Silver layered eyes gaze silently back at me and I turn away, covering my eyes with fisted hands. Even now the pain returns, fresh in its piercing stabs. I shake my head a few times, trying to push it away. I think of Ian's funeral, how I let the pain consume me, and I know that I have to be strong. I have to prove that even with this frail, beautiful body I'm still me.
I can still move forward.
"He hears you." Shadow's voice shocks me and I spin around, eyes widening as my hands fall uselessly to my sides. I can tell it's not Ian, there's a difference in the way he says his words.
It's in this moment that I finally understand what Ian was saying. He truly did love me when I was in Melanie's body, it's not the body but the way the body is used, just like he said. I can see the same face and eyes, but the expression and the gaze are different. Maybe someone who didn't know Ian well would see no difference, but me...I can tell. I can tell that my beloved is not controlling his body and as Shadow's face scrunches up...I can tell that Ian is fighting.
Before I even think about what I'm doing my hands hand moved behind his neck, pulling his lips to mine. His breath sucks sharply in before suddenly he's kissing me back and it's like every time before. Warmth spreads steadily through my body, curling my toes and igniting my blood. Hands fall to my hips, fingers curling around the point of bone as he pulls me towards him. I can feel his chest moving, breath causing his ribs to expand and contract in quick bursts of movement.
Then he's pushing me away.
I'm shaking, eyes closed and lips parted. I can hear Shadow, our heavy breathing the only noise in the silent hospital room. Slowly I lift my head, eyes sliding open to gaze at him. For a moment I can almost see Ian, but then he's gone and Shadow is staring at me, shocked.
"Ian..." When I speak his name this time, it's barely a breath, a small whimper of longing. I just want him to hold me in his arms, hug me so all I hear is his heartbeat as his warmth surrounds me. But I have to be strong, I have to face what I just did.
"What...was...?" Shadow is dazed, expression confused and eyes slightly glazed over. Suddenly, he winces, closing his eyes.
"He's talking to you isn't he?" I ask, clearing my throat.
"He's...angry." Shadow clarifies tentatively. He opens his eyes again, the inner war obvious now. "Why did you kiss me?"
"I didn't." I say strongly, crossing my arms. "I kissed him."
"There is no him!" Shadow protests. "This is my body now." He's expression becomes determined, eyes sharpening as he obviously pushes Ian back. "Stop talking." He groans, holding his head. "I won't listen."
"He's vocal isn't he?" I murmur softly, fondly.
"Very." Shadow answers instantly.
"What is he saying?" I push, needing to know.
"'Not all of them are like you'." Shadow begins before cracking open one eye to glance at me. "I'm quoting him." I laugh, the sound breathless.
"I know." I sigh, amazed at how clueless I must have been about human things.
"'Sometimes they think more about themse–' Hey!" Shadow's brow furrows. He's obviously talking to Shadow, a heated discussion if his expression is anything to go by. I wait silently, knowing what its like to war with your own mind like that. Finally, Shadow looks up. "I'm not like you." He says strongly, eyes strong. "I like my body, I don't want to give it up. I know you love him and he loves you, but." He stops, obviously not sure what to say next.
"You love me too." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them and instantly, silence falls.
"NO!" The outburst is instant, powerful and furious. I look up, the surprise on my face practically mirrored on Shadow's.
"I–that was–" He says frantically but I shake my head fiercely, turning around to hide my tears.
"Ian, I know, I understand." I answer quickly, masking the shaking in my voice. Jeb suddenly appears, expression wary and curious.
"I heard someone yell." He explains, looking back and forth. "Everything all right here?"
"Yes." I move past him, pace fast. "I'm done, thank you."
"Course." But his voice is already behind me, my quick walk turning in to a jog the second I'm around the corner. Feet hit the concrete in a jagged rhythm, my breath turning to desperate gasps as my new, small lungs beg for air. But still I run, avoiding the busier paths and ignoring anyone who follows me with curious eyes. Finally I reach my destination, collapsing in the abandoned room. My breath is pained, labored.
I've landed in another room filled with dark memories; the boiling underground river Kyle once tried to throw me in to. I've come here a couple times when I was feeling conflicted, the steam helps me think. I guess it's more than that, the hole Kyle and I made reminds me that kindness always prevails.
"What is kind now?" I whisper, suddenly missing Mel's encouraging voice in my mind. She always helped me talk out my problems. Yes, she often disagreed and only spoke her opinion–loudly–but she's my best friend, she'd help. I groan, dropping my head between my awkwardly lifted knees, my stomach is to big to hug them.
"How'd I know you would be here?" The voice is kind, slightly rough but warm. I look over, lifting my head as my very own Melanie Stryder plops down next to me. "You're getting big." She notes, looking down at my stomach. I nod, sniffling as a few dried tears freeze my cheeks in to place. Melanie is watching my stomach and after a moment she reached forward, gently pressing her hand to my stomach.
The baby kicks.
"Guess he knows his aunt, huh?" She smiles softly at me and a few new tears appear, covering the old salty tracks across my skin. "Don't cry." She soothes, opening her arms. I fall in to them, burying my face in the curve where her neck meets her shoulder. "Actually, you go ahead, you're pregnant, you get hormonal crying."
"That doesn't even make sense." I say, laughing lightly.
"But it made you stop didn't it?" She says with that same old mischevious, Mel edge.
"Yeah." I nod, moving so I'm just leaning on her shoulder. "It did." She smiles smugly, but as my expression remains tired she gets a worried look.
"You ok?" She murmurs after a minute, looking down at me.
"I kissed him." I blurt, closing my eyes tightly as the words hang heavily in the air. She'll be angry, I can already feel the air growing thicker, my breather harder to pull in as my chest constricts from the growing frustration–
"Who?" Melanie finally questions me.
"Ian." I answer instantly. "Well, Shadow."
"Wanda, I was inside you." Melanie sighs, leaning forward slightly to look me in the eye. "I understand everything you went through, exactly how complex it all is. You shared my brain, both of us know how all the emotions work, how the body and the person you kiss are different. Now. Who did you kiss?"
"Ian." I repeat, sighing.
"So, what's wrong? You'll get him back soon right?" Obviously no one's told her about my proclamation. Some great idea that was. I snort to myself, earning a curious look from Melanie. "Back to sarcasm again?" She teases lightly.
"You're right, you're the only one who can understand." I murmur before finally deciding to tell her the truth. "Do you remember that one soul who woke up before we could remove him? He shredded the body he was in." Melanie nods with sympathy, remembering my horror from the event. "Well, he had this look like I was some monster for telling our secret and I was, I shouldn't of done it."
"But it saves both sides." Melanie tries to calm me, but I shake my head against her shoulder, letting my eyes slip closed.
"But it was still a secret only for Souls. Well, after we say that Host family with the human child, I couldn't just remove Shadow." Melanie looks at me, realizing where this was going. "I couldn't let them take him out either. I didn't know the other souls. I know Shadow."
"But you love Ian." Melanie says.
"And I have to destroy Shadow to get to him." I explain, but she still doesn't completely understand. "I can't explain. Then Shadow took to the idea, he won't let us now. He'll shred Ian's mind, I know it. It's part of us surviving." I laugh bitterly. "Never thought I would say that was a bad thing for a Soul to have. You all truly have changed me."
"Oh, honey." Melanie folds me in to her embrace, heart beat fluttering in my ear. She looks up suddenly, tensing slightly.
"I'm not mad at her, I wanted to apologize." Kyle's voice is gruff, hands stuffed in his pockets as I look up at him. He sees the tears and instantly moves forward, ignoring Melanie's glare. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it?" My words are a question, pleading.
"Alright. You at least want to rest?" Kyle easily drops it, only caring. He's still hurt about before, but he's covering it well.
"She's fine." Melanie obviously heard about Kyle screaming at me, her body is attempting to block mine from his.
"It's fine, Mel." I assure, letting Kyle pull me to my feet. "Really, I do want to rest." She nods, glaring at Kyle.
"Scream at her again and I'll kick you where the sun don't shine." She jabs him in the chest with the last few words before hugging me one last time and walking off. I gaze after her for a minute before turning to Kyle.
"Why aren't you mad anymore?"
"Because I know you love him just as much, if no more, than me and if you chose this then you chose it because it's best for my brother. You would never do anything to hurt him, I know that." My heart warms at the half compliment.
"Thank you Kyle." I say softly and the tenderness in my voice has him appraising me with confused eyes.
"Did something else happen?"
"Still don't want to talk, can I still go rest?" I ask, looking up at me.
"Course." He allows me to go first and we walk in silence back to the room. As I reach the bed, I fall on to it. Kyle runs forward but I shake one hand at him, wiggling to I finally fall on to my side. I let out a heavy breath, closing my eyes. I didn't know how tired I was till I laid down. Now the stress and emotional drain pour over me, the image of Shadow's expression on Ian's face after I kissed them tormenting me. Exhaustion finally takes lead and blackness curls forward from the edges of my mind.
"I'll be here to talk when you wake up..." Kyle's voice drifts in to my last conscious thoughts, sending me out in to the world of dreams...
Thank you so much for the reviews I got, they made my day (:
Oracle moon: Glad you like my story, hope this chapter made you just as happy
Cullendaughter45: Hahaha hope I avoided Jeb's gun shooting at me ;) *peeks out from behind laptop*
talkygirl: Yes, he is. The only reason it was a shock that Shadow was staying was because of the surgery that can remove Souls, everyone assumed they would do that with Ian
barbiegirl2435: Well thank you very much (: Hope this helped with needing to know what happens ^^)
Sillla: Awww, I'm glad (: Sorry it took me awhile to get these two chapters up, I plan to update faster