CHAPTER TEN

HONORABLE SEARCH

Adam's eyes grew heavy and his breath escaped his chest in one long, languid stream. His eyes closed and at first, he welcomed the abyss and its infinite void of flashes of memory. He inhaled deeply and without warning, the lonely, hollow tunnel displayed images that raised his pulse and bore down on his chest.

"They rode to Zach's," Joe explained, "and from there, Candy, Roy, and Clem came back here to the ranch."

"And they told you and Pa," Adam whispered.

"Yeah."

Adam jumped up from the stool, sending it toppling over. "And Pa just accepted it?" Adam shouted, kicking the fallen stool the length of the barn. His eyes raging more from fear and anguish than anger, he spun to face Joe, "You and Pa didn't go to Sidewinder Bluff to see for yourselves?"

"Hold on, Adam!" Joe said. "We did go to the bluff. Me and Pa and Clem and Roy."

Adam raised his eyebrows.

"That's right, Adam," Joe added. "Roy and Clem turned right around and went back there with Pa and me. And Pa had us take spare horses so we could ride straight through. I tell you, Adam, he didn't say more than a quick, sharp 'yes' or 'no' the whole way there! I've never seen him in such a bad way. It was like he just knew that if he could get there, Hoss would be alive. And when we got there, we searched all over again. This time, for three days."

Adam hid his face in his hands and rubbed his stinging eyes. "I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't know that part."

"Yeah, I know," Joe said. "I'm not sure what the hardest part was, watching Pa search till I thought he'd collapse, or me, Roy, and Clem trying to convince Pa that Hoss was . . ."

Adam nodded. "That must have been . . ."

"Yeah, Adam," Joe whispered, "it was."

Outside the barn, Hop Sing shuffled across the yard, intent on hastening Adam and Joe to finish their chores, wash up, and meet Ben at the dinner table in fifteen minutes. The barn door stood halfway ajar, and as he tottered closer, he heard the murmur of voices inside. His heart warmed, the two distinct timbres where of late, there had been one, flooded his mind with memories. He stepped closer, placed his hand on the door, and opened his mouth to utter his customary demands. What he heard halted him as if he'd been struck in the face.

"What finally convinced Pa to leave the bluff?" Adam asked.

Joe hung his head. "I was out along the river, still looking between every tree and around every stinking rock, trying to find some sign."

Adam felt his brother's pain. He found himself wishing he'd been there to help. And he thanked God that he hadn't been.

Joe rubbed his tired neck. "When I came back into camp, Roy and Clem were arguing with Pa. They said it was time for the search to be over. Pa wanted to keep looking! He kept saying that his son was out there somewhere, and he wasn't leaving until he found him. What was I supposed to do, Adam?" Joe shouted suddenly. "I didn't want to stop either, but I could see what it was doing to Pa." Joe turned away, hiding his tears from his brother.

Adam reached for Joe's arm. Joe twisted away and leaned against Chubb's empty stall, his hands clutching the topmost edge, his head hanging to his chin. "Roy and the search posses had been searching for six days, Adam! Six days!" Joe's shoulders heaved with each difficult breath, his father's voice echoing in his mind. "And then we got there and we searched for another three!" Joe spun to face his brother. "You didn't hear it, the anguish in Pa's voice. He asked, he ordered, he pleaded, and finally he . . . Adam, Pa begged them to stay, and I . . . I was the only one who could make him see that he'd only be hurting himself if we kept going. I had to make him realize that if we thought there was any chance . . . any hope . . ."

Adam's soul buckled as tears trickled from Joe's eyes. With no conscious awareness, Adam found himself at Joe's side, his reassuring arm draped across his brother's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Joe."

In the yard, Hop Sing turned and hurried back into the house, his heart breaking for Adam and Joe. His saddened eyes cast downward, he entered his kitchen and softly closed the door behind him.

"Hop Sing," Ben said, startling the already frazzled man. "Dinner smells wonderful! Should I call the boys in from the barn?" Ben reached for the door and turned the knob.

"No!" Hop Sing ordered.

Taken aback, Ben's brow wrinkled as he let go of the handle and thrust his hands on his hips. "If dinner is ready, then why in heaven's name can't I go get my sons?"

"Mr. Caltlite, all time yap, yap, yap," Hop Sing complained, flinging his arms and pacing his kitchen. "Mr. Caltlite think dinner ready, Mr. Caltlite WRONG! You want cook? Okay. You cook! Hop Sing go back China! You no want cook, fine! Go away, leave Hop Sing in kitchen. Hop Sing call when dinner ready!"

Ben's mouth hung open as he stared at the raving man. He shook his head, threw his hands in the air, and walked casually back to the great room.

Hop Sing leaned against the kitchen door and sighed. Boys finish important conversation with no interruptions. Little Joe need tell Adam all he miss. Then family move on. Slowly. But move on. Hop Sing sighed again. Hop sing know . . . Mistah Hoss would want it this way.

In the barn, Adam assured Joe that he'd learned all he needed to better cope with what had happened during that terrible time in May. "I'm sure, Joe," Adam said. "And I thank you. It took a lot of courage and fortitude to do what you just did. I know it wasn't easy, and it was selfish of me to even ask."

Joe smiled up at Adam. "No, Adam, it wasn't selfish. But I won't lie. I wish you'd been here . . . for Pa."

"I do too, Joe."

"And for me."

Adam gave Joe's shoulder a strong shake. "And for you."

Cochise nickered and Sport returned the greeting. Adam and Joe smiled at their mounts. Joe made his way to Cooch's stall and stroked the pinto's forehead.

Adam joined him at the stalls before speaking his mind. Holding Sport's muzzle, Adam spoke directly to his horse. "Now I just need to figure out why Candy doesn't like me!"

Joe smiled as Cochise bumped against his shoulder. "I smell dinner."

"Me too," Adam agreed, "and I'm starving!"

Joe nodded and gave Cochise one last pat.

"You okay, Joe?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, Adam," Joe replied. "I'm okay."

Adam and Joe walked, side by side, across the yard and into the house.

"Hi, Pa," Joe said as they entered through the front door.

"Pa," Adam said.

"You two were out there for quite some time," Ben said. "Everything all right?"

Joe busied himself with stoking the fire, hoping his father wouldn't see his swollen eyes.

"Yeah, Pa, "Adam said. "Everything's okay."

Hop Sing peered around the corner of the kitchen hallway. His eyes danced at the sight of Adam, Joe, and Ben together in the living room. "Dinner ready!" he announced as he carried a tray of beef from the kitchen. "Hop Sing make good food. You come, eat now." And as the Cartwrights gathered at the table, Hop Sing grinned. Boys very honorable. Protect father. Mistah Hoss be very proud.