Unexpected
By Didi
Disclaimers: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.
Chapter Summary: Amanda helps Josh deal with a family crisis.
Author's Note: Okay, I hate the Amanda/JR pairing like nobody's business. It both repulses me and destroys my understanding of what human beings are like. How can JR be attracted to Ava, who is so messed up you'd like anyone with half a brain would run the other way… oh wait, look whose chasing her tails. (sigh) This almost makes me glad for the whole stupid JR/Ava storyline, though that gives me the willies as well.
Josh is still running high on my list of people I'd like to watch on the show. He's a great character made better by his redemption and the great actors he's getting to interact with. Seriously, they need to give him more stuff to do. And please, please give him some scenes with Amanda… it would fuel my imagination.
Rating: M for Mature
Key: "Spoken" "Thought"
Chapter 10 - Family
Amanda sat silently on her bed, her fear leaving her petrified. She had made it through the day by studiously hiding behind denial and work. And god knows, there was enough work for a good dozen people that the six of them had to do. With the pregnant general unable to do any of the manual labor, Amanda and Babe had roped the boys at ConFusion to help load the truck full of samples and gift bags of material. Annie and Greenlee had feverishly worked at presentation material while Di and Kendall continued the everyday necessaries to run Fusion. Amanda handled all the details of the upcoming campaign and was the general relief pitcher when someone else had to break off to handle something or other.
There had been a brief moment of painful jealousy when Ryan Lavery and Zach Slater stopped by before their business trip to New York to say good-bye to their respective wives. Amanda has never really envied anyone of anything; she's long gotten use to working for what she wanted in life for life wasn't easy for her. But seeing the tender way Zach held his wife, kissed her good bye and touched the fragile life they had created together, it made Amanda want something she hadn't realized she sought. And watching Ryan kiss his wife good bye, hearing the gentle regret in his voice at leaving her side, it made Amanda sympathize with an obviously jealous Greenlee and made Amanda want more than she's already been given. And god how she ached for something… something she didn't really understand.
Now, she was sitting there alone in the dark, the home-pregnancy test she had taken from Julia's bathroom in her hand, and all she wanted to do was crawl under the covers and deny the possibility that was staring her in the face. The logical part of her knew that she had to take the damn test to be sure; after all, it could be just a tumor or something. She laughed pathetically at that. "What the hell is the world coming to when I would prefer to have a tumor to a child?"
She couldn't even fathom what Josh would say if she were to show up and announced that she was with child. "Would he freak?" she wondered. No, not Josh. Most men of his age and station would probably fly off the handle at being confronted by the prospects of unexpected fatherhood but Josh wasn't your Average Joe; he wouldn't go off the deep end just because something unexpected has happened in his life. "I mean, look at his family life!"
No, Josh would be reasonable and responsible… which would only make it all the more difficult if… no, when they clash.
Amanda jumped when her phone rang, chiming a happy tune that didn't sit well with her morbid thoughts. She glanced at the face and made a face. It was Josh. "I can't," wishing she could. She stared at the phone, willing Josh to understand her distance, until the ringing stopped and her phone burbled that she had a miss call and a voice message.
Looking down at the pregnancy kit, she hated herself for being so weak; so pathetically coward by the thought of the 'maybe.'
"What 'maybe?' There is no 'maybe' about any of this!" She got up and paced her room. "For god sakes Amanda," she shouted at herself in the mirror, "grow up and face reality. You're pregnant. There's no getting around that little tiny fact. You. Are. Pregnant." She stared at herself a moment, her fears sparkling in her eyes. "And now you have to be sure." Giving herself a definitive nod and wiping her tears with the back of her hand, Amanda picked up the stupid little pregnancy test and took it to the bathroom. "Time to face the music."
Two minutes and twelve seconds later, Amanda felt her eyes water and her heart contract with pain. Two lines. Two vividly pink lines. There as no mistake. There was no more wondering.
She was pregnant.
"Now what are you going to do?" she asked herself in the silent and still room…
Then jumped a mile when her phone rang again. Dreading it, she looked down and felt a momentary surprise. Pressing answer, "Babe?"
-&-&-&-
"Come on, Joe? Please? She's my sister!"
Amanda heard Josh's voice and rounded the corner in a hurry, her purse hitting her back with every step. She had hurried down to the hospital as soon as she hung up with Babe and gave Del the heads up down at ConFusion.
"I'm sorry, Josh," Joe said with genuine regret as he urged his grandson back through the emergency room doors, "but you are not on staff and I cannot break the rules, not even for you." The bushy white brows over Joe's eyes came down with great concern as he gazed at the pain and torment in Josh's face. "I'll update you as soon as I know something," the gave Josh's shoulder a squeeze before he returned to the closed room.
Josh stood before the swinging doors, his hands clinched at his side in agitation as he gaze through the tiny little portal windows at his weeping sister. He understood there wasn't anything he could do… he did understand that. But it didn't mean he didn't want to do something about it.
"Josh?" Amanda said softly, not wanting to startled him out of his grief.
He turned, face stark white with fear, and for a moment there he didn't recognize who stood before him. But when he did…
Amanda thought for a moment there that Josh was going to crack a rib or two but didn't complain. She could literally feel the anxiety pouring out of him as he held her close and tried desperately to offer what little comfort she could by simply being there. "It's going to be all right," she whispered softly for his ears only, her greedy fingers digging into the muscles across his back. "Joe is the best, he's going to do whatever it takes to protect Kendall and her baby."
Arms tightening a fraction more, Josh closed his eyes and allowed a moment for his pain to overwhelm him before he beat it back with cold hard logic. Letting go slowly, he faced Amanda with a calmer demeanor. "Keep telling me that whenever I need it, okay?"
Nodding her head, she promised without words to be there for whatever it was he needed to get through this. Everything else in their lives could wait.
"Amanda?" Babe came running up and embraced her friend with the kind of fearful need you can only display with those you trust. "Thank god you're here."
"What happened?" Amanda wanted to know, instinctively reaching behind her for Josh. They touched unerringly.
"We were driving to New York and then Kendall started to have pains. She didn't want to stop at first but… but…" Babe ran an angry hand through her hair, "the pain just got worse."
Amanda nodded her understanding. "And you got her here."
Babe shook her head and looked at the closed doors. "I should have made her stop. I knew something was wrong and…"
"This is Kendall we're talking about here," Amanda said reassuringly, "No one tells her what to do."
"Still…"
"Babe," Josh reached out and touched her arm calmingly, "You did the right thing. You got her here; that's all that matters right now."
Babe looked from one to the other, her eyes straying to their connected hands for only a fraction of a second, and nodded her head reluctantly, taking some comfort from their reassurance. "I've called Di and Annie. They're turning around now and…"
"What about Zach?" Josh wanted to know, knowing how much Kendall needed her husband. "Has anyone…"
"I got in touch with him from the car but there was so much interference. I'm not sure if he got everything I was trying to tell him," Babe explained and started when Kendall suddenly gave a weeping cry of agony. "Oh my god…"
Josh rushed to the door and through it, dragging Amanda behind him without even realizing it. The sight of the usually indestructible Kendall doubled over with fear and pain left Josh cold and Amanda shocked for an immeasurable second. Pushing back his own fears, Josh went to Kendall's side, Amanda hot on his heels as she offered him strength while he offered Kendall his.
"I want Zach," Kendall sobbed as she looked up through a veil of hair and tears. "Please? I want Zach."
"I'll find Zach for you," Josh promised steadily as he took her hand.
"Josh," Joe warned sternly if somewhat unwillingly, "You can't be in here. You and Amanda will have to wait outside."
Amanda turned and physically blocked Joe and the others. "Please," she pleaded whole heartedly, "Just give them a minute. Please?" she didn't know if she was getting through but they paused. It was enough that she was stalling them; that was all she could offer at the moment.
Kendall's lower lip trembled as she squeezed her brother's hand. "Josh…" asking him something with her eyes.
"You are going to be fine," Josh swore to her. "You are a Kane," he whispered fiercely, tightening his hand around hers, "and that means something. You are going to make it through this."
For a long moment, Kendall and Josh stared at each other with the same jade eyes. They each took the other's measure and came away with a kind of knowledge that only they of the same blood could understand and accept. Kendall nodded her head slowly, accepting that Josh wouldn't mess with her right now. "Find Zach. I need Zach."
Josh nodded and straightened to leave. He took Amanda's hand but not before she reached around him and offered Kendall silent strength. He watched the two for a moment, feeling something warm and good inside before he ushered his lover out the door. "I have to go and…"
"Go," she assured him, "I'll stay here and keep you updated."
Holding her hand, Josh hesitated a moment before leaning over and pressing his lips against her cheek in a quick and sweet thanks that didn't take any words. It was just a touched, a look, an emotion that traveled though the space between them. He couldn't adequately tell her how much it meant for her to be there for him, for her to be there for his sister, for her to be there at all. With a last look that said a great deal more than he had intended to, Josh left quickly to find his boss and brother-in-law. Kendall needed him.
Watching him go, Amanda had this overwhelming urge to unburden herself to him. Would he be this frantic if it was her?
"He's crazy about you," Babe said softly and watched as Amanda twisted to face her. She had already known that her friend hadn't seen her or even realize she was still there. But then again, from the look in their eyes, Babe was surprised they'd known even where they were. "I don't think I've ever seen him look at anyone like that before."
She didn't need to be thinking clearly to understand what Babe was trying to tell her. Amanda smiled in reaction, thanking her for her thoughtfulness. She didn't know what to say right now and searched the waiting area for some kind of inspiration for… it took a moment for Amanda to realize that something was missing as she looked around. "Um... Babe? Wasn't Greenlee and Spike traveling with you?"
Babe didn't say anything but her face reflected her thoughts.
Amanda froze. "No," shaking her head. "She wouldn't," already following Babe's unfortunate thoughts without meaning to. "She wouldn't… not to Kendall. Especially not now," she shook her head, asking Babe to agree with her. "Right?"
Before Babe could utter a word, the ER doors swung open and Zach came through them at a dead run. He got to the message. Neither girls had to say anything, they merely pointed to the ER room and watched as Zach pulled himself together before entering. Babe and Amanda crowded the doorway and watched as Zach effortlessly calmed the frightened Kendall with just a touch and a smile.
Amanda backed away slowly, feeling relieved that Zach was here for his wife as it should be. She pulled her phone out and glanced at a curious Babe, "I have to call Josh, he's trying to find Zach for Kendall."
Nodding her head, Babe jumped back as Ryan came through the door in a hurry as well. Before he could ask anything, "Zach in there with her right now. We think it might be Braxton-Hicks but…" Babe trailed off as Ryan went through the door, his fear for the mother of his son outweighing the need to know whatever the hell was going on.
"Now there's a strange little family," Amanda laughed as she dialed Josh.
"But it works for them," Babe said quietly, smiling as she watched Ryan embrace Kendall. Backing away slowly, Babe pulled out her cell phone. "I'm going to call Greenlee again."
Amanda gave her a significant look. "That's probably a good idea," and waited for Josh to pick up his phone.
"Did he show up?" he wanted to know without a greeting.
"Just now with Ryan," Amanda answered quickly.
"They commandeered a helicopter."
"That doesn't really surprise me." And really, she would expect them to do something that romantically radical. "They're both with Kendall right now."
"Has Erica showed up yet?"
Looking around the bustling lobby, "Not yet."
"I'll keep trying her," Josh said quietly as he made his way back through the parking garage. "Her cell phone is off and no one at the station knows where she went."
"What about Jackson?"
"Tried him too," Josh answered taking the stairs when the elevator didn't come in a timely fashion. "No one has seen him either." He looked around and found the entrance, "Have you seen Jeff Martin around?"
"No," watching as Ryan and Zach exited the patient room with a concern Joe Martin. "Dr. Martin just came out to talk to Zach and Ryan."
"How does he look?"
"Which one?"
"My grandfather," Josh clarified picking up his pace.
"Not good," Amanda replied honestly. "Josh, I think you better get back up here."
"I'm almost there. Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Find Erica."
"I'm on it," Amanda answered and clicked her phone off just as Babe approached her again. She didn't hold out much hope as she asked, "Did you find Greenlee?"
"No answer," Babe replied, a queer look on her face. "I've got a really bad feeling about this, Amanda. Greenlee was really reluctant to take Spike but Kendall was worried that her condition was going to upset the little guy so…"
"Don't think so hard," Amanda instructed her hurried though her own mind was rushing around in a hurry, "Stay here with the others. I'm going to see if I can find Erica. She should be here for her daughter."
Babe nodded her head and looked toward where an agitated Zach listened carefully to what Dr. Joe Martin had to say. "That doesn't look good."
But Amanda was no longer listening. Erica was secondary to who she needs to call first. The last thing in the world Kendall and Josh needs right now is another worry to deal with. And to eliminate that potential problem she needed someone that can help find people.
"Devane," was the gruff answer in that slightly accented tone of his.
"Aidan, it's Amanda."
"What's the matter?" hearing the tension in her voice.
Not sure how much to tell him without making this seem like an over reaction to something, "Babe just brought Kendall into the hospital for premature labor pains."
"Is she all right?"
"For now, but that's not why I'm calling."
"What's happened?"
"Greenlee was suppose to bring Spike to the hospital; she was suppose to be right behind Babe and Kendall but…" Amanda glanced around the ER lobby without hope that this has resolved itself by now. "But she hasn't shown up yet."
There was a long pause on the other end as Aidan considered this a moment. "Give me the details."
"I don't know anything." Amanda admitted quietly as she watch Josh rush to Zach's side and listened intently at what Joe was telling them. "Aidan, this doesn't look good and Kendall can't handle this right now."
"I'm on my way," Aidan replied quietly and hung up.
Sighing with relief at having placed that problem on hold for now, Amanda began to dial through every number she still retained from her time on Erica's production company. She then moved onto possible mutual acquaintances, which meant some delays as Amanda was forced to explain why there was an urgent need to find Erica Kane. As a last resort, she called Derek Frye. Of course, the chief of police had no idea where the diva of Pine Valley was but Amanda managed to relied her concerns to her father's old friend. To say that Derek was less then thrill with a possible amber alert was an understatement. With a great deal of pleading and cajoling, Amanda talked him into at least coming down to the hospital to see the situation first hand.
Having ran out of options, Amanda reluctantly hung up her phone with a crushed sigh.
"Any luck?" Josh asked softly from over her shoulders.
Turning, Amanda stared at him for a moment. He looked tired. He looked scared. Worse of all, he looked vaguely defeated. She hated giving people bad news and this was the one time she really didn't want to. Shaking her head, she offered an apology.
"It's okay," taking her into his arms with a sigh. "You did your best; thank you."
She held on tight, feeling the tension across his back as she watched Aidan cautiously approach a worried Babe. Gladden that Aidan wasn't wasting any time speculating as to what might be, she pulled back and decided to concentrate on Josh for the time being. "How is she?"
"They're trying to stop the labor medicinally," he explained slowly, "But she's got to bring her stress level down. She's scared and feeling guilty for having pushed her body so hard lately. If they can't bring her blood pressure down, they're going to have to take the baby."
"But it's too soon," turning to stare at the closed doors of the ER exam room.
"I know," Josh said resignedly knowing there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help right now. "The baby's chances aren't good if they have to deliver this early."
"Isn't there anything they can do?" She so wished her voice hadn't become so desperate, so fearful.
He didn't say anything, didn't know what to say as he took a breath and try to figure out his next step. Turning, he frowned as Ryan made an angry movement with his hand. "What the hell…" and moved toward the rising voices, his hand connected firmly to Amanda's.
"Keep your voice down," Zach ordered sharply, closing the door to his wife's room firmly behind him. His face reflected none of the obvious fears that should be racing through his mind. "Kendall does not need this right now."
"Greenlee has Spike," Ryan blurted out without preamble.
While it wasn't exactly deer in the headlight, Zach appeared not completely himself. Glancing back once more through the tiny little portal hole at his pale and frightened wife, Zach reached over and grabbed Ryan's arm to drag him away from the door. "What happened?"
Ryan's rapid-fire responses did little to assure the gathering group of people. His obvious fear for his child's safety said a great deal about the kind of man he was. Zach insisted on not telling Kendall, at least until they know for certain what has happened as far as Greenlee and Spike was concern, or until Kendall and the baby was out of immediately danger. It was into this chaos that Erica Kane made her appearance.
"Josh!" Erica reached for her son without fail and Josh reluctantly let go of Amanda' hand to comfort his mother. "Tell me what's happening. I have all these voice mails telling me…"
"This isn't about you, Erica," Zach interrupted harshly and without any remorse. "This is about Kendall and her children." His fear was too much on the surface for Erica to object or question. There was very little in the world that could unnerve Zach Slater and whatever was happening with Kendall has seriously thrown Zach off. That was more than enough to make Diva Erica understand that severity of the situation.
Amanda closed her eyes and prayed a moment, letting whatever powers that be up above hear her and protect those around her.
"Are you all right?" Aidan asked quietly as he took Amanda's arm and pulled her to the side. He kept a careful eye on Josh and Erica, both of whom were talking over each other and with Zach as they established what needs to be done for Kendall.
"Can you find Greenlee?" Amanda asked pleadingly as she turned and saw Ryan argue heatedly with Derek Frye. She couldn't hear the conversation, both men speaking in harsh whispering tones in deference of the patients around them, but she could easily see the argument escalading. "I think it's imperative that we find Spike immediately for Ryan if not Kendall."
Aidan followed her gaze and nodded his head quietly. "I've got enough details to get started." He looked around and frowned with concern as Jonathan crashed through the emergency room doors and went immediately to Ryan's side. "Will you be all right here alone?"
"I'm not alone," Amanda reminded him quietly.
"I know but…"
"I'll be fine," grateful for his concern.
"You look pale," he observed seriously.
"I'm fine," she assured him and glanced at the agitated Zach and Josh as the two of them watched an anxious Erica make her way to her daughter's side. "I'll be even better when Kendall is holding her own without mediation and has her son in her arms."
Not saying anything, Aidan leaned over and have Amanda an one-armed hug and sighed. He wasn't blind, he hadn't missed Josh's possessive hold on Amanda's hand through all this time. "I've got to go."
"Do what you have to," she said grimly to him and glanced Josh's way for a second before turning back, "whatever it takes to bring Spike back to his mom and dad."
"Whatever it takes?" Aidan asked curiously, wondering if Amanda realize what she was asking.
Remember all the awful, hateful things Greenlee said that drunk night at ConFusion, the way Kendall constantly tried to reintegrate Greenlee back into the fold, all the stories of what Kendall tried to do to bring a little peace into Greenlee's destructive life and the tender way Kendall held little Spike in her arms and baby talked to the boy about their new addition to their happy little family. No matter what things Kendall has done in her life, she didn't deserve this. No one did. And after what Adam Chandler did to Tad and Krystal, Amanda sure the hell wasn't going to sit around and watch it happen again. Steeling herself to become her mother's daughter just this once, she looked Aidan in the eye and repeated, "Whatever it takes."
Nodding once to let Amanda know he understood where she stood, Aidan left without a word. There was a child to be found and hanging around the hospital worrying about Kendall wasn't going to bring the kid home any sooner. There was work to be done.
"Where's he going?" Josh wanted to know as he approached Amanda and watched Aidan head out with only a quick word to an restless Ryan.
"Things to do, people to see," she said with a quick shrug, "And a baby to fine," she added silently as she took his arm. There was no need to get his hopes up quite yet. "How is Kendall?"
Josh took a breath and rubbed his eyes. "Labor has slowed but hasn't stopped. Joe is hopeful but…" he looked over as Jeff suddenly appeared through the door of the ER. His first stop: Jackson Montgomery. Jackson, like the gentleman that he is, pulled Jeff aside and filled him in on the details. It took all but a few moments before Joe joined them and gave Jeff the dirty medical version of what was going on. Jeff's reaction made Josh sick with worry; he was arguing with Joe. "That's not what I was hoping for."
"Have faith," Amanda whispered and promised herself that she would believe as well, "And go talk to them. You were a doctor and you are family. If there's one person they can be straight and technical with, it's you. Go," giving him a quick shove. "I'm going to check in with the girls."
He nodded and parted reluctantly. "Be here when I get back?"
"Of course," she smiled. "I'm not going anywhere."
-&-&-&-
Three hours later, after all hell has broken loose, Josh came back and found Amanda exactly where he had left her. She was silently sitting in an uncomfortable hard back chair flipping through several spreadsheets and chewing the plastic top of her pen to bits. The empty cup holders at her feet would explain where everyone were getting their java from.
"Hey," he greeted and sat down by her side.
Amanda shifted the burden in her lap to the next sheet and greeted him with a hopeful smile. "What's the word?"
"They found Spike," he said sadly.
"Oh thank goodness. Ryan and Kendall must be so…"
"But…" he interrupted her premature celebration.
The bottom dropped in her stomach. "But?"
Josh held his hand out and she took it. "There was an accident." She didn't say a word, just squeezed his hand, letting him have a moment to react now that he was away from the others. He didn't need to be understanding to Zach or Ryan, didn't need to pretend everything was going to be okay for his mother and sister, he could simply react. Josh closed his eyes, feeling the rush of terrified tears and pushed back the fear as far as it would go. It was like trying to beat the tide back with a wet towel. "There's internal bleeding. They've rushed him into the OR."
"Does Kendall…"
He nodded his head slowly, feeling the tears surface no matter how hard he tried to restrain it. "They were wheeling her into surgery when Spike was brought in. She…" he took a breath, never opening his eyes. "She saw him. Kendall saw her little boy being wheeled into the OR along side her."
"Oh my god…" Amanda couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of thoughts and fears were racing through Kendall's mind.
Josh took another breath to calm the painful pressure in his chest. Everything inside of him hurt at the moment. He's never felt so helpless in his life. He wanted to be strong for Kendall and her children but right now, all he wanted to howl at the skies for this injustice. "They're just babies."
Without considering it too hard, Amanda crawled into his lap, winding her arms around his neck and pressed him hard against her. He wrapped himself around her, holding on so tight that it hurt. He vaguely felt the sympathy tears from Amanda against his neck as he let go of his feelings silently against her shoulder, able to react for the first time since he got that god awful phone call. And they stayed there, just like that, for a whole fifteen minutes until Josh could feel his emotions calm and his uncontrollable tears stemmed.
Pulling back, Josh brushed Amanda's face with his hands, pushing back the stray hair that hid her from view. In her face, he saw all kinds of things he didn't completely understanding and yet… "You look tired."
Whatever it was Amanda was expecting, that wasn't it. Laughing a little, she nodded her head slowly. "Yeah... but I don't look nearly as tired as I'm sure you feel."
"Go home, Amanda," he said standing slowly, and helping her to her feet. "We don't both need to be here."
"I don't mind," she assured him with a smile.
"I know," he said quietly, gratefully. "But I don't want you tiring yourself out. Especially since Kendall is going to be relying on you even more now."
"What do you mean?" confused.
"Fusion and ConFusion are businesses," he said quietly, "they need looking after, just as Cambius Industries does. You and I will be helping to hold down the forts while Kendall and Zach deal with their little family. You need to stay on top of your game."
"But…"
"I'm going to sit with Zach until Kendall comes out of surgery," he said quietly. "I've got to know that Kendall and her kids are going to be okay. You… you need to go home and get some sleep. You worked all yesterday and sat here all night. You've got to be dead on your feet by now."
"I'm okay."
He hugged her. "I'd feel better knowing you've gotten some rest. Trade off with me later and let me know how my sister and her kids are doing."
When he put it like that, Amanda really didn't have a whole lot of choices. "Okay."
He squeezed her tight one more time and then let go with a sigh. Though he wouldn't admit it to himself, he wanted her to stay for his sake, if doing nothing but hold his hand. But Amanda looked pale and wane in the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital; almost as tiny and fragile as Kendall does in her stark white hospital gown… and it scares him. "I'll call you."
She touched his cheek once with her hand and slowly pulled away. "You better," she warned mockingly as she picked up her purse and papers with a tired hand. She didn't say it but she was thankful that he wanted her gone for now. She was aching from head to foot, and she felt sick with worry about Kendall, Spike and her own predicament. But Josh didn't need her problems right now, he's got enough on his plate.
Walking her to the elevator, Josh briefly wanted to kiss her. But he knew that if he did, he'd beg her to stay. So, with tired eyes, he watched her go, making an effort to smile for her benefit then made his way back to the waiting area. In silence, he sat down by Ryan and Annie and prepared himself for the wait.
-&-&-&-
Amanda didn't question her instinct to go "home." Somewhere along the way, Josh's quiet little apartment had become home to her: somewhere safe and peaceful. She glanced around the darkened living room and decided not to turn on the light, it was better in the dark. Sitting down on the couch, she allowed herself a moment to simply breath in and out and letting go some of the guilt and tension she's held in since she left Josh's side.
She barely reacted when shrill of phone disrupted the calm of the room. But things needed to be handled. "Hello?"
"Amanda Dillon?"
"Yes?"
"This is Dr. Hillard of the Psychiatric Ward at…"
"I know where," she interrupted tiredly. "What can I do for you, Doctor?"
"I'm calling about Janet Marlowe Dillon ."
She felt a quiet dread. "Has something happened to my mother?"
"Not exactly."
"What is it then?"
"She's been agitated lately. She's been asking for you repeatedly in the last two days. I was wondering, if you have a few hours, if you could come and visit with her. I think it would help."
Running a quick hand through her hair, "I just saw her a week ago. Did something happen to trigger her?"
"Not that I am aware of."
"Has someone else visited her?" remembering that Adam Chandler had been a great disturbance in her mother's life.
"No, not since you came to see her."
Amanda suddenly felt trapped and angry. It's as if the world was trying to see how far they can push her before she broke the same way her mother did. But as quickly as her anger came, she became deflated, numbed with nothing. "All right. Can you let my mother know that I'll try to come by today? I just…" she looked around the dark room, searching for something without quite knowing what. "I'll see her soon."
"Of course. Thank you," Dr. Hillard said quietly before hanging up.
Tired and defeated, Amanda sat her phone down and rested her head. Something poked sharply in her hair and she looked up to see a folder of papers. Curious, she lifted it and turned on the lights. "A Study on the Hereditary Influences of Mental Illnesses." She felt herself sink a little before she turned to the next set of papers in the folder. "Common Genetic Traits of Inherited Mental Diseases. A History of Mental Retardation."
Not needing to see any more, Amanda very calmly closed the folder and placed it back. Her heart hurt a little until it grew numb as she got up slowly and walked to the door. By the time she reached her car, she didn't feel anything anymore. She was so deathly distant from herself that she might have been surprised she got to the Psychiatric Hospital without causing an accident if she had actually stopped to consider it.
Janet Dillon's twittering delight at seeing her baby didn't effect the calm and effectually cold Amanda at all. She said all the right things and answered all the questions from her mother and the doctors without blinking an eye. Everything appeared great and normal and Janet submitted to more neurological tests after Amanda softly asked her to comply with the doctor's requests. When Amanda left the hospital, it was with a promise to her mother that she'd be around more and would see her soon. It was the same old song and dance; she was use to it by now.
Driving home, Amanda stopped at the boat house and sat by the water's edge for a moment. This had been her sanctuary; the calming sounds of the lapping water soothing her nerves and emotions as nothing else will. It reminded her of better days with her normal mother, her wonderful father and her teasing brother, together at the house or the fishing cabin; it was the happiest time of her life. It was before her mother's insanity, her father's inability to recognize the growing dangers and before Tim angrily left home after yet another roll with their father. The boat house had been where she felt safe; before Josh came into her life. And now… now it wasn't the same any more. She didn't feel calm and safe here, not with memories of being with Josh here; it haunted her. Then her mind finally coming to terms with the events of the last 24 hours.
And she burst into tears.
To be continue…
Feed back? Anyone still reading this?