Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.
BELLA
March soon turned into April.
Time crawled lazily, and I had already found myself in Alaska for two weeks. The snow was the most consistent thing about my stay so far. It never budged, neither gaining nor losing volume. The trees – hemlock groves and spruces – were starting to grow most of their greenery back, little green buds springing from the ends of branches. Birds nested in the high tops of the trees, readying their homes for little ones as they sang sweetly. Footprints decorated the snow in the mornings, and I watched Edward move into the dark edge of the forest most mornings, snow decorating his mussed hair. Most days I spent the extra twelve hours – day or night – counting the minutes. In the past couple of days, I gathered that daylight had increased an extra forty-two minutes. Once, Esme came up with my bag of blood as I watched the sun set into the horizon and described how I'd get to see the midnight sun in a few months. She said it was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen in her lifetime.
My alarm went off, and I hit the button with ease, not bothering to look up from where I was laying down in my bed. Alice gave me the alarm clock as a means of keeping time and to stop myself from wallowing for too long. She generously allowed me three hours a day of self-pity. I rolled my eyes at the memory of it. How kind.
I pulled the warm and cozy comforter over my head, nestling into the bed. If I could just get warm, I could have tricked myself into a false sleep. My breaths were slow and shaky. I was still getting used to the strange sensation of not having to breathe. I felt as if I could feel every minuscule movement of my body. My lungs felt so strange, expanding and depressing every few seconds. There was also the matter of being freezing at all times. It felt as if a deep winter chill had settled into my chest, and no hot baths and piles of warm blankets could fix it.
"Bella! Get up slug-a-bug!" Alice called, bursting into my room. I groaned, pulling the covers around me tighter. She ripped them off of me effortlessly. I glare up at her, hissing at the sudden burst of light in my room.
Alice cackled. "You don't have to live up to the stereotype, you know. Names hurt, Bella." Alice teased, bringing up a hand to her chest in mock scandal. I chuckled slightly, sitting myself up. Alice set a cardboard box on my bed, handing me a box cutter.
"What's all this?"
"Some clothes," She said nonchalantly, not waiting for me to open the box. She dug in with her nails, ripping open the tape.
"Seriously? More clothes?"
"Seriously? You have no clothes."
I raised an eyebrow, turning to my rapidly filling closet, now overflowing with dresses, blouses, sweaters and more skinny jeans than I could ever go through. "I think I might be good for now Alice."
Alice only smiled, bringing out the garment with a flourish. It was a plain yellow woolen coat, with ivory whalebone buttons. Soft, dense wool lined the inside of the coat, and I smiled as my hands sunk into the luxuriousness. "It's nice," I admitted.
"I knew you would," Alice smirked, pushing the coat into my arms. "Now go hang it up."
"Yes master," I grumbled, getting up from my comfortable position and padding over to the closet. I straightened the pajamas I was wearing, relishing in the soft feel of the jersey on my skin. Alice moaned about buying me something comfortable to wear around the house, grumbling how I don't even need to sleep. I wouldn't budge. While I was deeply appreciative of how much she was doing for me and the massive expense it was, I couldn't let Alice dictate all of my personal choices. If I gave her an inch, she'd take a mile.
Alice only agreed when she found a pretty – and designer – pajama set. She wouldn't let me look at the price, knowing I'd complain, but I'd forgotten all about that when I put them on.
"So what's the plan for today?" I asked Alice, reaching up for a hanger. The past week Alice had been trying to do a new activity every day to keep me from succumbing to cabin fever and my turbulent emotional state. So far we had watched The Princess Bride thrice, watched documentaries on ancient alien civilizations taking over the Earth, played a scavenger hunt around the house, and played an assortment of Emmett and Jasper's old video games they had left behind here. Alice was surprisingly violent and vicious when it came to winning at video games, and in my frustration at losing, I accidentally crushed the remote controller.
"Do you know how to play poker?"
I hesitated. The game seemed familiar. I think Charlie and his friends Billy and Harry would play it on Friday nights during the summer. "Maybe?" I whispered to myself. I turned to Alice, seeing her frown at my hesitance.
"Well, that's okay. We can teach you another time. Go fish?"
I groaned at that one. "Please, no go fish. I think I had to play that by myself when I was younger."
"Were you by yourself a lot?"
"Yeah, kind of," I answered vaguely. The memories of my childhood weren't as fuzzy as I thought they may have been, but I had been trying to remember so much of my human life lately. I had been trying to write everything as they came to me in a spiral notebook I found, so I'd have something to look back at as the years go on.
Renee and I got by when I was younger, and Charlie paid child support religiously, but there were still instances where we really struggled. Renee never had the money to drop me off at daycare, so she insisted I stay safe and out of harm's way while she went to work or to night class. When I was in elementary school, I'd take the bus home after school ended for the day, make myself a snack and go to town on my homework. After all my responsibilities were taken care of, I'd have to entertain myself for the next few hours. Hours of silent go fish became old quickly.
"So you're used to taking care of yourself then." She said, a strange emotion crossing her face. I couldn't make out what it was before she caught herself.
"Pretty much," I shrugged. "My mom was either always working or taking classes. It got better when she got her degree and license, but I've been used to being in my own head for long periods of time."
"Huh. You don't say. Well, why don't you come downstairs with me, we can get you something to drink."
I made a face, and Alice stared me down. "I know you're downplaying your thirst, now come on."
Alice took my arm and pulled me up, dragging me down the hallway as I protested. We reached the first floor in a few seconds. Esme was sitting on one of the couches, drawing on a large sketchpad. She drew dramatic lines across the paper from where I could see, and her intense concentration was broken when Alice and I bounded down the stairs. She smiled.
"Hello Bella," She murmured, putting down her pad next to her. She stood, dusting eraser bunnies off of her pants. "How are you feeling?"
"Alright," I said quietly.
"Are you thirsty?"
I only nodded, following Esme and Alice into the kitchen. I sat at the island, fidgeting with the edge of my shirt as Esme rummaged through the fridge. She pulled out a half bag of blood, and the scent from the open fridge door hit me. I visibly stiffened, trying to hold back my sudden and deep thirst. I balled my fists tightly to stop myself from tackling Esme for the bag. The venom started to pool into my mouth, and the primitive part of me wanted nothing more to find something to sink my teeth into. Alice noticed my body language and cleared her throat for Esme to notice. Esme glanced at my form, hurrying up. She handed me the bag, and I swallowed nervously, before sucking furiously at the bag. The cold blood washed down my throat, and the taste of iron filled my senses. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as my conscious looked on in disgust. In my haste, I inadvertently dribbled blood onto my shirt as I downed the bag, staining the neck. Beads of blood rolled down into my shirt and onto my breasts.
Esme rubbed my back as I broke away, breathing heavy. I shivered, shaking the cold out of my body as the blood started to settle in. "Are you alright?" Esme asked, concerned.
I shook my head yes, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
"Was the blood too cold for you?" Alice suggested.
Esme made a face, pulling out her cell phone from her pocket. "I can call Carlisle. It's probably time to wean you off of those bags anyway."
Carlisle had left us after a few days to go back to Forks. He joked that Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie would surely get into some type of trouble while they were home alone. He also had the added responsibility of making sure all of their loose ends were tied up when they would leave Forks after a few months. The plan was to let people know that the family would be moving back up to Alaska for good, but they'd wait until graduation to make the big move. In the meantime, we'd been receiving plenty of packages of everyone's belongings, that way they wouldn't have to haul so many things when it came time to leave.
"You haven't hunted –really hunted - since we left Forks," Alice whispered to herself. She grabbed the bag of blood, scrutinizing it. "Cold, still blood isn't very appetizing." She sniffed the bag. "Can blood go bad?"
Esme froze. "I'm not sure if we thought of that."
"It tasted alright." I interrupted. "I mean, as alright as it can be. It's kind of funky tasting, but I don't know if it's because I don't like it or if it's actively rotting."
Alice looked at the bag in her hands, debating something. She takes a sudden swig from the bag and shivered. "Ugh! It's so cold," She shivered dramatically. "It tastes fine though. We should probably look into blood going bad though. I can't believe we didn't think of that…" She muttered to herself.
"I thought that you think of everything Alice," I said lightly, sucking some leftover blood off of my lip.
"We drink fresh blood Bella! We never have to worry about it going bad!" Alice whined.
Esme was murmuring into the phone, glancing at me and the bag of blood. She whispered her love to Carlisle and the rest of the family before hanging up. "Carlisle thinks maybe it's time to get you actively hunting instead of just relying on cold IV bags," Esme said. "Warm blood is much more appetizing than…this." Esme made a face as she pointed to the IV bag.
"I think I'd rather just starve," I said, reaching for a napkin and wiping up the blood I spilled. I cleaned the dribble of blood dripping down my chin and neck, frowning. My shirt was a mess, and it would probably take some strong bleach for the already drying stains to come out. My hands were sticky from the clean-up.
"You have to get used to it at some point Bella." Alice pointed out, taking the napkin from me and throwing it into the trash can across the room with perfect precision. "And it'll be safer here. There won't be any humans like last time."
I suppose she was right. The scent the human last time threw me into an uncontrollable thirst. I would have been no better than the monsters that did this to me. I still couldn't fathom hunting though. I was still horrified at what I'd done to that poor buck. Its sad cries as it struggled to move haunted me. I wondered what that pregnant doe thought as it ran for its life. I originally was going to go for the doe, but then I'd caught a glimpse of her expanding belly, the heaviness of new life hanging inside her. On one of our vacations to California, Charlie pointed out a sleek doe and a small fawn beside her. I must have been seven, or maybe eight at that time, and voiced my thoughts on how they looked like they belonged in Bambi. The memory sprung from a locked chest into my mind at that very moment, and I changed my direction to the buck.
Alice seemed to know what was on my mind. "That won't happen again this time. We'll be there with you."
"Will Edward come?" I asked suddenly.
Alice raised an eyebrow, biting down on her lip. "Sure, if you'd like that. I doubt he'd say no to a mountain lion, or something predator like."
I felt Esme's eyes on me, and I turned towards her. She was staring at me like she was trying to figure something out and it was just on the tip of her tongue. There was no malice in her gaze, only curiosity.
"Is something wrong?" I asked timidly.
She snapped out of it, her wide eyes blinking. "No, nothing's wrong." She assured me, smiling. She picked up her phone that was resting on the counter, stuffing it back into her pocket. Esme smiled softly at me before leaving the room.
"I'm just thinking." She murmured to herself.
I decided to take a quick shower after Alice watched me down the rest of the blood bag. She convinced me to drink at least another half, and I obliged, wanting to rid myself of the throat burn. I turned up the water's temperature, feeling the hot pulse of the water on my back. I leaned my head on the tiles, staring down at my feet in a daze as my thoughts rolled around in my mind.
I had somehow picked up duel cards of fortune. In one, I had become the victim of a grisly fate, cursed to walk the Earth year after year, century after century. I closed my eyes. I had been a vampire for what - three weeks now? Four? The time had already slowed to a crawl. I knew Alice was born in the 1900s, but what of the others? Had old were they truly? How had they managed to stay sane after all these years, drinking the blood of animals?
On the other hand, I knew I'd been lucky to have the care of the Cullen's as I transitioned. Were it not for them, I might be living a terrifying life as a murderer of innocents and wondering what I had been turned into. The Cullen's had given me all the necessities and more.
I snapped out of it. The hot water pounding on my back was the only noise in the air. Along with the hissing steam. I stopped breathing.
If only I could just drop dead. My hair stuck to my face as I focused on not breathing. A pressure on my chest soon started to make me feel uneasy, but still, I pressed on. It was deeply uncomfortable. I could hold my breath for longer it felt, but the uneasiness started to get to me, and I took in a gulp of air, leaning against the tiled wall as the hot water continued to hit my torso from all angles, my breath coming out ragged.
A knock on the bathroom door got my attention. "Bella?" Alice called out. "You okay in there?"
"I'm fine." I choked out, trying to smother the upcoming sobs.
"Alright." She said, unsure. "Just call out if you need anything."
I hummed a yes, knowing she would hear it over the pounding water. My body shook as I sank to the floor of the shower, sobs starting to rack my body. I didn't care if the others heard me. Let them know I hated this life.
"Enough," I cried, tugging at my tangled wet hair. "Enough of this."
It was nearly dusk by the time I dried off and changed. My quick shower had ended up being a couple of hours. I glanced at my fingertips; no pruning. I scowled. Yet another thing I wasn't able to do anymore. I threw my towel in a hamper by the bathroom door, striding across my room in my underwear and into my closet. I once might have been cautious about standing in a room with glass windows half naked, but my sour mood was focused on other things. I decided on some plain jeans and a plain long sleeved shirt, tugging on a thick white cardigan on top. I wasn't feeling very fashionable today, and I was certain I'd hear about it from Alice.
I looked around my neat room once I threw my clothes on. Esme must have come up at some point and made the bed, dusting lightly around the furniture. Her scent still lingered around the room, the smell of citrus and pomegranates permeating the air.
The house seemed unusually quiet. Alice was often heard chatting up a storm with Esme or on the phone with Rosalie or Jasper. Esme was quieter, electing to watch a movie or reading. Edward seemed to play music twenty-four seven, and I was surprised at how eclectic his collection was. I would glance into his room through the half-closed door, glimpsing his lanky form sprawled over his black couch as he fiddled with an iPod and making notes in the margins of a paperback.
It was a strangely calm life they lived, reading and shopping and going to school every day. In my horror and imagination when I first woke up, I believed them to hunt every day, bringing down hordes of poor animals. The Cullen's didn't need to feed as much as I did, and Esme calmly explained that once I passed the newborn stage, I could get away with feeding every week or so, until my tolerance had been built up to theirs.
Carlisle was the standard to achieve. He could go a full month without having to feed, although he elects not to wait so long in between since he's constantly surrounded by human blood. Esme said he'd never once fed on human blood, figuring out early on that he could live on animals. She hadn't told me how old he was, however; maybe she knew it would have freaked me out.
I crept out of my room, glancing at Edward's closed door. It seemed so strange that just a month ago we were ignoring each other completely, and now we lived in the same house, right down the hall from each other. I tip-toed down the stairs, calling out for Alice. I peeked into her room, raising an eyebrow at the mess of clothes everywhere. I didn't want to intrude on her private space, however and gently closed the door.
"Alice went to the post office." A low voice behind me murmurs. I turn around to see Edward leaning on the wall. His lips quirked into a small smile, and I returned the gesture.
"Again?" I ask. Alice had been making frequent trips to the post office in the small town that was an hour away from us to pick up my new clothes and the family's belongings.
"We have a lot of stuff."
"I can see that," I comment. Edward chuckles. "Don't you guys have a storage locker or something?" I ask.
Edward raises an eyebrow, smirking. "With the way Alice shops, we have a few storage lockers. You'll probably have your own in no time." He laughed aloud when my eyes went wide with fear.
"Relax, it'll take her some time to build you a collection that large."
"I thought we had all the time in the world."
Edward chuckles. He motions his head for me to follow him and we start down the stairs. I follow Edward like a lost puppy, trailing behind him as we walk past the main area into the entertainment room.
I'd been in here a couple of times to play some video games with Alice, but Edward had never accompanied us. He cited that he didn't like being around Alice when she was violent. Edward sat on the brown leather couch, sinking into it as he patted his pockets, looking for something.
Edward held up a pack of cards. "Have you ever played speed?"
I walked over to him, and sat gingerly next to him on the couch, leaving room for the cards. "I think so. It seems familiar. Can you go through the rules just in case?"
"Of course."
He ran through the basics of the game quickly, and I found myself losing myself in his voice. Edward could read the phone book and I would have sat there for hours, listening to the careful timber of his low voice. His careful and guarded ocher eyes met mine, questioning whether I was following. I nodded, remembering where I was. When I confirmed that I followed along, he set up the cards between us. I folded my legs underneath me so I could fully face him. In all truth, I wasn't too interested in the game, but it felt like a nice distraction from my previous angst filled thoughts just a couple of hours ago.
Edward slid me my share of the cards after he set up. "Only five cards can be in your hand at a time."
"Got it."
Edward was a quick player and quickly bested me. We played the game for a while, laughing as we tried to lay down our cards as quickly as we could. More often than not, Edward was the winner. Frustrated that I kept losing, I tried to slap my hand down on a double set just as Edward did, my hand slamming into his knuckles. He hissed at the hard force I brought down on his hand, pulling away quickly as the cards ripped.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I cried. Edward shook his head.
"It's alright," He murmured, but I saw him sneakily massage the hand I wounded. I grimaced.
"Will it bruise?" I asked quietly.
Edward laughed, still massaging the spot where I hit him. "No, it won't bruise." He smirked. "It just hurts."
I groaned while he snickered at my embarrassment. "Is it always going to be like this?"
"No. At least I hope not. I certainly won't miss it when you lose the ability to hit me with brute strength."
It was my turn to laugh, although it came out more nervous than anything. We sat in silence as we looked at the cards, not wanting to play any longer.
I couldn't help it. My mind started to wander back to my grief, and the somewhat good mood I had just moments ago was slipping fast. My emotions were changing so rapidly, I could hardly keep track of them myself. From the corner of my eye, Edward gave me a strange look as his eyebrows furrowed. His lips quirked like he was just about to say something until I interrupted his thought process.
"How did you get over it?" I asked, my voice suddenly hoarse. I didn't clarify what 'it' was, but I knew he would know what I was asking.
He threw the ripped cards onto the table, shuffling the other ones in his hands. He looked down at the cards as he shifted through his thoughts. I noticed that about him. Edward took his time when answering something as if he had to separate his own thoughts and feelings first before he spoke them. I wondered if he did it so he can know his own thoughts from the others.
"It took some time." He answered finally. His low, honey-like voice filled the room like a melody. "I bonded strongly with Carlisle when I was first changed. He was the one to change me," He murmured, his gold eyes flickering to me. I sat, enchanted by his tale. "The first year isn't easy. There was so much to learn, and I was thirsty all the time. I was a terrible burden on Carlisle." He smiled softly, remembering his adoptive father. "A lot of my grief fell away when Esme came into our lives though."
"Esme wasn't with Carlisle when you were changed?" I asked, surprised. It seemed like Esme and Carlisle had been together for eons by how deeply connected they were.
"Esme was changed in 1921. I regret it now, but I was very much against her joining Carlisle and me."
"Why?"
"Well…I guess I've never liked change." He answered simply. "Looking back, I think I was jealous as well. It used to be just Carlisle and I - us two against the world. One day, Carlisle brought home Esme, and she was suddenly the focus of Carlisle's attention. I felt left in the dust – like he had a new broken toy to fix. Once I saw how they looked at each other, that their connection was something to behold rather than destroy is when I realized what they felt for one another. So I gave in." He said, looking at the floor, still shuffling the cards slowly.
"Eventually," He begins. "Esme helped me move on from my past. She became the mother I needed, I suppose."
I nodded, feeling somewhat similar. "I really like Esme," I whisper. Edward smiles softly.
"She likes you too."
It was quiet. Edward quietly set up another round of speed, quickly dealing the cards. He threw in the ripped cards as well to have an even deck. For once, I managed to pull a win. He pushed the cards towards me, asking silently if I could shuffle. I took the cards, very gently shuffling them in order not to rip them any further. They wouldn't be shuffled well under my care.
"Edward?" I said, not looking at him.
"Yes?"
"How old are you?"
"Seventeen."
I rolled my eyes. "How long have you been seventeen?"
"A while," He smirked, his smile growing as he saw how his answer grated my nerves.
"Okay, when were you changed?"
"I was changed in 1918."
The same year as Alice. Edward had been living since the turn of the century. "What happened?" I asked quietly.
"My family caught the Spanish Influenza. My father caught it first. He died about two weeks before my mother and I caught it as well. That's how I met Carlisle. He was the doctor taking care of us at the time."
"That must have been awful. I'm sorry."
"It's alright. It's embarrassing to say I died of the flu, however." I choked out a laugh as Edward smiled ruefully.
"I thought I had the flu when I woke up," I confessed. Edward nods thoughtfully.
"I can see how you might think that."
"What did you think? When you first woke up I mean?"
"Well, I remember being confused, but that's standard anyhow." Edward started, leaning back on the couch as he searched for words. He ran a hand through his eternally messy hair. He was so careful in voicing his thoughts as if he was afraid they would be lost in everything else he hears and sees. "I remember hearing Carlisle when I woke up, but I didn't realize that I was hearing his thoughts. I thought he narrated every single action or thought that popped into his head."
"When did you realize that you could…?" I could barely say the words. Edward smirked.
"That I could read minds?"
I nodded vigorously, becoming wrapped up in his tale. Edward chuckled, motioning for me to pass him the cards. I didn't seem to be doing a very good job. He shuffled the cards languidly. "Once the confusion dissipated, I realized that I could see through Carlisle's eyes. I saw what I looked like to Carlisle. I looked like a scared little boy with blood all over his hands." He said quietly.
"You don't seem like the type to get scared," I whispered. Edward turned to me, and a flicker of compassion sparked in his eye.
"I hide it well," He confessed.
"You do," I agreed quietly. Edward handed me the cards to set up, and we sat in silence. "I hope I didn't ask you anything too personal," I murmured, finishing up the setup. He shook his head, taking his stack of cards from my hand.
"No, you didn't, but now you have to tell me something about yourself."
I scoffed. "What's there to know?"
Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "There must be something. Believe it or not, you're not the bore I thought you were." He smirked as I scowled.
"Well," I started, still a little peeved. "You already know the basics. Parents got divorced when I was a baby; I moved around a lot, I went to Forks to be with my dad."
"Do you regret moving to Forks?" He asks suddenly.
I sat still, thinking it over. "I think…I'm glad to have spent the time I had left with Charlie," I said. It was a very diplomatic answer and barely answered the question. Edward looked at me knowingly. He claimed to not be able to read my mind, but it was like he knew my innermost thoughts anyways.
"Why did you all come to Forks?" I asked.
Edward laughed as we started to play the game, not paying attention to the cards much anymore. "It's a cold, rainy, small town with low sunshine. It was the perfect match for us."
"Where else have you all lived?" I ask quietly.
"Rochester, London, some swamp deep in Louisiana, a small town in Maine, near Gatlinburg. There have been countless others, but those stand out in the mind. I'll go to Chicago once in a while by myself when I need a break from the others." He gave a small laugh.
"What's in Chicago?"
"That's where I'm originally from." He smiled, winning the game at that moment.
"Really? I've always wanted to visit. Charlie wanted to go and see the Cubs play." I commented.
"You've never gone?"
"I've never gone past Denver."
"We'll have to take you one day," Edward said. "It's nicer now than when I grew up, but it's nosier. And they never shut any of the lights off. There are so many 7-Eleven's." He grumbled. I giggled at his sudden grumpiness, taking the cards from his outstretched hands.
A movement catches my eye as I'm laughing and starting to set up the cards. I accidentally drop half of the deck onto the carpet as I see Esme's frame in the doorway, her face surprised. She glances at the two of us together and smiles to herself before she walks away.
I look on at Esme's retreating figure as Edward reaches for the cards and finishes setting up the next game.
AN: This chapter, along with the upcoming chapter, needed a major overhaul and scrap of a plotline. I took a couple of months to think on it, and realized that the plotline was a bit too dramatic and 'twisty' for my liking, so I ended up replacing it with something (hopefully) more subtle. You may see what I mean next chapter, or maybe not. This story is my baby, and I want to raise it right.
I'd like to take a second to thank you, the readers, for being so patient and understanding with everything. I know many of you wish I was a faster updater (I wish I was too), but you all have been nothing but understanding and respectful that real life comes first for me. This chapter is for you.
Thanks for reading friends. Please leave a review if you have the time.