Chapter 10: I'm Not a Pedophile

"This third one is the last," Claire sighed rolling over on her side and pointing at her growing belly.

"I said we should stop at one, the third trimester of Bad Claire is almost upon us," Quil chuckled pulling Claire in for a kiss.

"If we stopped at one, we wouldn't have Harley," she sighed kissing him back with a passion that promised more, the kind of more that got them into this mess in the first place.

"Well, this time I'm prepared, I've made a combat bag to ward myself from your evils," Quil joked climbing in between her legs. "I'm not allowing any more incidents with my junk."

"Is that what the duffle bag is?" Claire asked urging his shirt off. His chest was still broad and muscled but since he stopped phasing the year before telltale signs of the tiniest bit of pudge showed around his midsection, Claire loved it. He was aging, however slowly, with her and all felt right with the world.

"Yup, jock strap complete with cup, chewy snacks to distract you, ear plugs for when you plan on describing in detail how much you hate me, a handheld video game and a flame thrower, you know the essentials," he whispered in her ear, running his hand up the inside of her thigh and under her underwear. She bucked into his hand surprised but thrilled at the reaction, they hadn't gotten much time alone lately, their youngest daughter Harley Jo Ateara now three-years old making it nearly impossible. Almost as soon as the first moan escaped her lips their bedroom door flew open and in ran the precious toddler in question.

"Mommy!" Harley cried, pulling up the sheets at the bottom of Claire and Quil's bed so she could tunnel her way to the top. Quil and Claire had been prepared for this, Harley was going through a phase where sleeping in her own bed was a nightly struggle. So they rolled apart allowing room for the littlest Ateara to snuggle.

"Shut up!" Maddox screamed from her room, which was facing theirs and had its door open so the five-year old could enjoy the lights from the hallway while still feeling like a big girl without having a nightlight on her dresser anymore.

The Ateara's, four strong and growing with their third and final babe now baking in the oven, had moved into this house just two months ago. It was rather large and a bit more opulent than they ever imagined but after Claire finally found commercial success with her prints and Quil moved on to teaching side by side with Jordan at Peninsula College, they could afford it.

The house took three months to prepare, Claire working single handedly to paint, wallpaper and furnish every room in the four bedroom, three bathroom house to her liking—the girls, however, did not approve. Harley, the youngest and most outspoken Ateara, likened the house to a creepy museum and instead of spending her nights in her custom made flower-shaped bed, she ran nightly to her parents' room, to sleep safe and warm between them.

"Maddox, what did we say about language?" Claire called through her now open door from which she had a clear view of her oldest child.

"I can't sleep and Lee is being stupid!" Maddie screamed back. She couldn't sleep, try as she might to get comfortable in the garden like fortress her mother made for her, she was restless. It had started three hours before and had only gotten worse, as if there was something just beyond her doors that she needed to find.

"Maddie, no name calling," Quil said sternly but his bright smile shone through the room. He loved both of his children dearly but there was just something about a potty-mouthed five-year old that warmed his heart.

"I can't sleep and I'm tired," Maddox reasoned, kicking her sheets off and walking out of her room. She followed the nagging desire for adventure down the hallway where a large glass window looked out on the street. It was still early, her parents having set a 9 o'clock bedtime for the both of them, which she found rather unreasonable considering she was a whole two years older than her bratty little sister.

"Maddox, you need to get to bed. You have camp in the morning," Quil called following her into the hall. She had opened the window and as Quil went to close it back up, he smelled him. "Solace."

"What's a solace?" Maddox asked, clinging to her father's leg as a dark figure travelled up their driveway.

"It's a man. Solace is here," Quil called and the round bellied Claire struggled to get herself up and to the living room, pushing little Maddox back towards her garden-themed bedroom.

"In bed, now. You too, Lee," Claire said pointing her youngest towards her own bedroom, she was determined to get some Quil loving before she was too angry to want it.

"What's he doing here?" Claire asked coolly. Over the last five years Claire and Amber had grown rather close. Actually to say close is an understatement, Amber was elevated to the status of little sister in Claire's eyes and as such she had formed some rather unpleasant opinions of him.

Solace had ruined her Amber for other men—it was as if Amber was the lost half of an imprint, she became cold, disconnected, much more so than before. She was grown now, nineteen and stunningly beautiful though her sour attitude and wild best friend, Soledad, scared every worthwhile potential suitor away.

"He's come home," Quil answered heading to the door.

"Well, he's not welcome," Claire hissed and Quil frowned sighing before he opened the door for him. He looked the same, the same brooding eyes and casual clothes, the same reckless hair and gorgeous face and something about that made Claire even more upset. Part of her had hoped he was suffering because at least then Amber wasn't alone.

Socially, Amber had little to no friends and her steaming temper didn't help much. She wasn't a bad girl, in fact to the contrary, she was a good girl with a big heart, who loved and spoiled her daughters with affection only family could give. She wasn't letting anyone in though, like a huge wall between her and the outside world and when you added to that the unsavory connection to Soledad Call, Embry's oldest child, it was a lethal combination: a troubled teen.

Soledad was actually the definition of a troubled teen, though technically she was just nine. Because of her vampire blood, Soledad matured at almost double the rate making her biologically at least eighteen years old. She had more or less caught up with Amber physically just a year or so back and the union was not ideal in Claire's eyes. Claire tried to keep her opinions about Soledad to herself and let Amber live her life but it was hard. In her opinion only time and new love could bring Amber out of this rut but all Soledad offered was wild partying and sex. Soledad was uncontrollable and outrageous with no moral compass and an attitude that was unmatched. She embodied the ideas of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and worst of all, she was smart. So smart in fact that she had most people fooled, but not Claire.

Claire tried to discourage the union between Soli and Amber, but when it started to put a distance between them, she decided to play the cool big sister and let it happen. She blamed it on Solace though. Not many people understood how deeply he influenced her life, most thought of it as a childhood crush but it was the single most damaging event in the unfortunate girl's life. Time healed the wounds of losing her brother, Ethan, and over time even she began to understand why he needed to go and occasionally took his phone calls, but no time could fix the empty hole left by Solace. In her eyes it affirmed every fear she ever had, unimprinted in a sea of imprints, his exit proved that she was not worthy of love, most importantly the love of her Solace who meant more to her than anyone or anything else.

He was her brother, her companion, her teacher, confidant, comfort, support: in short he was her sun and, in the five years since he left, she was cast into darkness. It affected every aspect of her most vital teen years, down to the dark black of her dyed hair and the thick coal liner that hid the pools of her sad maroon eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Claire spat viscously as Quil motioned Solace inside. Solace took the greeting in stride, he had no idea what he'd return to, though Claire was not one of the few he'd imagined blacklisting him. Jared, Kim, Taylor, Amber, Embry just for a reason to hate him again and Emily maybe, but not Claire. Growing up she had been one of his favorites, but his feisty mini-minx was now superbly round with pregnancy and royally pissed.

"I was told the apartment above your shop is um… available for rent," Solace said scratching the back of his neck as Claire scrutinized him, sincerely wishing he could melt into nonexistence.

This was his second stop in La Push, heading to the Cameron home straight from the airport. His first stop was equally unwelcoming.

Amber. She was why he came back. He had nothing else left here but Amber and she didn't want to see him.

Amber. She was breathtaking, so beautiful he had a hard time speaking and an even harder time leaving her again. He had been forced to.

Amber.

Amber.

Amber.

There was not a day in the last decade of his life when he hadn't thought about the girl, and now seeing her as a woman the thoughts transformed. Changed so drastically that it scared him. Terror.

Amber. He had spent the last five years relieving himself of the loss Leticia and Leah and now there was Amber, who he could already feel himself getting lost in.

Amber.

He'd seen Amber in many lights: friend, confidant, supporter, advisor, sister, mother even but never had he seen her as a lover, potential or otherwise. He had of course thought about the possibility of her childhood crush lasting past adolescence, how that would affect him and how he would deal with it, but he never imagined he would want it. Need it.

Amber… Breathtaking. Magnificent. Fiery. Broken. Amber.

Solace had returned for her, for her friendship, which he found after years of self-reflection to be the only real relationship he'd ever experienced. It didn't last, the distance or the time, as he had hoped it would. It was Amber's request for him to leave and not Jared's threats of physical violence that forced him to go, but he vowed he would never disappoint her again. He would do anything she asked him to and wait, he had the rest of his life to wait for her to forgive him.

"How long do you plan to stay?" Quil asked politely, desperate to pull his lost brother into a hug but afraid of his pregnant wife's wrath.

"If you don't want the rent, I'll stay at the Cullen's mansion in Forks, Carlisle has given me access. I'd just prefer to be closer," Solace said quickly, he wanted away from Claire's judging eyes.

"No, no. Here," Quil said returning with a key ring he tossed at him casually.

"Closer to what Solace?" Claire asked scathingly.

"Amber," he responded simply but the new found emotion must have been evident in his voice because it caused Claire to scream in anger.

"UGH! How dare you? What the fuck is wrong with you? What? She turns 18 and you think you can come back and make her your girl!" Claire howled.

"Ooohhh! Mommy said FUCK!" Maddox sang from her bed. In truth she just wanted an opportunity to say the word, which she was thoroughly banned from saying since she overheard her Aunt Amber say it.

"Come on," Quil called pulling him out the door as Maddox came out to investigate. He was gone before she could get a good look at him, but she noticed that he was tall like her play boyfriend Taylor, who she wished wholeheartedly was hers and not Melody's.

"I'm sorry," Quil apologized once they were on the large wrap-around porch.

"No. I get it… sorta."

"Claire and Amber have been close since you left. Claire's very…invested, she thinks you're the reason that Amber's… Amber," Quil said quietly.

"What do you mean Amber's Amber?" Solace said louder than necessary, an anger flaring so powerfully in his stomach he flinched. He hadn't felt anything this real for a long time, working alone beside indifferent vampires for so long. Defensive, the feeling was defensiveness it took him a while to identify it.

"She's…well, she's great, I love her… but she's difficult—a little rough around the edges. She hates you, you know?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back," Solace sighed leaning against the pillar.

"Why did you?" Quil asked trying hard to sound neutral, but over time he started to see Amber as one of his own and Solace had hurt her bad.

"Amber. No-not like that I mean…I don't know what I mean. I thought about her all the time… not sex! God, why is this so much harder to explain now? If I came back four years ago no one would—she's my friend. My best friend—more than that. I mean, ugh! I'm not a pedophile." Quil laughed. It had been a long time since he'd had to say that sentence, though he'd said it many times before.

"I know."

"I love her so much—in a completely appropriate way. I came back because I loved her and I made a mistake and I couldn't stand not hearing from her anymore. She stopped writing and I missed her like oxygen. I want to fix it, it sounds so stupid because she was just a girl but she was the most important person in my life. She was the only one that believed in me and I fucked it up," Solace said seriously, but not honestly.

Honestly, at this moment, there was more than friendship on the line, because there was not a woman in the world he desired so fully as Amber. It was disturbing, damaging even because just nights ago when he thought of her, he saw only his precious Princess and now he saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. Not even his most vivid memories of Leah or Leticia could compare.

"That was before you saw her," Quil corrected.

"Yes," Solace breathed, collapsing on the top stair.

"But that's not why I came, I didn't think—I couldn't have known. Fuck! I should go, I shouldn't have come back here," Solace said standing to leave, Quil stopped him.

Quil had known Solace for more than two decades, seen inside his head more times than he could count and he knew three very real things about him. Solace was honest. Solace was loyal. And Solace was lost, he always had been—he followed his heart and it always led him in circles, this time though it led him back to Amber and in Quil's opinion that might be the only place he belonged.

"She's tough but deep down, and I mean really deep, she loves you. So good luck man…and welcome home," Quil said pulling Solace into a hug. It was the first hug he received since getting off the plane.

Leticia and Claire had come to an understanding long ago, while Leticia embraced Soli's wild ways she knew that Claire did not approve and they did not discuss it. While Claire blamed Solace for abandoning Amber, Leticia saw nothing wrong with the girl. Leticia vision might have been skewed though by the disturbing social life of her daughter, who enjoy the company of more men than any teen girl should.

Soledad was her own free spirit and Leticia would never dream of stifling her, but Leticia also understood that this uninhibited lifestyle was likely to make her an outcast. Soledad wore the banner of black sheep well. Soli was beautiful, opinionated, but above all else, she had an IQ well over the average and she was immortal, which made her a strong believer in the idea that the rules just didn't apply to her.

So today, the day after Solace's big return without Solace or Amber to discuss, Claire and Letty kept to the safe subject of her pregnancy. She was three months and growing faster than with any of her previous births which made her strongly believe this time she would be having a boy.

"Freddie was not much bigger than Soli but I just knew he was a boy," Leticia cooed. Her youngest child, the adorable though solemn Fredrico was now six years old. He was handsome, even at the ripe old age of six he was a stunner, capable of getting just about anything out of unsuspecting women with just a few shy smiles. Last summer he had finally caught up to Randy in biological age, though not size because Randy (standing at 5 foot 7) was possibly the largest eleven-year old in the world, possibly in history. He still followed Soledad patiently though now that she was mobile and free to roam the town, he was restricted to stalking her whenever she returned home as she was now.

"Home," Soli announced, Randy running from the living room to greet her.

"Hi Soli," Randy said with a chubby cheeked grin, he was large yes but he still retained the standard look of a chubby eleven-year old.

"Don't call me that," she spat, not looking in his direction, he nodded furiously as if he were memorizing her request.

"Solace!" Soledad screamed grabbing a chair which she sat back on, bringing her legs to her chest as she prepared for girl talk. "So hot! So so so hot! Mama, I cannot believe you were with him! How was it?"

"Soli, ahora no es el momento, okay?" Leticia breathed in soft Spanish hoping her daughter would get the hint.

"Why? Come on it's just us girls, right?" Soli asked wriggling her eyebrows wildly. "And Randy," she shot throwing a sidelong glare at the boy who stood a few feet away from her so that he could keep a watchful eye but was not in reaching distance for punches.

"Soledad, you know what disturbs me most about you—no, too many things disturb me about you to give them rank, but there is one thing I was most certain we would agree on and that was Amber's well being. I cannot even begin to phantom how you can be so casual about the emotional stability of your so called best friend. Not to mention the gross lack of boundaries you have presented in this crude discussion of previous sexual activities not only in front of your mother but with her," Claire said calmly, speaking to her as she had with most of her students when she worked in the high school.

"Well, Mrs. Ateara, I find that when it comes to my best friend's life choices, it's best to support her in whatever path she so chooses to take. She is no longer a child and as such should not be treated like one," Soledad answered quickly, with the tone and cadence of a lawyer. She continued with her signature sass when she said, "And as for my mother, just because you're too much of a prude to talk about sex doesn't mean we can't." She lit up a cigarette, it was black and smelled sweet, blowing three large smoke rings before she bowed out, Randy following closely behind.

"I'm going to go," Claire said standing to leave.

"She's a beech sometimes but she is right ju know," Leticia sighed, preparing herself for Claire's wrath.

"I'm not a prude!" Claire screamed and Leticia laughed, a gut wrenching laugh before she spoke again.

"About Solace, if he can make her happy then we must accept, no?"

"No," Claire said simply waving goodbye to the little boys, nodding curtly to both Soledad and Leticia and making her way home where at least her husband would agree with her. She had no such luck.

"You what?!"

"I told him he could stay as long as he needed while he gets settled. He was going to stay anyways Claire-bear," Quil reasoned pulling out the comfy chair for his wife.

"No! No! No! This cannot be happening! Don't you realize how sick this is, Quil?" She was sweating, so thoroughly upset she needed a rest.

"I'm going to take a nap," she announced dragging herself to her bedroom with an overwhelming sense of doom. Something told her things were not going to go her way and she was right, because just as she lie her head on the pillow Amber made her way to him.

She didn't even last twenty-four hours. She kicked herself for being so weak but she had to see him. Part of her wouldn't believe it was real until she saw him in the light of day, so she stomped on over, hands balled into tight fists of rage.

Rage.

Most of it for him, though some of it was for Ethan who had not returned with him and herself for taking two hours getting ready to confront him, full makeup and all. Solace had left the door unlocked, open for Amber if she decided to come.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded, dropping to his knees before her. He'd never begged a woman, for anything, but then he never hurt anyone the way he had hurt Amber. He was the heartbroken not the heartbreaker, so it was warranted.

"Don't say those fucking words to me! They don't mean shit! You promised!" Her voice cracked on the last syllable and she cursed herself for her weakness, though the sign of an emotion other than hatred lit a bright flame of hope in Solace's chest.

She was even more magnificent in the daylight and while he tried not to stare he could barely stop himself. She wore a black raincoat, with knee high black boots and either a dress so short it didn't show under her short coat or nothing at all—but that might have been his imagination getting the better of him.

Staring down at his big brown eyes was slowly melting her cold heart and she hated it. She had spent years thinking of what she's say if she ever seen him again, but she hadn't prepared herself for him apologizing. In her mind he was always cold—indifferent, it made it easier to hurt him. It made it easier to curse him, because remembering Solace as he was, as the constant companion and reliable mentor just made it that much harder to understand.

In her mind he was dimensionless and grey like the men in black and white films—he was never this gorgeous. He was never this obviously broken, like a cracked vase shining beautifully in its many different parts. Her childhood memory of him fell flat. Every line of his face was perfectly balanced.

"I have never regretted anything so much as this, Princess. I stayed here for you. I wanted to leave when Ethan imprinted on Jake's daughter. Ethan asked me to come but I stayed for you. You can't understand how bad I hurt here, but I stayed for—"

"I can't understand? Really? REALLY!? Fuck you, Solace," She screamed grabbing the old rotary phone off the coffee table and slamming it with all of her force into his face. His nose spout violently, Amber pulling back to strike again but seeing him in pain hurt too much. She never stopped praying for him return. She never believed it would happen but it remained her deepest desire.

"No, hit me again," he urged, she dropped the phone staring down horrified at the blood on her hands. She removed her rain coat to reveal a pair of short back shorts and a tank top in midnight blue.

"I can't," she sighed, dropping her dewy coat on the chair and kneeling in front of him. He removed his t-shirt, using it to quell the gushing blood from his very broken nose. When he snapped it back in place with an eerie creak she sobbed.

"I deserve it."

"You do!" She howled. "Every day, Solace! Every fucking day I dreamed of you. I prayed. I cried, I never once forgot how much I love you and it hurts!" She screamed crying in earnest now. She was only 13 when he left five year and 5 months ago but she loved him. People would scoff but she knew, her one-sided first love was real.

"I wrote you everyday. Amber, for every hundred letters I sent you, I had hundreds more I was too chicken-shit to send. I missed you. You're the only thing in this town for me. I came back for you."

"Letters! Fuck letters, Solace! Letters didn't comfort me when I started high school with no friends! Letters didn't tell me I was beautiful when I needed it so bad! Your letters made you feel better about breaking your promise but they just reminded me that I wasn't enough for you to stay," she said taking the shirt from his hands and running it under the tap, wringing out the bloody water before she returned to wipe his face clean. She was gentle, kneeling in front of him to pay special attention to the caked blood at the top of his lip.

"I didn't know, Amber. If I knew it would affect you like this I wouldn't have left you. I didn't think… I didn't know you cared so much, I'm so—" She stopped him, pressing the wet cloth against his lips.

"Don't," she warned, sliding the cloth down to catch the streaks of blood that dried near his chin.

"Sorry. So fucking sorry," Solace insisted, pulling her closer. Touching her was different now, her body larger and more shapely, in the nicest possible way.

He hadn't been with a woman since Leah, and it had been a very long, lonely stretch. She wanted to push him away but she couldn't find the willpower, wrapping her arms around his neck the way she had many years before and he took that as an okay to pull her even closer, his arms settling in the deep indents of her waist.

"I don't know if I can forgive you, Solace," she cried, the tears on his shoulder burned.

"Please don't cry," he pleaded, softly brushing the excess tears off her high cheekbones like he did when she was a child, it made her cry harder.

"Princess Pretty Face, please," he whispered in her ear. The warmth of his breath on her sensitive skin was electrifying.

She tilted her head up to catch a glimpse of his eyes, which had changed since she last saw him. Everything else stayed the same but his eyes were different, she couldn't read them. He traced her cheekbones again which were Kim's cheekbones. Feminine and defined now that she lost her childhood pounds.

"You are so beautiful," he exclaimed without decorum, he couldn't help himself. She wiped at her eyes, making dark tracks of her mascara and eyeliner.

"Why did you come back?" she asked frantically, she desperately needed him to say it again.

"For you."

"I don't need a wolf protector anymore, Solace. I can take care of myself. ANd I don't need a half-assed friend either," she said pulling him even closer still, so that her body was pressing flush against his.

"Then I'll be whatever you do need," he gulped, allowing his hand to travel from her hair down to the deep incline of her back just above the summit of her round bottom; too afraid to go any farther.

"Kiss me," she offered, like a suggestion moving her head ever so slightly to side. He inhaled her scent which affected him so differently now. As a child she smelled sweet like caramel, now that caramel was mixed with a musk, hot and sensual, all Amber.

Amber. Soft, warm, perfect. The best kiss of his very long life.