CHAPTER 10
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Hello, it's River again. I loved narrating my story so much last time that I've returned to narrate it for another chapter. I may decide that I'll just keep narrating it from now on. How else am I going to make sure that Time Lord Prime gets everything right? Well, I suppose that I could just threaten to shoot him to keep him in line, but I prefer to do things myself. I don't like to shoot him too much anyway. I try to limit it to once or twice a week tops. I'm trying to be a much nicer psychopath these days.
I've had my memory erased and altered so many times before by the Silence that I instinctively know now when something like that is going on. I have that feeling right now that my mind has been tampered with in some way, but I don't know how just yet. Everything seems like it should, and yet I know that something is very, very wrong. I just hope that I can find out what it is before it's too late because somehow I know that whatever or whoever is behind these changes is totally evil.
"River, are you alright? You look like something's bothering you?" Donald asked as he saw me looking troubled.
"I feel like someone's tampered with my mind. I just don't know how yet," I told him.
"I'm sure it's nothing. I'd know if something was wrong around here. I'm very good at sensing trouble," Donald said confidently.
"Really? Is that why you find yourself right in the middle of it so often then? Is that a conscious effort on your part? Do you love trouble so much that when you sense it that you jump right into the middle of it?" I asked him with a grin all over my face. I love teasing that man so much.
"Sometimes," Donald admitted with a sly grin on his face.
That was when Lydia came over to us and said, "I'm sure that whatever's going on is nothing that bad. Don't worry about it, River."
"I'm telling you that something isn't right. I've had my mind tampered with so much that I knew when it's going on," I insisted.
"It's fine. You're worrying about nothing," Lydia said in a slightly aggravated voice.
"Lydia's right, Riv. Lydia's always right. Aren't you?" Donald asked Lydia.
Lydia smiled and said, "Well, not always. I have been known to be wrong. On occasion."
"That's my Lydia. Always so modest," Donald said as he gave her a tender kiss.
I wanted to scream and had to look away instantly. It took every ounce of self-control that I possess to keep myself from punching both of them right then and there.
I know that makes me sound horrible, but I can't help it. I keep having thoughts that tell me that Donald doesn't belong with her, and that she's all wrong for him. That's one of the reasons that I know that something is wrong with me. I know that my mind has been altered with, or why else would I feel so violently ill every time that I see them show any type of affection for each other.
Donald's my best friend, and I should be happy for him that he's finally gotten someone as nice as Lydia in his life. Yet I'm not, and I don't know why. That shows that my mind has been tampered with in some way. Why else would I be so angry? I can't tell that to Donald though, or he might take it the wrong way.
Luckily, my thoughts were taken in a different and much more pleasant direction when Astrid finally walked up to us with a huge smile on her face. We had come here to Gallifrey to see how she was doing. She had been taught how to control her powers better by K'anpo so that she could contain the intense heat and power that she constantly generated and keep it to well within lethal levels. Now she could actually be around other people without instantly incinerating them if they got too close.
"Hello, everyone," Astrid said hesitantly.
I could tell that she was still afraid that she might burn us all alive by the careful way in which she approached us. She was constantly watching us all. I think that she was trying to make sure that we weren't catching on fire.
"Hello, Astrid. Are you alright?" Rose Tyler asked.
Tyler had stayed on a little longer to make sure that Astrid was alright after she was finished with K'anpo. Sometimes that woman is so touchy feely that it's sickening. She has this strange overwhelming need to take care of everyone. I think that it has to do with growing up with Lily as a mother. Some of her craziness must have rubbed off on her.
Catty much, River?
Stuff it, Prime. I'm the one in charge of this title now, and I'm going to call it the way that I see it. Do you have a problem with that, or should I reacquaint you with my blaster?
No, Ma'am!
That's better. Now where was I? Oh, yes. Tyler was being all caring and sharing as she asked Astrid how she felt.
"I'm fine. It feels better to be able to talk to someone without being afraid that I'll kill them," Astrid said with a nervous laugh. I noticed that she still stood a couple of feet away from all of us though.
"I'm so happy for you, Astrid. So where are you going now? You're welcome to come and stay with me and the Doctor if you need a place to go for a while," Tyler offered.
"I don't know if I should travel with anyone or not. What if I lose control again?" Astrid asked nervously.
"You're going to be fine, Astrid. You don't want to stay on boring old Gallifrey forever, do you?" Donald asked her.
"No. I don't really belong here. I don't want to hurt anyone though," Astrid said.
"You're going to be fine from now on I promise. Why don't you come traveling with me? I can show you the universe. I remember that you wanted to go with me before. Now you can finally do it. I can take you anywhere that you want to go," Donald offered.
"Are you sure?" Astrid asked.
"Yes, of course I am," Donald said as he walked over to her and gave her a hug.
Astrid stiffened and watched him carefully to make sure that he was okay for a moment before she returned his hug. Even I felt sorry for her now because it was obvious that the Silence had made her into a neurotic mess who had become afraid of even the most simple of human contact. What they had done to her just made me want to kill Kovarian even more than I already did, and I didn't think that was possible.
"Congratulations on your new relationship by the way. I heard from K'anpo that you and Lydia finally got together. I'm so happy for you," Astrid said.
"Thank you. I have to admit that I had no idea that she felt that way about me so it took me completely by surprise. Now that I know about it though, it just feels so right. It's like we were meant to be together," Donald said.
I had to fight the urge to hurt someone again as those strange feelings of anger suddenly returned once more. I noticed that it wasn't just me this time either. It was Joan Redfern too. I could see her trying to hold back tears, and I knew that she was upset about Donald and Lydia being together too. Why? Obviously someone had tampered with her mind as well but why? Who would want to turn the two of us against the idea of Donald and Lydia being together when Lydia was so good for him? She was just completely perfect for him in every way.
Excuse me. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. This mind tampering is very, very good. I'll give whoever did it that. I'm actually getting violently ill just thinking good thoughts about Lydia and Donald together, and I don't know why. I like Lydia. I always did from the moment that Donald and I met her. I have no idea why anyone would want to turn me against her, but it wasn't going to work no matter what their reasons for doing it were.
I noticed that even Little Miss Perfect seemed to be against the idea. I had seen Tyler scrunch her face up whenever Donald and Lydia showed any affection for each other. Even she had been affected by whoever it was. I was beginning to wonder just how far this whole thing went.
Obviously it was something that was just affecting our crew though because Astrid and K'anpo seemed unaffected by it. They both seemed very happy for Donald and Lydia when they told them the news about the two of them becoming a couple.
So far it just seemed to be only me, Joan, and Tyler who were affected. I had to make sure that it didn't spread any further than that. It may be that whoever was tampering with our minds wanted us to hurt Donald and Lydia in some way. I was sure that I could overcome something like that, but I didn't know about anyone else. They don't have the same resistance to mental control that I've developed over the years. I had to stop this now before it went too far.
We set course for Earth because Astrid wanted to see it again. She had been there briefly when she had met the Doctor and had wanted to return to take a longer look at it. I wondered if she would even get out of the TARDIS though. In the hope that she actually would, Donald gave her a perception filter so that she would look human again since she still looked like a fiery holographic version of her former self.
As we headed for Earth, I decided to talk to Joan to see if she was having similar thoughts to mine. Mostly I wanted to see if I could determine whether she might become violent or not.
"You seem to be upset about something," I said to her as soon as we were alone together.
"I'm fine. What makes you say that?" Joan said sadly.
"The fact that your eyes are all red and puffy, and I saw you crying earlier," I pointed out.
"I didn't know that he loved her for sure until just recently. I can't help the way that I feel. I do want him to be happy, but I want it to be with me. Why can't it be with me?" Joan said sadly.
"I'm sorry," I found myself saying, and to my shock I meant it.
I actually felt bad for her. I felt as if I should apologize to her for some reason even though it was Lydia who was his girlfriend not me.
"I thought that we were both going to be happy together at last when I came back here, and then I find out that he's fallen in love with her instead. I'm never going to have my life back the way that it was before ever again, am I?" Joan asked with such sadness in her voice that I could even feel my hardened hearts breaking for her.
"I'm sorry, Joan. I truly am. The heart can't always pick who it falls in love with though. I'm sure that neither of them ever meant to hurt you. It just kind of happened," I said. Again I felt this unexplained need to apologize to her that I couldn't explain.
"I want to be happy for them. I really do, but it still hurts every time that I look at them together. Maybe I should just leave the ship," Joan said.
"That's ridiculous. Where would you go? You really don't know anyone in this time except for the Doctor, Donald, and Martha Jones. Why don't you just stay here? I'm sure that everything will be fine eventually. I know Donald, and he won't want you to go especially not over this. He wants you here, and I bet that Lydia does too. Just don't do anything hasty, okay? Think it over for a while," I told her.
"I guess you're right. I should take some time and think it over a while before I do anything. I just feel like I've lost something special that I'll never get back again. I already lost the Doctor once, and now I've lost him again. I'm not sure if I can take it again. It broke my heart before, and I never really recovered from it," Joan said.
I must have been hanging around Tyler too long or maybe it was the brainwashing, but I inexplicably found myself comforting her as she suddenly broke down crying right in front of me. I still felt very guilty as if I had made her feel this way myself somehow, but I had no idea why that was.
"I'm sorry, Joan. I'm sure that it'll get better though. You have to believe that. I know that it took me a long time too, but I eventually recovered when the Doctor left me for Tyler. It just wasn't meant to be because his hearts still belonged to her. I still believe that the right person is still out there waiting for me somewhere though, and I've never given up on that idea. I think that you'll find the right person for you too someday," I said.
I completely surprised myself by saying all of that. I had never admitted any of that to anyone before not even to Donald.
"Thank you," Joan said gratefully.
I turned to see Tyler watching us both. She had heard what I said, and I could see great sadness in her eyes. I knew that she felt terrible for me, and I couldn't stand that.
I'm River Song. No one ever should ever feel sorry for me. I'm tough enough that I can survive anything. I proved that when I survived losing the Doctor. I was almost sure that would kill me outright but it didn't.
Do you know why? It's because I'm indestructible, and I don't have any hearts to break in the first place. The entire universe knows that.
Maybe someday my hearts will know it too. They're the only ones that still have to be convinced.
I marched away from Tyler as I snarled, "What are you looking at?"
"I'm sorry," I heard her say behind me, but I kept on going without so much as a backwards glance at her.
I was now convinced that Joan hadn't been affected by the brainwashing at all and that it was just her own broken heart that was making her act that way. I still had no idea why Tyler didn't approve, but I didn't much care at the moment. I had no desire to talk to her at the moment.
She didn't seem to be getting that message though even though I had made it loud and clear. She managed to find me again very quickly and immediately blocked my way. She pulled me into her room, and I went along willingly. I wanted to have it out with her for that pitying look that she kept giving to me, and one of the sound proofed rooms of this TARDIS was just the place to do it in. That way Donald would never know about it.
"River, I'm going home soon now that I know that Astrid is better, but before I leave I have to tell you that none of this is right. Lydia is not supposed to be with Donald. You are. I think that you know that too even though you won't admit it," Tyler said surprising me.
"What are you talking about? I'm not in love with Donald. I'm only his friend," I said.
Even as I said that, part of me knew that it was a lie. Yet somehow I couldn't stop saying it and believing it. What was going on here?
"River, you have to fight this. You and everyone else here is under her control. She's made you all accept a fake relationship between her and Donald using the power of her ring. Do you remember the ring? The one with Omega in it?" Tyler asked.
A torrent of memories became unlocked with her words, and I suddenly remembered again. Rose had brought my memories back completely. I had known that something was wrong, but I had no idea what before. Now I remembered completely again.
I remembered Omega possessing Lydia's father, and Donald and I defeating him. Then Lydia tried to erase our memories of the whole thing, but I had still remembered all of it though regardless of that until recently when she had tampered with my memories again. I had pretended not to remember that she still had the ring because I trusted her, and she hadn't done anything against us. I was certain that it had been her who had saved my life when Astrid exploded so I was sure that she wasn't really evil. I still didn't think even after all of this that she was truly a bad person.
That still wasn't going to stop me from kicking her butt though.
"How did you know all of that? Why weren't you affected?" I asked Rose.
"That's because of my secret, remember?" Rose said with a smile.
"Of course but aren't you giving that away by telling me all of this?" I asked.
"Not in here. They never enter my private quarters with me because they're too afraid to. None of them wants to be in a locked room alone with me even if they do think that I have no powers. Even Kovarian can't convince them to do that. I'm going to leave once we finish talking using my temporal shift device, but I had to make sure that you remembered what was really going on here before then. I know that you would have remembered yourself eventually, but it might be too late by then. Omega's influence on her is growing. He's the one who made her do this I'm sure of that. He's slowly breaking her will over time, River, so don't be too angry with her," Rose said.
"You're much too forgiving, Rose. Still thank you for telling me. I owe you one," I said gratefully.
"No, I owed you one. I'm sorry for putting you through all of that when I came back," Rose said.
"It wasn't your fault. He still loved you and wanted to be with you once you returned. I only wanted him to be happy and I still do. I forgive you. I just hope that Joan someday forgives me," I said.
"I think that she will especially after that talk that the two of you just had," Rose said.
"You sneaky woman! You waited to tell me on purpose until Joan and I were finished talking. You wanted me to know that she was just like I had been once. You're smarter than you look, Rose Tyler," I said with a big grin.
"You're not the first to say that, Miss Song. People are always underestimating me because I'm blonde," Rose joked.
The two of us hugged then, and I finally put a part of my past behind me at last. Now it was time to move ahead into the future. As I left Rose's room and she finally headed back to reunite with the Doctor, I headed up to the Console Room. I was going to reclaim my life now. Neither Omega nor Lydia was going to keep me from it any longer.
I burst into the Console Room to find Donald and Lydia kissing once more. That was it! I completely lost my temper this time as I resisted my homicidal urges no more. I was so going to enjoy this.
I pulled out my meson blaster and aimed it at Lydia as I said, "Get off of him now, Lydia, and remove that ring before I shoot it off of you. My blaster can instantly cauterize any wound that it makes you know. I can easily shoot off your ring finger with no noticeable loss of blood."
"River, what are you doing?" Donald asked as he looked at me as though I'd gone insane.
"She's using her ring to control your mind, Donald. You're not in love with her, and you never were. That's Omega's doing. He wants to use her to control you and through you the TARDIS," I said.
"Omega?" Donald said as he started to remember again. I could tell that he was regaining all of his memories now too.
"I'm sorry, Donald. I'm so sorry," Lydia said crying.
Then she froze as Omega's voice now came through her mouth as he said, "It no longer matters, this girl's will is mine now. This little ruse gave me all of the time that I needed to completely dominate her mind as I slowly broke her will. I completely control her now and through her the ring's power is now mine to use once again. I will have this TARDIS and through it I will return to Gallifrey to spread my rule to all of the Time Lords. I will be the new ruler of Gallifrey and from there I will eventually rule the universe with the power of the ring. Even you cannot stop me now."
"Care to try me?" I said with an evil grin as I aimed my blaster at Lydia's ring finger.
Omega pulled out a staser from one of Lydia's pockets and pointed it right at Donald's head as he said, 'I could say the same to you, Miss Song. Lay down your weapon and surrender."
I froze now unsure of what to do as a new voice suddenly spoke out of nowhere surprising both of us at once.
"I'm afraid that I can't let her do that. There's no way that we can allow you to leave the Vortex, Omega, even if we have to lose Donald to keep you here," a familiar voice said behind me.
"Speak for yourself," I said to the owner of the voice.
"Who are you?" Omega said.
"Think about it, Omega. Look very closely at me and remember. We actually did know each other a very long time ago. We were even friends once," the voice said.
Omega squinted at the woman behind me and spat out, "Sekhmet!"
"These days they call me Lily," Lily said with a crazy smile.
Prime is telling me to wrap this chapter up so this is as good a place to leave off as any I suppose. I don't know who invited her here though. I was doing just fine all by myself.
Oh, yes. You were doing just wonderfully, dear.
Shut up, Lily!
Next: Lily guest stars as River confronts Omega with the fate of the universe at stake. Astrid may have something to say about someone threatening her new friends as well, and she's not a lady that you want to have mad at you. Just ask Max Capricorn.