Hinata breathed a sigh of relief as Temari announced her brother's refusal of the wedding proposal. Well, as much of a sigh as she could muster in her formal kimono. Her father looked at her out the corner of his eye, and she thought his mouth tugged into the barest of smiles before he turned his attention back to the Sand-nin.
More than a year had passed since she'd last seen Temari, when the Rain had hosted the first chuunin exam after the Sound's attack on Konoha. The blonde kunoichi passed easily, her and her siblings. She knew that Temari was Gaara's older sister, though by how much she wasn't sure. Gaara himself was her age, perhaps older by a few months. She remembered his eyes the most: pale, cloudy jade that seemed to see through everything around him. Those eyes settled on her once, and froze her in place. If Sakura hadn't nudged her out of the way she would have been run over by a rickshaw.
When the aunts showed her his picture that morning, it was hard to reconcile the strangely peaceful, collected person in that photo with the image in her head.
The dark haired nin watched Temari through her eyelashes while she kept her hands folded neatly in her lap, head down; the picture of the demure woman. Temari was anything but. Her clothes, which today didn't include the ripped fishnets, were still more daring that anything Hinata owned, managing to reveal a lot of bosom and leg without being overly scandalous. Her fan was folded at her side, as was proper for a ninja in an audience with her superiors, but that was the only sign that she acknowledged them as being her superiors. Temari exuded confidence, a person who knew her place, accepted it, and forced others to accept it as well.
When the blond kunoichi stood and walked out of the council chamber Hinata had the urge to run after her, to grab her ninja gear and go with the Sand-nin to her village.
"It is regrettable, the refusal, but expected," her grandfather was saying to the council.
"Still, the seed has been planted," Rumiko sighed as she stood.
Kaiya followed suit. "You can breathe again, Hinata. The trial is over."
Hinata fought down the flush that the laughter of her family members brought, crowing an internal victory when it stopped short of her chin. She was getting better at controlling herself.
"The Sand knows we are willing to intermarry. That is what is important." Fujita caught Hinata's eye. "We still have years yet, and so does he."
It was strange, how in less than a week she was beginning to understand the more subtle maneuverings of the council. The invitation to the Sand wasn't for her benefit, it was for Hanabi's. Let the Sand know that the Hyuuga were willing to make a political alliance with their heir to show their seriousness. A clever trap, she had to admit. She just hoped Gaara was smart enough to see it before it was too late. Then again, maybe it would be best for Hanabi to get as far away from the Hyuuga as was humanly possible, before they could enmesh her further in one of their schemes. Being married to the Kazekage could prove to be the lesser of two evils.
"Come Hinata."
The kunoichi followed her father out of the council chamber and through the compound. The sky was clear for the first time in days, but it was still cold. Patches of snow lingered on the ground, thicker in the shadows.
"They plan to marry Hanabi into the Sand."
Hiashi didn't slow down. "Not all marriages can be love-matches, Hinata. Very few in our positions have that luxury."
You did, the words hovered on the tip of her tongue. Uncle Hizashi did.
Neji will.
"I'll kill him."
Temari stared at the missive in her hands, as if she could change the words by sheer force of will. She recognized her brother's exact writing, ordering her to remain in Konoha and act as an ambassador for the Sand. He didn't even try to soften the blow with flowery excuses, or totted the necessity of having a physical connection to their closest ally. The message was short and to the point. She was to remain in the Leaf, indefinitely, as a show of good faith.
It was times like these that made her life suck.
"When did this arrive?" The Sand-nin asked the Hokage.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Today. Didn't the Kazekage tell you?"
Today. That meant he'd already decided on this before he sent her to the Hyuuga. That was why he sent her instead of Kankuro, even knowing how much she hated this village. Once she was in Konoha she couldn't argue with him about it, couldn't do anything but follow his orders unless she wanted to cause problems between the two villages. She had to hand it to her little brother, he'd maneuvered her into a corner.
"Not happy?"
"Hell no," the words slipped out before Temari could stop herself.
Tsunade laughed. "It wont be that bad. You'll actually have an assistant… of sorts."
The Sand-nin's eyes widened as the door to Tsunade's office opened, revealing a slouched figure leaning against the opposite wall. Even if she didn't recognize that expression of perpetual boredom, the spiky ponytail was a dead giveaway. "You!"
"I see you remember him."
Temari stared at the boy. She'd had to fight him, had been outsmarted by him: by a boy who wasn't even taking the exam seriously, who gave up because the whole thing bored him. Her only regret during the second chuunin exam was that she was unable to beat him there, to prove to him that she was smarter than he was. He'd already advanced. Saving his life wasn't enough, she wanted to show that from beginning to end, she was better than he was.
"Eh, Tsunade, she's the reason I'm here?"
A vein in the Hokage's forehead began to pulse. "What did we discuss last week about respect, Shikamaru?"
The chuunin sighed, then turned his attention to Temari. "I'm your advocate in the village. You need anything, you come to me."
If it wasn't for little things like decorum, the blond would have made a satisfying Shikamaru-shaped hole in the wall. As it was, she settled for quiet disdain. "To you?"
He rubbed the back of his head, his eyes angled towards the ceiling. "Well, just for the things you cant figure out yourself-"
"Shikmaru!"
Temari counted backwards from ten. Then twenty. Then fifty. Nope, she still wanted to blast him through a wall. "I'll try my best," she ground out, fingers tightening on her fan.
Tsunade stood and began ushering her towards the door. "Well, you have things to discuss, so…" the door slammed behind them before she could finish the sentence. Temari didn't blame her. Holes in walls were hard to fix.
The Leaf-nin started walking down the long hallway that lead to the Hokage's office, hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. "Come on. I'm supposed to show you your quarters."
I'll skin him, then I'll kill him. The thought of Gaara, skinless, begging for his life wasn't as pleasing as she thought, so the blond focused on other things. "So, when'd they spring this detail on you?"
"This morning." Shikamaru waved his hand negligently. "You just find out?"
"Yes." Temari looked around, for once noticing the layout of the place. She never paid attention before. Now, it seemed, she needed to learn it. "They should've sent Kankuro."
Shikamaru shook his head. "He wouldn't work here. Too high-strung."
Temari blinked. Kankuro was high-strung? He was almost as lazy as the boy next to her.
" He likes picking fights, being an ass. Besides, you're a better strategist."
The irritation she felt at the rush of warmth his comment brought made her snap, "He likes this excuse for a village, I don't."
For the first time the Leaf-nin turned and looked at her. "Yeah, you do." There wasn't any heat to the words, anything that made him sound like he was arguing. He'd said it as if it were a statement of fact, one that he knew, and didn't need to prove to anyone.
Damn it, she hated it when people saw through her.
The walk through Konoha was quiet. Occasionally she saw children playing ninja as they bounced off buildings and awnings. Some genin were clearing the snow drifts, using fire jutsus to evaporate the water. Mostly the piles of snow ended up running into the center of the streets and down the drains that weren't blocked. It was then that Temari noticed it, the thing that put her on edge, the something that made her hate the village and everything in it.
She couldn't hear the wind.
In her village, it was always there; now harder, now softer, but nevertheless constant. She'd heard it from the time she was born, and hoped to hear it when she died. But here, in Konoha, the wind was silent. A breeze blew now and again, but not with the same power as in her country. They were away from the hustle of downtown now, the only sound the creaking of tree branches. It was quiet here, too quiet.
"Eh, you okay?"
Temari jumped. "Fine," she answered quickly.
"Good." Shikamaru gestured to the building they were stopped in front of. "Because this is your place." He tossed her the keys to the door and moved aside.
She caught the keys without thinking. Her place? For the first time she looked at the building they were standing in front of. It was a house: modest, one story. She'd actually walked up the short path to the door without even realizing it. She turned the key and walked in.
"Tsunade said the fridge was stocked with basics, but anything else you need you'd have to get yourself. Towels, toiletries, just about everything is already here. You things arrived an hour ago." If he managed to sound more bored, it would be a feat of epic proportions.
There were boxes stacked neatly in the living room, already marked. Bedroom, clothes, bathroom, kitchen, all in her brother's handwriting. Knowing him, he'd hand-packed everything the minute she stepped out of the village.
The manipulative little runt.
"Well, I'll leave you to get settled. My number's on the fridge if you need it, along with my address. Welcome to Konoha." Shikamaru walked out the door before she could say a word.
Temari took in her new surroundings. She was living on her own, for the first time that she could remember. It felt strange, knowing that Kankuro wouldn't burst into the room at any moment, ready to show her some new skill he managed to create, to share some piece of info he managed to pry out of the ANBU. Gaara wouldn't be there either, watching her with his pale eyes, as if he were afraid that, if he didn't, she'd disappear.
She opened the first box, marked bedroom. There, on top of her favorite sheet set, was a flower. The vibrant red bloom with its pure black center was rare in the desert. They refused to grow in the greenhouses, so she had to wait until early spring to pick those she could find in the high country and preserve them. How her brother found one so early in the season she didn't know.
Okay, so maybe he wasn't that bad a runt.
She was there again.
Kakashi leaned against a tree, arms folded, as he watched the girl. Hyuuga Hinata was a slight thing, virtually invisible most of the time. Looking at her, he wouldn't have thought she'd go as far as she had. People who didn't like violence, who were timid, didn't advance very far in their world. He was amused when he found out she followed him, more so when he realized that she managed to do it without his knowing. His own students hadn't been able to do that, not even Sasuske. Jounin had failed in tracking him down, but she did it without trying. It was a shame something like that couldn't be taught. ANBU would kill to have someone with half her talent.
Gai hadn't found out anything, nor had Kurenai. Almost a week to the day Tsunade called the three jounin into her office, and they had nothing to show for it. There were no rumors surrounding the girl, no boyfriend, nothing. Kakashi shook his head. No one was that pure, not at her age. Maybe she didn't pant after anything in pants like some girls, but there had to be something.
The fact that she came to the shrine proved it.
The structure was old, built by the first Hokage. It was so small, so deep in the forest surrounding Konoha, that most people didn't know it was there unless they happened by it. He'd known about it for years, ever since his father died, but he hadn't felt drawn to it until after Obito's death. It was the purpose of the shrine: a place where those who had a weight on their soul could go to pray, and not just any weight. It had been years since a Hyuuga came to the shrine, not since Hiashi came every day for a month after the death of his brother.
"Anything, Kurenai?"
The kunoichi dropped out of the tree he was standing under. "If I had a camera, I would have taken a picture of Kiba and Shino when she told them the news. I've never seen an Aburame show that much emotion."
And that was four days ago.
"What! What d'you mean, you're getting married!"
Kiba was practically beside himself as he stared, disbelieving, at his teammate. Hinata glanced up at him before her eyes focused on a spot just in front of her toes. "I-I.."
"When, Hinata?"
Shino's quiet question bolstered the girl. "The c-council hasn't decided yet."
That brought on another round of shouting from Kiba, mostly about the gall of her family thinking they could choose the person she was going to marry, and why did she stand for it. Shino just stared at her from behind his glasses.
Both reactions were exactly what Kurenai had been expecting.
"You even get to say yes or no to those bastards?"
"Y-yes, Kiba-kun." Hinata's fingers curled in the sleeves of her long coat. "I have final say on their decisions."
Shino, for his part, looked relieved that she had at least that much power, and offered his congratulations. Kiba wasn't convinced.
"They better not set you up with an asshole," he growled, a sentiment that Akamaru seconded. "I'd hate to have to kick his ass before you got married." The gruff show of emotion made Hinata smile. "Th-thank you, Kiba-kun." "Well," Kurenai broke in after they hugged their good-byes. "We have work to do, getting used to the new formation." She smiled at her former student. "Good luck, Hinata. Keep us posted." "Aa."
"Well, maybe the Hokage's just being paranoid," Kakashi pulled out his book. It was the final chapter of Make Out Paradise. He'd waited patiently for Jaraiya to come out with a new volume, but the old man disappointed him. The copy-nin guessed that having Naruto tagging along was slowing him down.
That brought on a torrent of thoughts he tried to avoid. Team seven: Naruto, Sakura. Sasuske. The first team who ever managed to make it past his survival training. He'd had high hopes for them, higher than he'd had for anyone in a long time. Each of them had unlimited potential. In retrospect, he wondered if they should have been given to someone else. Someone who could have shown Naruto the control he needed, who could have worked with Sakura, who could have helped Sasuske.
Sasuske.
A wonderful example of doing too little, too late.
He should have built them into a team, should have broken the two boys of their combative tendencies towards each other. Should have snapped Sakura out of her mooning over Sasuske and forced her to become a responsible member of their team. But he'd always been a believer in everyone moving at their own pace. When you didn't let people grow naturally, you ended up with fragments. Perfectly fine fragments, but they didn't add up to a real person when you put them together. Itachi was the perfect example of someone who advanced too quickly, who stopped being a person and became nothing but his potential as a killer. Kakashi was another.
The only difference was that Itachi didn't play like he was normal.
Kakashi wasn't surprised when the teenager killed his entire clan, not really. What did you expect from someone who started killing when he was only seven years old? Who started hunting other ninja when he was thirteen? Itachi was the reason age restrictions were now placed on those who wanted to become ninja. No one under the age of twelve could advance to genin. That one regulation had, in his mind, saved more people from death and madness than all the medical-nins in the village combined.
Eventually, Sasuske would have seen that Naruto wasn't his enemy; would have allowed himself to grow naturally instead of rushing ahead, unsuccessfully at that. Naruto would have calmed down enough in his search to become Hokage that he realized he needed to learn to walk before he could run. Sakura would snap out of her Sasuske-induced haze and understand that she needed to rely on herself, not those around her. All he had to do was wait. Unfortunately, the world wouldn't wait for them.
Team seven was the most recent reason he found himself at the shrine more often than not.
Kakashi looked up when he felt someone approaching.
"Shino?" Kurenai breathed the word.
Hinata was drunk.
It wasn't her first time drinking sake. Her father allowed her to take a small drink from his cup every New Year since she turned eight. She looked forward to that night every year because, for that one moment, she could pretend that her father loved her best.
Today had nothing to do with love.
It was the anniversary of her mother's death.
That would have been enough to drive most people to drink, but that wasn't all. This morning, while she was walking through the compound, she overheard two of her uncles talking. She would have turned around and headed back down the small hallway if she hadn't heard her name. As she listened, dread came over her. They weren't discussing her training with Neji, her improvement over the past months. They were discussing her position in the main family, and wagering on how long she would remain in it.
There were two times in Hinata's short life when it felt like the ground disappeared out from under her. The first was when she realized her mother wasn't just sleeping after a hard delivery. The second, when she heard her father wash his hands of her in favor of Hanabi; the same day he didn't show up for her graduation from the ninja academy. Today was proving to be the third. She reached for the bottle of sake, annoyed when she misjudged the distance and the bottle tipped over. She righted it before too much of the liquid could spill on the earthen floor. After overhearing Uncle Fujita and Uncle Hatori she snuck into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle and a cup. She knew she couldn't drink in her room; eventually someone would come knocking and she'd be found out. So she shoved her prize into a carryall and headed out of Konoha. They'd found the shack one day while she was practicing her tracking skills. It had only one large room, with a small fireplace and a pile of blankets folded neatly in a corner. In another corner there was a large case full of medical equipment; everything from needles and thread to atropine and paddles. A stop for ANBU or other ninja coming home from long-distance missions who needed rest or medical attention that couldn't wait until they reached Konoha. For the moment, it was hers. Two months. That's how long Uncle Fujita said she was to be a member of her own family. Two months, before her father would officially announce Hanabi as his heir. Uncle Hatori didn't think it would be so short, since her father had been stalling for a long time. Why would he suddenly announce something the council had been pushing him to for years? Years. Years since everyone in the family thought she should be disposed of and Hanabi allowed to be heir. Years since her father had ignored her, looked over her to her sister. Years where it was clear who his favorite was. The small porcelain cup made a satisfying crash as it hit the wall in a shower of white shards. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. She wasn't going to cry, not for them, not because of them. Never again. "Hinata." She looked up, bleary eyed. Neji was standing in front of her, his shape outlined against the darkness. The sun must have gone down while she drowned her sorrows. In an instant he took in her flushed cheeks, the sheen of sweat, the bloodshot eyes, and the bottle responsible for it all. His mouth tightened in disapproval. "I've found her," he said into his radio. "She's fine." Hinata stopped listening and took a drink out of the bottle. She wasn't fine, she was drunk, and had every intention of getting drunker before the night was through. Maybe, if enough sake was in her system, she could forget about what she'd heard. Maybe, just maybe, the pain in her heart would ease enough to let her breathe. Neji reached out and grabbed the bottle, prying it from her fingers and setting it out of her reach. "You've been missing for several hours, Hinata-sama." Her cousin checked her pulse. "Hiashi-sama was worried." She snorted. Why would he worry? If something happened to her, he could place Hanabi as his heir with a clear conscience. "He deployed ANBU an hour ago, when you didn't return after sundown," her cousin continued, turning her face towards him. She swatted away the hand that was trying to lift one eyelid. "I haven't been poisoned, Neji." her voice sounded strange, slurred. "That remains to be seen." He sniffed the bottle. "Where did you get this?" "I found it," she said as she leaned back, sprawling on the blanket she'd spread out. "You know better than to trust anything you just find, Hinata." Neji's voice was more than a little annoyed. The kunoichi sat up, blinking her eyes clear. He actually thought she would just drink anything she found? That she was stupid enough, trusting enough, to put herself in danger like that. But why shouldn't he? She was the failed heir of the Hyuuga clan, after all. Too weak to hold a candle to a sister five years younger than her. Too stupid to be trusted alone for an afternoon because she couldn't defend herself, not as well as everyone else. Hinata jumped to her feet, swaying as the room started to spin. It was the first time she'd stood since she began drinking. If Neji hadn't been there, she would have let herself fall back down, but she didn't want to show him how drunk she was. He stepped back, watching her warily as she straightened. "What are you doing?" "Leaving." She wanted to be alone. She reached down and picked up the bottle. "You've had far too much to drink, Hinata-sama." She hated the way he spoke to her, like she was a child who'd done something wrong. She tried to walk past him, but he stood in her way, unmoving. "You're not leaving with that bottle, Hinata-sama." He held out his hand. The bottle hit the wall behind him in a shower of glass and sake. After that, everything blurred. She knew she tried to push past him, but he didn't move. Knew that she struck first, landing a solid blow to his chest that staggered her cousin for a moment before came towards her. He was trying to keep her from hurting herself, she guessed, because he didn't fight back. She had no such compulsions. She wanted to hurt him, to hurt someone, anyone. She found herself pressed against a wall, Neji using his weight to keep her pinned as he tried to calm her. Hinata wrapped one leg behind his and pulled the other up to her chest, wincing as the rough wood scrapped her leg. She pushed off with all her strength, sending them crashing to the floor. Hinata remembered everything. Remembered bring rolled beneath and turned onto her back, him yelling at her to calm down, to stop. Remembered leaning up and biting him, hard, on the neck. Remembered Neji fisting her shirt in his hands and slamming her down on the floor, knocking the wind out of her. Somewhere in the middle of that she stopped biting and started kissing, kisses that were no less punishing. And he'd let her. Let her rip his clothes off, leaving red trails where her nails caught his skin. Let her bite him until she tasted blood.
When she rolled them over so she was straddling him, he let her. In fact, he let her do everything. It was the first time she was completely in control when they were having sex. Before she was afraid she would do something wrong, that he wouldn't enjoy it. Judging from the way his hands had gripped her hips as she rode him, he was enjoying it immensely. He was beautiful; face flushed, head thrown back, eyes closed as she moved harder and faster. She leaned down to kiss him and found herself on her back, Neji plunging into her, his hair whisper soft on her arms and face until she came apart in his arms. She fell asleep to the sound of his labored breathing.
Hinata woke up later, her head pounding and every part of her sore. She looked around the shack and saw Neji sitting against a wall, watching her. He was naked to the waist, and she could see where nails had clawed his chest, the bite marks that covered his chest and shoulders.
She'd never felt so terrible in her life.
Neji had brushed it off, saying her understood. Hinata'd never known him to lie, so he must have, but that didn't excuse what she'd done. She used him, hurt him. They walked back to the family compound in silence, her eyes never leaving the ground. He delivered her to Taka, who'd rushed her off to the bathroom, clucking over the state of her hair, the smudges of dirt on her cheeks. It wasn't until later, when she was soaking away the worst of her aches, that she looked at her hands and saw the blood beneath her nails. More than a week passed before she could look Neji in the eye.
She hadn't touched sake since. At New Years, she pressed the cup to her sealed lips and wiped the rest away with her napkin.
It was that memory that brought her to the shrine. Not the sex itself, but because of what she had enjoyed. Enjoyed hurting him, the taste of his blood, the feel of her nails digging into his skin. She never thought herself capable of behaving that way, and once she had, there were times when she wanted to again. Times when she wanted him to hurt her, to drop the control he kept such a tight rein on.
She didn't know what that made her.
"Hinata?"
She turned around. Shino was standing at the foot of the shrine steps. There was something strange about him that she couldn't place at first, and she started when she realized what it was.
He wasn't wearing his shades.
Thank you everyone for reading my drivel! Special cheesecake and raspberry cream thanks goes out to DIVEtoBlue, Chiaki pinkturdle, mellyd, Ryu-Hitori-Lenore-Evans, bakusensei, hatami, jan-I-am, popples, Tom B, Dark Wings, Raine, and Crystalline Tears for their great reviews! Thanks guys!
Apologies for the extra-long wait between posts, I've been kinda busy with other things. Hope to see ya soon!
Writegirl