Disclaimers: None of this is mine
Setting: The second half of season 9

A/N: Thank you to everyone who's reading this. And an especially big thank you to those of you who have posted comments!

0930 local time
North of Union Station
Washington DC

Jen rolled over in bed, coming completely awake when she realized she was able to roll over. Panicking, she opened her eyes, looking around for Harm. The smell of fresh brewed coffee drifting into the room told her where he was. Seeing his shirt lying on the floor next to the bed where it had fallen the night before, she grabbed it so she could go out and join him.

She paused in the doorway, leaning against the door frame, taking in the scene. Harm, wearing just his jeans, was over by the stove. He turned from whatever he was working on to reach for his coffee cup.

"I could get used to this."

Harm turned at the sound of her voice. His eyes met hers, then slowly traveled down her body. Because of the difference in their heights, his shirt came down to her mid-thigh. It still left him with an excellent view of her legs though. He worked his way back up, this time noticing she had left the top two buttons undone, just enough to tease him about what lay underneath. He grinned at her.

"Me too." Setting his coffee down, he walked over to her and pulled her into a kiss.

"Do you prefer your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?" He asked when they finally broke apart.

"Scrambled's fine." Jen answered, her hand resting on his chest, above his heart. After a minute of just staring into each other's eyes, she walked over to pour herself a cup of coffee.

Harm went back to work in front of the stove. He glanced over at her as he cooked, one eyebrow arched. "I had wanted to make us a couple of omelets, but there's a decided lack of fresh vegetables in the apartment."

Jen eyed him over her coffee cup, an innocent look on her face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right."

Harm turned back to the eggs and Jen just watched him, sipping at her coffee. Inside she was relieved. It seemed the tension of the previous night really was behind them.

When the eggs were done, Harm reached up and pulled a couple of plates out of one of the cupboards. He divided the contents of the skillet equally, then brought both plates over to the table. The ate in silence for a while, just enjoying doing this routine daily activity together.

Finally Harm spoke up. "So, when do you want to tell Mattie?"

"Tell Mattie what?" Jen asked, glancing over at Harm as she took another bite.

"About us...about you."

Jen almost dropped her fork. Setting it down next to her plate, she looked at Harm like he had grown a second head. "We can't tell Mattie. We can't tell anybody."

Harm also set his fork down. He pushed his plate away slightly and focused on Jen. "I get that we can't tell our friends, everyone at JAG. This relationship is going to be hard enough to work out because of that. Not telling Mattie will make it nearly impossible."

Jen felt a thrill go through her to hear Harm say that they were, indeed, in a relationship. She pushed it aside, though, unwilling to be distracted from the subject at hand. "Do you have any idea how many rules I broke just telling you?"

"So you think Mattie can't be trusted to keep your confidence?" Harm asked, frowning.

"No. It's not that. It's..." Jen sighed. She closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath. Finally she opened her eyes again. "I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight either."

"Then can we just...table this for right now?"

Although clearly unhappy with the idea, Harm finally nodded his head, agreeing. They go back to eating, the silence this time not a comfortable one but rather tense.

When Jen stood up to take her empty plate over to the sink, Harm stopped her, grabbing her hand and pulling her down into his lap.

"I really don't want to fight with you."

Jen didn't say anything, just relaxed into him, nuzzling her head into his neck.

"How does dinner out tonight sound?"

"Sounds great." A second later. "Wait, I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with some friends."

Harm grinned. "Is that code for something?"

Jen straightened up, giggling. She smacked him lightly on the arm. "No! Sometimes dinner with friends is just that - dinner with friends."

"Is it with one of your JAG friends?"

Jen shook her head.

"Then let me come with you."

"You can't, I'm having dinner with Loren and Dylan."

"Dylan?" Harm asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Mm-hmm." Jen nodded, idly running her finger along the shell of his ear. "Loren's husband."

Harm blinked in surprise. "Wow. Didn't see that one coming."

Jen smacked him again, a little harder this time. "She's not like you remember her Harm. She never was. Her Lieutenant Singer personality was just part of her cover. Blindly ambitious so she could stick her nose in other people's cases without them getting suspicious. Annoyed yes, but not suspicious. And an ice queen persona so nobody would think twice about why she never socialized with co-workers and spent so much time alone. Both necessary for her to do her CIA work."

Harm nodded, some of the pieces finally fitting into place. But there was still one big one that was missing. "So what's her story?"

"What?"

"I know she's CIA, I'm not asking about that." Harm paused, trying to find the best way to phrase his next question then shrugged deciding there was no good way. "How is she still alive? They found her body."

"They found a body Harm." Jen said, a look of sadness in her eyes. She stood up and turned away from Harm, her arms wrapped around herself. "Loren wasn't the one who met with Lindsey that night. In fact, she wasn't anywhere near that spot that night. She was in the hospital, terrified she was having a miscarriage. I know, I was there with her."

Harm stood up and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. He rested his chin on her shoulder and Jen leaned back into him, accepting his comfort. After a couple of minutes Jen turned around to face Harm so she could finish the story.

"Loren and Dylan's relationship had been getting kind of rocky the last couple of years before this happened. Because of her cover personality, he really couldn't be a part of her Navy life. And since she was basically working two jobs, there wasn't a whole lot of time left over that he could be a part of. Loren didn't like it, but accepted it as part of the job. Dylan wasn't nearly as accepting.

"Then she got her orders to the Seahawk." Jen sighed. "It probably didn't help that she waited till the last minute to tell Dylan. That was the final straw for him. He told her he didn't think he could do it anymore; that they should take a break and reevaluate things between them.

"That was the night before she ran into Sergei at her JAG sendoff." Jen saw Harm start to say something but shook her head before he could speak. "She never slept with Sergei Harm. In fact, the way I understand it, she spent the entire evening crying on his shoulder about Dylan."

"Well that explains why Sergei was so sure there was another guy. And why he believed her without question when she told him the baby wasn't his. She could have just said they never slept together."

"And you would have believed her?" Jen asked, arching an eyebrow at him. A second later Harm shook his head. "Besides, she couldn't risk blowing her cover. At that point she still wasn't sure yet what she was going to do.

"Even though we had worked together the Christmas before, it was while she was on the Seahawk that we became friends. We could be ourselves with each other in a way that we couldn't be with the rest of the crew. We could talk honestly. Something she really needed once she realized she was pregnant. She didn't know what to do - about the baby, about Dylan, about anything."

"Okay, but what does all this have to do-"

"I'm getting there. But you had to understand the context first. Understand how much stress she was under then. CIA work can be stressful enough. Add to that the stress of trying to decide what she was going to do about her relationship with Dylan... That meeting with you ended up being just too much.

"She was supposed to meet Lindsey that night. Not because they were sleeping together, although he thought they had." At Harm's confused look Jen shrugged. "Sometimes alcohol can be a spy's best friend. He was just an assignment. Turned out Lindsey took being passed over for promotion again a little harder than anyone realized. We think that was when he got involved with passing along privileged information. He actually contributed to that whole 'nuclear cruise missile' incident. That was actually what alerted us to him in the first place. Loren started 'seeing' him then under the guise of trying to further her career in order to find out who he was in contact with and what exactly he was passing along.

"When Loren started having abdominal pains, she asked another agent to take her place at the meet. They had a little bit of a resemblance and where about the same height and build. In the dark, in Loren's uniform, they both figured Lindsey wouldn't notice the difference.

"And then she called me because she hadn't told Dylan about the baby yet, and didn't want to till she had decided what she was going to do."

"Wait," Harm said, holding up his hand to stop Jen from continuing. "Loren almost had a miscarriage and it was because I was pushing her too hard that night?"

There was a pained look on his face and Jen reached out to him. "You couldn't have known Harm. And Loren doesn't blame you. She didn't miscarry. Abby's a beautiful, happy, healthy little girl with two parents who adore her. You probably saved Loren's life. If she had gone to meet Lindsey, it probably would have been her that ended up in the river. And the whole thing helped her realize she wanted Dylan and a family more than she wanted to be a field agent. They got married about a month after Abby was born."

"And the other agent?"

The sad look was back on Jen's face. "Unfortunately nobody realized she was missing right away. She was starting her own maternity leave and was supposed to be leaving the country to visit family while she could still travel. In her rush to get to the hospital after calling this other agent, Loren hadn't let anyone know about the switch and nobody else knew the location of the meeting.

"The hospital kept Loren three days for observation, three days that everyone thought Loren was the one missing. When she finally called to check in and everything got straightened out, it was too late. We couldn't locate the other agent. Nobody had heard from her and she hadn't made her flight. I went out to the bridge myself. The blood was still on the pavement... The river had iced over, though, so there wasn't anything else we could do at that point. And since Loren had decided to leave her JAG assignment, the decision was made that when the body turned up, it would be identified as Lieutenant Singer's. That way her CIA status woudn't be compromised."

"That's cold."

"That's the CIA Harm. It wasn't Loren's decision though, and it certainly wasn't how she wanted to handle it." Jen was silent for a moment. "She still blames herself for what happened to that woman and her baby."

Knock Knock Knock

"Hey Jen. Come on in."

Dylan stepped back and swung the door open further so Jen could walk through the doorway. After Dylan closed the door, Jen stood on tip-toe to press a kiss to his check, which he reciprocated.

"Wow Jen," Dylan said once they had stepped back. "It seems like its been forever since you've been over. I guess that new living situation of yours doesn't let you have too much time for friends, huh?"

Jen just shrugged. She held out to Dylan the objects in her hands. "Loren wouldn't say what we were having so I brought red and white."

"Great." Dylan said, taking the wine bottles out of her hands. He waved for Jen to follow him into the kitchen. "Loren's still getting cleaned up. She just got home from work a couple of minutes ago."

Jen nodded, having heard the sound of the water running as soon as she stepped into the apartment.

"You know, the one thing I really miss from her Navy days are those five minute showers she used to take. Isn't that right sweetheart?" He finished in a sing-song voice directed at the infant sitting in the highchair next to the table. "Mommy likes to take extra long showers now, doesn't she?"

Abby giggled and clapped her hands, reacting more to her father's tone of voice than to his words. Seeing Jen was there, she broke into a huge grin and held her hands out, wanting Jen to pick her up. Jen smiled back at her goddaughter but made no move to remove her from the highchair. Realizing she wasn't going to get what she wanted, Abby lowered her hands and went back to smearing green glops of food around her tray. As Dylan settled himself back onto the chair in front of her, Abby held out a handful of the goop to Jen.

"Oh no thank you sweetheart. You eat it." Jen said, smiling. Instead, with a smile of her own, Abby rotated her hand and opened it, letting the stuff fall to the floor with a plop.

Dylan groaned and bent over to wipe it up, allowing Abby to fling some into his hair.

"Abby!" He cried.

"So," Jen said, "any change on the horizontal movement front?"

Dylan looked up at her, seeing the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Go ahead. Laugh. You and Loren both. But we'll see who has the last laugh."

He turned back to Abby, speaking in that sing-song voice again. "Won't we Princess? Yes we will."

Picking up the jar of baby food sitting on the table next to him, he scooped up a spoonful and held it out to Abby. He managed to get the spoon in her mouth and, for a minute, it looked like she would eat it. Then with a grin, she blew a raspberry. Clapping her hands again, Abby giggled at the sight of her father covered in peas. Jen covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Just a guess," Jen said as Dylan got up and got a dish towel to clean himself up with, "but I don't think she likes the peas."

"I don't get it." Dylan said, shaking his head. "She never gives Loren any problems when she feeds her this stuff."

"Can I try?"

"Be my guest." Dylan said, moving over to the stove to stir the contents of one of the pans.

Jen sat down and scooped up a bite of the peas. Moving the spoon around like it was an airplane, she managed to get it into her mouth. Jen braced herself for it to come back out but instead Abby swallowed and looked towards her expectantly, wanting more.

Dylan saw that and just shook his head, muttering under his breath about a female conspiracy.

"So," Jen said, as she cautiously feed Abby another bite, "how's work going?"

"It's going really good. We just got a new account so I've been a little busy working on the plans." He paused. "Peter's been asking about you."

Jen tried not to sigh. It wasn't that Peter was a bad guy. Dylan's college roommate and fellow architect at the DC firm he worked at, Peter was also Abby's godfather. Jen had first met him at Abby's christening and had seen him a handful of times since then. He'd made it clear from the start that he like her, although he wasn't obnoxious about it. Unfortunately for him the attraction only went one way.

"That's...sweet, Dylan, but-"

"But you're still hung up on that Commander guy."

Jen nodded her head. Although now it was a little more than being 'hung up' on him. A few minutes go by in silence. "Dylan, can I ask you a personal question?"

Sensing the seriousness, Dylan merely nodded.

"Would you guys still be here, together like this, if Loren hadn't made the decision to give up JAG?"

Dylan sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He was silent for a minute. "I'd like to be able to say yes, that we'd still be here, that we'd still be a family. You know I love her, and it's certainly what Abby deserves. But honestly, I'm not sure. I know how that sounds and I'm not proud of it, but it's just the way that it is. It's hard to have a life with someone when you're not allowed to be a part of such a big part of it."

Jen nodded, processing what he'd said. Before either of them could say anything else, Loren walked into the kitchen, her hair still slightly damp. Seeing Jen sitting in front of Abby, she grinned.

"Did Dylan talk you into that?" She looked over at Dylan and shook her head but the grin was still on her face. "Next he'll have you changing diapers for him."

Dylan rolled his eyes in mock annoyance and walked over to Loren, his arms wide open. Loren backed up a step or two, seeing the food still splattered on his shirt.

"Oh no, mister. I just got cleaned up."

Dylan ignored her, a grin on his face, as he pulled her into a kiss. And despite her words, Loren didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her husband. Jen watch them for a second, smiling at their happiness. She turned her attention back to Abby, scooping the last bite of peas out of the jar and feeding it to her.

Loren walked over then with a wet washcloth and started wiping Abby off. "Sorry I'm running late. I was just getting ready to leave work when I got a new batch of emails that-"

"Hey, hey, hey." Dylan said, cutting Loren off. He placed a finger over her lips. "No shop talk tonight. I mean it. For the rest of the evening, this is a CIA free zone."

Jen put her car in park and turned off the engine. Instead of getting out and going inside, though, she sat there.

It's hard to have a life with someone when you're not allowed to be a part of such a big part of it. Dylan's words from earlier kept rolling through her head. Granted, her and Harm's situation wasn't exactly like Loren and Dylan's had been. But his words still struck a cord with her.

She and Harm might never have the kind of family Loren and Dylan had. But that was okay. Because they already had their own kind of family right now. And in realizing that, Jen also realized she would do whatever she had to do to preserve it. Including telling Mattie the whole truth about her. And if Clay didn't like it when he found out what she'd done (and he would, sooner or later), then too bad. She'd cross that bridge when they got there.

The decision made, Jen finally stepped out of her car.

In his apartment, Harm paced around, mentally smacking himself in the head for his earlier words to Jen. She was right. He didn't know the full circumstances of her job situation so he'd had no right to continue pressuring her to talk to Mattie after she'd said that she couldn't. And while his words had sprung from the desire to give their budding relationship every possible chance, he could see now that his pressuring her was the same as if someone were to pressure him about his flight status.

A knock on the door stopped him from further self-criticism. Walking over to the door he opened it to find Jen standing outside.

"Hey."

"Hey." After a minute. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, right." Realizing he had been standing there staring at her, Harm stepped back and gestured for her to come inside.

Jen took a couple of steps into the apartment while Harm closed the door. She turned around, starting to speak at the same time he did.

"You were right."

"I'm sorry."

They both grinned sheepishly at the other.

"You go first." Harm said.

"No you." Jen insisted. "What do you have to be sorry about?"

"I'm sorry for pressuring you earlier. It's your job and you have the most to lose here. If you're not ready to tell Mattie, then we'll figure something out. We'll find some other way to make this work. What?" He asked, seeing Jen start to shake her head at him.

"No, you were right earlier. And I'm sorry I couldn't see that. I love you Harm. This. Us." She gestured between them. "I've wanted this for so long. Dreamed about it. And I'll do whatever it takes."

Harm stepped closer to Jen, wrapping his arms around her waist. She wrapped hers around his neck. "Are you sure?"

Jen nodded. "Absolutely. We'll tell Mattie when she gets home tomorrow."

Then Jen grinned up at him. "Now, shut up and kiss me."

Harm grinned back at her before lowering his head, pressing his lips to hers.