WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences..

Nessie's POV-

I got out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom, I took a long shower; relishing in the ice cold spray. I washed my hair and body slowly, not even caring how much time it was taking. I turned the faucet off with shaking hands, my teeth chattered as I stepped out of the shower into the crisp air. It was warmer than the water, goosebumps arose all over my body in a tenth of a second. I took in a jagged breath and the air whisked into my lungs, making me shake harder. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked out of the bathroom slowly. Jacob was sitting on the edge of the bed, clasping and unclasping his hands together.

I stood in the doorway, starring at him. "You were in there for at least an hour?" He questioned, still not looking at me while clasping his hands together.

"Give or take a few extra minuets." I said raspy. I cleared my throat and waited for him to say something.

He sighed and finally looked up at me. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why do you look blue?" I would have laughed if we were in any other situation, but not now.

"Cold shower, they normally clear my head." I replied dryly.

Seconds went by as he scrutinized me over, trying to figure something out. "Well, did it?" He asked, his eyebrows still knitted and his eyes still looking hard.

"No."

"Oh." He said. He stood slowly, turning back into a 6 foot 8 inched man. His height was far superior to my 5 foot 6 inches. "When is this Brad guy coming?" I watched him as he rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit.

"Tomorrow morning, maybe. I'm not sure. I really don't care at this point either." I shrugged my shoulders and began walking towards the dresser. Jacob still stood there, watching me. "What?" I asked, feeling kind of self conscious.

"Nothing," He shook his head and started to leave the room. "Oh, by the way. You have therapy tomorrow at nine, I hope Brad can take you. I won't be here." I listened as his footsteps echoed further and further away. The door opened and then slammed shut. I let out the air I was holding in, and closed my eyes.

"You really messed up this time, Nessie." I said softly to myself as I put on a matching bra and panties set. I then put on sweat pants and a black tank top. I was putting on a pair of socks when I heard the front door open.

"Ness?" This time I was the one kitting my eyebrows together in confusion. I popped my head out of the door from the bedroom into the hallway.

"Yeah?" I asked, I looked at Jacob who sighed in relief.

"Come here," He said softly. "I felt like something bad was about to happen." I walked slowly towards him, unsure what was really going on. When I got to him, he pulled me into a hug and sighed into the crook of my neck where he placed a single kiss.

What is going on?

"Uh, care to explain this sudden behavior?" I asked,

"Jesus, you're freezing." He picked me up bridal style and carried me back to the bedroom.

What the hell?

"Jake - what are you doing?"

"Shh." He said softly as he laid us both down onto the bed. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm obviously going to worry when you're mad at me one second, and then the next you're acting like this?" I said, my tone was kind of harsh but I didn't care. I was confused beyond comprehension.

"Don't ask questions, just shh."

"Jacob! I'm not kidding!" I nearly yelled as I sat up. He twirled one of my curls around his finger as he smiled softly. "What has gotten into you?"

"You're so cute when you're angry." He smile,

I almost growled, he was pissing me off on purpose. "Angry yet?" He asked, he stopped playing with my hair and became serious.

"A little."

"That's just a fifteenth of how I felt when you talked about this Brad guy." He said a little harshly. "I try Nessie, I try and try again. But somehow you know just the right way to send me crashing back down. You're not healthy for me, but you're my perfect match. You're my damn soul mate, yet you treat me like this when I do every fucking thing I can just to keep you out of trouble." He stood up this time and put distance between us. "Why? Can't you see how you're basically killing yourself - and the people around you? Why do you like to do that? Why Nessie? What happened to you?"

I sat there hugging the cream comforter to my chest as I stared at him. "I don't know."

"Oh, you don't? Really, are you sure? What set you off, what made you do that to your body?" He asked angrily.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as a tears trailed their way down my cheeks.

"No you're not, you just can't explain yourself." He sat at a chair in the corner of a room. He leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as he looked at me firmly.

"You didn't want me, Jacob. But - but Brad did." I mumbled and I made a feeble attempt to wipe the tears away.

"I didn't want you? No, wrong. I wanted you - so fucking much. But I was waiting for you to get better. I didn't want to share something intimate with you when you were - were always just . . . not you. When you became friends with that Jen girl, the one who called us, I'm guessing the Brad guy came into the picture? So, when I said no and that you weren't ready - I was right. Wasn't I? You were so messed up at that point, having sex with you would mess you up even more. I was doing the right thing. Because I loved you."

He took a deep breath and began talking again. "Not because 'I didn't want you'. But Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. So, tell me why you love him - when he did so much damage to you."

I let his words sink in, why do you love him - when he did so much damage to you. "Because I'm stupid, and naive and I thought I knew what was best for me."

"But you don't." He said, his voice was soft again.

"No, I don't." The tears stopped, I was just starring at a random piece of fuzz on the carpet.

Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. "You know me, though. You know what's best for me." I said softly, I looked at Jacob - my eyes glassy, my breath hitched.

Just say something.

"Not anymore." He stood up and looked at me one more time. "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then you know it's real." I watched him as he left for the second time tonight, he was leaving me - for good.

I let out the breath I was holding in for so long, a sob followed along with tears. My body shook as his words replayed through my mind like a broken record.

I was waiting for you to get better. I was doing the right thing, Because I loved you.

Love is a current term, loved is a past term.

Jacob doesn't love me anymore.

Jacob doesn't love me.

"He doesn't love me." I said, my voice was nearly lifeless. I stood up hastily and flung the covers off of my body, I stumbled off the bed and out of the room. I ran down the hallway and out the door, it was pouring outside. Thunder crackled loudly above me as I ran out into the front yard, I looked around quickly - My hands were shaking, I was turning numb.

The only time you feel numb is when they don't care anymore. I recall one past imprint said, her wolf gave up on her for some reason, one I didn't know.

"Jacob!" I screamed into the night, the rain hit my body like daggers. Stinging my flesh and turning it blue. "Jacob!" I yelled again, a sob followed along with a crackled of thunder. "Jacob," I yelled softly this time as I fell into the muddy grass. My tears mixed in with the rain my body was numb and limp.

What have I done?

Wooooo, Jacob stood up for himself. Muahaha (:

Review please! !