We're back again. I got this update quicker than I thought. I know most of you are just waiting for Cartman to go back to being evil, but you'll be surprised on what his amnesia brings out of him. I'm still trying to make Cartman look suspicious and unpredictable, but what will it take for Kyle to finally give him a chance? Read to find out for yourselves!"

"You weren't there, Stan. I'm telling you, Cartman saved my life. Then we sit down together and just start talking. I swear to god, I almost forgot that I hate his guts." In no time at all, I was on the phone talking to my best friend. I told him everything that has happened.

"So let me see if I can get this straight. You ran away from Cartman, came all the way home, and called me up just now?" Stan said slowly.

"Yeah…I know. Cartman was just so weird. I thought for sure he was faking it, but now I don't know anymore. I need help, Stan." I kept pacing back and forth restlessly in my bedroom with my cell-phone in hand.

"Calm down, Kyle. What exactly is the problem? I honestly don't see what the fuss is all about. So you and Cartman got along for once, big deal?" Stan told me logically.

Maybe Stan was right. I am getting worked up over something so silly. The truth is Cartman and I do get along sometimes, but it was only for two seconds. This was different. This time I felt something new between us. I realized that Cartman and I had shared chemistry. I ran away in a panic because I didn't know how to handle it.

"I don't know what I'm getting myself into here," I admitted over the phone. "Cartman is so good, it's scary. What's more, I still have second thoughts about him. He saves my life and now wants to talk to me. What am I suppose to think?"

"Look, I can't tell you what you should think," Stan said reasonably. "There's only one way to get through this. You need to face Cartman and work the issues you're having with him."

Easier said than done. Stan just didn't get it. I have so many problems with Cartman that I wouldn't even know where to begin. Deep down inside, I didn't know what the solution was to this. So naturally I did the only thing that I could think to do. I decided to tuck my tail in and avoid the problem altogether. Who knows? Maybe all of this would go away.

"I can't face Cartman. Goddamn it, we're not friends! I don't have to work out anything with him!" Taking a moment to control my emotions, I sat down on my bed. "It's simple. All I have to do is ignore him. Cartman doesn't remember who I am and I want to keep it that way. Believe me, this is for the best."

After that, I went through with my plan to stay away from the amnesiac Eric Cartman. Every time I came walking down the school hallway, I ignored Cartman's smiles and friendly waves to me. Whenever Stan, Kenny and I went to the arcade, I'd never interacted with Cartman under any circumstances. If I saw him heading towards me, I'd just walk the other way and leave. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I acted like Cartman didn't exist. Things were going good for a while. Until one day, I got confronted by him in the local library.

I was busily trying to find a book for an important essay. I heard the tickling bell of the entrance door opening and I looked up from the book I was reading. I became chagrined when I saw it was Cartman. Oh great, what was he doing here? Worse yet, his eyes traveled around the place until they landed right on me. Then he began to head straight for me. I hardly had time to make a run for it.

Before I knew it, Cartman was standing right next to me whereas he too started searching for a book. Talk about the most awkward moment of my life. We stood there side-by-side, not looking at each other. The air was so thick with tension that I thought it was going to drive me crazy. Eventually I began to fidget and decided to get out of there. Pretending that I wanted to look elsewhere, I stepped aside and hoped that I could sidle away.

To my frustration, Cartman followed me which was unexpected. It didn't look like he was going to let me walk away. Here I was in a local library trying to dodge my enemy. I kept ducking out of sight into the aisles but Cartman had no trouble keeping up with me. Growing aggravated, I fast-walked in the hopes of putting some distance between us. But Cartman was persistent. Now I resorted to running which made the librarian look up from her reading and frowns at us. I finally ran into a dead end where Cartman had me cornered at last. He was scowling irritably when he approached me.

"I knew it! You "are" avoiding me!" Cartman angrily accuses. "Well there's no escape for you now! You've got no choice but to deal with me!"

I wasn't expecting this; I didn't know what to say. So Cartman has noticed that I've been ignoring him. But I never thought he'd go this far to confront me about it. How could I have forgotten how stubborn Cartman could be? And now that he was here, Cartman had a lot to say to me.

"I want to know once and for all, why are you avoiding me? If you've got a problem then say it to my face! Otherwise stop running away like some kind of chicken-shit!" Cartman said snappishly.

It wasn't long before I lost my temper and yelled back at him too. "You want to know what my problem is. It's you fatass! I refuse to believe that you have amnesia! I know you're up to no good!"

Cartman was having a hard time comprehending what I was saying. Because he was looking more confused than ever. It was also starting to get on his nerves because he was throwing his hands up at me. "Dammit! Why the hell are you always accusing me of something? I haven't done anything wrong! Why are you treating me like I'm the bad guy? I want some answers!" he demanded.

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Cartman. Get outta my way!" I didn't have to time for his bullshit so I shoved him aside and started to storm off in exasperation. However Cartman wasn't about to let me get away that easily.

"Hey! Don't you walk away from me! I'm not done with you yet! Kyle? Kyle!" And then he blurted out. "Kaaaaahl!"

I stopped and slowly turned my head around to look back at Cartman who looked just as bewildered as I was. After the tense silence, he finally spoke. "Kahl? That's a funny way to pronounce your name. Have I always called you that?"

I went back over to him and my anger was quickly forgotten. I started to feel sorry for Cartman again. It looked painful for him to try to remember things. Staring into those chocolate eyes, I gently explained to him. "Yes. You've always called me that. Back in preschool, you used to have a hard time pronouncing my name. So instead you call me "Kahl."

Now we just stood there staring at each other like never before. It was a strange feeling to have. Cartman gazed into my emerald eyes, and then his expression softened in a way that made him look younger and more gentle-looking. There was no trace of the cold-hearted features of his face. He didn't just act different, he looked different too. I've never taken notice of Cartman's appearance before…

"What happened, Kahl?" Cartman asked me. "A couple of days ago, we were talking and laughing. But then you go away and never speak to me again. Why? Did I do something wrong? Can't you talk to me?"

Should I tell him the truth? That was my first thought I had. Should I tell him what a cruel twisted individual he really was? Would he want to remember that? Did he even have amnesia? So many questions, suspicions, doubts, and mistrust. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't run away from this so I decided to come right out and be honest about my feelings.

"Cartman…there's something you need to know. You and I…we never got along. We weren't very good friends to begin with." If I had hoped that this would clear things up, I was sorely mistaken. Cartman was looking rattled again.

"I don't get it? Everyone tells me you're my friend. But you're telling me to my face that you're not. Which is it, Kahl? Are we friends or not?" Cartman said impatiently.

"I hate you! I've always hated you but…but we hang out anyway. We fight, we argue, we stick together and…I don't know what that makes us!" I had to stop talking because my brain felt like a wrung sponge from all this confusion.

Upon my outburst, Cartman's reaction was one of disbelief. He was speechless and was probably going over in his head on what I just told him. I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of hurt in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by anger. "Finally…we're getting somewhere," Cartman said sarcastically. "So we're enemies, right? Well I'm beginning to see why! To tell you the truth, I hate you too! You're annoying, whiny, bossy, hot-headed creep!"

It was almost like dealing with the old Cartman again with us standing here and exchanging insults. Some things hadn't changed at all. And ugly things were being said between us, because I found myself revealing much more to the fatass than I should have. Once I lost my temper, there was no stopping my furious tirades.

"Oh yeah? Do you want to know why I hate you? You're a disgusting prejudice prick who's utterly incapable of feeling any emotion! Your cruel ways will only continue to destroy the lives of innocent people. You're nothing but a screwed-up problem child and you make me sick."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned my back on him when all was said and done. Now I wait patiently for Cartman to start cursing me out. It didn't come. Few minutes more and still no word from my nemesis. Just when I was starting to feel ignored, a hand gently grips my shoulder causing me to stiffen. Instead of sounding pissed off, Cartman sounded solemn.

"If what you say is true…then I'm not that person anymore. I can't remember who I am but…surely I can change. I'm still human…" Cartman said quietly.

But I didn't believe him. Ripping my shoulder out of his grip, I flashed him a cold look. "You're monster. You don't know how to be human."

I walked away without another word. I hurried down the aisle of books and headed straight for the exit. Did Cartman honestly think he could change? I wasn't fooled for a second. I knew he was only trying to work me over. I knew better than to let that fat Nazi manipulate me. I was outside the building and was crossing the parking lot when I felt someone grab my arm from behind and pull me back. I wasn't surprised to turn around and see that it was Cartman. But I wasn't expecting to see a look of desperation on his face. Or the strange request he suddenly thrust upon me.

"Teach me…," Cartman whispered to me.

"I beg your pardon?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"Teach it to me. Tell me all about the human heart, Kahl. Help me understand what it means to be human," Cartman said seriously.

Now it was getting interesting. How did it lead to this? I studied Cartman's face closely for any signs of deceit. It's kinda hard to tell. Seeing my skepticism, Cartman released my arm and took a step back to explain himself better.

"You told me that I didn't know how to be human, so why not teach it to me? Show me how to feel, how to open my heart. Show it to me and I'll learn. But what I really want…" Cartman came closer to me with an expression unlike any I've ever seen before. Then he spoke softly in a voice that only I could hear.

"What I really want…is for you to help me remember my life here in South Park. I can't remember anyone around here. Even if I do recall something, my head starts to hurt like a son of a bitch! It drives me crazy. Worst of all, I feel lonely."

Imagine the apprehensive look on my face when Cartman took me by the shoulders and pleaded further to me. "Please Kahl…if you are truly my friend then help me. You're smart and kind. Become my teacher and help me remember who I am!"

I didn't know what to say to this insane idea of his. I haven't made up my mind about Cartman yet. This was all just too much for me and not to mention it sounded crazy as hell. Pushing Cartman aside, all I wanted to do was get away and not have to deal with this. Or deal with him… What game was he trying to play this time?

"Quit screwing with me, Cartman. You're so full of it," I tried stepping around Cartman but he blocked me off using his big body. Persistent bastard. I opened my mouth to say something angry but Cartman quickly cuts me off.

"Okay, okay! Let me make a deal with you! Just hear me out! Give me five minutes of your time! Please Kahl, please!" Cartman begged.

I rolled my eyes and decided to let him talk. "Fine. You've got five minutes, fatass. Then I'm leaving."

"Alright here goes…" Cartman takes a deep breath. "You give me lessons that'll teach me how to get my act together. I want to learn and I'm not screwing with you. Give me three days, Kahl. If I can learn to open my heart, it'll be the greatest feeling ever!" Cartman smiles broadly, making him look cuter. I refused to be distracted however.

"Hmmm…makes sense." But then I asked. "What happens if you "don't" learn anything?"

Cartman's smile faded. He gave it some thought, although I noticed he was avoiding my eyes. What he said next really surprised me. "If I can't learn…then I'll never bother you ever again. You have my word."

I wonder if I should take Cartman seriously. This wasn't like him at all. He'd never lower himself by making a promise like that. Since when did Cartman ever keep his word? Too many unanswered questions. There was also the possibility that this was all part of his manipulation. I guess there was only one way that I was going to know for sure.

"You've got yourself a deal, Cartman." I decided to play his game after all. Unfortunately I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. Nor did I know what the price would be on getting too involved with Cartman. No idea at all…