It was sunny today and just a little windy, warm enough that Roxas left his jacket inside. The metal and plastic of the playground was cool under his fingers as he climbed, racing Sora to the top the way they always did the moment they were allowed to play outside. But this time was different. This time, they weren't just racing each other. Sora had convinced the new boy, Riku, to join them in their daily race, and Roxas wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it.
The older boy made him nervous. He'd never been very good at making friends, even before he'd started living at the Home. It had taken him two weeks to even communicate with the other Silents on his own, and then he'd only really been comfortable around Sora for a while. The brunet's friendly nature meant that he was eager to greet new arrivals, and with each one, Roxas worried that he would be forgotten. It hadn't bothered him to meet Namine—Kairi had latched onto the blonde girl quickly enough that he didn't lose Sora's affection—but this time, he seemed to be losing his friend completely.
Even though he climbed as fast as he could, Roxas found that he was the last of the three boys to reach the highest platform. Sora was already signing to Riku, asking him what game he wanted to play. Normally, they would take a moment to look out over their small outdoor play area and catch their breath before deciding on a game.
Surprised by the sudden change, Roxas hung back and looked down at his shoes rather than try to participate in the conversation. He felt unwanted; Sora hadn't even glanced at him when he'd reached the platform.
I'm his best friend. Sora's just being nice because Riku's new, he tried to reassure himself, but a glance was all it took to confirm his fears.
His friend's attention was entirely focused on the new boy and he didn't appear to even have noticed Roxas' presence. Dejected, the blond wandered off the platform and climbed onto a different part of the jungle gym, his legs dangling off the edge. In this spot, no one would be able to see him unless they went into the back corner of the play area and looked up at the jungle gym. It was his favorite place to sit and think away from the other children.
He hadn't hidden himself there for a long time. There'd been no need to, since Sora was always there, smiling and ready to play. Sora had someone else to play with now, and Roxas was beginning to wish he wasn't so shy. Maybe if he wasn't so passive or if he decided what game to play for once, his brown-haired friend wouldn't forget him so easily.
What if he likes Riku better than me? Will he be the new best friend?
The thought made him feel small and he drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, his feet braced on the edge of the space he'd claimed for himself. He didn't want to lose his place as Sora's best friend. Sora was the only real friend he'd had since he lost his parents. It just wasn't fair. Why did Riku have to come and steal his friend away from him?
Roxas wasn't sure if he had it in him to fight for his title. He wanted to be Sora's best friend, wanted to get along with Riku and have things go back to the way they'd been. But Riku was older than him, bigger and taller and seemed more outgoing than Roxas himself was. Roxas was shy. Most of the time, he let Sora make the decisions and was more than happy to go along with whatever the brunet wanted. It was easier that way, and Sora always came up with good games. There was no reason for the blond to force himself out of his comfort zone. Until now.
I have to show Sora how much fun I am. I have to be more fun than Riku.
Yeah. He could do that. He could be fun.
Grabbing the bar above his head, Roxas pulled himself upright and climbed back over onto the main part of the jungle gym. Movement caught his eye, and he looked up to see Sora waving at him with his usual smile in place. Riku was standing a behind the brunet, his expression neutral as Sora beckoned for Roxas to join them. Fixing his own smile in place, the blond joined the two older boys.
"Where did you go?" Sora signed, his eyebrows coming together in a concerned frown as he looked at his friend. "We were looking for you."
"Just waiting for you to pick a game," Roxas lied, his smile still in place. "Did you pick?"
Sora nodded, immediately losing his frown and smiling again instead, and explained the game he and Riku had decided on. "We are going to have an obstacle course."
Two hours passed, during which Riku, Sora and Roxas wore themselves out by climbing all over the playground, counting in their heads to time each other and see who could follow a specific path the fastest. It was a fairly even competition, since Sora and Roxas knew the layout of the jungle gym and were more experienced climbing on it than Riku was, but Riku was older with longer arms and legs so he had an easier time with some of the obstacles. They were catching their breath at the end of their latest race when Doctor Marluxia's voice reached them.
"Time to go inside, everyone. Dinner will be ready soon," the man called, standing near the sliding glass door.
Immediately, the other Silents began picking up their toys and gathering around him to go inside and put their things away so they could go eat. As their final race, Sora, Roxas and Riku climbed down as fast as they could and began the short walk to Marluxia. The blond was just behind the other two boys and so he easily saw when Riku grabbed onto Sora's hand.
No, no that wasn't right. Sora never held anyone's hand but Roxas'. He would pulling away from the older boy and sign something as an excuse so Riku wouldn't get his feelings hurt, Roxas knew he would. But it didn't. To his surprise, Sora smiled at the other boy and squeezed Riku's hand gently, as if encouraging him to do things like that if he wanted to. Jealousy surged up in Roxas and before he knew what he was doing he'd thrown himself forward at the silver-haired boy, face twisted in a silent snarl.
"Roxas!"
The sound of Marluxia shouting his name did nothing to stop the blond as he used his entire body to force Riku to the ground in order to tear him away from Sora. He wasn't heavy enough to pin the older boy, though, and Riku twisted onto his back, clenched fist lashing out in defense as he closed his eyes against any oncoming attacks. Pain in his cheek from being hit made Roxas recoil for just a moment, which was enough time for Riku to shove him away, and both boys scrambled to their feet.
Astonished at what had just taken place, Sora looked between his two friends with wide eyes. Riku looked like he was on the verge of crying and was barely managing to contain himself. Roxas, on the other hand, stood stiff as a bored with his shoulders hunched up to his ears as he glared at the dirt between his shoes, his hands clenched into tight fists at his side.
"What on earth were you thinking, Roxas?" Doctor Marluxia asked as he approached, too upset to sign as he spoke. "Why did you attack Riku?"
He and the other children watched the blond, waiting for a response, but Roxas didn't move. The blond stood still as a statue as if he couldn't even hear what the doctor was saying. His cheek hurt from Riku punching him and jealousy continued to eat as his insides, making him feel hollow and angry and unwanted. Now, with everyone's eyes on him, waiting for him to explain himself, he felt guilty and ashamed for what he'd done. So what if Sora had let Riku hold his hand? The older boy was new and probably just didn't want to be separated from the brunet. Roxas was still all but inseparable from his friend even though he was perfectly comfortable with the other children. He had no explanation other than that he'd been jealous, and that wasn't good enough. He was going to be in a lot of trouble and he knew he deserved it, but he didn't want to admit that he'd only done it because he didn't want to share his best friend. It was the sort of selfish impulse that would make Doctor Marluxia disappointed in him.
Roxas could just imagine sitting in the small room they used for individual sessions, the doctor looking at him with a frown, telling him how disappointed he was in the blond, how he thought Roxas was a better person than that and how he thought Roxas had made so much progress with his therapy only to take a huge step backwards by fighting with another child. Just thinking of that expression, the look Doctor Marluxia got that made him feel like he was personally responsible for every bad thing ever and that he had let everyone who ever cared about him down, made Roxas want to burst into tears. It made him want to apologize for breaking the rule, tell Riku he was sorry, beg Sora not to hate him for being a bad friend and then accept his punishment without complaint.
It would be easier if the doctor would just get angry like every other adult. Then, Roxas would be able to stay mad and he'd sulk the whole way through his lecture then grudgingly apologize to Riku at the end of it without experiencing any really guilt. Unfortunately, Doctor Marluxia was never angry. Just disappointed, and that disappointment was worse than any yelled lecture or harsh punishment could ever be.
A hand on his arm interrupted Roxas' train of thought and he looked up into confused, worried blue eyes.
"What happened?"
Roxas couldn't lie to Sora. "You held his hand."
That only seemed to confuse the brunet further. "So? I hold your hand a lot."
"I do not want you to hold anyone else's hand."
Puzzled by this revelation, Sora looked over to where Riku was still standing and met the older boy's teal gaze before looking back at his blond friend. "But I like Riku. Why is holding his hand bad?"
The blond hesitated, lowering his gaze as he signed, "Do you like him more than me?" He looked up again after a moment to see Sora shaking his head.
"No. He is my friend. You are my best friend. It is different." His usual smile making its appearance, Sora pulled the blond boy into an affectionate hug, which, to his relief, Roxas returned without pause. After a moment, he pulled away and gestured for Riku to come closer.
Unsure, the silver-haired boy slowly approached and found himself pulled into another hug along with Roxas, with Sora holding them together in a way that clearly said he wanted them to get along because they were both his friends and he didn't want his friends to fight. It made both boys feel better, though Roxas knew he was still going to be in trouble for starting a fight. That was okay, though. He was willing to work through whatever punishment Doctor Marluxia deemed fit for his outburst as long as Sora was still his friend, and it didn't seem like Riku harbored any resentment towards him for being pushed.
When the brunet finally released Riku and Roxas, the younger boy smiled at them briefly then went to where Doctor Marluxia was still standing as he silently observed their interactions, and looked up at the pink-haired man.
"I am sorry, Doctor," he signed, expression somber. "That was bad and I will not do it again."
The doctor kneeled and patted Roxas' shoulder. "I know you won't, but you still have to work through the discipline steps for fighting, Roxas."
"Okay."
Marluxia smiled slightly and glanced to where Sora was looking at him pleadingly, signing over and over that he please not be too upset with the blond. "We'll talk about it after dinner. Now, let's all go inside and get cleaned up. I think that's more than enough excitement for one day." Straightening, he led the way inside as the children followed him, though Kairi hung back and grabbed Roxas' sleeve before he could go inside.
"Did you tell Riku you are sorry?" she asked, giving him a stern look.
"No, but I will." Roxas smiled and pulled Kairi inside with him so Marluxia could shut and lock the door. The girl nodded and as if she expected no less and went to catch up with Namine, leaving Roxas to join his best friend and new friend to line up for dinner.