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For Your Benefit

S3 AU- This wasn't typically her sort of scene, but she swallowed down the hesitation and painted on a smile. After all, he did all of this for her, to honor her mom.

Chapter 10

Castle stood propped against his doorway; his jaw agape, as if she was the last person he had expected to see standing out in his hallway.

"Can I come in?" she asked, her voice soft, tentative. "We need to talk."

Her heart was rattling in her chest as she looked at him, waiting, with her eyes wide and pleading. All he offered her was a small nod before opening the door further and turning to walk into the loft.

"Beckett, what do you want?" he muttered. He was still turned away from her, his head hanging, as if she had offended him by showing up tonight.

"You…"

He stuttered to a stop, slowly facing her. Good. If her mere presence wasn't enough to grab his attention then at least her honesty seemed to be effective. Castle's face was stunned, but open, his eyes brighter than they had been moments earlier when he had answered the door. She paused, unable to think of anything else to say, all remaining thoughts lodged in her throat, but the single word seemed to be enough.

"Kate…" he whispered, finding his voice. "I thought we talked about –"

Her heart sank. How could he think that they had actually finished that conversation? Did he really think she would just give up on the idea of them? Had he given up?

Castle's shoulders slumped as he walked toward his kitchen and she knew it was his way of distancing himself physically for the conversation. He could try, but there was no way in hell she was going down without a fight. She scrubbed her hand from her uninjured side down her face, trying to calm herself. This man was the most infuriating person she had ever met.

"Castle, stop," she sighed. "We didn't talk about anything. You talked, you decided."

Kate caught up to him before he could reach the fridge; laying her hand along his bicep to try and stop him. This wasn't the same man that she woke up with on the couch. This version of her partner was closed off, guarded and it broke her heart.

"You should probably go home. You need to rest."

"I'm not leaving until we get to talk. Really talk," she said, nudging his arm so his body was forced to face her. That was when it hit her, his emotions weren't off. They were written in his eyes, etched in the worry lines and dark circles.

"What else is there to talk about? I'm putting you in danger," he choked out.

She wanted to be angry with him for acting like this, but the guilt that he felt was apparent in every action, every passing glance. The bullet hadn't killed her, but the way that this was hurting him - that might.

"Stop treating me like I'm some sort of a helpless child, Castle," she demanded, running her hand down his arm until she found the warmth of his and laced their fingers. "I'm okay…" she assured, squeezing their kissing palms for emphasis.

"No, you're not –"

"Look at me, I'm alive," she murmured, cupping his cheek and tracing the dark circle under his eye with the pad of her thumb. "Please don't shut me out."

"I care too much about you, Kate - to let you get hurt again, because of me."

"Castle, you didn't hurt me. This wasn't your fault and I could never blame you."

His eyes screwed shut and she knew she was losing him, losing the battle. It didn't matter that she didn't blame him because it wouldn't stop his guilt.

Because he blamed himself…

She needed to do something. She needed to say something to snap him out of this, before he was gone for good. "Would you blame me if a suspect hurt you while we were working a case?"

"You sound like my mother," he mumbled.

"Um, thanks?" she said, a laugh slipping through her lips.

"No, I – she said the same thing, about if I would ever get hurt."

"I always knew I liked Martha..." Kate smirked at him, trying to lighten the mood, but Castle's mouth was still formed in a thin line, apparently jokes weren't helping at all. She hated seeing him like this. "I'm serious, Castle. Would you blame me?" she asked, ducking her head to meet his lowered gaze.

"Of course not," he murmured. "I know it's a double standard, but Kate, I love you so damn much and if anything happened to you –"

"You've always had my back, Castle. That's all I could ever ask for. I could get hit by a car tomorrow or you could get struck by lightning. No one's tomorrows are guaranteed. This whole ordeal taught me that ... I don't want to wake up regretting not taking a risk to only be left with an 'if only'."

Kate took a deep breath. Her thoughts were reeling with so many other things she wanted to say to him. What if it wouldn't be enough? What if his mind was already made up?

She looked back at him, brushing her knuckles down the course stubble of his jaw, the friction warming her skin as adrenaline coursed through her veins. It was now or never, she was done playing it safe with him.

No more excuses.

No more talking.

Words were his thing, not hers.

She needed action.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

The statement hung in the air between them, ringing in the stark silence. Castle's eyes flashed to hers, panicked, but with something more, something hidden. The hypnotic blue darkened as he gasped for air, as her blood raced through her veins, unaware that a simple statement slipped from her own mouth could hit her so hard.

"Wha – what?"

"Kiss me, Castle," she repeated, stronger, confidence easing over her with every breath she took.

His surprised expression faded away. It was like all of his previous restraint snapped as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. He moved his hands, carding his fingers through her long curls and all her thoughts ceased.

God, he was kissing her and it was perfect.

Her mind couldn't catch up with her body as she drank up everything his mouth offered. Every nerve ending was ablaze with knowledge that this was finally happening as he pushed her against the nearest hard surface, the granite from the countertop digging into her back. It didn't matter, the pain was welcome if it meant that she had his lips on her skin.

Kate laced her arms around his neck, pulling her body closer against the hard muscles of his chest and it wasn't close enough. The stitches on her shoulder burned, but there was no way in hell she would let that ruin this moment.

They broke apart far too soon, but the necessity for air was too much to ignore, foreheads resting against each other as they panted for a breath, still sharing the same oxygen. She was dizzy from the kiss, but she was addicted to the feeling. Her body was buzzing and even though she was pressed against his chest with his arms slung around her waist holding her tight; she wanted more – needed more.

There was no turning back now.

This was everything he had wanted, everything he had dreamed of…

No, it was better, more.

The heat radiating from her skin and the soft moans that slipped from her lips as his mouth traveled down the skin of her jawline; it was all driving him crazy. His hands couldn't stop traveling across the planes of her body, touching everything he could, mapping every response. She had always been the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on, but nothing compared to the way she looked right now with him in his arms, so open, so warm.

In his mind, they had always been inevitable. Two souls meant to be intertwined, a force from the universe. How could he have almost sabotaged this? God, he had been an idiot. A soft whimper from her mouth shook him from his thoughts.

"Ow," she whined, breaking the kiss.

His mind went into a panicked free-fall, they had been eager, but he had thought he was still gentle. The last thing he had wanted to do was to hurt her further.

"Hey," he said, cupping her cheek. "We can stop. You're hurt."

"No, Castle. I'm fine. I just twisted my body – stitches pulled. Could only ignore it for so long," she said with a small shrug.

He laid a careful touch along her upper arm, caressing the muscle through the thin fabric of her shirt. There was an undeniable hum in the space between them; the air was heavy from it. Every touch, every glance, shot a spark of white hot electricity coursing through his veins. He wanted nothing more than to move this into his room and not let her go until she had screamed his name at least three times – four if he was lucky, but she was still recovering.

If kissing Kate Beckett was all there was for the time being, he would accept that fate any day of the week because the simple soft brush of her lips alone would be his undoing.

"One day at a time," he sighed, between the hot presses of her mouth on his.

"One day at a time."

"You're really good at this," he chuckled as she sank further into his arms. He could do this forever and it still wouldn't be long enough.

"You're not so bad yourself, Castle," Kate giggled against his skin. Giggled, the sound was hypnotic. Almost like a siren song and he was hooked.

"Not that I don't enjoy doing this anywhere, but I'm sure the granite digging into your back isn't the most enjoyable thing."

"Are you suggesting we take this someplace more comfortable?" she asked, arching her eyebrow up at him as she sank her teeth into the pink flesh of her bottom lip. She had to know by now that it drove him crazy, she was good. Without another word, he lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist, carrying her to the couch. Kate peppered her mouth against the tendon in his neck and he almost dropped her before setting her down onto the cushion.

"You're evil."

"Evil?"

"Do you know what sort of effect you have on me?"

"I have a pretty good idea," she said, giving him a quick wink before she crawling into his lap, leaning back into his lips.

"Good, don't ever stop," he growled, pulling her into a more demanding kiss. It felt so good, intensifying as she slipped her tongue, exploring. They were almost too far gone, every movement sending him further over the edge.

Maybe ending up in his bed wasn't entirely out of the question...

"Richard? Oh – "

Shit. The sound of his mother's voice sent Kate jumping back out of his arms and across the couch. That was one way to cool things down.

"Mother," he mumbled.

"Hi Martha," Kate said, burying her face into his shoulder and offering her a small wave. He could tell her cheeks were an adorable shade of pink and if it weren't for the fact that this mother just caught them making out like teenagers on the couch, he would tease her about the soft blush on her skin.

"So I see that you two worked out your issues then?" she asked, a smug smile stretching across her lips.

"Trying to…" he whispered underneath his breath.

"Well it appears that you guys were doing a pretty good job of it."

He winced, apparently he grumbled louder than he had thought. This was not the way he wanted his mother to find out about them, but at least it wasn't Alexis. That would've been so much worse.

In hindsight, maybe he should've at least brought her into his office, instead of in the middle of the living room, where at times it resembled Grand Central Station.

"I'll let you two get back to it, no more interruptions from me," she sang with a little flutter of her hand and then danced up the staircase.

Kate peeked her head from the cove of his shoulder and offered him a shy grin, before they both broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Well that was interesting…"

"Never a dull moment here," he mused, tucking a wild curl behind her ear.

"That's one way for her to find out about us," she hummed, moving back onto his legs and lightly caressing her fingertips into the short hairs at the base of his neck.

"So there's an us?" he asked, his eyes wide and curious. He knew the answer and knew he was just prodding her, but this was who they were.

"Definitely. Mr. Castle, I'm not letting you off of the hook that easy –"

"Good. I like being on your hook."

He shot her a quick wink and she rolled her eyes at his line, however it didn't stop the grin from stretching across her features.

"Enough talking," she hummed, brushing her lips onto his as she spoke. The soft contact left warmth pooling low in his abdomen, leaving him dizzy from the feeling.

"And what do you suppose we do instead of talking?" he asked, feigning innocence.

Her eyes flashed to his and his mind went blank as he stared into her darkened pupils. She was right, absolutely done talking because he couldn't say anything further if he tried.

"I have a couple ideas," she whispered into his ear, rolling her hips against his causing a moan to escape his lips.

Oh, she was going to kill him, but he couldn't think of a better way to go.

tbc

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to hear from you.

xoxo

Words cannot express enough love for my lovely betas who pretty much held my hand with this chapter. Without your friendship and support, it wouldn't have been posted! (xoxo E, A, E, A)