The rabbits of Eientei were a generally laid-back bunch. Why wouldn't they be, when daily life for them was so easy? Wake up, pound some mochi, maybe be petted by the Princess a little, run a few errands for Lady Tewi or Eirin, then it was off to sleep and to repeat the whole thing the next day. It was a pretty satisfying life, all in all. You had plenty to eat and a warm, safe place to stay, and all the Lady Tewi required of you in return was doing a few jobs now and then. It was practically paradise, especially for creatures who were used to having to run and hide just to survive in their pre-youkai days.
However, there were some jobs in Eientei which were less...appreciated than others. One of those was dealing with the fallout from the Princess's never-ending battles with Mokou, since these always left the place in a mess. The earth rabbits, by sheer necessity, had become pretty good carpenters, landscapers, and even masons, as well as learning how to put out fires as quickly and efficiently as possible.
That experience was coming in handy right now, as they had formed a bucket brigade not even five minutes after that silly human visitor had rushed into the compound (On foot! Did she forget she could fly?) screaming something about the east wing being on fire and how the vile incendiary fighting the princess had obviously been responsible for such a travesty. Several of the bunnies had groaned, especially one holding a little notepad, while others had looked way too gleeful for anyone who had just been told their home was on fire. Reisen had started ordering the rabbits around, but most had already begun grabbing the pre-positioned buckets that had been brought out when Mokou showed up. The first loads of water began hitting the flames a few minutes later, and the fire soon looked to be under control, even if it would need another half-hour or so to be put out completely.
Arson, multiple homicides, and mayhem: just another night at the House of Eternity.
Mokou and the Princess had slaughtered each other at least ten more times while Futo had been occupied. The last one had been a particularly messy mutual kill, and Mokou seemed to have worked off most of her bad mood by then. After resurrecting, she'd tossed a fireball Kaguya's way on general principle, than landed and stalked off, hands in pockets and seemingly in much better spirits than when she'd arrived.
As the fire continued to burn, Futo had joined the bucket brigade, sweating both internally and externally. Eventually, the fire was out, and she sank down, breathing heavily. All around her, earth rabbits gave Futo a wide berth, now that the threat was over. A few stared at her, but at a discreet distance. Futo would normally have reacted to such rude treatment, but right now she was too tired to even get up.
"Futo? There you are, I've been looking all over for you! What happened? I heard shouts, then the house was on fire! What did you do this time?" Tojiko floated over, her face fixed in a scowl.
"How...fares...the...princess?" Futo wheezed out.
Tojiko frowned. "Last I saw, she and that Fujiwara woman were throttling each other. Hardly princess-like behaviour, in my opinion. Then again, this place is just plain strange. Back in our day, you'd never catch a noble dead doing their own dirty work. I mean, what are assassins for if you're gonna just up and kill your enemies yourself?"
"Miss Mononobe! Miss Soga! Miss Mononobe! Where are you? Master wants to have a word!"
"Oh, isn't that Miss Reisen? I wonder what she wants with us?" Tojiko glared at Futo.
Futo's eyes went wide. "Tojiko, methinks 'tis time we returned to the Crown Prince to appraise her of what exactly hath befallen tonight. Art thou agreed with me?"
Tojiko shook her head, sighing again. "Oh well, it's not like I didn't expect having to pull your fat out of the fire tonight. Let's go."
"Thou art a boor and a churl, but not wholly unwise. Let us depart afore Journeyman Reisen arrives." Futo shuddered a little. "I do not relish the thought of speaking with that woman she names her Master."
"Ohhh, is the great and mighty Mononobe no Futo scared of a pharmacist?"
"Shut thy mouth, Tojiko, afore I shut it on thy behalf."
"You know, Eirin, I quite enjoyed that little scrap. It's been the most fun I've had since Mokou tried to poison me while we were drinking but didn't notice I had switched the glasses."
"Well, I suppose that Soga girl was pleasant enough. The Mononobe was a little...impulsive, though. We're going to have to rebuild the east wing again."
"After two millennia of stasis, I think we could do with a bit more of that. Don't you agree, Eirin? Besides, I never liked the east wing anyway."
"Really, Princess? She's a liar, flatterer, and braggart."
"Ah, but aren't we all in the end? Besides, the Kirisame girl is much worse, and I don't see you running her off every time she drops by. I do think Mononobe truly believes everything she said though, so not quite a liar. More...misled as to the truth of things, perhaps. Much like that other princess in the Human Village."
"Ah, the 'police officer'. Well, if you're sure about this, then I'll write the letter, and include what you were insisting on."
"Thank you, Eirin. You know where my seal is, I presume? Best to make it as official as we can. We're corresponding with a Crown Prince, after all."
Miko folded up the letter she had just received, then pinched the bridge of her nose tightly. Why, if Futo didn't know any better, she would have said the Crown Prince was suffering from a migraine! That was impossible, of course.
"Futo? Come here, please. I've just received the most extraordinary letter from one Yagokoro Eirin, who claims to be the tutor and guardian of the Princess Kaguya."
Futo trotted over, then bowed deeply, her face the very picture of attentive obedience. Inwardly, she was beginning to feel a little nervous. Who knew what vile slander that old hag had written! She'd deny it all, of course. The Crown Prince, in her wisdom, would of course believe her over the word of a stranger. Thankfully, Tojiko was away today, or else she'd probably have made things worse.
Miko cleared her throat once or twice, then coughed. She didn't look too well, in Futo's opinion. Why was she fidgeting with that blasted letter anyway?
"Highness! Perhap you might be better served to retire for the day? Your countenance, which usually shines as fair and as comely as the day-star, seems to be clouded over by the worries of life today. Perhap you might wish to partake of a certain tincture of restoration that I am more than capable of preparing? 'Twas something I uncovered while perusing a certain tome from the library the other day."
Miko grimaced a little. "Don't worry about me, Futo. Also, you do remember I forbade you from experimenting with any sort of alchemy or potion making without supervision, correct?"
"...But Highness! By my oath upon the Sacred Boat of the Mononobe, every possible precaution would be taken! If you would but allow me to resume experiments..."
"No buts, Futo. I still remember the last time you got your hands on Seiga's potion manual. We were cleaning the workshop up for a month. The scorch marks on the ceiling still won't come out! No more potion making or experimenting, and that's final. Am I understood?"
Futo pouted, but grudgingly nodded. Blast that Tojiko for surprising her back then! She could have controlled the reaction if only she had a little more warning!
Miko sighed, unfolding the letter again. She glanced down at it, and then looked at Futo.
"So, according to this letter, while on the diplomatic mission I charged you with, you not only managed to set the home of the Princess on fire..."
"Lies, all lies!"
Quailing a little at Miko's glare, Futo hastily amended her statement a little.
"Well, 'twas only the most minute part of it, Crown Prince! Also, most of the flames came from the charcoal-burner, I swear."
"Also, you witnessed Princess Kaguya and Fujiwara no Mokou kill each other about twenty times..."
'Twas closer to thirty, by my reckoning."
"Joined in the battle yourself, together with Tojiko..."
"Indeed! Though she was more a hindrance than a help, if I may be so bold as to say so."
"Fled once the fire was out, without even offering to pay compensation..."
"Vile slander and lies! We simply chose to head back to recover, but never got the chance to return!"
At some level, Futo realised she was just digging a deeper grave for herself, but at this point, she just didn't care anymore.
"And you now have a standing invitation from Princess Kaguya herself to come over whenever, and I quote, 'life needs a bit of shaking up'?"
"I regret nothi- wait, what?"
Miko folded the letter up. "That's what it says. The seals of the Princess and this Lady Yagokoro are affixed directly underneath as well."
Futo was temporarily speechless, but joy soon filled her. The Princess had acknowledged her! Finally, finally, someone recognised her worth! Well, someone other than the Crown Prince.
"So, let me see if I've gotten the whole thing straight. I send you to present my greetings and best wishes to her, and basically make friends. Instead, you burnt down her house, interfered in a fight she had with her rival, and she found it so exciting, she wants you to come back?"
"Indeed, Crown Prince! You have summed up the situation most excellently! Truly your wisdom and understanding is beyond us all!"
Miko slumped back into her chair.
"I need a drink."
A/N: Finally, a happy ending for Futo.