OH, MY GOD!

Get a room!

Chapter 9: Get a room! (Sam's POV)

Season/episode: season 8 – After the events of "Threads" (episode 18) and "Moebius I and II (episodes 19 and 20).

The events in this chapter occurred during SG1 trip to Jack's cabin at the end of season 8. Therefore, they occurred soon after the events of "OMG!" (chapter 4) and "OMG! Again!" (chapter 5); but before the events of "Earthlings' debilities" (prologue) and "For all the Egyptian Gods!" (chapter 1).

There's an A/N with a chronological list of the chapters at the end of this chapter.

Note about the Stearman Model 75 (Kaydet): In a previous chapter it was mentioned that Jack owned a Stearman exactly like Harm's from JAG (Chapter 7: "I told you so!"). As explained in this story, there are multiple variants of this model, and as byrhthelm mentioned Harm (Navy aviator) owned one of the variants chosen by the Navy. Following that logic, Jack should own one of the variants chosen by the Army Air Corps/Air Force. So why does he own one of the "Navy" variants?

When I was in the Academy, I learned quite a bit about aviation history. One of the personalities I study was Lloyd Stearman. He was an engineer and a pilot, and he established the Stearman Aircraft Corporation that later became a subsidiary of Boeing. More to the point, he designed the Stearman Model 75 or Kaydet, most commonly known simply as The Stearman. This is one of the most famous planes, and it was the plane the US Navy and Army Air Corps used to train their pilots in the 30s and during WWII. However, if you change the engine or any other part with a new model, you get a new variant of the same model. A small variation and you have a new variant. Over the years, there were numerous versions/variants of the Kaydet built. The Army Air Corps adopted some variants and designated them as PT-13, PT-17, PT-18 and PT-27; while the Navy used some other variants they named NS-x and N2S-x, where the x is a number.

That said, when Jack told me that he owned a Stearman, I imagined that being an Air Force officer through and through, he would have owned one of the versions used by the AAC, right? Well, I was wrong. He owns a N2S-3, one of the Navy variants. This comes from a man who loves messing with the Marines and the Navy calling them – always as part of a respectful banter, of course - Jarheads and Squids. Anyway, the plane is in perfect conditions and still painted in the original yellow! The only changes made on it were to its paint. It no longer wore the Navy anagram on its fuselage but 'O'Neill', the Air Force's logo was on the wings and there was a wolf on the vertical stabilizer*.

The AF logo and his name were perfectly logical. The wolf makes sense too, if you consider that 'Wolf' was his call-sign when he was a pilot and later became his code-name when he was a paratrooper and special ops, and even some sort of nickname. I've heard some of the men that knew him from before the SGC, like Ferretti, call him Wolf off-duty.

What I still can't understand is why would Jack own the Navy version of the Stearman instead of the AF one?

I asked him about it when he first showed me the plane. He refused to answer; he just smirked letting me know that he was withholding information.

Since then, I've asked numerous times. I've pleaded; I've tried to bribe him with cake, I've threaten to hide his Simpson collection… and I'm still in the dark! Urg! Why can't he just tell me his secrets? Why does he make me guess? The man can be really irritating!

At the moment, we are alone at his cabin. Daniel and Teal'c had gone to spend the afternoon in the small town that was close by – well, what Jack called near was an hour drive on a tortuous dirt road – and they won't be back until dinner time. Obviously, our friends' intention was to give us some private time, which we enjoyed just talking and relaxing in the couch snuggled to each other.

After talking about some inane things, I decided to try to unveil some of Jack's secrets. I knew he wasn't going to talk about his family. He had refused numerous times to tell me anything about them. He keeps teasing me; he gives me some tiny bit of information and dares me to discover the rest.

For some ridiculous reason he finds it extremely enjoyable to make me guess all kinds of information about him. He keeps saying I should discover things for myself instead of him telling me, that it would make it 'better'.

How could the way you learn something make the information more valuable?

Easy, it can't.

Okay, I love to solve scientific mysteries; I admit it. But Jack's not a scientific enigma… he's just a frustrating one!

Daniel says that Jack likes watching me figure things out, and while it's a really sweet idea, I think he just likes to mess with me. He thinks it's funny.

Anyway, if I wasn't going to discover anything new about his family, then I wanted to know the secret around his precious plane. He made me promise to take good care of it when he allowed me to use it to fly between Nellis and Colorado; and he threatened to destroy my collection of scientific journals and books if so much of a scratch appeared on it!

"Jack, are you ever going to explain why you have a Navy training plane?"

"Sam, there would be no fun in that," Jack argued in that O'Neill cute childish way. "You have to guess."

"I'm never going to guess unless you give me some clues!"

"Okay. You're right. I'll tell you something," he started talking. Finally! He's going to give me something!

"It was a gift," he said feigning innocence. As if he didn't know what he had just done!

"Okay, Jack. I didn't want to resort to this… but you're driving me positively insane, crazy, wacko! You have all these secrets that you want me to discover by myself: your family, your education, your plane… I know you think it's fun but it's really driving me nuts! So you either give me some clue about something or I'm going to do something drastic!" I exclaimed letting my frustration show. I stood up and started pacing around the room trying to clear my head from the frustration and find a way to get the information out of him.

"Something drastic… like what?" he asked me, still using his teasing voice.

"Like… like… no sex! That's it; if you don't tell me something I won't have sex with you until the wedding!" I teased back, all the while hoping he wouldn't call my bluff.

"I don't believe you, Sam. You aren't that petty." Damn! How does he know that?

"Anyway, it wouldn't be a problem for me, you know? Wouldn't be the first time…"

I think my jaw hit the floor, and the next thing I know he was laughing at me. "Jack!"

"What? You don't remember Kynthia and the cake?"

"Jack, stop teasing me!" I said trying my best not to smile. I had to admit that he got me with that!

He was still smiling and doing his damndest to not laugh at me when he finally conceded. "Okay, you're right. I still think that you should discover certain things about me by yourself… and you're darn cute when you're trying to solve a mystery… but I can and should help you."

The plane was given to me as a gift when I graduated from the Academy. The person who gave it to me earned it in a race against a cocky Navy aviator who was dead sure that he was going to win. They bet their planes on the race, and the winner got both planes: the N2S-3 and a PT-13 D. The winner gave me the plane."

"Who would bet a plane on a race?!" I was stunned, that has to be one of the most expensive bets I've heard about.

"Someone who was completely sure that they could win said bet," he answered helpfully.

"So two pilots: a Navy and an Air Force bet their planes on a race, the airman won the race and kept both planes." I was thinking out loud, trying to guess who could be stupid or crazy enough to bet a plane.

"Uhm," he said noncommittally.

"So your father was the airman!" I exclaimed sure that I have figured it out.

"Nope."

"Then your grandfather."

"Nope."

"Then, who the hell won the race?" I asked frustrated even if I already knew that he wasn't going to answer me.

"The person who won the race and gave me the plane shall still remain a mystery." He was wearing his I-know-something-that-you-don't smirk again.

"Oh, c'mon, Jack, that's not fair," I whined and looked at him with my best puppy dog eyes hoping to make him cave. He has a real hard time saying no to Cassie when she does that, so I hoped it worked for me too.

"Not gonna work, Sam," he singsonged. He was smiling sweetly at me, and I thought that maybe I could get him to tell me if I seduced him. I haven't tried that yet, and if didn't work we would enjoy the night anyway.

"So, Jack, you sure you don't wanna tell me more about your plane?" I said filling my voice with as much lust as I could. I walked towards him swaying my hips, and sat on his lap.

"Bribing me with cake didn't work, nor did the puppy dog eyes, so you're going to try to seduce the information out of me?" he asked with a sexy grin.

"I can try, right?" I asked unsure that I could have crossed some kind of boundary.

"Oh, yeah, you can definitively try!" he answered huskily and kissed me deeply…

"Oh, for Christ's sake! Get a room!" Daniel exclaimed.

Our two friends have just returned to the cabin without us noticing to find us kissing hungrily on the couch while I was on Jack's lap.

We broke the kiss, albeit reluctantly. Yet Jack tightened his embrace to hold me in place.

"We have a room, Daniel," he said acting as if he wasn't bothered by the situation. "We simply chose to stay out here."

"Jack! You knew we were coming back for dinner!"

"So?"

"So you two making out on the couch… not cool! Really not cool!"

"Oh, it is very cool!"

"No, it's not."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"DanielJackson, sexual relationships are part of the mating ritual. Surely you are aware of that fact. Why are you so surprised about it?" I swear Teal'c was saying this on purpose to add to Daniel's embarrassment.

"Yes, Teal'c, but it's still a private matter. And I don't want to see them at it!"

"Why should it be private if it's a natural part of life?" Teal'c continued arguing.

Jack and I were having a hard time not laughing at Daniel, and I suspected our Jaffa friend too.

"Urg!" Daniel groaned clearly frustrated with all of us, and stormed in the direction of the room that he and Teal'c were using. "Call me when dinner is ready!"

Once the door closed behind him, we all burst out laughing - even Teal'c! - confirming my suspicions that he had been indeed messing with the archeologist.

"He needs to get laid!" Jack said firmly between laughs. "He's been following me around for days trying to get as much gossip as he could about us, and now he gets skittish about a kiss! He's definitively going wacko from lack of sex and too much work!"

Daniel came back glaring at us when he heard us laughing at him. "My work schedule is not affecting my brain, Jack!"

"Oh, but lack of sex is!"

"Jack!"

"O'Neill is right, you should find companionship. You get easily stressed."

"Just make sure she doesn't turn evil, eh Danny-boy?"

"Indeed. I also recommend she is from this world. It will make things easier on everyone."

"That's not fair, guys! You're dating a woman that lives on another planet, and you spent years without dating!" he said pointing first at Teal'c and then at Jack.

They just smiled at him while I tried to control my laugher.

"Anyway, that's not the point. I just don't want to watch you two making out. Sam's like a sister to me, it's uncomfortable. How would you feel if you catch Cassie with a guy, Jack?"

"You mean with that boyfriend she thinks I don't know she has?"

"She has a boyfriend?!" I asked stunned. She hadn't told me anything about it, and she normally did. Why wouldn't she tell me anything?

"Oh, yeah, been dating him like 6 months now," Jack confirmed it.

"How do you know that?" Daniel asked overcome by his curiosity and love for gossip.

"She's been acting all girly for a while."

"And aren't you worried? Not going to demand her to introduce him to you or something? Threaten him with some horrible death if he hurts her?" Daniel asked astonished at Jack's relaxed attitude towards the issue.

I was just as stunned, I just couldn't form the words to express it!

"O'Neill, do you wish me to threaten this man?" I think that our big tough Jaffa wanted to scare the shit out of Cassie's boyfriend as much as I thought Jack would want to.

"No, I trust her. She'll introduce him to me when she's ready. Then we'll threaten him!" Ah! That's more like the Jack we all know and love.

"Anyway, Daniel, we aren't analyzing Cassie's love life or ours, just your lack of it."

"Jack, leave my love life alone!"

"I can't, you don't have one."

"Okay, then leave my lack of love life alone!"

"I will, if you leave my love life alone. You can't follow me around trying to get every little detail about my dates with Sam and then freak out or get annoyed when you catch us kissing, or when I tease you about your lack of life. I'll stay out of your love life, but you have to stay out of mine, deal?"

Now that I think about it, it's no wonder Jack pulled the stunt he did on him weeks later. He did warn him about staying out of his private business at the cabin, and he ignored the deal.

"Deal. Now tell us more about Cassie's boyfriend. What do you know about him? Why no one knew about it?"

"Daniel!" "DanielJackson!" We all exclaimed at the same time. He looked at us with a sheepish grin and we burst out laughing. His addiction to gossip knows no boundaries!

A/N: Chronological order of the chapters: I think it's starting to get a little confusing so to sum up the chronological order of the chapters would be: "Finally!" (2), "Oh, for the crying out loud!" (3), "OMG!" (4), "OMG! Again!" (5), "Get a room!" (9), "I'll miss Jack!" (10), "Earthlings' debilities" (prologue), "For all the Egyptian Gods!" (1) and Sam's family's arc (6, 7 and 8).

A/N2: My apologies to all my readers for the long wait, but RL wouldn't let me as much time to work on my stories as I would have wanted.

A/N3: Incoming chapters: Next chapter will still deal with Jack's plane but in a new and weird perspective. Even thou, I hope you all enjoy it. After that, the aliens will start appearing in our little corner of the galaxy… starting with our favorite little grey friend.

Like always the answers to the anonymous reviewers...

Guest: I'm glad you're liking the story. I would have liked a more obvious resolution to the whole Sam&Jack romance, so filling the voids with a story is nice.

Vcm: I'm happy you're enjoying the story. There's quite a bit yet to come :-)

Guest: Thanks. There's more to come :-)