Catherine was at a loss and finally decided to go to the hospital cafeteria. Sitting with a cup of coffee, her mind began to wander. She knew that Gil and Sara needed some time without her around, time to sort things out. But it was killing her, not being there. What if they officially called it quits? How would he cope? He would need someone and she hoped it would be her. Or did she? She thought of Jim, already back in Vegas. With a sigh, she realized he hadn't called to tell her he'd arrived. Absently, she pulled her phone out to check again for messages. There were none.

Pursing her lips, an impulse came over her and she texted him. "Gil and Sara talking," it said. "Don't know what I want but I do know I miss you." Her brow furrowed as she reread the message. Finally, she added "love, Cat" and sent it.

Frustrated with her conflicting emotions, she tried to think of other things. Checking her watch, she realized that Lindsey would be in classes now and briefly she wondered which one. A faint smile played at the corner of her lips as the irony of her daughter's career choice struck her once again. Acting, she said inwardly. The theater…guess it's natural after all the drama in her family. Goodness knows Mom sure laid it on, especially about Sam. And me…I guess I've been a little overly dramatic about some things over the years too. Still, don't know if I want her to be successful or not. It's a tough life for a young girl…no, make that woman; she's a young woman now.

Her mind wandered to the call she'd received a few days ago from Frank Martinelli, one of Sam's investors. He'd offered her a job at the Eclipse. Seems the investors wanted someone running the place that had an interest in it. While her portion was small compared to theirs, it was sizable in her world. Jim had encouraged her to think about it.

Jim…wonder what he is doing right now? Probably at work. Conrad is probably making his life hell…

She spent an hour over her cup of coffee, thinking about Jim, the lab, Lindsey, anything to keep her mind off of the conversation going on upstairs in Gil's room. Suddenly anxious and nervous, she decided to walk around the hospital for a little while. Wandering past the gift shop, she headed into the main lobby area where she was surprised to see Sara making a quick exit through the front doors.

Torn over which direction she should go, Catherine hesitated and then decided in favor of Gil. After all, he was confined to the bed and she had promised to be there for him…after.

"All clear," she asked as she peeked around his door.

"Yeah," he said dejectedly.

Easing into the room, her hands in her pockets, she looked around. "Everything seems to be in order…" she said lightly, trying to ease some of her tension.

"No fireworks," he answered tiredly, looking out the window.

Settling in the chair next to the bed, she sighed. "You okay?"

Turning his head to her, he simply looked at her. The sight of tears in his eyes unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. "Gil?"

"She's…gone… for the last time," he said softly.

"Oh Gil…"

"We talked…it's like I thought…but she feels guilty…"

"Guilty?"

"That…she's hurting me…over and over. She thought it was behind her but it all came back in Paris. And…she loves me, she says, but there's something inside of her…something she hasn't come to terms with…"

"Okay…" she drawled.

"I could sense her hesitation…that she thinks she should stay…and I could sense that she didn't want to. Even if she does love me, it isn't enough…I'm…not enough."

Catherine's heart was breaking for him. "Gil," she said sympathetically. "My god, you are enough for any woman…in so many ways…"

He looked at her quizzically. "No…not for you?"

Frowning. "What…did you say to her?" she asked, choosing to ignore what he'd just said for the moment.

"I…told her I understood, which seemed to make her feel more guilty. And I didn't want that, so I told her about Heather."

"About…Heather?"

"Yeah…after Sara left Vegas the last time…"

"I thought…I had an idea you went to Heather's," Catherine said, suddenly feeling very shaky.

"You … always knew what was going on with me, didn't you," he said with a sad smile.

"Not always. But you were so…down, in such a dark place. And … then you suddenly seemed to be pulling it all together, pulling yourself together. And you were … putting the pieces of your own puzzle together for a change instead of just barreling through. I thought...well, you and Heather have always had something between you…but then you suddenly decided to quit CSI and head off to the jungle and so I decided it was all in my mind."

"I went to her house to ask some advice… on a case. And…she saw right through me. It was just after I'd received a video from Sara. One where she was basically saying good-bye. Heather put me on the spot on a couple of things. But she also recognized how lost I was. And she knew that going home…I wouldn't get any rest. And the lab reminded me of Sara too. So she offered her guest bedroom…and I stayed."

"Okay…" Catherine drawled with an unspoken question.

"I asked her to stay with me that night. And she did. And nothing happened. But it was easier, sleeping at Heather's and not going home. I actually slept…some. And then one night…" He closed his eyes in a grimace. "One night, it just all hurt so much; I was so lonely. And she came to check on me and…well, you can guess what happened."

Catherine's heart pounded in her chest as the realization of what he was saying hit her. He had slept with Heather while he and Sara were supposed to be together. He had cheated. "And you told Sara about it."

"Yeah, well… some of it. Maybe she won't feel so guilty. She'll be too angry with me to feel guilty."

"But Gil, do you have any idea how much that hurt her?"

"I can guess," he said as a tear trickled down his face. "But she'll be hurt and then angry and then she'll get over me…no more guilt."

Catherine's eyes widened. "And you think that'll be easier for her?" she almost screeched.

"Maybe not. But at least she won't be feeling the guilt. She's carried enough of that around."

"And she'll never trust anyone again, Gil."

"She will. When she calms down and thinks about it, she will. I know my Sara…I know Sara, she's not mine anymore."

Catherine was agitated. Standing up she began to pace the room. "Do you have any idea how long it took for me to get over Eddie cheating on me…the hurt, the lack of confidence….all those stupid relationships with jerks…"

Gil's look sharpened. "I do. I watched all those relationships with jerks from the sidelines, remember?"

"You were paying attention? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It was… none of my business," he said as he glanced away.

"You were…are…my friend Gil, a good one. And you saw what I was doing and you let me do it?"

"I… it killed me to watch but…I thought that was what you wanted … that they were what you wanted."

Boiling in frustration and her disbelief spilling over, Catherine spoke before thinking. "What I wanted was you!"

Suddenly the room was eerily quiet as he gaped at her. His blue eyes were huge and shocked. Then finally closing his mouth, he took a deep breath. "You wanted me?"

Calming herself, she nodded through glistening eyes. "When I was with Eddie, I couldn't allow myself to go there…think about it at all. But after the divorce…I….kept looking for a way to say something, but you…you never gave me an opening. I decided you weren't interested. And Sara was on the scene by then…and of course Terri Miller was in there somewhere. And Sophia. With all those beautiful, intelligent, classy women around…what chance did I stand?"

Gil blinked, several times. "You wanted me?" he asked again. She just stood there, staring at him, this time her mouth agape. "B..but, I tried," he finally managed to say.

"You did?"

"I… said things, hoping you would…you always knew what I meant. I didn't think I needed to explain…everything. But…" Then suddenly he seemed to collect himself. "Terri and even Sophia never stood a chance because….because they weren't you. They were similar in some ways, strong intelligent, and beautiful women…like you. But they weren't you."

"And Sara?"

Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, he gulped. "Sara wasn't you in any way. She was…safe. She made it clear she wanted me, that my idiosyncrasies would be tolerable. And it didn't matter to her that I am so socially awkward. She is too. She…would never demand that I …that I venture too far out of my cocoon."

Catherine stared at him, dumbfounded. "You thought I was too much of a risk?"

"I thought… that even if you …took pity on me and gave it a try that I would be too boring. Too awkward and introverted…too much of a hermit," he said sheepishly, his eyes looking intently at the blanket over his knees.

Chuckling, Catherine edged closer. "Well, I probably would have made you leave the cocoon from time to time. After all, I do love to get out and party. But boring? Gil, you are many things, but boring is never a word I would use to describe you. You can be obstinate, bull-headed, clueless and one of the sweetest, most caring men I've ever met, when you aren't hiding from your emotions."

"And that was another reason…you need emotional support and I never believed I had that to give you. Like you said, I tend to …hide from emotions. I don't…know what to do… with them."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "Gil, you were the only real support I had for years. You held me together with your concern and your, admittedly sometimes distant but always there, caring."

They both remained quiet for a few moments, contemplating the little ball of fuzz that had risen on his blanket from his constant fidgeting with it. Finally, she sighed. "When you get out of here, we've got some talking to do."

Gil chanced a look up at her. "We do?"

"Yeah. I know you're still hurting from Sara. And I have some…things to resolve. But we need to stop wasting time on what we do or don't want from each other… "

"Things to resolve? Like Jim?" His voice was firm.

Tossing her head back, her hair fluttering away from her face, she looked at him straight on. "Like Jim. Seems he … was interested in me for a long time but he knew that as long as you were around, it wouldn't work. After you left for Costa Rica, we got closer and we've been dating…awhile. He went back to Vegas to give me a chance to figure out what I want."

"You're supposed to choose?"

"Yeah, but…how do I choose between the two best men I know?"

Eyes sparkling, Gil looked at her earnestly. "I can't answer that, Catherine. I can't even say for sure that you have a choice to make because right now, I'm … confused."

"Don't know what you want, huh?"

He looked up into her face, full of bittersweet amusement. "I feel like I don't know anything right now."

"Fair enough. But let's not just let it drop, okay?"

Nodding in agreement, a small smirk settled on his features. "We'll talk." And then he was overcome by a huge yawn.

"But now you need to sleep," she said softly as she eased back into the chair.

"You'll stay?" He asked sleepily.

"For now. After all, no matter what, we've always had each other's back."

His head settled into the pillow with a huge grin on his face.

Okay, I know some of you are ready to strangle me now because I didn't actually write the talk between Sara and Gil. But I decided that since I began with Gil and Catherine being the two central characters in this thing, I needed to stick with their reactions first. The next chapter will touch on how Sara and Brass deal with it.

And I'm loving the reviews. What I'm getting is that everyone seems to think we'll end up with four very unhappy people or two happy people and two people left out in the cold. The third option is of course, that all four will end up happy. Hmmm. guess we'll just have to see how it turns out.

I'm going to add a little note about Catherine. I'm writing her, remembering more the character from the first six or seven seasons, than the last few. I especially am mad at her right now because of the way she's been treating Jim. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY messes with my Brassman and gets away with it, lol. And since Grissom left, she's just been kind of bitchy anyway. So on with the story...

As always, your comments are much appreciated!