When I return to the hotel room, I find it empty. Jane and Alec must be out hunting or finding some way to distract themselves. I flop down on my bed face first with my mind racing at a hundred miles a minute. Every flash of unexplained scenes that has gone through my head since arriving here in Seattle replays over and over.
Why am I seeing these things? What do they mean? The only explanation I can think of is that they're long-forgotten dreams of some sort. I mean.. They can't be memories. They just can't. Why would I have memories of someone calling me Renesmee? My name is Juliet. At least.. That's what Aro named me.
I have always assumed that Aro stuck with my birth-given name from my birth parents, whom Aro told me he rescued me from. But maybe he renamed me. Maybe my name was originally Renesmee... But that can't be right. My mother died and my father hardly glanced at me before abandoning me out of hatred. No one would've been around to name me.
Unless I was named before I was born. But who would've been around to reinforce that name? Aro says I was dying near my mother's corpse when he found me. I had no other family. So I can't be Renesmee. That's honestly ridiculous of me to even consider it. Jacob knew this Renesmee girl well, and considering we're about the same age, he would've been just a child during the brief period of time that I possibly could have been called Renesmee. It just doesn't add up.
But then again.. What about the wolf creature? The one I had seen when I called Jacob 'Jakey'. Why would I be having visions of a child version of me calling for Jacob and being greeted by a wolf? There's no way that was a dream from when I was a child, unless I have some sort of pre-cognitive ability which I highly doubt. But most importantly, why was Jacob a wolf? Either my sub-conscious is sending me some freaky, twisted messages, or Jacob Black is not telling me something.
Well, I already know he's not. He's given me so many mysterious, knowing looks. And today.. When he took me to that house.. Did he know it would cause me to see all those things? Who were those people? The girl with the long brown hair had stared at me with so much love, yet I don't know her. The man with the auburn hair had called me "daddy's brilliant little angel" as if he is my father. But my father hated me! And the caramel-haired girl, and the little pixie, and the blonde guy, and the muscular one. They are so familiar. I know I've met them before.. But I just don't know where. It appeared as if I knew them when I was a child. But that just can't be!
Suddenly the hotel door bursts open, derailing my train of thought. Alec walks in and looks at me with cold eyes.
"You've been gone for days. We had no clue where you were."
"Off doing drugs and selling my body into prostitution," I tell him nonchalantly and his eyes flash with anger. I'm not going to let Alec Volturi scare me and bully me around just because of what happened the other night. I know he'll never seriously hurt me – Aro would be furious with him and as much as Alec tries to pretend otherwise, his life's goal is to please Aro.
"Pack your things. We're leaving." Alec commands.
I stare at him blankly, not comprehending. He whirls around the room, throwing his things into his suitcase.
"No." I say automatically, my mind going from a frozen stand-still to rushing so fast I can't keep up with my own thoughts. I can't leave yet. Especially not with Alec. I will not go back to Italy right now.
Alec suddenly halts. His shoulders hunch and he sighs. He turns to face me, his irises nearly black and the expression in them utterly heartbreaking. He stares at me with infinite pain and regret. "I'm sorry, Juliet." He whispers in a broken voice.
I say nothing, just continue to stare at him evenly while carefully making sure none of my sympathy towards him creeps into my expression. He doesn't deserve it.
"I truly am," he continues, walking towards me slowly. "I just.. I want to protect you. From everything. I've tried so hard to keep you safe your entire life. Because.. I love you."
A layer of impenetrable ice covers my bones and joints. I am frozen there, staring into his vulnerable, angel-like face. He has never told me he loves me like that. He has never said it with such raw passion.
"You what?" I whisper with wide, startled eyes, sure I must have heard him wrong.
"I'm in love with you, Juliet. You're the most amazing person I've ever known. I got carried away the other night because I care about you so much that the thought of you being with another guy drove me crazy." His confession hits me like a semi-truck. I continue standing there like an idiot, entirely paralyzed.
Alec seizes the opportunity and the next thing I know his lips are against mine. Soft, sweet, caring. Portraying everything he can't say in words. He moves so fast, even faster than at the club. My lips respond to his fiery admiration mechanically, feeling like I'm suppose to but not exactly wanting to.
His teeth suddenly dig in to my wrist and that jolt of pain is exactly what I needed. I then realize how wrong this all feels. These lips shouldn't be rosy, icy, perfectly sculpted marble– they should be warm and coral-colored and taste like cinnamon.
He's suddenly kissing me again, his hands pulling me closer by my waist.
"Stop," I mumble against his lips. He jerks back as if I'd slapped him.
"What?" his voice is so quiet I almost can't hear it. His entire face reflects pain and heartbreak.
"I'm not ready for this." I tell him, looking down at my feet so I don't have to meet his eyes. "This trip is my first time experiencing any real independence. I don't want to get into a relationship with you just as soon as I'm finally having a real life. I think.. I think I want to spend some time away from the Volturi." I get it out as best as I can, feeling like my throat is constricting.
Alec backs away from me slowly looking mortified. "But.. I thought.. At the club.." His lips quiver the tiniest bit. I want to reach out to him and take him in my arms and apologize but I resist.
"I was drunk, Alec. And I've had a crush on you since I was a child. But that's all it is – a crush." I deliver the painful words with as much conviction as I can. I don't know if it's truly just a crush. But I do know that my feelings for Jacob are stronger after a few weeks than my feelings for Alec are after years. That has to mean something.
Alec's face somehow gets paler. His eyes glimmer with tears. With a rush of unnatural wind, I'm suddenly in the room alone.
Tears begin to silently slide down my face and I don't have enough control over my mind to function my limbs to be able to wipe them away. I can't believe I just hurt Alec like that. Alec, my best friend who just confessed his love for me. Alec has never done that for a girl as far as I know. He's known by the vampire world to be a player.
Alec doesn't return and Jane is still no where to be found. My stomach is growling but I'm too frazzled and drained to be able to muster the energy to walk over to the kitchen area and rifle through the fridge for a snack.
I collapse on the bed once again and fall into a restless sleep.