Spark of Genius
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy verse, girl genius verse, DC comics or any of that, so give it a rest.
AN: Now that Xander has a home, it's time to start making an impact… well, more of an impact than enrolling Hawkgirl in an unwanted wet t-shirt contest and making Superman puke on Lex Luthor. You know, it's time to do stuff that matters, like taking over the world, or at least parts of it.
'Thought'
"Speech"
Chapter 10: Building An Empire
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them
~ Office
Xander didn't enjoy moving into a new place due to the fact that his past moving experiences in Sunnydale had included such highlights as: A. Moving Uncle Rory's tools and entire machine shop into a new mechanics garage, all by himself, while Uncle Rory sat in a lounge chair and drank beer while telling Xander what to do; or, B. Moving furniture and boxes into his parents' home in Sunnydale, all by himself, while his dad Tony sat on a lazy-boy chair drinking Jack Daniels from the bottle and yelling curses at Xander for moving so slowly.
This move into Hetdin, or which was now officially called New Mechanicsburg based on Xander's decision, was totally different. Not only was Xander the one sitting in the chair while the minions pattered about, but most of the pattering about was done by the actual boxes and furniture themselves as Xander had added robotic tank treads or mechanical legs to all of his luggage and equipment. Really, from Xander's point of view the only problem with the move had been when the waitress from the café had brought him a cup of coffee to drink.
After taking his first sip, Xander did a spit-take, spewing out the foul tasting brew as quickly as possible.
"Dear God Dora, what the hell is in this coffee? It tastes like a drowned rat was filtered through an old gym sock." Xander groused as he tried to scrub his tongue with the back of his hand. Xander didn't explain how he knew what a drowned rat filtered through an old gym sock tasted like, but suffice it to say he had eaten food in the Sunnydale high school cafeteria, and that was close enough.
Dora, the waitress from the café and she of the magnificent body, bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry sir, but that's the way that the former Master liked his coffee, and the recipe does call for an old sock." She replied, disappointed with herself that her Master was unhappy.
Xander saw that she was taking it personally and looked on the verge of tears, and if there was one thing that Xander couldn't stand, it was a crying lady, girl, or female thing; hence his attracting Willow as well as so many demons, mummies, and praying mantis ladies in the past.
"Now now, don't worry about the coffee," Xander stated as he poured the remaining coffee out of his cup and into a nearby shrubbery; said shrubbery immediately wilted, died, and then crumbled to dust. Xander did a double take on the disappearing shrubbery, then at the coffee cup, and then back at Dora; he knew that he had to do something about the coffee in the town.
Xander's brain clicked into 'Spark' mode as he jumped out of his chair and started marching down the hill from the chateau towards the café; all the while unaware that he was calling out to the minions around him the parts that he would need when he got there.
A guy with a wash bin started trailing along, and then several more carrying copper and nickel tubing. A woman grabbed a clean silk handkerchief off of her clothes drying line, and joined the mob of minions who were starting to pile out of the town's buildings carrying the random piece of equipment, part, or tool that Xander was unconsciously calling for.
By the time Xander got to the café, the crowd was all silently marching along behind him, but now enjoying the incredibly complex tune that Xander was alternatively humming and whistling.
Walking into the café Xander immediately proceeded to the industrial coffee making system that was there, politely pushed the beautiful raven haired second waitress out of the way and proceeded to dismantle the coffee pot without saying a word.
A pair of dirty socks went flying over his head, a dead rat was fished out of the bottom of the water filtration system as Xander finished taking the coffee pots apart, and then Xander dived under the counter to start working on the tubing and main gears of the system; all the while humming his strange and exotic tune. The people of the town were silent, basking in the glow of their new Master as he created and invented something new and outside the norm.
It was like a master surgeon working in a vast operating room, or a maestro leading an incredibly large orchestra. Xander hummed, whistled, and created. Every so often Xander's hand would dart out from under the counter without stopping his whistling and one of the townsfolk would instantly, and silently, hand him just the right tool or part that he wanted. They were a seamless machine, a team of Master and minions all working in perfect synchronicity.
A few bangs, a couple of screeching sounds, and Xander slid out from under the counter and a minion wordlessly handed Xander a rag to wipe his dirty hands on, before handing it back without thought, all the while Xander was staring at the new coffee engine that he had just created.
"Ok folks, so I need some coffee beans." Xander stated, and before he had finished saying 'need' the raven haired waitress had already handed him a bag of fresh coffee beans. Xander smiled and thanked the blushing girl, pausing so that she would tell him her name (which was Tara), and then Xander said, "Thank you Tara." With a wink that made Tara blush again, and shudder a bit with a dreamy smile on her face.
"Ok folks, let's give this baby a try." Xander stated, as he filled the hopper on the machine and then leaned forward and pushed the red button that was labeled, 'Push Me To Start.' Xander didn't realize that he had even installed such a button while he was inventing, but there it was.
There was at first a clinking sound as the beans were heard to be sorted into the machine. Then a 'whoosh' as the sounds of gas jets speed roasting the beans, then a crunch and grinding sound turned into a whirring noise that was equivalent to a 747 Jumbo jet starting up its engines.
"Remind later me to create a muffler for the Mach 1 grinder." Xander yelled out to the crowd as he continued to stare at the coffee engine; several members of the crowd immediately took down a note to remind Xander, the reminder notes were made out in triplicate.
The sound of the grinder stopped, and then there was a secondary whooshing sound, and a loud ding, notifying all that the coffee was ready.
Xander leaned forward and pressed a blue button, and the machine started to shake and shimmy in its moorings.
Xander frowned and punched the 20 gallon copper coffee drum in the middle of the machine, creating just the right sized dent that the harmonics of the machine changed and it stopped shaking and started to make a happy humming sound; Xander's frown turned into a smile.
"Mental note, three quarter's inch deep by five inch across dent at approximately 120 degrees of center." Xander stated out loud to himself; not seeing the crowd around him nod as they all took a mental note.
With that, Xander turned a gauge on the machine to 'carafe' and the coffee engine started creating brand new coffee carafe's and filling them with the heady smelling brew of spark-roast coffee; extra-caffeinated.
Xander reached forward and poured himself a cup, took a sip, and then let out a satisfied 'ah' as it was once again the perfect cup of coffee, but this time with twice the caffeine.
Xander smiled, and looked at all the expectant people around him.
"It's perfect." Xander stated.
The whole crowd cheered!
Hats were thrown in the air, people were hugging and kissing, you would think that the town had just been told that they had won the lottery, or were going to get to raid and pillage the next city over, based on the way they were carrying on.
"Free coffee for everyone." Xander yelled over the noise of the crowd, which elicited more cheering.
Soon the crowd was drinking the best coffee that they had ever tasted in their lives, and in turn hoisted Xander on their shoulders and proceeded out into the street; careful to not bash Xander's head on the lintel of the door to the street.
In the street the cheering and carrying on continued before a gap appeared in the mass of people and the crowd carefully set Xander down, all of them smiling at him with glee and mad devotion shining in their eyes.
Xander looked around, confused as to what to do now, since he hadn't consciously started the creation process in the first place.
"Um, so what now?" Xander asked as he looked at the crowd around him.
Tara and Dora stepped through the crowd and looked at Xander with almost tears in their eyes, as if to silently ask if Xander didn't like them?
"Well, um, aren't you going to chase us?" Dora questioned.
Xander was flabbergasted for a moment, and then looked around at the crowd for a hint at what to do.
One old man who was leaning on a cane said, "It's tradition that the Master gets so darn toot'n riled up that he chases the lasses after a successful creation." Said the old man as he gave Xander a one toothed smile, a wink, and nodded his head.
Xander looked at the rest of the crowd and saw them all smiling and nodding at him. A smile slowly crept across his face, as Xander felt that he had nothing to lose, so turned towards Dora and Tara.
Both girls were now looking at him hopefully.
"Well far be it from me to deviate from tradition." Xander stated, his smile morphing into a maniacal look and the look of mad genius slowly starting to play across his face as he addressed Dora.
Xander cackled madly and said the first thing that came to him.
"Bwa ha ha ha, I'll get you my pretty, you and your little friend Tara too! Wa ha ha ha!" Xander laughed gleefully as he darted at Dora and Tara, letting the two girls dodge his swinging grasp and take off running back up the hill towards his chateau with a squeal.
Dora and Tara kicked off their heels as they ran and mock screamed all the way up the hill, smiles on their faces and a cackling Xander charging after them with arms outstretched to grab them.
As Xander and the two girls tore past the general store, Xander noticed two old men sitting in rocking chairs and heard one say, "It sure is nice to have a right and proper master back again. Sooner than you know it, we'll be out pillaging and loot'n, you mark my words." The first one said, punctuating his statement by pointing his cane.
The second one merely replied, "Eh, what's that you say?"
Xander missed the rest of the conversation as at that point he had swooped up both squealing girls over his shoulders and was busy running full tilt towards the chateau and his awaiting bedroom.
'God I love this town.' Xander stated as he disappeared into his new house with the giggling girls carried over his shoulders, the sound of the cheering of the towns people quieted with the closing of the door.
[WARNING BEGINNING BEDROOM SCENE]
Xander made it to the master bedroom still carrying both girls, kicked the door closed behind him and then tossed both girls through the air to bounce onto the bed with a gleeful scream.
Xander steepled his fingers together and then drummed together as he moved to tower over the two girls on the bed while trying to think of something dastardly to say to stay in character.
"Now I have you right where I want you, my oppression shall finally be complete." Xander improved in an evil voice.
The effect on the two girls was not one would suspect when two gorgeous 'victims' are 'forced' into the bed of the 'evil' mad scientist.
Dora looked at Tara, and Tara looked at Dora. Both smiled at each other before looking up at Xander.
"Oh Oh! Oppress me! Oppress me!" Both cried out, each waving an arm in the air like they were trying to get the attention of a teacher.
Xander's goofball side came out and he smirked, looked at both girls and said, "Hmmmm, let me think about it." With that, he started rubbing his chin and looking up at the ceiling as if he was deep in thought.
Both girls' jaws opened up in shock. They looked at each other, then back up at Xander, and then both of them gave a "hmmph" while pouting their lips and crossing their arms across their chests; which nicely raised and added to the definition of their wonderful breasts that strained the fabric of their shirts.
"Ok" Xander said suddenly as he turned back to both girls and pounced on the two of them.
This then became a tickle war as Xander used his inhuman speed to tickle both girls simultaneously.
Both girls were quickly squealing in laughter from the tickles, but the tides soon turned as both girls realized that if they nipped, bit, sucked on or groped any part of Xander they could reach, that he soon was too distracted to carry on the tickling battle. The groping was soon coupled with the intertwined bodies of Xander and the girls kissing and caressing each other lustfully.
Xander would trade off kissing one girl while entangling his fingers in her hair, while the other girl would be nibbling on his neck and rubbing her body and leg across him. The girls' café uniform skirts were now hoisted up to show their magnificent rear ends encased in lacy bikini panties; Dora's in white, and Tara's in black.
Being from a town of minions the two girls knew how to work together when the Master wanted to get creative, and assisting in creativity in bed was apparently part of that skill set. Xander didn't really understand how it had happened, but somewhere in the middle of the cuddling, groping, rubbing and pleasuring he had mentally wished that there weren't so many clothes involved, and suddenly the girls had stripped him and both of them faster than he could really follow.
At this point Xander had proof that he was a genius with brain cells to spare, as though he was fully focused on the girls and the action in bed he still had the ability to realize, 'So that is how they got me and both of them naked and tucked into bed in under a minute.' However, soon those brain cells were also included in the 'fun time' as he started nibbling and licking his way down Tara's body.
Xander was too riled up to go through many preliminaries with the girls, and based on his lick of Tara's very wet flower and his cupping of Dora's center, he knew that the girls were ready for the main entrée. This is where his inhuman strength and agility came into play.
Leaning back from his lick of Tara's nectar, Xander smiled down at the girls, noticing that both were already shuddering from the enjoyment they were having; 'this bred to be minions thing was great' the third voice in the back of Xander's head yelled out in glee.
Xander's smile grew larger, as he wrapped one arm around each of the girls and used his weight and strength to roll the threesome over so that he was on the bottom. Though Xander wasn't incredibly experienced with bedding woman in his life, he was gaining a nice level of confidence by being in control of the situation and being able to explore the two girls' bodies; much to the girls' delight as well. This isn't to say that the two girls weren't active participants, for as soon as he had rolled them all over, Dora and Tara smirked at him and shimmied down Xander's body; laboriously dragging their firm breasts down his chest and ticking his skin with their excited nipples.
Looking like cats that were about to get the cream, both girls nuzzled his legs, their hair falling about Xander's pelvis and causing ticklish little shivers to run through him as the girls' hair cascaded over the two softly kissing and nibbling girls.
Dora was the first to raise her head and gaze into Xander's eyes. Then, while still holding his gaze, she licked right up the front of his penis from base to tip, smirking at Xander's moan, before taking Xander's crown in her mouth and slowly leaning back and swallowing his length.
Xander gasped and moaned as Dora's tongue flicked and rubbed up the sensitive underside of his member, the moan deepened when he felt the crown and two inches of his length disappear into her throat as she started to swallow.
Dora seemed to be smirking the entire time as she enjoyed playing with the newest Heterodyne to rule the area. She pulled herself off with a pop, and then used her hand to rub the left over saliva up and down his length, giving her hand a slight twist at the end that seemed to drive Xander wild.
Then it was Tara's turn as Dora pointed Xander's shaft towards her friend's mouth, and Tara inhaled Xander's length fully.
Xander had never been able to cross compare girls 'kissing' him down there, but now he was sold for life on becoming a connoisseur of this type of pleasure, a little voice in the back of his head said, 'Got to try them all!' Xander was speechless, so merely nodded to himself; both girls smiled as they knew he was nodding at how much he was enjoying their skillful mouths.
Shaking, shuddering, and moaning at the job the girls were doing on him as they both took turns switching off, Xander decided that he wanted to taste something himself, so reached down and gently but insistently tugged on Tara's shoulder until she started shimmying up to kiss his lips again.
However, Xander was looking for a different type of kissing, as when Tara kissed his lips, he palmed her rear end and lifted her up into the air with his shear inhuman strength; flipping her around and depositing the squealing girl so that she was straddling his head. Now it was Xander's turn to practice his 'kissing' skills.
Xander licked, flicked, swirled and tapped with his tongue, holding tightly to Tara's rear end as the girl was on a hair trigger and immediately began to orgasm. The only thing keeping Tara steadily seated were Xander's two hands, keeping the moaning and screaming shaking girl from escaping his wonderful torture.
Dora, wanting to get in on the fun yet still pleasure Xander at the same time, sat up and knee walked across the bed to straddle Xander's hips. As she straddled him, her juices seemed to weep and dripped on Xander's shaft, all the while Dora watched Tara scream with eyes scrunched shut. Tara was grabbing a hold of her own breasts, neck and then leaning forward to hold herself up on Xander's shoulders as her continued orgasm's overwhelmed her.
Biting her lip, Dora started to lower herself onto Xander, but only got two inches of his length into her before she too lost control due to an orgasm as she released a shuddering gasp and her weakened muscles gave out on her, causing her to fully impale herself on Xander's long length. The full length plundering Dora's depths caused her gasp to become a scream of pleasure as he eyes shot wide open and she began to thrash about, trying to hold onto Tara's shoulder so that she didn't fall off of Xander.
Xander grunted into Tara as Dora sank down onto him and fluttered around his shaft, the pleasure of the fluttering caused him to latch his lips around Tara's clit and suck hard; and like that Tara was lost.
Tara's scream hit an octave that threatened to break the glass of the ceiling above them, but fortunately for all of them and their eardrums Tara made a gasping breath sound, and passed-out; falling off of Xander.
The bed was large enough that Tara merely crumpled beside Xander and Dora, and wasn't in danger of falling off and onto the floor. So Xander turned to focus on Dora who was at this point barely holding herself up on her elbows as orgasm after orgasm racked her body.
Xander pulled Dora to him and kissed her deeply as he pulled back and then thrust himself into her; Dora was so out of it from the pleasure that she didn't even complain about the juices that painted Xander's face.
Unable to get full length strokes going, Xander hooked his arms through Dora's knees and then flipped the two of them over so that he was on top and able to slide in and out of her fully.
Xander's strokes picked up speed, and he must have been hitting something right as Dora began to toss her head back and forth moaning and shaking, eventually halting her screams by biting down on Xander's shoulder. Xander in turn felt something primal seem to rise up inside of him, he wanted to own Dora so latched his mouth to bite her neck as he continued to drive her into the mattress as he felt his pleasure spike and his strokes become ragged and fierce.
Thrusting hard, absolutely bouncing Dora into the bed and then back again before quickly stroking into her again, Xander growled and orgasmed into his lover beneath him.
Dora's eyes grew large and her mouth opened in a silent scream as Xander claimed her and she felt his size grow and swell within her, before painting her insides with hot fluid; with that, Dora also passed out from the pleasure.
Xander continued to pant, growl and push into Dora a few more times, but then slowed and unlatched his teeth from the junction with her neck. Looking down, he was shocked at the bite mark, but glad that he hadn't broken the skin on the pale beauty beneath him.
Looking to the side, Xander saw that Tara too was still unconscious, and was also making cute little snoring sounds as she slept off the endorphin rush of the sexual activities.
Xander gazed and smiled at both girls that were sleeping next to and underneath him, but then his smile turned into a slight frown as he slowly pulled out of Dora.
[END LOVE SCENE]
"Damn it, I'm still riled up. Stupid freaking superior body and freaking primal spirit." Xander half heartedly groused under his breath as he carefully positioned the girls on the bed and then pulled the sheets up to cover the girls; smiling as the two girls cuddled together in their sleep.
"Their bodies and minds are willing, but still just normal human. Ok, more like minion and multi-orgasmic, but not up for another couple hours of fun time." Xander mumbled to himself as he carefully got off the bed and went to the armoire and removed a clean pair of pants and a work shirt and shoes.
Sitting down on one of the chairs in the room, Xander mentally noted that he was happy that the furniture was no longer trying to kill him, and he tied his shoe laces and hopped out of the chair.
"Science sleeps for no one" Xander mumbled looking around the room and at the two sleeping girls, "Guess I should get some work done now that I have the new facilities and everything seems to be unpacked." He finished to himself.
With that, Xander swept out of the room to go find something to create or analyze.
The green glow of the room backlit Xander as he stood before his chemistry hood wearing his laboratory gear; his analysis tools and electron microscope were humming away on a table beside him analyzing the fluid that he had stolen from the Batcave's Lazarus Pit. An observer would think that he was trying to figure out the composition of the fluid, but they would be wrong because he already knew the composition of the fluid, Xander only needed to figure out how to make more of it.
"Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha Om Tara Tu Tara Toray Soha Gate Gate… Parasamgate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha Om Tara Tu Tara Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha Om Tara Tu Tara Toray Soha" Xander chanted the Buddhist mantra under his breath as he added the four parts Gallium and Tellerium to the two parts Protectinium and Radium and one part Samarium. Sticking the fluid into a self mixing beaker, Xander was attempting to see if the fluidic compound that he remembered from a Batman comic book that Jesse owned and had debated about with Xander and Jonathan was in fact an exact match of the chemical solution stolen from the Lazarus Pit.
Xander had noticed a change in his memory retention since Halloween, above and beyond having the Xander Heterodyne memories downloaded into his brain. Namely, since Halloween Xander hadn't forgotten anything, not the spacing of Zatanna's moles on her smooth skin from his one night of fun, not his dreams at night, not even what he ate for breakfast four days ago or how many times he had gone to the bathroom; that last one was a little disturbing to Xander. In addition to this new inability to forget anything, Xander was finding that memories from his Sunnydale years were also coming back to him whenever a tangential incident pulled up one of the old memories. Though the memories from before Halloween weren't as clear and complete as post Halloween, major points or memorable instances were coming back to Xander in full clarity. Such was one memory of Jesse's Batman comic book regarding Ra's al Ghul, the Demon's Head, who used the Lazarus Pits to seek immortality. It was in that specific comic book that Batman learned the formula for the Lazarus Pit by translating a chanting Buddhist monk's mantra into the chemical formula of the pit. According to the comic book, Batman had made the pit in his cave with that formula, a formula that Xander was now comparing to the actual pit sample.
Putting both samples into the auto analyzer, Xander pushed the start button, and less than five seconds later the machine made a 'ding' sound and spat out a sheet of paper.
Xander looked the report over, and did the happy dance; the composite mixes of his self created solution was identical to that of the stolen solution from the Lazarus Pit.
Xander smiled as he walked over to a large pull cord and a loud gonging sound shook the laboratory area.
"You rang sir?" Igor asked as he and several of the male townsfolk entered to the sound of the summons.
"Yes, please take this list and see that the pit in laboratory 42 is filled to the brim with the proper mix. I highly suggest that nobody becomes contaminated, it has a side effect of causing a bit of insanity." Xander dictated as he handed over his notes on the formula for the Lazarus Pit.
"Yes sir, the usual around here I assure you." Igor stated with a bow as he lead the men out of the room filled with bubbling chemical beakers, distilleries and analytical machines.
As the men left to go fill Xander's own private Lazarus Pit, they left Xander with questions on what the heck he was going to do with it.
'Sure I could use it on the minions to revive them, but I know better methods for bringing humans back to life without the side effect of insanity. Perhaps I could see if I can use it like the fluid from the River Dyne and turn it into a power source? It's too bad that the minions are only human and prone to the insanity side effects, it would sure be nice if I had some sturdier minions to help me out." Xander thought to himself as he tinkered with the many glowing chemicals and poisons around him, his hands working without conscious control as he seemed to mix random chemicals; humming quietly to himself as he continued to think.
Xander's thoughts were distracted by the potion container in his hand starting to shake, before suddenly discharging a 'poof' of green, purple and black smoke that nearly hit Xander in his face.
Dodging the little mushroom cloud of smoke that had poofed out of the beaker, Xander concentrated on what he had in his hands and tried to figure out what his subconscious had created.
The fluid was a weird greenish black color, with the occasional swirl of purple that would twist and flow through its dark depths.
Something tickled at the back of Xander's brain, and then it hit him where he had seen this particular chemical reaction before.
"Woah, Der Jägerbräu." Xander exclaimed. "Thanks brain, didn't even think about that."
'You're welcome.' A voice stated in the back of his head.
'Yeah, well it's too bad that only about one or two in ten survive it.' Xander thought back to himself.
'Um hello. Lazarus Pit.' The voice argued with Xander.
'But the Pit makes people go insane.' Xander countered to him inner voice.
'And Jägers are known for being sane?' The voice countered in turn.
'Good point.' Xander acknowledged.
'Thank you.' The voice answered.
Xander merely shook his head and started walked out of the room to find Igor, carrying the Jägerbräu with him.
He mumbled to himself, "It's probably not healthy to be arguing with myself so much."
'You're telling me.' The voice in his head said as Xander exited the room again shaking his head at the craziness that was his life.
Three weeks had gone by since Xander had become The Heterodyne, moved into the chateau and began his new experiments and inventions. All in all everything had been going swimmingly, all except for one thing. Xander had made a mistake, one that would have a large impact on not only his life but also on the entire world.
It wasn't the creation of the Lazarus Pit, that had gone off without a hitch and Xander was now experimenting with using the fluid to animate totally bioengineered creatures; he jokingly thought to himself that he was 'playing God,' but didn't say it out loud as he didn't want to draw the attention of the Gods that he knew existed in the Justice League dimension. He was also looking into methods of tapping the life giving energy of the fluid to use as a power source. Xander believed that if it was possible to use the artificially created Lazarus Pit as an energy source similar to that which powered Castle Heterodyne, then he may be able to build a larger facility than the chateau as well as better defenses for his people; and maybe even defenses for planet Earth.
It wasn't the translation of the blackened notes from the 'dearly' departed Black Heterodyne on his transportation technology; a technology which Xander now safely used to transport both goods and personnel instantaneously from his newly built transit center to anywhere on planet earth or in the surrounding space. Xander got a kick out of using the new tech, as all he needed to do was detail the location of where he wanted the exit portal to be and the transit center would hack into the global positioning satellite system and open a door within five meters of the target location. To return to the transit center, one just contacted the transit center via cell phone, radio, tight beam laser, or communicator (the idea stolen from watching Zatanna use her Justice League communicator) and the transit center would open up a passage back to the town. For kicks, and just because he could, Xander had even assigned a guy named 'Scott' to man the transit center's main terminal, that way whenever he needed a lift he could call out 'Beam me up Scottie;' Xander had chuckled to himself that some things never get old. He'd even used the technology to prank the justice league, releasing a pack of skunks into the orbiting Watchtower just because he could.
The problem also wasn't the re-creation of the Jägers, which had gone surprisingly well in that the survival rate was at ninety eight percent of the volunteers, sadly one volunteer from the town had gone so insane that he asked to be killed. Xander had taken to creating the Jägers with the volunteer chained to a table as the potion was administered, thus Xander was able to stop the man from hurting himself and Xander sadly euthanized the man. Xander had then had the man's body put into a form of cold stasis while making a vow that he would figure out a way to bring the man back to life and reprogram the deceased man/Jäger's brain so that he could live the life of a successful Jäger; namely drinking, fighting and 'flirtzing wit da goilz.' Still, Xander had locked himself in his room for several hours depressed after costing the man his life. It was only after the chateau overrode the lock on Xander's door and admitted Dora and Tara that he was able to get out of his brooding and depressed mood. Several hours of snuggling with the girls seemed to have done the trick. At the end of the day Xander wasn't depressed any more, and forty Jägers were running around his land providing security and providing that nice bit of missing chaos that made the place feel more like home to Xander; home wasn't home to Xander without monsters running about. Xander acknowledged that 'flirtzing wit da goilz' was also a good way to get out of a depressed mood, and that maybe he should look into some of the other ways that Jägers had fun and see if he too enjoyed those.
The mistake wasn't even in his relationship with the two girls from the town. Xander had talked to Dora and Tara and though Xander had brought up dating one, the other, or both at the same time, both girls had stated that it wasn't proper and that if the Master wanted a proper partner or three that he would have to seek out an equal who could add more to the Heterodyne line. The relationship had been a bit awkward for a while there as a little niggling of doubt in the back of Xander's brain, that sounded remarkably like his father Anthony Harris, told him that the girls just didn't like him and that he wasn't good enough for the two girls. However both girls told him not to be silly and pounced on him after he had explained his understanding that they didn't want to commit to him. The round of sexual athletics that followed went a long way towards convincing Xander that maybe, just maybe, they really did like him and that he was good enough for them.
No, the mistake was with the coffee engine that he had created. It worked perfectly, creating the best coffee that his new dimension had ever seen. It produced prodigious amounts of it, whether by the cup, the carafe, or even the tanker truck full; it even created the vessel which held the coffee, which was weird when somebody knocked the gauge to 'truck' rather than carafe and the parking lot next to the café started filling up with tanker trucks full of coffee. No, the problem was that after the machine had started, he couldn't get it to stop. It seemed that though he had created a push button to start the machine, he had forgotten a little thing called an 'off switch.'
Xander had at first hoped that it would just stop when it ran out of beans to make coffee with. Thus he switched the machine to 'truck', and then had the appearing trucks moved to a large parking lot that the townsfolk had whipped together on the outskirts of town. Unfortunately, the machine continued to produce for another three days before Xander realized that it wasn't slowing down its coffee or truck production; where the hell it was coming up with the materials for the truck let alone how it was creating them, Xander didn't have a clue. In addition, when Xander went to check the coffee bean hopper, it was still full to the brim from the first time that he had filled it. Even removing all of the beans from the un-ground, unroasted hopper still didn't stop the machine.
Next, Xander tried pulling the plug on the machine. Now for normal people that would probably have been the first thing they would have done when faced with a lack of an off switch, but Xander was a mad genius, and simply pulling the plug was too boring for the likes of him. The second problem with pulling the plug, besides it being a mundane solution, is that when Xander ducked under the counter to pull said plug, he found that it was already unplugged from when he first took apart the industrial coffee pots and had forgotten to plug it back in. The machine happily hummed along, content to keep Xander's town full of minions hyped up on caffeine and churning out results for Xander's plans. By this point, Xander's parking lots were starting to get filled, so he called an emergency meeting with Igor to try and figure out what to do with the trucks full of coffee.
This meeting led to the creation of the Sparkbucks coffee empire. Batman had Wayne Enterprises, the Green Arrow had Queen Industries, and now Xander had Sparkbucks coffee. In order to get rid of the many large shipments of coffee, Xander broke his new business up into two enterprises: 1. He would create Sparkbucks coffee houses on the properties that he had acquired from both the former bank president as well as The Black Heterodyne; and 2. He would ship the coffee to stores and other coffee shops that wanted to use his product in the premade tanker trucks and then recycle the steel that was practically being pulled out of thin air and use it in making more inventions. Apparently the great thing about the perfect sparkroast coffee is that it was perfect in every way, it didn't deteriorate from being shipped over long distances, nor was it a problem if it grew cold as warming it up still made it the perfect cup of coffee. The very nature of the coffee would save on the expense of high priced machinery at the store locations, instead, Xander merely retrofitted existing coffee pots to warm up the premade coffee and installed 'shrink' technology in machines that were disguised to make espresso shots. In short, Xander was going into the business of providing legal stimulants, and because of the caffeine level and perfect nature of the coffee Xander was convinced that once people started drinking his coffee they wouldn't settle for anything else. On top of his ability to get paid to addict people to a substance that of which he held a monopoly, Xander's sales would gain the same tax benefits that items sold from Native American reservation did, namely no state taxes as he only answered to the federal government. Yes Xander wanted to save innocents, but he was still a mad genius, and what mad genius couldn't help addicting the world to a substance that only he had control over?
Thus Xander's somewhat innocent plan for world domination was set in motion. A plan that would gain an additional boost when Xander went to start up a Sparkbucks coffee shop in the little town of Blue Valley Nebraska, a small college town and the birthplace of Wally West, aka The Flash.
Xander had upgraded the transit center in the middle of his town to have 24 hour a day Jäger and clank security, as well as portal systems large enough to drive his coffee tanker trucks through. By quadrupling the systems at the transit center Xander was significantly decrease delivery times as his transit center could just open a portal on a deserted back roads highway late at night, one near the target destination, and then drive the coffee tanker truck through the portal and on to the final destination. This also saved on fuel costs as though the coffee tanker trucks were created out of seemingly thin air, their fuel tanks weren't full when they were created nor were they robotic trucks with self perpetuating energy to fuel them.
Xander had hopped a ride on one of the departing trucks as he wanted to get a better idea about the process of opening up one of his new stores, and what better place to run a demonstrative version of his corporate plan than to do the startup operation in a small Nebraska college town.
Xander and his team of minions had pulled into Blue Valley late on a Friday night and quickly found the main street storefront that had previously been owned by the deceased bank president. The minions, some driving coffee trucks and one following up the rear in the truck cab of Optimus pulling a trailer of goods and machinery, had quickly torn the interior of the former general store down and fully remodeled it in the single Friday night. The store was ready and all laid out the next morning, ready for a surprise grand opening.
'It's amazing what these minions can do when I simply ask them to put together a design of mine.' Xander thought to himself as he went to unlock the front door of the coffee shop that Saturday morning. 'Things that would normally take a work crew months to complete are thrown together perfectly in a single night. I'd think that it would be impossible if I wasn't already standing in the middle of it.' Xander finished thinking with a content smile.
Xander had liberally plagiarized from the design of Starbucks from his dimension, creating a symbol that bore the same green and white colors, but instead of a siren the center logo was the Heterodyne trilobite. The inside of the store was painted in warm rust colors and dark wood and granite wrapped around the counter and was existent in the tables and booths of the shop. Light sandwiches, salads, muffins and other goodies were on display, but coffee was definitely the preeminent feature of the store.
Cold coffee, hot coffee, drinks made with coffee, 'espresso' based drinks, even ice-cream made with coffee was present. Pretty much every beverage made from coffee was made from Xander's blend of perfect spark roast coffee, extra caffeinated. The baristas could add syrups to make the coffee have different flavors, they could shrink a cup of coffee down into a smaller size to increase the caffeine to volume ratio, but it all began with Xander's dark perfection that was trucked in from New Mechanicsburg.
As Xander opened the door to the shop, he was surprised to see several sleepy college students already waiting at the doors to come in.
"Welcome. Welcome to Sparkbucks." Xander stated with an entrancing smile as he let his first customers into his store.
The students replied with sleepy smiles, some looked to be giving him hung over frowns, and replied in return as they shuffled their way up to the counter where the baristas took their orders and served up the hot coffee drinks that the students purchased.
Xander heard the students brief grumbling about the prices of the coffee, especially for a small Nebraska town, but after taking one sip of the coffee Xander watched their faces take on a wide awake and enraptured look, he knew that he had them hooked.
'Excellent, like stealing candy from a baby,' A little voice in the back of Xander head cackled as he watched the students chug the still steaming hot coffee and purchase a second round; the voice in his head sounded strangely like Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons cartoon.
Xander shook his head, but couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. He wasn't a villain trying to take over the world after all, he thought to himself. Xander tried to convince himself that he was only selling a legal and readily available product and service used to help people wake up and work harder; he wasn't a big bad, no really, he wasn't.
Shrugging his shoulders and laying aside the mental debate, Xander manned the cash register and just enjoyed the increasing success of his business. Soon the students and towns people were entering and leaving in rapid succession, quickly returning with friends, family members, and acquaintances to buy more coffee.
'And to think, the high school counselor said that I would only be good at menial labor and would never amount to anything. Ha! I say to you again, Ha!' Xander thought to himself as he rang up an order for a 32 ounce triple espresso topped off with black coffee. At this point, the shop was packed with hyperactive college students and townsfolk merrily working away, and the line to purchase coffee stretched out the door and down the block. Xander mused that the day was going amazingly well, when like usual, Lady Luck agreed and decided that she couldn't let that continue unabated.
The saying 'even a town of 3000 needs a jail' was true to form, and unfortunately for Xander the one heroin junky in the town of Blue Valley decided to push his way into Xander store right as the store was busy with the lunch time rush.
The first that Xander knew that there was a problem was when disgruntled sounds of "Hey! No Cutting man!" turned into screams as a raggedly dressed dirty man with crazy eyes pulled a semi-automatic pistol from inside of his ratty coat.
"Nobody move!" The man yelled, wildly discharging his gun into the ceiling once before turning to point the gun directly at Xander.
The minions surrounding Xander tensed as if they were going to jump in front of Xander or jump over the counter to tackle the man; the bus boy behind the gun toting crazy picked up a coffee cup in both hands and looked like he was about to bash the crook in the back of the head with the earthenware weapons.
A quick flick of Xander's hand followed by a look and brief shake of his head had the minions halting their motions and standing still, Xander didn't want a stray bullet to hit one of his minions or one of citizens of Blue Valley.
Xander held his hands up, "Easy there buddy, just put the gun down, nobody needs to get hurt today. How about a free cup of coffee on the house?" Xander calmly asked, making sure that his actions drew the attention and direction of the gun towards him.
"I don't want your damn coffee! Give me the money from the cash register and in everyone's pockets!" The man yelled, briefly swinging the gun around to point at the cringing crowd before again focusing on Xander.
Xander's brain was going a million miles a minute, calculating plans and counter plans at the speed of light, his mental synapses firing infinite numbers of times as he thought of what to do. This guy was out of control, and Xander's current options were limited. He knew that he could take the guy out, but if he used his speed and strength to counter the guy then he would have almost a town full of witnesses who would know that he had the powers of a superhero. Xander didn't want to be the notable hero type, if there was anything he had learned from growing up in the Harris household or from reading comic books, it was that if you draw attention to yourself you get a beating and that Super Heroes and their friends/family were targeted by Super Villains. Life was so much easier if he kept his presence a secret from the rest of the world, he could still play the hero, but nobody needed to know about it. Secondly there was the possibility that a customer minion would be shot if he acted against the gunman. Where as if he got shot anywhere other than his head, he had a very good chance of surviving it and healing rapidly, however somebody getting shot during the opening of a store was usually bad for business, and Xander didn't want to see one of his minions or a Blue Valley resident get killed. Still, if there was one thing that people back in Sunnydale knew about Xander Harris, it was that though he may act like a clown, that when the going got rough, Xander didn't back down.
"Listen buddy, this is the opening day. How about you put down the gun and you and I can step into the back and talk about giving you a job and an advancement on your pay if you need the money, how does that sound?" Xander calmly explained, hands still raised as the twitchy gunman continued to point the gun at Xander.
This is when Murphy and his law decided to add their two cents to the situation, as the cappuccino machine that had been in the process of making a drink before the gunman had entered hissed and spurted steam, causing the gunman to think he was under attack.
The gunman pulled the trigger and though time slowed down, Xander realized that either he was going to get shot, or the minion standing behind him was going to get killed. Thinking quickly, Xander dodged slightly to the side, putting the trajectory of the bullet towards his left shoulder.
As time continued in slow motion, the gun discharged with a loud bang and Xander felt the 9 mm round penetrate his shoulder, pushing him back slightly and sending up a spray of blood. The crowd around the gunman seemed to slowly scream and cringe as the gunman seemed to then turn his gun on the crowd.
The gunman pulled the trigger five times, emitting five rapid barks from the gun in the crazy man's hands, all pointed at the mass of Blue Valley towns folks.
Only, no one got shot.
A blur of red and gold seemed to split the crowd and whirl around the packed coffee shop, at the same time the gunman seemed to slump and go boneless as the blur came to a sudden stop in front of the cash register.
"Sorry I wasn't fast enough to stop you from getting shot, but I just entered the other side of town when I heard that first gunshot." The Flash stated as he dropped five bullets onto the coffee counter and placed the gun next to them.
Xander looked up at the Flash, information going through his head at the same time that his face gave an honestly awed look up at one of his boyhood heroes; Wally West, The Flash.
Flash interrupted Xander's thoughts, "We had better get you some assistance with that shoulder. It doesn't look too bad from here, but you never know." The hero stated.
Xander nodded mutely for a second, before a smile came across his face and a small idea popped into his head as he covered his already healing shoulder.
"Thanks for your help Flash. As a reward for stopping the criminal, how about a coffee on the house?" Xander asked with a grimaced smile, feeling the slug from the 9 mm push itself back out of the entrance wound as his shoulder healed itself and got rid of the intruder in his system. Fortunately for Xander the blood that was on his fingers and on the rag that a minion had handed him covered the fact that his shoulder was almost already at 100% again.
"Nah, coffee doesn't really affect me as my metabolism burns it out of my system to fast. Besides, we need to get you some assistance first." The Flash responded as he started to walk around the counter to help Xander with his shoulder.
Xander fast made a motion towards the wall phone with his head to one of the coffee shop workers, and the worker merely nodded and picked up the phone to call for what sounded like an ambulance.
"No, don't worry about the shoulder." Xander stated, using his 'injured' arm to motion for the Flash to leave him be as Xander righted himself from his situation. "But tell you what, I've got a bet for you Flash. I bet that not only will you feel the effects of my coffee, but that you will love what it does for you also. I'm willing to bet free coffee for the whole crowd against you trying it, and if it works, you have to bring my coffee up to the rest of the Justice League. How does that sound?" Xander offered with a big smile on his face, his eyes twinkling at the possibilities.
The crowd that had been silently listening to the whole situation between Xander and The Flash now cheered at the possibility of not only free coffee, but in seeing if the coffee actually affected The Flash.
Wally West, aka The Flash, turned and looked at the cheering folks from his home town. It wasn't every day that he could help out the place of his birth, and he couldn't really resist the fun nature of the bet. After all, it wasn't as if the coffee could really affect him, what with his super speedy metabolism.
Wally turned towards Xander and smiled, nodded his head and said, "Agreed, you wager free coffee for the folks of the town today, and if you win, I'll import your coffee up to the tower to see if the rest of the Justice League likes it also." With that, Wally held out his hand to shake. Seeing that he had offered to shake Xander's 'bad arm' Wally immediately shifted to offer to shake with his left hand instead, and both Xander and Wally shook hands.
Just then an ambulance pulled up and two remarkably beautiful and familiar girls in paramedics' outfits got out and rushed inside towards Xander; one was a blonde, the other a raven haired beauty.
"Let's get you into the back and fix up this shoulder of yours before we take you to the hospital." Dora the paramedic stated to Xander with a wink, Tara was already acting as if she was applying pressure to Xander's shoulder.
"It's no problem, tis only a flesh wound, I've had worse." Xander stated with a smirk. "Let me finish getting the coffee for The Flash first, and then we can go after I've won my bet." Xander stated, completing his statement with a wink at The Flash.
The Flash good naturedly shook head with a smile, and offered to wait on the coffee. Xander said it wouldn't take more than a minute and proceeded to enter the back of the coffee shop, immediately proceeding out the back door of the coffee shop to where the tanker trucks still full of coffee were parked.
"So cups of coffee burn out of your system too fast for you to feel it Flash?" Xander muttered to himself as a slightly evil/mischievous smile crept across his face. Xander's eyes seemed to shine as he pulled out his shrink-ray gun and pointed it at one of the trucks.
"Well let's see how you react to an entire truck full of my extra-caffeinated black spark-roast shrunk down to the size of an extra-large coffee." Xander finished. With that, Xander triggered the gun and then walked up to the now 24 inch long miniature tanker truck.
Carrying the truck into the back of the shop, Xander used a can opener to pop the back off the tanker truck, and dumped the fluid into a coffee mug that he then warmed up in the microwave.
Taking the mug with him, Xander proceeded to the front of the store where The Flash was busy signing autographs for the crowd and waiting for Xander.
"I think it's only fair that with your metabolism you chug the whole mug of coffee, what with your high metabolism and everything." Xander stated with a smile, "We want this to be a fair wager don't we?"
Wally quirked his head to the side for a second at Xander as a moment of caution in taking the beverage flittered through his head. The Sparkbucks owner seemed to be genuine, and Wally didn't think that there was any way that the owner could have set up the whole getting shot thing just to get The Flash to drink his beverage. 'Nah, it's completely innocent. This guy doesn't seem like the harmful type.' Wally convinced himself as he accepted the beverage from the goofy smiling guy with a shrug and drank the whole mug full of coffee in one go.
The crowd watched The Flash drink the coffee in one fast gulp, and then waited to see a result.
Wally set the cup down with a verbal "Ahh, that was really good." Then smiled at Xander as it seemed like he had won the bet.
Less than a second later, Wally twitched.
Xander's smile started to grow.
Then Wally twitched again, and again, and then he started shaking.
Xander's smile grew that much larger.
Within five seconds, The Flash was twitching so quickly, that he appeared to be a blur just standing there.
Then, at the six second mark, Flash's voice stated from within the twitching blur, "Ok, Ok, Ok Ok! This feels good, really good, really great, so great, so great great great great great that I have the urge to run. I mean run really fast, really really fast. Oh look at the pretty birdy. Yep, I need to run. You win, you definitely win. Wow that's good coffee, really really good coffee. See ya!" The Flash's statement came out a babble of words that Xander only understood because he was fluent in Willow babble.
With that, The Flash's vibrating form took off running out the door, running so fast that an after image of The Flash was left behind, with a blurring distinct pattern of colors following a trail out the door of the restaurant and into the distance. It wasn't the normal straight blurred lines of red and gold. No, The Flash was moving so fast that behind him the blur took on a distinct checked pattern of horizontal and vertical gold, green, yellow, blue, and red lines.
"Dear God! The Flash has gone to Plaid!" Xander exclaimed wide eyed, he and the rest of the crowd silently stunned at how quickly The Flash had disappeared.
Finally Tara interrupted Xander and the crowd's stupor, "Come with us sir, we need to get you and your arm to a doctor."
This statement seemed to bring the crowd out of their state, and conversations and smiles picked up again as several minions/baristas silently picked up the unconscious gunman and carried him and his gun out the back door.
Dora and Tara led Xander out the front door, acting as if he was a patient they were helping. Just as he was at the threshold, Xander yelled out behind him, "I may have won the bet, but free coffee for the next hour for everybody." Xander exclaimed.
The patrons of the store all cheered and smiled as the danger from earlier was soon blotted over in their memories as they enjoyed the free fare at Blue Valley's newest coffee shop.
Xander was helped up into the ambulance and Tara climbed in with him and closed the door behind them, Dora ran around to the front to start up the vehicle.
As the ambulance pulled out onto the street and drove towards the city's outskirts, its sirens turning on, Xander pulled the bloody cloth off his arm and looked at his now flawless shoulder that was fully healed.
Concentrating on cleaning up the blood with some antiseptic wipes, Xander mentioned to Dora and Tara, "You know I don't need a doctor, the arm is fully healed."
Tara's reply was to start unbuttoning the blue paramedic's short sleeved shirt she was wearing. "What, you don't want to play doctor with Dora and me?" Tara asked with a sultry voice.
Though it was drowned out by the sound of the sirens, the only reply was Tara's giggles as Xander pounced on her and pinned her to the gurney in the back of the ambulance. Those giggles turned to moans as the ambulance reached a good distance away from the town of Blue Valley, and disappeared into a swirling blue portal.
Meanwhile, Wally West, The Flash, was running faster than he had ever done in his entire life. In the span of one second, he was able to be in Antarctica, run the Great Wall of China, visit all of the tourist sites in Madrid Spain and Rome Italy, and still have enough time to run up and down the waves during the middle of a Hawaiian big wave surf contest.
He saved a town in Venezuela from a mudslide, just as the town was about to be swept away. The Flash was fast enough to save not only every human and animal in the city, but had enough time to disassemble and reassemble the entire town of wood and corrugated steel in a safe location in that instant before the town would have disappeared.
He saved a boy falling out of a tree in Michigan while at seemingly the same time he snatched a bullet out of the air heading towards a man driving down the interstate in Ohio.
He even had the time to run through Gotham and de-pants the Joker who was trying to escape Batman through a back alley; Wally very quickly saluted Batman before disappearing again in another blur of plaid. The Flash briefly heard Batman yell, "Get out of my city!" before Wally was again too far away.
There was the speed, The Flash was going so fast that he was able to side step in and out of the Speed Force Dimension at will; the place where all the power of the speedsters came from.
That was the running speed, and then there was the hyperactivity that came with it after imbibing Xander's super caffeine saturated shrunken coffee.
The Flash kept getting distracted and acting before his thoughts could catch up with him. He chased birds, ran up and down the sides of mountains and skyscrapers, created waterspouts by running in circles on the ocean and tried to see how many super villains he could tag in as short of a period of time. After the three seconds it took to do all of that, he got bored and decided to see if a few of the other super heroes in the Justice League wanted to get in on the fun.
Coming to a stop, The Flash used his communicator to call Jonn, The Martian Manhunter, who was manning the transportation station at the Watchtower.
"Jonn, Jonn, Jonn, Jonn, Jonn, Jonn…" The Flash kept repeating as fast as possible into his communicator until the Martian finally answered.
"Yes Flash, What can I do for you?" Jonn asked in a voice that seemed to drag out forever to The Flash, but was really stated in Jonn's normal tempo of speech.
"Beam me up. Transport me up. Come on send me up. I want to go to the watch tower. Now, now, now, now. What is taking so long? Why aren't you beaming me up. Please transport me to the station. Come on Jonn, Jonn, Jonn, Jonn. Transport me up." The Flash super speed Willow-babbled.
The Martian Manhunter merely raised an eyebrow ridge as The Flash's entire diatribe had been said in the brief time it took for Jonn's finger to move from its position on the 'L' key to shift towards the 'enter' key on his keyboard; which entered the command to transfer The Flash up to the transporter array right in front of Jonn.
The Flash appeared in the Watchtower right in front Jonn, and The Flash proceeded to wave his hand back and forth quickly in a blur of greeting; the arm waving so fast that it sounded like a humming-bird flapping its wing, only on a hummingbird the size of a full grown human man.
"Hi Jonn! How are you doing Jonn? How's your day going Jonn? What's new Jonn? Anything fun going on today Jonn? Any crisis going on Jonn? How come you aren't answering Jonn?" The Flash again spoke, his voice babbling so fast that the words blurred together into what sounded like The Flash was trying to say the name the world's longest named city: Krung thep maha nakorn amorn ratana kosin mahintar ayutthay amaha dilok phop noppa ratrajathani burirom udom rajaniwes mahasat harn amorn phimarn avatarn sathit sakkattiya visanukamprasit, Thailand.
Jonn, the Martian Manhunter, was concerned that something was wrong with The Flash. Thus, as one of the world's strongest telepaths, Jonn decided to see what was going on in the often quick witted mind of Wally West.
Wally was shocked when Jonn screamed out in agony and then collapsed unconscious.
The Flash was next to the collapsed Martian in an instant, poking Jonn.
"Jonn? Jonn? Jonn? Are you alright Jonn? Speak to me Jonn? Take me to your leader Jonn. I always wanted to say that to you Jonn. Are you alright Jonn? Hey Jonn?" Wally stated, still hyped up on caffeine and poking the unconscious Martian Manhunter who lay before him.
The Flash tried to feel for a pulse, but didn't know if Martians even had a pulse in the first place, so decided to pick up the unconscious alien and speed to the Watchtower's medical facilities.
The Flash entered the medical facility in a blur of plaid and immediately deposited the unconscious Jonn on a medical table and pressed the buttons for the auto-doc to start working.
"What happened?" Dianna, Princess of Themyscira, and ambassador to 'Man's world', aka Wonder Woman, questioned as she rushed over to the medical table where Jonn was being worked on by the auto-doc.
The Flash looked at Wonder Woman and made a big mistake.
Perhaps Xander's bad luck had rubbed off on Wally West, but due to the hyperactive state that he was in, Wally West was acting faster than his brain could keep up with. Normally we have that little voice in the back of our heads that states, 'No, that's not a good idea, don't act out on that thought.' What is also normal is that the human male thinks about sex some forty to seventy times a day, minimum. Further, it was the combined belief of all of Earth's human males and most of its females, regardless of sexual leaning, to agree that Wonder Woman had probably one of the nicest pair of breast in creation.
The Flashes brain went, 'Oh! Boobies! I want to touch!' And before the now very overworked rational limiting portion of Wally West's brain could shout out, 'No! Whatever you do, Don't grab Wonder Woman's Breast!' Wally's hands shot out and squeezed Wonder Woman's rack.
"Mmmm, firm yet pleasantly squishy." Wally stated to himself as he gave Wonder Woman's chest another squeeze before the rational portion of his brain kicked in and warned him of his imminent doom.
The Flash's last memories before flying head first through three bulkheads, the cafeteria, and then two more bulkheads before falling unconscious was of Wonder Woman's fist traveling straight for his face. For though the Flash may have been hyped up on caffeine and moving faster than he ever had before, nothing is as fast as a woman's mood going from happy to irate, not even the fastest man in the world.
AN: Well, wanted to end that chapter on a fun note. Hope you enjoyed it. (If my wife is reading this, then the last sentence in the story is just a joke honey, really!)
I appreciate most of the comments and thoughts from reviewers, as they sometimes give me ideas. Honestly though, if you're going to state in a review that you've already figured out the exact manner in which I'm going to write the rest of the story, then A: Why are you continuing to read if you already think you know the outcome, and B: nope, you're most likely very wrong in your guesses about what happens next and you're just going to have to enjoy the madness as I write it. Still having fun with this story, and still have ideas that I want to write out in further chapters, so we will have to see what happens. Cheers!