What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't fight. I've never fought. I've always been a perfect young lady. I don't consider myself aggressive. No one has!
Everyone in the castle has had their fair share of ignorance before; My father always told me to turn the other cheek to it and not act on it, because no matter how many vampire-Quiluete relationships they'll be or however long Quiluetes stay on the throne, the negativity will never end. It's been possible to do so before, but why did I snap tonight when Seth and Renesmee have heard much worse?
That's so unlike me.
I sure got the worst of it from Seth after the party ended when I escaped to my room. He hit me with the "have you lost your mind?" line and added "you're the princess...you set an example...you only proved those girls right!" and "what's gotten into you lately?" then topped off the scream fest with "get your shit together before you become Mrs. General Samuel Uley!"
And in the midst of all this discipline, I had to quickly and defiantly remind him that he's not our father which causes him to remind me that he's the king. Seth and I had never been normal siblings. There was no rivalry since we're on different wavelengths and the eight year age difference always kept us separate in terms of royal activity. There was never room for competition. I don't know if Seth's always been blind to my lack of influence around here or he chooses to ignore it because he was taught that the Princess is merely a symbol, not a person.
After getting a load of what he has to say, I apologize to Renesmee for getting ready to kill her family, but she just confides that she didn't like those bitches either, making me feel a little better. She asks me if anything else is wrong besides what happened tonight, and I'm tempted to confess that I'm slowly falling unreasonably and questionably in love with Jacob even though he might be a contributing factor to my wild behavior lately. Before Jacob, I didn't sneak out the castle, get angry, get into fights, bully Sam, and see myself as a sexual being capable of kissing with passion, moaning out of pleasure, and having feelings beyond platonic for the opposite sex. Before Jacob, I was a polite young lady who curtsied and obeyed her fiance.
Before Jacob, I was a possession of the Court.
Before Jacob, I knew nothing about myself.
Before Jacob, I was a good girl. Now I'm a problem.
I'm not sure how I felt of it. I didn't like disappointing people, but at the same time, I'm tired of being a people pleaser.
The best way to break even is to probably go back to the way things were. Daddy wouldn't be proud that I've reduced myself to being someone's second choice. Jacob has more option than he realizes. He could have any girl he wanted, so why'd he go after me?
I came to these terms when I went to bed that night. I barely slept accepting the thought that I can't see Jacob anymore, especially after tonight. It's not fair to him nor Sam.
The weeks that followed the incident, I did my very best, though it was a struggle, to stay as far away from Jacob. I purposely stayed away from the gymnasium when I did check up days for the Tribal school. When he called, I told Rach to pick it up and tell him I'd call him back. Even when he made visits to the castle to get business done with Seth, I stayed in my room and fought the urge to run to Seth office and apologize a million times for ignoring him.
I'd constantly been apologizing to Sam and hid my disappointment when he wasn't around to help plan the wedding and I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds when he says something that pisses me off or when he calls me his personal Princess. Even after I went three weeks without contacting Jacob or seeing him and I'd gotten my act together, Sam still shows the same amount of affection as he did before, maybe less. You'd think that once someone's one the brink of losing something they love, they'd do everything and more to keep it.
The only event in which Sam showed me his wild side was when I found myself making out with him in my closet a week after the Thanksgiving incident. For a quick moment in time, I was horny and on the brink of dripping wet till he took off with unexpected army business or whatever, leaving me in my closet wiping saliva and lipstick from the side of my mouth. As a couple, we'd never discussed the idea of staying abstinent before marriage, and neither of us wore a purity ring. The Court rule of being unable to strip the Princess of her virginity before marriage didn't apply to him considering he's my fiance, and we had three months to go before we were married.
It's been a month since the dinner, and the Christmas party tonight would be the first time I would've seen Jacob if he and Sam are even allowed in the same castle. At this point, he's probably gotten himself a steady girlfriend that won't get him in trouble. In fact, I wish for it.
Rachel put my hair in a half up, half down prom-like style with wisps on the side to show off a pair of earrings Sam had gotten for me. Rosalie put me in a red chiffon, full length, spaghetti strap dress that matched some white pumps. As beautiful as I looked, I couldn't get over how even as the behaving Princess who obeys and wears makeup, I wasn't who I was supposed to be. These parties, this makeup, the fashion: none of it is me.
Sam was on time to escort me to the party that included early gift exchanges, fake smiles and even faker people. Renesmee's family was limited to avoid any issues, but I didn't have time to hurt anyone tonight because the only thing I did the entire time was stay by Sam's side, interact with his friends, and nearly freeze my ass off because Rosalie thought this dress was appropriate for December with snow practically rushing its way out of the sky. Sam rubbed my arms to warm me up, but it didn't help a bit; this was the perfect opportunity to give me his jacket.
We shared a dance, drank, ate dinner, and for a moment, I was having a fun time. I gave him, Rosalie, Rach, and some of my cousins their presents, and the fun time finally stuck for a good hour or so. Eventually the cold gets to me, and I excuse myself to go upstairs without an escort to either change my dress or get a shawl. Oblivious to any and everything, I don't even notice that the door doesn't make a noise when I swing it behind me until I turn, scream internally, clutch my chest and stomp my foot in frustration when I see Jacob leaning against the door.
Jesus, that's creepy.
"What the fuck," I say to him. I didn't even hear him!
"I'm sorry."
"You weren't gonna even speak up?"
He goes apologetic. "Lee, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Is there a reason, besides nearly giving me a heart attack, why you followed me up here then?"
He exhales and takes his hands from behind his back to show he's holding a tiny box, wrapped sloppily in green wrapping paper. "I just wanted to give this to you. I wasn't expecting a gift from you or anything, but I saw this," he says, strides over to my vanity to set the box down, and backs away, "And thought of you. I would've given it to you downstairs, but I couldn't get you away from Sam, so now seemed as perfect time as any."
If I knew Jacob well enough, I can definitely tell he's lying. I ignore how good this month apart's been to him, and search my head for a snarky remark.
"Is that really all you stalked me up here to do?"
He nods as if what I just said was normal. "Sorry I bothered you. Merry Christmas, Princess," he says and makes a swift exit, causing me to gasp at what he called me.
I feel my face begin to sag in sorrow and my eyes turn into puppy dog's. And just like that, he was gone. It's over. It's really over. I turn my back to the door and stare out the balcony doors at my own reflection to tell if I'd begin crying. I don't get the chance to even feel my muscles tighten and the stinging of my eyes water before my bedroom door burst open and Jacob barges right through, slamming it then leaning against it.
"Alright, I lied. I came up here to demand an explanation, but who am I to ask for one, right?" he chuckles nervously and hutches his shoulders. "I know I was way out of line at the dinner, and I made my attraction to you more than obvious, but to see him touch you the way you did when you did what you did, which was excellent by the way, it made me crazy. I understand that this notion of us ever being together was a big joke, and I shouldn't have expected at least a goodbye from you before you decided to be faithful again."
I don't know if I should be mad or not, so I just calmly sit at the vanity chair. He looks more than relaxed so I should be. He was more than right; I did owe him an apology for leading on an impossible relationship then disregarding his feelings after he'd told me such intimate and private secrets.
"I apologize. That wasn't right of me. But you do realize why we can't do this anymore, right?" I painfully tell him, voice on the brink of cracking.
He understands and nods his head. "That's all I wanted. What happened at the dinner was the last straw I supposed. I won't bother you again, Princess."
Damnit! He said it again!
"Is that what I am now?" I question him.
"I might as well get used to calling you that anyway."
I wanted so bad to get angry beyond belief with him. "Goodbye, Jacob," I dismiss him and turn my cheek to him when he bows and opens the door to leave. He doesn't even make it out the door before my throat swells up and begins aching from masking my whimper when my eyes begin to sting from hiding in the tears. Something didn't sit well with going the rest of my life without having Jacob the way he's been lately. I glance at my ring to remind me that I didn't need Jacob, but it quickly blurs out of vision when tears overlap and fall down my face.
His harm hand is suddenly encouraging me to stand and give him a hug. When I do, his protective grip embraces me with much needed intimacy. We twirl for a moment till my back is facing the door. I let him go only to look at the ground, but his finger wipes a tear away and I reluctantly bring my head up.
Jacob's never looked at me like this before.
I feel the need to bashfully hide in my hair and turn my face away so he doesn't see me blushing so hard. He's probably already noticed my expression and that's why he looks this way.
For once, his hard, snarky, cocky, and thug exterior softens. Like clay, his usual scrunched eyebrows, flared nostrils, tight smirk and scowl, and proud chin melt away to actually look sympathetic. He looks as though he has the capability to be gentle.
The look he's giving me represents kindness and worry and care all in one. He looks like he's just had his heartbroken, but he seems okay with it because maybe he knew he deserved the torture. He looks like he's just seen a kitten and a puppy snuggle up with each other on a couch. He looks like he's seeing his favorite friend after years of separation.
He takes a step towards me and I'm suddenly against my bedroom door, staring up at him in amazement from his thick neck to his strong jaw up towards his gorgeous face.
The way he twirled and twisted me at my engagement party made everything seem simpler, like this is how everything should've been from the start- he should've came on Judgment Day and cheered me up when I was upset about my shitty birthday and asked me to marry him after two months of dating, cus Lord knows I fucking would.
An unwanted gasp comes from my lips when he, with the lightest of brushes, touches softly down my exposed arms. I shudder and my knees go weak when he does the action again but bites his lip this time. If I could have it my way, I'd want his body this close to mine always.
I don't remember reaching up to cup his face, but I do and end up bringing him downward to kiss me. It's close mouthed at first, till he pushes forward and takes a breath, opening his lips to take mine in. I'm not sure I know how to respond, so I take a breath too and invite him in. The taste of the party's wine is all I can get, but I love it.
We stay against the door, kissing sensually by softly rubbing and clawing each other's torsos and faces. Of all the times he's kissed me, he's never been this desperate and clingy like I'll disappear into thin air. He's giving one hundred percent effort into turning me on my massaging his lips around mine like this and creeping his hands around my strapless bra clasp and back dimples.
Highly excited, I use my hands to pull him forward and eventually end up pulling his tux jacket off, loosening his tie, and unbuttoning each little white button on his dress shirt, briefly breaking the kiss when I strip it off his arms. It's a quick and smooth movement, something I'd never done properly in the past. Seeing his naked chest hover over me and huge flexed muscles so close to my face makes my knees buckle a bit, and I slide down the door until he catches me and my breath with another slow kiss.
Goosebumps forming erratically, he caresses my skin caringly and that's when his warm hand descended towards my ass cheeks. He watches my face in between pecks as he squeezes his hands within the limited space between the dress material and the flesh of my ass.
"He doesn't touch you like this," he concludes and keeps me trapped against the door. I lean into him while he takes his right hand and moves it over my breasts again, worming his hand sensually across my back, finding the hook to my bra and undoing it with no issue.
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip, imagining what biting his would feel like as it droops before me in a pout. I pull the garment off my body with a breeze and it ends up in the same corner as his shirt.
Kneading my breast under my dress, he tweaks the nipple and presses his crotch against me subtly. As if it were a reaction, I take the initiative to rub it slowly through his dress slacks. He gulps.
"Why do you love him?" he asks, panting now. His face says it all as he removes his left hand from squeezing my ass to single handedly undoing the clip keeping my hair up as I simultaneously do his belt.
I have to think for a second and it finally occurs to me: I'm about to cheat on my fiancé, without thinking anything of it and I regret nothing. That alone should tell me I don't love him at all!
"I don't know," I reply while he touches our foreheads and gets rid of the lone tie around his neck as I do his belt. His fingers steadily unbuckle and unzip my dress from behind. I awkwardly run my hands over his chest, waiting for him to do his own pants.
"Why do you love me?"
Blinking slowly, I glance upward and take in his patient expression. "When have you ever heard of a love story where the good girl doesn't fall for the bad boy?"
That made enough sense for him to hoist me up onto hips and crush our lips together aggressively. He clings again as he carries me as if I'm weightless to the bed before setting me down, my legs never detaching from around his pelvis. He notices my resistance then pecks along my neck softly, inhaling me deeply as I did the same to him. He groans going over my collarbone, and I practically feel my skin tingle under him as he eases one hand to pulling my dress down while the other holds me down by the waist to assure I don't squirm. Taking much needed breaths, I automatically open my legs for him once he's removed the clothing. At first, I thought I'd did something wrong by the look on his face, so I immediately close my legs, imagining all the worst possibilities going on down there.
"What?" I say quickly, sitting up. "Is something wrong?"
He catches my cautious tone and reaches his hand out to touch my knee as he kneels in front of me. He re-opens my legs.
"No, it's nothing wrong. Just. . ." he lingers on that word looking for his next. "I didn't know I got you like this."
I had no shame in letting Jacob see how wet he got me. Turning red, I set my legs on either side of him.
"I've barely touched you-" he continues, massaging my thighs slowly as his fingers make their way upward to my satin thong. "-and you've already wet the bed."
"Does that boost your little ego?" I scoff, nodding towards the bulge in between his legs as it presses with objection against his pants. He glares down at it and that cocky side smirk returns.
"I don't think little is the right word, baby-girl," he jerks at the string of my panties and I yelp, taken off guard and realizing that he pulled the garment to my knees. I suddenly go submissive when the brown hue of his eyes deepen like his pupils dilated. He resembled a hungry shark and it was turning me on like a motherfucker. He leans forward and towers me again, making me flutter my lashes at him, pout like a child and whimper. Our eyes are set on each other's, but I still catch him sneak my thong into his pants pocket.
My legs quiver at the slightest touch. He notices these little twitchy mannerisms and takes advantage by making me squirm more by pulling lightly on my bare, damp skin. He catches me by further surprise when he sinks his fingers between the cushion of my thighs to rattle my clit; the second his index and middle finger make contact, a well-mannered gasp escapes my lips and I assertively reach forward to wrap my arm around his thick neck to pull him towards me for a kiss, giving out on my elbows.
Stunned, he kisses me roughly and refuses to stop his fingers from pleasurably torturing me even as my muscles tighten and clamp his hand like a vice. He pulls his face away to watch me struggle to keep my eyes open, my lips quiver and sweat form on my forehead, where he kisses repetitively for long moments at a time. They're such sweet and caring kisses. I imagine his sensitive face from before.
Catching my breath, I ease my grip around his hand, giving his hand more leeway to cup me. He removes his hand all together and slithers downward so that his face is before my warm and wet sex. Jacob separates my legs further and blows subtly onto me, making me moan and grip at my own skin just as he did earlier.
He blows more and eases forward to kiss the inner muscle of my thighs. "Leah?"
"Hmmm?" I sigh, weaving my fingers through his hair while he holds my legs still.
"If I hurt you," he presses his lips to the inner side of my thigh. "I'm sorry."
I shudder and shake, trying to push his face deeper into me, but he takes it slow.
"I care about you, okay," he speaks between the kisses, making me lose my damn mind. I know he was trying to be sweet and romantic, but I needed this now. I should savor it because the chances of him ever talking like this again are slim.
"Fucking eat me out, damnit," I swear and fiddle my hips around his face like a taunt. He laughs, and I'm expecting for him to dip low and start eating me out, but I'm knocked out of my fantasy when he harshly tightens his two hands around each side of my waist to lift me upward and off the bed. Gathering my thoughts, I put together that I'm somewhat sitting on his shoulders with my crotch in his face as he slams me against the wall and the sound of slurping is all that can be heard.
Up against the wall, I balance myself and don't even attempt to fight the intense moans and whines coming from my mouth. The fear of falling off his shoulders as well as someone hearing my acts of infidelity only made this more exciting and I practically felt myself draining right into his mouth. My fists showed no mercy as they tangle and make a mess of Jacob's hair.
He doesn't stop for anything, even when a euphoric and blissful sensation runs its course through my lower half causing my legs to shake, toes to curl inward, and my thighs to clamp. For fear of choking him to death, I loosen around him and trace my hands frantically around his as they press me firmly against the wall. I grind on his face rapidly and watch my stomach muscle contract with every wave of my catches me as I fell off his shoulders and tries his best to be sweet as he sets me stably on the mattress. Shaking, I try to hide my blushing when I saw the mess around his mouth. He catches me staring, but doesn't act on it. He just meets me at the edge of the bed and puts a hand through my hair.
"You know I'd never force you to do something you didn't want to, right?" he asks, standing up.
I nod, knowing what was next. I take it upon myself to remove his pants and pull his boxers from around his waist toward his ankles. He doesn't say anything when I take his penis into my hands and stroke seductively.
"It's not to late to change your mind."
I roll my eyes up at him. "You and I both know that's a lie."
A/N Yeah, I know y'all hate me and all, but what else did you guys expect from me? I'm Lady Blackwater; this is my thing. But, thanks a hell of a bunch for reading and reviewing cus I wouldn't do if not for you guys...every last one of you.