Chapter 10 – Hypervelocity - Chalysane
Considering the situation that had happened earlier today, I shouldn't be all that surprised that we decided to camp here for tonight. Then again, I think that I may have half-expected it, though only subconsciously. If one could communicate with one's subconscious, what would one discover about oneself? That's one question with an answer that one may never find. Too many ones, not enough zeros, and a question as to why I'm thinking about numbers when I should be thinking about the future. Then again, it is good, sometimes, to find distractions to remove your stress from the world.
"Chalysane, you should know that it's unhealthy not to eat." I turn my head away from my stare towards the trees and towards an approaching Robin. She doesn't have a weapon on her, the first thing I notice, though I assume that she stored them in the convoy. After these thoughts, I respond to her comment. "I know. I'm not all that hungry." My words are part lie and part truth, mainly due to the fact that I can ignore hunger up to a certain point. Then again, Robin doesn't care as she hands me a bowl. "Eat anyway. You seem like the one who wouldn't notice if someone threw it in her face." That's a harsh way of putting it… No matter.
Most of the sound that fills the empty space between us comes from Vaike and whoever he might be conversing with at the time. And, based on observations involving Lieutenant Wellspring, it seems that everyone calls him by his first name and not his last, nevermind Lieutenant. I'm quite curious as to why that is, though. "Are you sure you're okay?" I glance over at Robin as I swallow another bite of the food that she gave me. "I'm fine. Lissa works well, and I can tell she'll be-" "That's not what I'm talking about." I take another bite to fill the now empty space in my mouth as I turn my gaze back forwards. Her true question had already been apparent in my mind, and I had simply tried to dodge it.
"Are you sure you're okay when Wellspring knocks you to the ground like that? You've been staring at him…" She must think that I'm irritated at him. It would make sense to be irritated at him, actually. I mean, who wouldn't be when a person continuously pushes you to the ground and claims it's good for you? "I'm okay with it." It's somewhat the truth. I'm not exactly okay with it, but I'm not exactly irritated by it. Didn't I already have this thought process…? No matter.
"But how are you okay with it?" Robin, why do you always have to ask the questions that make sense? Then again, that makes sense. It wouldn't if it didn't. "I've dealt with worse." How vague. It's not a good idea to be vague around Robin. Note to self, try to include more specifics. But Robin doesn't immediately respond to this one. Instead she takes a bite of her own food. I follow her example and do the same. Frederick really is something of a pyro-type. Especially considering all of those leaves that he just added onto the flames. Thankfully, he's still Frederick, which means he's prepared if things get out of hand. Note, the water bucket next to the fire pit.
On the other hand, Vaike is getting far too much amusement out of this. Then again, it'd be hard not to be amused. Frederick never really smiles at much, and him smiling at something like this must be amusement in and of itself. "You answer my questions as if you don't know the exact answer yourself." As I hear Robin's words, I blink my eyes, noting how comfortable it feels having them closed, then open them again. I must be tired. It would make sense considering the time. It must be nine at night already. If I'm not mistaken, the Lieutenant's lights-out time is about an hour from now. Considering the exhaustion on his face, however, it might occur earlier. He's the only person who really cares about the lights-out time.
"That's an interesting way of putting it." After I take and swallow another bite, I answer Robin's question. The food isn't bad, but I can't exactly tell if it were good. To me, however, edibility is what matters the most, and I would be able to tell if Sully or another certain person cooked. Then again, she hasn't created the oddest dish, if we're thinking in those terms. "Do you really not remember your past?" An odd unexpected pain in my chest, and I put down the spoonful of food that I was about to eat. As if there was a memory I'm on the vague of remembering, but I can't bring to the front of my mind no matter how hard I try. Frustrating beyond belief, but curiosity-inducing at the same time.
I don't want to listen to Robin, but I really want to hear more of what she thinks at the same time. It feels far different from when I was talking to her in the previous timelines. Is it because she woke up in a battleground and- … I raise the spoonful of food to my mouth and bite down on it. That would make sense. Normally, she wakes up talking to Chrom, Frederick, and Lissa, with the main negativity directed towards her being suspicion. A feeling of being helplessly misunderstood would permeate her memories, considering how early this emotion was felt. However, said emotional taint would be dispelled by Emmeryn, and replaced with dedication to Chrom, as he was the one who found her, and sided with her, trusted her, and believed her, despite Frederick's suspcion.
But in this case, the memories that she creates would be tainted by fear of being killed by people who had nothing but malice for her. She was surrounded by people who meant to kill her… Until… I turn my eyes and look at her. She had been staring at me this entire time. Until I came towards her, arm wrapped in mana, dealing death to those who wished to harm her, and saved her life. I was the one to dispel that fear, and I replaced it with dedication to me, the one who knew who she was when she couldn't remember anything. A light in the dark. Her saviour.
How long has it been since she asked me that question? "I don't. At least, I don't remember what Emmeryn says happened to me." That's the truth, right? The truth with some details omitted. "Then how do you know who I am?" The fire that I can see once more in her eyes is a clear message that I won't be able to escape her question this time. I don't dread the question. I simply dread the fact that I won't be able to answer it. How should I answer that question? "I don't know." And omit the words "how to answer that question." It sounds truthful enough, even if it's a lie. Lead with the truth, and even if you end with a lie, and you'll sound it every time.
But how does that sound to the person who sees me the way that she does? It sounds like I should know, but I don't. "I've talked to you before. I know that we were friends. I just can't say exactly when." Now that sounds much more realistic. I actually can't say exactly when because when does a timeline that will never exist occur? The answer is that it doesn't. The timeline never existed. As such, there is no answer to the question "When did it occur", and there will never be an answer. It's all part of a world that we don't live in. Though there is a "correct" way to ask the question that she wants an answer to, I don't want to think about it now.
"Who is he?" I look away from the ground, which was where I was staring as I answered her previous. Who is he? That's a good question. "Who're you referring to?" She shrugs casually, seemingly as she refers to Him as Garrick referred to Him. "Ghosty." I can't help but smile at the new nickname that He seems to have received. It's oddly cute considering Him, but it seems to fit Him. "Ghosty… He's a person that's been tormenting me as long as I can remember. I call Him by emphasized pronouns, but Ghosty seems to fit." Robin's eyes shine with curiosity in the firelight. "Don't you know His name?" During the first few timelines, I think I did. But as time passed, his name slipped away with the other memories. "I don't."
"Whoever He is, you don't seem to like Him." I laugh at Robin's words. Not liking is an understatement. Saying those words pain me, however. "He hasn't exactly been amiable to me." Robin tilts up her bowl, draining it, and lets it back down with an exclaimed sigh. "At least He didn't cut off your arm." Not that you would know, as I impulsively lift my hand to the place on my armor where the sword passed through it. The scar still stings a little, actually. Lissa will definitely become a skilled healer one day, especially considering her talent, but that isn't to say that she's the best now.
Robin glances at me and turns her eyes to the ground, and I force my hand away from my arm. I wouldn't be surprised if she felt personally responsible for the fact that I momentarily had my arm cut off. It was due to something even I couldn't have foreseen, not that I could readily say that, anyways. "You fought like you were used to it." But instead of apologizing, she has either failed to feel guilt, or she put that feeling of guilt on the backburner to ask an unexpected question. Considering Robin, I can assume that it was the latter. I take a breath and hold it for a moment before letting it back out silently. Another question that I can't simply answer.
Subject changing time. "Chrom and Frederick still suspicious of me?" Robin proceeds to lean against the wagon as I am, as I watch as Wellspring slowly becomes more and more so inclined to put out the bonfire that Frederick has slowly built up. Then again, it seems like he's the only person that cares about setting the forest aflame, as if there hadn't been enough forest fires already. "Frederick's definitely less suspicious of you. He was making comments as to how you faced odds that he wouldn't, and did so without turning back even once. Except to provide for Sumia's safety, of course. As for Chrom…"
She squints as the flames of the pyre roar higher than ever, causing Wellspring to actually stand up and threaten to put out the said flames with Chrom backing him at this point, though the latter doesn't seem all that worried. "Chrom worries that you're far too willing to throw yourself into danger no one else would. As do I. He specifically references your severed arm incident." She lifts up her hand against the light of the flames even as they slowly begin to weaken to a more so acceptable point. "I would reference your most recent act of valiance." She would reference my engagement earlier today, and specifically when I sent Sumia back to face the platoon's worth of Risen on my own.
Unlike Robin, I can stare straight into the flames. More often than not, the energy generated by the use of tomes can create light much more powerful than that of a flame, and that's something that I'm used to. "In my view, it isn't so much valiance as it is…" In fact, the heat from the flames actually feels somewhat good. After a few moments, however, the flames weaken to a point where the heat isn't nearly as noticeable as it was before. In the pause, Robin sighs as she tries to find an appropriate word to describe how she feels. But there is no other word, and silence is all her mind has to offer.
After a short amount of time in this silence, Robin straightens her pose out and takes my bowl. She returns a few minutes later, just in time for Wellspring to say something to Chrom and stand up. "All right! Frederick, put out the fire! Rest up for the march tomorrow!" There's the light's out command, and I sit down against the wagon in response to it. Or, at least, tonight's variant of it. Considering, I believe he was much more lenient than he was during other nights. Most likely due to the battle we had today. I wonder what he thinks of Robin and I now? The flames of the pyre that was once lighting up the night quickly disappear into ashes, as catalyzed by water, resulting in a billowing cloud of steam and smoke, and darkness takes back its place in the night.
As Robin sits down next to me, leaning against the wagon in the darkness, I try to give voice to her unspoken thoughts. "I'm throwing myself into battle with too much force, right?" She turns her head to me as I see her from the edges of my own sight. I've talked about this topic before. "How I rush into it too quickly without giving myself a safety net to fall back upon?" How I fight as if I have nothing left to lose? Yeah. It was probably the fifth timeline. The one where I died for the first time. Chrom was the one that talked with me about it then.
"It's scary, right? How I have little to no regard-" "That isn't it." As she cuts me off, she takes off her gloves, upon her hand the symbol of the Grimleal silhouetting itself ever so vaguely in the darkness. That's what I've always been told when this conversation comes up. I scare people. "You make sense, but it's not right on the mark." Placing the gloves in her lap, she stretches her arms above her head , intertwining her fingers in various ways as she does so.
"After you take your gloves off after having worn them for a while, doesn't it feel nice?" I instinctively glance down at my hands as she puts her gloves back on. "Try doing things you normally do with your gloves on, but do them with your gloves off. It feels unusual, but it feels nice." As her movements reduce down to minor ones, I find it challenging to notice anything that she's doing with only my peripherals. As I glance at her, I realize that she has her eyes open and towards the cloudy sky.
"It's like you're living at terminal velocity." She's smiling, slightly, but, at the same time, it seems as if she's somewhat stressed by her thoughts. Unable to turn, unable to slow down, with nothing to stop you from hurting yourself should you trip. Like someone forced your hand. "That's how you feel having no memory, isn't it?" It's a question that I ask her, and she turns her head towards me at the sound of my voice. At least, that's what I think I see from the edge of my vision, and she soon answers my question in the affirmative. "… Yeah. That's kinda is how it feels."
If she had seen it before, she doesn't remember. She wants to stop and look at the world around her as she falls towards whatever destiny has in store for her. However, the world doesn't give her a chance to. Instead, it forces event upon event upon her. To anyone else, it might just seem like a normal day. However, to Robin, it could feel as if she's being rushed, pushed to go faster than she ever should. She's forced to live at what feels to be terminal velocity, unable to go any faster than life, but still living at a speed that she never believed possible to survive in. A terrifying speed.
"You should sleep, Robin. Do as the Lieutenant says." Her response, if there is any, is silent to my ears, as she simply adjusts how she lies on the ground. Maybe that's her response: To listen to me.
I, on the other hand, want to live faster than life. I want to reach the end of this fall as quickly as possible. I've seen the world around me countless times, and almost none of it seems new to me anymore. I'm already trying to live as fast as I can, but I can't live any faster than anyone else can. I'm living at just the same speed that Robin is. But it's not the same, is it? I want to live faster, and Robin wants to live slower. That alone makes it different, even if it's the same. A terrifying speed.
No matter how fast life is, however, I want to live faster.
Author's note:
Edits:
-Removed the "it" after "replaced" when referring to Emmeryn dispelling the suspicion towards Robin. Change = Tense-Based.
-Changed "forgotten" to "received" when referring to Chronic's Wielder receiving a nickname.
^-Same paragraph: fixed capitalization errors when referring to Chronic's Wielder: Two instances of the the word "Him".
^^-In reference to capitalization errors: I shall no longer reference these corrections in future edits.
^-Same paragraph: Added the word "me" after "tormenting": Receiver of the verb.
-Added a sentence referring to when Robin does not apologize for Chalysane losing her arm: "Considering Robin, I can assume that it was the latter." Latter refers to the fact that Robin actually does feel guilt, and she simply put said guilt aside to ask a more important question.
-Changed "the" to "that" when referring to Frederick in the bonfire sentence.
-Added an apostrophe "s" to the end of that when Robin references how she feels, answering Chalysane in the affirmative.
-Changed "isn't" to "is" when referring to Robin's and Chalysane's sense of the speed of life not being the same.
Hey! Guess what!? I tried reading the chapter to myself aloud!... Hence all the edits. I doubt I would have caught most of 'em if I were just reading it back over.
Hypervelocity… What a wonderfully interesting term! I don't exactly know why, but that word has fascinated me for as long as I've known it. It sounds so cool. And terminal velocity sounds so… forced…
Two parts that I'm really proud of in this chapter, as short as it is. But that's a sidenote. On another note, I might have spent more time trying to write this chapter than one might have thought. But those two parts make it all better in my head xP
Fun fact! The original name for this chapter was supposed to be "Just Getting Started."
Hope you enjoyed this chapter x3