(MADELEINE'S POV)
*84 Lbs.
The shiny black bangs of her hair blew into her face as a small gust of winter air swirled around Madeleine. Irritated by this, Madeleine grabbed a rubber band off of her thin wrist and pulled her hair up messily as her feet crunched through the ice in the cemetery parking lot.
Huffing out a sigh of irritation, Madeleine failed at pushing away her bangs from her face, so she let her hair be, keeping it tied up.
The sky was overcast with wintry clouds, but no flakes fell upon her; just bitter wind nipping at her exposed neck and face.
After passing the entry gates of the cemetery, she spotted something moving in the corner of her eye. Madeleine snapped her head back to check the empty parking lot several yards behind her. She could have sworn she saw something or someone.
Shrugging off the uneasiness, Madeleine strode between graves, frowning at the spark of sadness filling the emptiness inside of her chest. Not only was her 'friendship' with Johnny confusing her, meeting her early on Christmas Eve after having died and resurrected, and the sudden emotional conflicts between them, but she had to visit her dead parents every year since she was a child on one of the happiest, most joyful holidays.
Although visiting her parents could be seen as a gift for a Christmas present, it was an awful depressing memory to hold onto. She loved her parents dearly, with her whole heart, but buried, lifeless bodies never reassured Madeleine or had strengthened her spirit.
After coming to a stop at her parents' headstones, she tilted her head to the side and stepped upon the compacted snow above the graves. Squatting down into the fluffy snow, Madeleine scooped up the cold flakes and crushed some of the crystals into a ball, while the outer coat melted due to the warmth inside of her palm.
Gritting her teeth, she choked out some uneven breaths, blinking away invisible tears that hid in her eyes. Letting go of the small snowball, Maddie sniffed and laughed.
Pushing herself up, she continued to scoff at herself, realizing her self-pity. She laughed at how depressing her whole life had been until now. Her parents dying... living with her abusive aunt and uncle… the anorexia and the cutting… growing up without the reassurance of friendship… leaving her family and highschool to run away from something she could never get rid of. The list of unfortunate events leading up to being chained in Johnny's chambers, growing a friendship with a homicidal maniac.
That in itself, growing a friendship with a serial killer, was none other than completely crazy. But feeling passion for Johnny? The probability that Johnny could possibly love her back the way she did for him?
Her laughter had morphed into sobs, unmistakable tears streaming down her face as her feet grew numb in the snow.
Propping her elbow on her arm which circled around her waist, she buried her tear-soaked face into her hand and tried to focus on calming her obnoxious weeping.
The comfort of a mother, the protectiveness of a father…
Shuddering, Madeleine gave up on standing, and plopped down into the snow, sitting only feet above the lifeless corpses of her decaying parents.
Setting her elbows on her knees, Maddie leaned forward and laid her head in her hands, trying to push out the increasing emotion of sadness, dwelling inside of herself.
It was then that she began to hum to a tune, rocking herself back and forth, trying to soothe herself of her mourning and sadness through a song.
Opening her mouth, she began to sing, but her voice cracked and wavered with emotion, flawing her vocals.
"There's snow on your face
And your razor blade
The twilight is bruised
And there you lie,"
Maddie began to smile as a few more tears fell down her face, continuing the song with a less burdened and cracked voice.
"Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you
We'll cry tonight
And in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun
We'll dry you-,"
Madeleine abruptly stopped singing, her breath catching in her throat from hearing the crunch of snow from behind her and a pair of strong hands pulling her up from the snow. Gasping with surprise, Madeleine craned her neck and looked up to see Johnny's face mixed with pity.
Once she was on her feet, she quickly wiped away the tears that were starting to dry on her cheeks before being pulled into an awkward, but comforting hug.
"It is truly a wonder that you have beautiful vocals, yet you stop singing once you gather an audience. But, unfortunately, I digress; why do you come here to mourn?"
Madeleine's face turned a splotchy shade of red at the unexpected visit from Johnny and the compliment. Of course, she had sung in front of him once before, but she didn't expect him to be so openly kind to her like that.
Embarrassed, Madeleine still clutched onto Johnny in attempt to absorb comfort, desperately trying to push out the sadness and the memories that consumed her mind. The red stains of blood on the floor from her dead parents, running away from her aunt and uncle for freedom and safety, becoming locked up in Johnny's house, growing a friendship…
Nny leaving her, alone in her hotel room with nothing to hold onto except for the voice in her head.
Johnny coming back several days earlier and the kiss they shared.
Madeleine sobbed out another hum, before shutting her eyes and trying to focus on the current emotion that curled and consumed everything else inside of her.
Sighing, Madeleine pulled herself off of Johnny rested her forehead on his chest and shook her head in confusion.
"I miss you; them; everything."
Madeleine sobbed out these words, still shaking her head before turning away from him to stare at the graves.
"my parents, you, everything passes my by. I miss food; I miss hunger. I miss feeling comfort, contentment… certainty of everything around you. I miss last night, and what happened between you and I; but I hate myself for being so selfish. I hate it all."
She had started scoffing at herself again, angry at herself for the possessiveness and the selfishness that thrived beneath her skin, picking at the edges of her scars and burning the shallow, recent cuts under her bandages.
Popping her neck, shoulders and knuckles, trying to relieve the tension building inside, she continued, "I hate missing the things that mean the most. I hate when you hug and kiss me, I hated skating with you and I hated the friendship that grew between us. I hate you, because all I can do is love you, and even that's not enough."
(JOHNNY'S POV)
Staring at the nape of her neck, Johnny's face grew a sick shade of white as she said these words, ""I hate missing the things that mean the most. I hate when you hug and kiss me, I hated skating with you and I hated the friendship that grew between us. I hate you, because all I can do is love you, and even that's not enough."
Immortalize… her… the moment…
Clenching his jaw, Johnny shoved the whispers out of his head as his eyes traced her sharp cheekbone and up to her lips which were formed in a tight, thin line. The skin on her face was a light shade of pink, either from a blush or from the chilly air outside.
"oh…," Madeleine looked back to Johnny, "and thank you for the compliment."
She opened her mouth, letting her shoulders hang loose as she stared at the graves, reciting the song from the beginning.
"Tell the swine
We will make it out alive
There's a note in the pages of a book
So sleep tonight
We'll sleep dreamlessly this time
When we awake we'll know that everything's alright,"
Johnny stared in awe, losing himself in the soft tone of her voice, swaying to the beat of the lullaby.
"Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you
Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's still strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's still hope left in it yet
There's snow on your face
And your razor blade
The twilight is bruised
And there you lie
Sing to me about the end of the world
End of these hammers and needles for you
We'll cry tonight
And in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun
We'll dry your eyes
Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for
There's still strength left in us yet
Hold on to the world we all remember dying for
There's still hope left in it yet,"
Becoming so fixated on her voice, Johnny closed his eyes and focused on the words, pushing the voice in his head out and fighting off the emotional urges boiling from inside of him.
"Sing, sing
Arise
Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed
Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed
Arise and be
All that you dreamed
All that you dreamed."
Johnny gazed at the side of her face, his actions lost within the sound of her voice. Heat raced through his veins, the mixture of love and lust pulsing through him.
Madeleine turned around with another tear crawling down her face. But before she could wipe it away with a flick of her hand, Johnny got to it first, cupping her face with a hand and wiping it away with a thin thumb.
"There is nothing I can do about your parents. I can sympathize, but that is all I can do. Hunger… I promised to help you with your anorexia, did I not," Johnny frowned as he continued, "I can give you comfort and contentment through time. I preferably thought last night was quite enjoyable to an extent; I had to end it, however, in order to save you."
Johnny smirked and his face flushed at the memory of the kiss, another wave of emotion toppling over him. But the moment lasted shortly before the smile fell back to a frown.
"Selfishness is something to be expected of. It's a natural thing; but to be felt for me… not so much. I do not regret anything that happened yesterday; we had fun talking, skating, and enjoying ourselves. I am, however, confused as to why you hate yourself for loving me."
Johnny brushed his lips against Madeleine's before pulling her back into a hug, "Madeleine, you just told me you love me. I know only one that I love, and one that loves me. We could…I just need some time."
Nny toyed with Maddie's hair which was pulled up messily, but attractively. Her bangs were not tied back, but it looked nice all the same. In response, Madeleine buried her face in his neck, shuddering out a long sigh before pushing herself away from him.
Sniffing, she stepped up to the headstones, and brushed away the cold flakes that hid the epitaphs before she kissed her hands and laid them upon the stones. Turning around, Madeleine stepped off the graves and took one last look at the names before repressing a shudder and looking to the clouds.
It was snowing once again.
Johnny thought of something quick, excited about his sudden planned schedule for the day.
"C'mon, I have someone I want you to meet," Johnny said with a half smile, "er, would you mind if I used your car?"
Madeleine looked from the overcast sky to Johnny with saddened eyes and shrugged her shoulders, "sure, go right ahead." Madeleine's face brightened slightly from the change in topic, ready to relieve herself of the depressing situation between Johnny, Madeleine, and the graves.
The two headed out of the cemetery, hands shoved into the pockets of their jackets with determined faces.
(10 minutes later)
(MADELEINE'S POV)
The car came to a stop in front of a small house with a snowman sitting in the front lawn. It was just an ordinary house, built with an assortment of reddish-brown bricks and a dark, slanted roof. It was a one story house with a few windows decorating the front and the sides of the home.
Johnny smiled widely as he exited the car, taking the keys out of the ignition and passing them to Madeleine who had a worried look spread on her face.
Maddie never was an expertise at being introduced to people-no, she had NEVER been introduced to anyone, so she was quite frankly afraid and anxious to meet a 'friend' of Johnny's.
Following Johnny to the side of the house, Madeleine became thoroughly confused as to why they would go around.
Moving stealthily past the fence and behind several bushes, Johnny led her to a window, looking through to a bedroom with smiley face wallpaper and a small, twin bed.
Johnny tapped on the window before prying it open and looking in with interest and excitement before whispering,
"Hey, Squee-gee!"
(AUTHOR'S NOTE:)
Hehe cliff hanger…
Hope you liked this one. It might not be the best of the chappies, but be expecting some more romance to come up! I will NOT ADD ANYTHING MORE THAN A HEATED MAKE OUT. NO MORE than that…
(*) from now on, I will be giving you numbers at the beginning of ever chapter, or the first time that it is Madeleine's point of view for the chapter. The numbers list her weight.
Squee-gee…. Madeleine is meeting Squee.
The lyrics… well, I was listening to them as I was writing the chapter… and flyleaf is naturally awesome. I know, some of you might not appreciate flyleaf, or the fact that it might or might not be a Christian band, so stay away from any religious topics in the reviews if you would to respect any readers. Thank you.
DISCLAIMERS!
The song ONLY belongs to Flyleaf. Not me.
Johnny and any JTHM characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not me.
I own Madeleine.
I apologize for the OOCness, but you were warned. Do not complain about the romance, because you were warned in the previous chappies.
Do not hurt me, I am just a crazy fangirl writing stories for you sappy romance JTHM readers out there. I hope you like the story so far, be ready for more twists and turns for the romance conflicts!
Oh, and if you would, please, review.
"Funny thing is, Pinnochio's a real boy, but his wiring's all fucked up."
-Johnny the Homicidal Maniac/ Jhonen Vasquez