more demonstrating her impossible strength with the arms slung around the jinchuriki's ribs. Thankfully she didn't squeeze very hard, but the former Kumo-nin couldn't escape despite both her training and the power of the biju locked inside her. Speaking of which, the biju seemed cowed and almost submissive instead of the typical, foul-tempered yowling Yugito had grown to ignore over the years. The idea of holding someone was a novel, if foreign, pleasure, something the girl had been completely denied growing up. It was... nice, warm and safe. Now if only it was with her hugger's sensei instead...
Naturally, by coming to relax into the sensation, Yugito discovered the girl's other bad sleeping habits. The girl mumbled things in her sleep, mostly harmless 'oh sensei' and 'harder, faster' sort of things at first. Things that built until the sleeping beauty was practically reading Icha Icha No.6 out loud. Not a harmful habit, but it kept Yugito awake as every time she closed her eyes a graphic, explicit scene played out in her head between her and the chef. The sex was fine, but the rich emotional intimacy threw her out of her depth and left her blushing in confused, embarrassed bliss. Was that what it was like to be loved? Damn the younger kunoichi for spouting off such imagery.
And then came the final flaw. When her shoulder had started to feel slightly moist, she believed it was just the smaller girl drooling slightly in her sleep. A forgivable flaw. But then her dainty nose detected a coppery scent that slowly grew stronger as the wetness spread. Blood. The petite, big-breasted girl had sleep nosebleeds. Not as bad as the ones she experienced when awake, but enough to make Yugito squirm which in turn made the arms around her tighten in a reminder that the short girl was a whole lot stronger than the jinchuriki was.
The poor, cat-eyed kunoichi didn't get any sleep at all that night. Fortunately a biju made its host more resistant to things like malnutrition and lack of sleep, so it wasn't a great hassle, just a point of annoyance. How to wake up the Oto-nin though...
Knock knock knock. "Kin-chan, are you still asleep?"
The younger girl was awake instantly, climbing off Yugito and dashing towards her dresser to try and find the sexy orange lingerie she had. "Just a minute sensei!"
The Kumo-nin propped herself up, allowing the sheets to pool at her hips, watching in bemused disbelief while rubbing away the blood staining her left shoulder.
Kin tugged on some scanties and fastened a lacy, slightly see-through bra on before declaring she was ready. "Come in sensei!"
The door swung open carelessly, revealing the target of both girls' lust and a short, young Hyuga. A female short, young Hyuga.
Naruto froze soon after entering the room, eyes quickly locking onto Yugito's bare torso until he realized what he was doing and instantly looked away. Straight to, or rather through, Kin's orange 'why bother, it's almost invisible' underwear. He rapidly averted his eyes, ending up staring at Yugito again as she slid her legs off the bed and planted her feet on the floor as if to stand, her legs spread almost enough for him to... His eyes swept away, trying to avoid getting him beaten by irate females, catching again on Kin as she, for reasons known only to her, tested the heft of her bust against the bra.
Yugito purred at the attention she was getting. He was obviously enthralled, but too shy to initiate anything, leaving her in complete control. Well, her and possibly Kin. But it was best to not push right at the start, there were issues to resolve with Kin first.
"And who's this?" The female jinchuriki asked, crouching at just the right angle to display her chest and conceal her crotch while pretending to investigate the Hyuga. No caged-bird seal, definitely main-branch.
It amused her to no end to see him tilt slightly as his focus came back to her, trying to glimpse something. Then he latched onto what she'd said and jarred himself back to the subject at hand. "Oh, this is Hanabi-chan. I found her on our last mission and she was all alone, so I made her my imouto-chan." The chef answered, patting the girl's hair which made the little Hyuga frown, knock his hand away and adjust her hair back to Hyuga standards. "Otokage-datesha gave me a new mission and I was hoping Kin-chan could look after her while I'm gone."
"Onii-sama! I don't need-" The little girl started.
"Of course I'll look after her for you, sensei." Kin cried, dashing over and cuddling the small white-eyed girl, making her struggle. "She's so cute!"
Yugito took the opportunity to slip around the others and plaster herself to her target's back. "Yes, we'll take good care of her." She purred, drinking in the scent of ramen from the chef's cheek as she rubbed her own cheek against his jaw.
"Ah. Good." He muttered woodenly.
"I'm sure your mission is important, but try to hurry back. I'll miss you." She ended in a husky purr, gently scooting him out the door and closing it behind him, a wave of amusement crashing through her as she turned back. The Oto-nin and the Hyuga were still struggling, though it was obvious the smaller girl had realized that Kin was monstrously strong and breaking free was a wasted effort compared to slipping out.
The cat-eyed girl smirked. Her victory this time, dear inexperienced Kin-chan.
The Hyuga finally found enough purchase to slid out from the big-breasted kunoichi's grip. She glared haughtily at both of them before straighten her hair again and pointing aggressively at them. "And just what is your relationship with onii-sama?"
Yugito smirked as Kin smiled serenely, clearly on the verge of damning herself. "I'm his student and Yugito-chan here is one of his harem-girls."
The fiery little girl turned blazing white eyes on her and the jinchuriki realized that for everything else she maybe, Kin is still a kunoichi too.
#Konohagakure#
Hinata was unhappy.
This was, relatively speaking, normal for her. As an unmotivated, weak and solitary Hyuga, there wasn't much in her life to be happy about, especially when one factored in that both sides of her family hated and resented her on some level. The main house for her weaknesses, the branch house for being in the main house and her father for resembling his wife. She was almost tempted to think the only reason he'd bothered to make the status of heir suspended between herself and Hanabi was because if he ever did place Hinata in the branch house she'd be able to find comfort and camaraderie among them.
Typically, for about the last decade, Hinata being unhappy meant Hinata was depressed. This time, however, that wasn't the case.
No, the Hyuga princess was enraged. Maybe a little saddened, but overriding that was an unmitigated anger.
Her sister, her own dear, sweet little sister was out there somewhere, hidden away at Otogakure. Hidden away with... him. Swoon.
Hinata didn't know how or why, but for whatever reason Hanabi had found the one thing that was meant to be Hinata's, the one thing Hinata truly wanted and cared about. The one love of Hinata's life, her only source of joy in a bleak and hostile world.
Naturally, in the typical Hanabi fashion, the spoiled little brat decided she deserved it and somehow stole herself away with Hinata's One True Love.
Many were the training logs and straw dummies to feel the Hyuga princess's wrath.
On some level she had always hated the caged bird seal, it had indirectly separated her from most of her brethren and been a constant, looming threat amid her nightmares.
Now, on the other hand, she was starting to actually see it's merit.
Oh, when they found and rescued that ungrateful whelp Hinata was going to stamp it on her forehead so fast her dear imouto-chan would suffer whiplash. That jounin was hers, hers and hers alone! But she could forgive her, poor, misguided little sister. A few sessions with the seal and a bit of... reeducation about what was Hinata's being Hinata's and they'd be a prefect, loving family again.
And if her evil, beloved younger sibling should have somehow seduced Hinata's One True Love astray, well, the clan wouldn't put up much of a fuss about stamping their future leader's consort with an extra seal to... keep their secrets for them, right? It wasn't all that complicated to... teach... someone to love, was it? After all, Hinata's One True Love was destined to love Hinata and only Hinata anyway, right? So her lending a hand to fate was expected, praiseworthy even.
She was such a good person, taking in a shinobi from a second-rate village like that and elevating them the levels of nobility.
Reconnaissance would be necessary, of course, to find out just how far things had gone and how... intensive the... special training would need to be. But first her duty as a kunoichi of Konohagakure called, perhaps she could wheedle a technique or two from Tsunade-sama. Seduction methods were easy enough to find, but ways of backing it up were scarce without risk of turnabout. An experienced, almost legendary kunoichi, especially one formerly teamed with Jiraiya, would have to know all sorts of ways to not get caught off guard by counter seduction techniques.
...And she had this nagging feeling that she was falling behind somehow.
Of course, when you've never even actually started the race it's hard to be considered in the running.
#Sunagakure#
Baki walked solemnly into the council chamber, his face carefully neutral as he tried to feel out the mood of those within.
"Elite jounin Baki no Kunpuu, as you are most likely aware, Sunagakure is currently balanced on the brink of destruction. We have no kage. Two opposing, powerful villages and their allies are questioning where our true loyalty lies. Our jinchuriki has just been declared a target by what is potentially the most dangerous group of missing-ninja in existence and, perhaps worse of all, every viable Kazekage candidate was slain either four months ago by Zetsu's Chef on a 'jerky run' or during the recent disaster at Konohagakure. Can you guess why you were called here, Baki no Kunpuu?" An elder of the Kisuna tribe called out into the silence of the room.
Baki considered the question, rephrasing it in his mind to try and find any hidden messages or pitfalls presented. He really hated this part of being a ninja. "To assist in selecting and integrating the next Kazekage during this turbulence, as a trusted aide of the previous kage."
The elder gave a dry, humorless chuckle, smiling pityingly as he spoke. "That is an entirely reasonable and humble estimate. Perhaps too humble. Are you not among the most powerful ninja Sunagakure retains?"
A sinking feeling entered Baki's mind as he saw where this was headed. "I am quite certain that Gaara is Sunagakure's most powerful ninja." He answered evasively.
Nodding, the elder continued. "And have you not proven both your loyalty to this village and your willingness to perform any act to protect and advance it?"
"Any of Sunagakure's jounin should be expected to do the same." Baki shifted his stance, trying to put a defeated air into his body language.
"And who else, in this entire village, can claim any familiarity with the Yondaime's filing system?"
Baki slumped. There had to be a way out of this.
"Perhaps we should skip this little game. Time is scarce and something must be done. Baki no Kunpuu, do you or do you not agree to do all within your ability to protect this village." Chiyo no Akasuna demanded, having grown bored of the petty attempts to dance around the issue.
There was only one reply Baki was capable of, though he knew he'd never be able to handle what was to come. "Until the life has fled from my body, I will protect this village."
"Very well. You're now the Godaime Kazekage." Chiyo threw a light blue, triangle hat with the kanji for 'wind' at him. "Now get to work, Orochimaru may be patient, but the new Hokage doesn't seem the type to sit and wait. You'll need to form a reply quickly. Adjourned!"
Baki stared at the hat resting in his hands for a long moment. Questions of funding, alliances and the current reserve forces battling in the forefront of his mind with disaster, trade, contracts and crime waiting in the wings. He knew what a kage had to deal with, actually fighting people was almost at the bottom of the list and playing tactical and word game against others were typically rivaled for the top.
He was a soldier, dammit, he wasn't suppose to deal with politics.
... If this is what it took to save his village, then it was the same sworn duty to protect his village as a soldier that was driving him. Duty...
With slow, unsteady hands, the new Kazekage lifted the hat and placed it on his head before rising and stalking to his new office.
#Konohagakure#
Asuma watched, bemused as his students bid farewell to the Tsunade hunting party, sharing one final glance with Kurenai while the genin gossiped and fussed like civilians. He hoped she'd be able to contain Jiraiya, since in the past it'd taken both her and Anko to drive him off after Tsunade had left. And no one had seen Anko since the second part of the chunin exams. Huh, he should probably have been concerned about that.
The jounin blew a modest gout of smoke, snubbing his cigarette as he watched Ino and Sakura argue over something and inadvertently kill Sakura's chunin teammate. Almost made him long for the time when he was just a genin himself. Things had been so much simpler then. He found that his hands had somehow lit another smoke without his brain telling them to.
His father had left the village recently, just packed up and wandered away, taking Gai's crippled genin with him. The nobles were less than thrilled with the way things were going, between the invasion, destruction and confusion, Asuma could hardly blame them. Recalling Tsunade only made sense at this point. And on top of that the Uchiha numbers had dropped dramatically again, leaving just eight adults and an entire mess of brats that had been meant to restart the clan.
Yet, at the same time, it wasn't completely bad news. After all, the wife and daughter of Konoha's greatest hero had returned. And thinking of that...
"Not going to see her off?" The bearded ninja asked lazily as he puffed from his new cig.
"Hmph, with how long she's been waiting for this day? I'd just embarrass her." Kushina's voice drifted from one of the walls behind him.
He obligingly stayed silent, understanding when not to press such things from being raised by an in-term Hokage.
#Also Konohagakure#
"Kekko-dono, Itachi-sama and Kisame-sama have already left after Tatsumaki-chan. Shouldn't Tobi be..." One masked ninja in a red and black cloak asked another.
"Shh!" The other masked ninja in a red and black cloak replied quickly, before hugging herself and muttering about adventure and challenges.
"Tobi is very confused. Wasn't Kekko-dono assigned to capture the Kyuubi specifically so Jiraiya-san would be easily defeated and allow Kisame-sama and Itachi-sama to slay all of the promising Konoha genin because in three years when they'd become improbably powerful threats to the much older and more experienced ninja of the world they'd already be dead in the plan Tobi mind-hacked Leader-sama into using? Tobi was pretty sure stalking redheads and premeditating graphic yuri rape scenes upon them wasn't in Tobi's plan... Tobi prefers mecha cos-play hentai himself and that's not in the plan either..." The first ninja whined.
Finally the cloaked kunoichi turned to face him, embarrassment and anticipation warring for control. "Just, just go cause a distraction." She started fidgeting. "A big distraction, so even if someone yells or ah, moans, no matter how loud or blissful or often or..." The kunoichi mumbled for a bit before speaking coherently again. "..or that or this no one will be coming to rescue you, Uzumaki-chan..." She then grabbed herself through her cloak again and mimed embracing someone with a deep, passionate kiss while-
"Tobi doesn't understand. Kisame-sama and Itachi-sama are the distraction and..."
"Just go away!" Kekko suddenly commanded, preparing to strike.
Tobi's world was shattered. Sniffling pathetically, he turned and sulked down some random dark alley that had as of yet to be properly excavated of debris. Following his partner's wishes, Tobi closed his right eye.
...
Madara opened his left eye. Strange... Where was he?
Tobi was only suppose to awaken him in his room, so he could analyze and compose the next facet of his plan. Why would his alter ego release control in a dark, rubble-filled alleyway? And what city was this anyway? The architecture was nothing like Uzugakure's, it was almost like...
The oldest known living Uchiha's eye caught on a nearby cliff face, marred as it was by three faces and a crater. His breath caught in his throat. That... that was the Hokage monument. This town, this damaged and decrepit looking town... It was Konoha.
There was only one reason Madara could conceive of for Tobi to awaken him in Konohagakure once more. They'd done it, they'd succeeded in showing that bastard who doesn't even deserve to be named the true power and glory of the Uchiha clan! Konoha must surely be a ruin, meaning he was here to witness the results of his ultimate victory!
Skipping happily into the partially cleared road, the man named the equivalent of 'spot' found something horrifying to behold. Reconstruction!
Damn, he hadn't thought of that. Destroying Konoha wasn't enough if there were still people left alive to rebuild.
After making a quick will save against his rage, he attempted a bluff. The foreman summoned ANBU.
Taking a moment to review his abilities he then settled on calling the powers of a god through his Sharingan.
Let's see, the character sheet said his religion was... Hmm, it appeared he'd erased that data as it was he who deserved to be worshiped as a deity and no offered religion had that. Okay, well, maybe if he just altered his back-story here, here and there, so that he was around to witness and therefore copy...
It was at about this time that the ANBU reached him and promptly arrested him on suspicion of of being an enemy of Konohagakure.
#Back To The Interesting Parts#
Kekko Katsuragi leapt from hiding, casting aside her black and red cloak to distract the jounin-sensei as she smoothly lashed out to restrain her target.
The Akatsuki kunoichi was in enemy territory, which unfortunately meant she needed to use a persuasion technique to make her target complacent enough to be hauled off to an undisclosed location and... blush. Unfortunate, course of, because the whole reason she was after Kushina was for the challenge of it.
As Asuma sliced through her empty cloak with a wind-empowered trench knife, Kekko used a doujutsu to try and erode her victim's will.
While mostly known as kekkei genkai, doujutsu was once as legitimate a field as ninjutsu for 'ordinary' ninja. In the olden days of ninja lore, before practitioners of clan techniques developed inherent abilities based around those clan techniques, doujutsu was a rare and closely guarded means of fighting. Just by glaring at someone a doujutsu user could stop someone's heart or make them so terrified they killed themselves. For the most part it was about channeling intent more directly and well focused than just emitting it, making the receiver feel whatever the user wanted. There might have been some sight enhancement too, but it was primarily meant to impose what the user wanted felt. That's actually why the Byakugan was deemed 'Evil Eye' before its users got so wrapped up in seeing through things that they forgot how to make people kill themselves by glancing at them.
The best part was, no hand signs once you could use a feeling with genin level proficiency, even before developing a kekkei genkai version!
One flash of tenshin metsuki no jutsu later and scarf-clad kunoichi jumped eagerly to scoop her obsession up in her arms.
Only to dive aside as a katana whisked forward to try and bisect her head, nicking her long scarf in passing. She took a defensive stance upon landing, drawing her flail from... somewhere as she gauged her truly worthy foe.
For all the worth of a blind affection doujutsu attack coupled with her own kekkei genkai aura, the redhead was unphased. Completely unphased, her eyes held a sentient clarity that said she'd shrugged off the attempt in an instant.
Kekko squealed happily, hugged herself and started shifting back and forth inappropriately, mumbling joyfully about real difficulty, earning what she took and making the right choice. The time it took to wear her down last time hadn't just been a fluke!
"You surprised me before. Arashi-kun only trained me to be able to resist Jiraiya and after his death, Jiraiya only trained me in how to resist ever conceivable tactic a male seducer might use. It isn't quite the same, but knowing what you intend to do is enough to bridge that gap. For slandering my husband, you will die." Kushina declared slowly, her grip and stance shifting.
Everyone else present collapsed or flinched from the enormous killing intent the red haired woman reeked of. Except Kekko, she'd dealt with all kinds of prudish people discovering their partner had fallen for her charms and repeated exposure made her almost unphasible by anything short of 'I will kill the people that eat the animals that ate the plants that grew from your corpse' levels of hatred. From humans at least.
In fact the sensation made her shiver in excitement, by gauging the level of hate she could also measure how desperately the target would resist while clinging to that person's memory and this level beat most of the 'previous lover was killed in front of you less than twenty minutes ago by this person' she'd experienced.
What? Sometimes she needed to dig pretty deep to find something to keep her interested.
The nude ninja dodged a furious thrust and lashed her flail back in response, attacking the weapon more than the beautiful challenge wielding it. Bruising her new toy would need to wait until she was strapped to a wall or kinky sadomasochistic dungeon device after all.
The redhead kept herself from being disarmed and lunged in towards her masked opponent's left, making the other kunoichi scoff at how easily evaded the reprisal was.
Until her danger-sense alerted her to the fact she was flanked, barely save her perfect, flawless skin, but unfortunately not rescuing her trailing red scarf.
Leaping away from her enemies the naked fighter glared at the bearded, trench-knife using smoker. "That was my favorite scarf! My sempai gave it to me! Where the hell is Tobi, he's suppose to be distracting you!"
#There The Hell Was Tobi#
"That hair... Those eyes... You're an Uchiha Hokage?" Madara stumbled back, finding himself in some bizarro-twilight zone version of his home village and desperately wondering where Tobi had taken him now. Then he noticed he had somehow been put in chains. Not literally of course as ninja used wires, but the effect was basically the same. He'd probably need a strength check of around forty five to break them on the first try and they'd damage him about 2d8 for each failed attempt, so...
"Was an Uchiha." The raven-haired man in traditional red-kage robes admitted, lifting a swirling ball of blue chakra in his right hand. "And now I'm going to use this to drill off your limbs until you tell me everything you know about the summons you used that won't go away. Then I think we'll see which country is willing to bid the most for the head of the shinobi that killed their nobles. Or maybe gift wrap it for the new Kazekage... Now, I assume a ninja on your level can probably get free pretty easily, but it'll be much less painful if you just hold still okay?"
"Wait a second, it's my turn."
"Huh?"
"You just showed up so now it's my turn. It's the gentlemanly way to fight." Seeing as this was some strange world where the Uchiha won and the Senju lost, it only made sense that the ninja here fought with all that chivalry and honor and nonsense that everyone always complained about them lacking, right?
"Ah man, another wimp in red and black robes. Now I feel kinda bad about this. Rasengan!"
#Now Where Were We#
"I'll show you who you're dealing with!" Kekko shouted, knocking Asuma out with a nosebleed from sheer lust intent.
She dove towards the jounin's unconscious body only to be barred by a blade that would have taken her head off, had the chain of her flail not wedged itself between the edge and her throat. "I'll deal with you later, darling. Right now I need to teach this... smoker a lesson. Don't relieve any tension while I'm gone okay?" The masked kunoichi told her redheaded target affectionately before leaning in over their weapons and pressing the lower part of her mask to the woman's lips.
And then, while the widow was recoiling, the Akatsuki member locked their weapons, disarmed her opponent and used a wind-chakra powered flail sweep to destroy the front of her kimono.
She then landed dashingly far away, holding the knocked out jounin like a sack of rice over one shoulder as she looked back over the other. With a wink and blown kiss gesture she fled from the village.
A red-faced Kushina grumbled as she tried to piece together her clothes enough to sulk home. Defeated again. She needed more training...
Ino glanced at her teammates, both of whom had been caught in the edges of Kekko's parting shot. While disgusted by the response from her longest known friends, she found herself wanting the power she'd just witnessed on display. To take out a jounin with just a sparkly eyes technique...
Belatedly she realized her not so beloved sensei had just been kidnapped and ran to get help.
#Otogakure#
The three opponents gauged each other in a highly damaged bedroom, each knowing their next move would simply escalate the already volatile situation.
Yugito had discovered that even the presence of Kin's chakra when she was aggravated could slow her down. On the bright side it turned out the vaulted Jyuuken was only capable of annoying jinchuriki, despite its rather long history of killing even an upper tier ninja in a single blow.
Kin had found that even with most of the tenketsu in her arms blocked, so long as she focused on the right feel to her chakra, she could still change how supernatural creatures felt. Unfortunately she'd also found out exactly what it felt like to survive a semi-fatal strike to her innards thanks to her kekkei genkai based regeneration.
And young Hanabi was perplexed. The big-breasted bimbo that claimed to be her new onii-chan's student, though was obviously some kind of demented fangirl, had some sort of kekkei genkai that let her recover from the not-quite-safe points that the man who was once her father taught her. That was sort of a good thing as killing her onii-chan's student would probably get her scolded anyways. The problem was the harem-girl. She wasn't sure how, but whenever she closed a tenketsu on her a secondary chakra source just welled up within her and popped the closed point open again. And that was when she actually managed to hit her.
"Well, that was certainly a nice work out, now let's take a nice bath together to try and discuss this in a more civilized manner, shall we?" Kin suddenly suggested sweetly, dropping her stance and wiping sweat from her forehead.
"Discuss what, exactly." Yugito asked curiously, relaxing as the only threat to her apparently gave up.
"Why, who's first, of course."
Yugito glanced at the confused Hyuga girl. "First? ...You can't be serious, she's like seven!"
"Ah, the forbidden fruit of loli-incest. What man can resist such a thing."
Yugito shivered, disgusted by the depravity her fellow kunoichi represented. She tried to form a reply when the girl in question interrupted.
"What's loli-incest and I'll have you know I'm..." How old was Hinata-onee-chan again? "...twelve."
Both other girls looked pointedly at her chest and shook their heads.
"What!"
"Hyuga have B-cups by ten. You really should know these things. But that's why we need to milk the loli aspect for all it's worth while you've still got it." Kin declared. "Now, let's go to the baths and Kin-onee-chan will explain everything to you."
"Oh no. Naruto-san told you to look after her, not turn her into a sexual deviant. You aren't going anywhere with her." Yugito glared, fully prepared to go two tails if that's what it took.
Hanabi frowned. "What's sexual mean?"
"Well, when an incredibly attractive and skilled cook and a large number of ninja-trained women love each other very much-" Kin started, quickly being silenced by Yugito.
"We'll tell you when you're older." The jinchuriki told the youngest girl plainly, cringing as Kin licked her palm in an attempt to gross her into uncovering the bustier girl's mouth. "Won't we, Kin-chan?"
Kin grumbled at the loss of the power of loli and incest in seducing their target, but brightened and nodded upon realizing loli was practically the opposite of big breasts and if sensei fell for it he won't find her as attractive. "Yes, when you're older." She confirmed once her lips were free of Yugito's hand.
"Ah, but I want to know now! Tell me!" Hanabi might be the disciplined heir to a powerful clan, but she was also a spoiled princess even if she didn't show it often.
"Hmm. You know we never did retrieve your clothes, did we Yugito-chan?" Kin said, stalking off to the baths and ignoring the short, white-eyed girl.
#Konohagakure#
Tobi blinked his left eye rapidly, confused. Somehow he seemed to have lost his arms and legs, but for the life of him he couldn't think of how. Hmm. Where could he have put them?
While lost in thought he absently tugged his disembodied left arm out of his sleeve with his disembodied right arm and put it back on before tugging his severed right arm out from underneath his mask and putting it back on.
Oh, that's where his arms went! He was attached to them this whole time.
Happy to have solved this mystery, he stood up and walked out of his high security holding cell, ignoring the guards that weren't really there as they vanished while he strode by. He had to find his partner after all, he couldn't get distracted here. He was a good boy!
Reaching behind the bandoleer across his chest he scratched the side of his left foot, stepping down the stairs at a quick, but totally unsuspicious pace.
Hmm, if Tobi was an unhinged nympho kunoichi with a jutsu-enhanced capability to get a hard-on for yuri despite gender issues, where would Tobi go?
…
For some reason he was sure Kekko-dono wouldn't be at an all female mecha themed cos-play event, but it's where Tobi's libido told him she'd be and he'd much rather listen to that then his brain.
#Otogakure#
Naruto...
You remember Naruto right? This is a story about Naruto.
Naruto leapt along behind Orochimaru and his four bodyguards, following them instinctively despite his eyes being focused on the picture in his hand.
The large breasted twenty-something blond woman featured in it, while distinct and eye-catching, was not what kept him captivated. Or rather, her figure wasn't.
There was a mark, a tiny diamond shaped symbol, that rested on her forehead. And for some reason the more he stared at that simple, strangely shaped dot, the more he understood the nature of the human body and how chakra interacted upon it medically. Oh, and every insignificant feature, measure and blemish its wearer had, but that wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to know from reading a blotted up seal. Or, as his new knowledge provided, someone quite that old.
"Hey fuck-wad, you done gawking at the blond hag's tits yet or what?" The team's abrasive kunoichi demanded from somewhere in front of him.
"Eh? Oh, sorry. That seal on her forehead's just so complicated..." The chef replied, tucking away the photo as the other members of Orochimaru's bodyguard squad chuckled at what they thought was an obvious lie.
The kunoichi in turn ignored them, aside from muttering about 'fucking useless perverts' under her breath.
"Ku ku ku. And what's so fascinating about her seal?" Orochimaru asked in jest, having not yet learned that all innuendo went completely over his temporary second in command's head.
"I guess I just have a hard time understanding how it both uses chakra to return her body to her prime chakra producing age, but also accelerates healing by time-compressing her until she recovers. Wouldn't it make more sense to enhance her natural regenerative kekkei genkai than speeding up her entire body's functions? It wastes so much chakra making her younger again and I can't even imagine what the strain of aging back and forth would do to her flavor. Ick." Naruto replied absently, suddenly in the lead of the group as they froze or paused to consider what he just said.
"...You can read a compressed seal?" The Otokage hissed in interest.
"Neh? I can?" The kunoichi was closest, so he slipped closer to her, brushed aside her long reddish hair and tugged down the collar of her top to expose her shoulder. "Huh, I guess I can. I wonder why aniki never told me I could before."
"H,hey! Don't go touching me without permission!" The red-headed girl screamed, jumping away.
"Sorry, sorry..." Naruto quickly replied, backing off in face of perceived feminine rage while glancing cautiously to make she wasn't going to charge him.
"I,I'm not embarrassed, or anything! J,just don't do that again, fuck-wad." The now red-faced young woman shouted awkwardly after making eye-contact.
Naruto just scratched the back of his neck and turned to his illustrious, currently female leader.
"Ku ku ku. Let us continue on. We can further test this ability of yours once we have procured Tsunade's assistance." Orochimaru giggled villainous, the longer he kept Naruto around the greater a resource he proved to be. With the minor exception of having to avoid eating within sight of him and never mentioning cooking or food. The shinobi might pass it off as another strange habit he seemed to assume other people were plagued with... On the other hand he might insist on either cooking or supplying rations and that was not something the snake man-who-stole-a-woman's-body-and-wore-it-as-his-own wanted to contemplate.
"It's getting kind of late... I'm gonna go ahead and see if I can find some dinner, you guys want anything?" Naruto asked the expected, dreaded question.
"No no, that's fine. Go ahead. We'll meet you in Tanzaku... Although, if you happen to find any pickles or ice cream bring them back, for some reason I keep wanting some..." The Otokage commanded.
"Hai, Orochi-datesha." And with that the chef scurried off.
#Author's Notes#
Heh heh. Kind of a short chapter this time, huh?
Anyways, I'm not dead or anything, just highly distracted by things. To see one of these distractions, go to youtube and look for "the tv show sugimoto" and click on the first thing to pop up. It's title should be in some crazy moon language.
Or watch the whole playlist of "Let's Play Eversion". I know it doesn't look like much at first, but by the third or forth video you'll understand. Just be sure to have the music on, be in full screen mode and all alone late at night when you watch it. From there, imagine playing it under those same conditions.
I honestly don't know if I'm going to make this an explict lemon at any point, as opposed to an implied lemon. I guess the main issue I have about it is a lack of restraint. If this became a lemon it would be a graphically explict lemon, which the site guidelines say is unacceptable. Not that I expect them to actually do anything other than remove the story, I did accept them, however, so I should at least attempt to abide by them.
Oh and also, I kind of forgot the running 'with ramen' gag. I thought about pickles with ramen cause of Orochimaru's last line, but it just wasn't the same. Possibly because no one has to be brutally murdered by super-ninja to acquire pickles.
Gabija is a hearth goddess, who purifies and blesses her worshipers using a white flame to remove poisons, diseases, curses and other such maladies.
Kunpuu – Summer Breeze
Tenshin Metsuki – Angel Eyes, you probably remember them best from Dragon Quest 8 where I copied them from.