"News Flash. Local maniac, Knuckles the Echidna, has just escaped from the insane asylum and has been classified as 'hungry fo' em-a-waldz.'

We urge you to hide anything that looks remotely like a gem or emerald shard, for Knuckles might just kill to get his hands on it.

Remember, Knuckles has the power to sense the Master Emerald shards, so if you find a Master Emerald piece, don't touch it and alert a government official right away.

Be advised that Knuckles is very crafty when given tea.

Next, we find out how some scientists have found out that boiled broccoli may stop a nuclear winter..."

Tails gazed up at the TV in distress. "Oh No! Knuckles will be after all of us so he can restore the Master Emerald! But, with Sonic, Amy, Shadow, Rouge, and me all having a piece of the emerald, it'd be pretty impossible for him to beat us ALL." Tails now felt a little bit at ease. "I guess I'll go drink some tea."

The Battle for the Emerald Shards

Amy vs. Knuckles: The Mall Brawl

"Are you saying I can't fit into a size small?!" yelled Amy at the Saleswoman.

"I didn't say anything like that," replied the saleswoman. "I said size smalls are currently out of stock. You're just self-conscious."

"How dare you say that to a valued customer."

"You've only bought from here one time. You're not that valued."

"Yrrrgh!!"

"How lady-like of a valued customer," commented the saleswoman.

Amy stormed out. "Pfft, that store didn't have clothes good enough to compliment my beauty anyways. If only there was a store that was good enough for me. A store that would treat me like the queen I am."

A person walked out of the shadows. "Maybe my store would suit your elegant tastes, Miss," said a woman who strangely had a manly voice and had an odd, reddish skin color.

"Oh, what's your name?" asked Amy.

"Knuclemia, and I run the best store in this mall. Only the most beautiful and sophisticated women are allowed to shop there, and you've made the cut."

"What's your store called?" asked Amy.

"Um...the Best Store," replied the woman, leading Amy to her store.

The store was located in the middle of the mall and was made out of a cardboard box. The entrance to this store was just a square cut into the box.

"Okay, here's my store," the woman said, as they entered.

Amy glanced around at wigs that like looked like they were made out of mop strings, jewelry that looked like it was out of a 25 cents machine, and customers that looked like cardboard cutouts.

"...This is an interesting 'best' store," said Amy.

Once Amy was distracted, the woman got a piece of cardboard that was laying around the store and cut out a piece the size of the square entrance. She then sealed the entrance shut using that cardboard and some scotch tape. Amy turned around and gasped.

"I didn't notice before," Amy started, "but you have an Adam's apple!"

"Not only that," the woman evilly said, "but now you're trapped in here. Mwahaha."

"Trapped in cardboard? I have a hammer. I could easily..."

"Shut up and give me the jewel I desire!"

"No way, I'll never give you the Master Emerald shard, Knuckles."

"Wha?" said the woman in confusion.

Amy pulverized the store and the woman in a fit of blind rage.

The woman slowly crawled out of the remains of her store. "The jewel I was talking about...was friendship," the woman said with a tear in her eye, passing out on the ground.

"Oh! Look at those great shoes in that store over there," Amy said and ran over to Payless. Unknown to Amy, all the moving around from her hammer episode flew the Emerald Shard she was carrying into the air just when Knuckles was entering the mall.

"I know the Emerald Shard is around here somewhere," said Knuckles. He pondered where Amy could be. Just then, the Emerald Shard landed in his hand. "Yes! That was easy. Now I wonder if this mall has any types of emerald shampoos..."

1st Emerald Shard Acquired.

Shadow vs. Knuckles: The Benchpress for the Shard

Shadow sighed. "Fighting that justice and rodeo-loving bronze hedgehog sure was tiring. Time to build up more muscle," said Shadow upon entering the Community Gym.

"I can bench 200 pounds easily," Shadow said arrogantly while doing reps.

A red echidna with a mustache and top hat entered the gym. "I can bench more," he said in a challenging manner. "Wanna bet emerald shards on it?"

"It's really obvious that it's you, Knuckles. And where did you get that mustache?"

"The mall, ...no wait, I'm not Knuckles. My name is Ted, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I got my roles messed up, let me do it over."

"Don't worry about it Not-Knuckles. I already know it's not you anyways," Shadow rolled his eyes. "Let's get this benchpress thing over with."

"Alright," said 'Ted,' lifting up 300 pounds worth of weight.

"Pfft, is that all you got?" remarked Shadow, adding 200 pounds to his weight, making 400 pounds.

"No," replied Ted. "I have cartoon antics too." Ted added a gorilla to his weight.

"Giraffe," Shadow said, adding a giraffe to his weight.

"Elephant," said Knuckles...er...Ted, as it was added to his weight.

"Whale."

"Titanic."

"Iceberg."

"Pickle."

"?"

"I mean, monster pickle that weighs 300 pounds," Ted corrected.

"Plane."

"Truck."

30 items Later.

("This plan isn't working fast enough,") thought Ted. ("I'm going to have to use my cunning that is rarely ever seen.")

Unbeknownst to Shadow, Ted tosses a phone on top of Shadow's weight pile. The phone starts ringing.

"What's the hold up, you waste-of-time?" Shadow said like his normal, rude self.

"What'd you say! ...Oh yeah, I can't lose my edge. For the secret plan!"

"What? Secret plan?" Shadow said confused.

"Shadow," Ted started, "your phone is ringing. Don't you want to know who it is?"

"Probably some telemarketer. Nothing important."

"But Shadow, it could be Maria."

"Maria is dead you imbecile."

"So were you and the Biolizard..."

"And..?"

"I'm just sayin', Eggman has a lot of robots... Maybe even Professor Gerald was saved by one of them like you were."

"Professor Gerald was executed on film. HE IS DEAD. Maria was shot in front of my eyes. SHE IS DEAD."

"You fell to the earth on film, in front of the eyes of many kids, ya know?"

"Imbecile."

-ring- -ring-

"Maria is calling you, but you won't answer."

"Shut up," Shadow said, getting more annoyed.

"What kind of friend are you?"

"Shut up."

"Me shutting up won't bring hope to humanity."

A tear formed in Shadow's eye. "Maria, I'm coming!" cried Shadow. He instinctively reached for the phone, yet he forgot all the weight he was holding up, so it all came crashing down onto him.

Ted walked over to the half-buried and half-alive Shadow and took off his mustache and top hat to reveal that he was actually...Knuckles the Echidna in disguise! "Haha, Shadow. It was really me, Knuckles! I have tricked you, though for some odd reason I feel like we're even now...but anyways."

Knuckles grabbed the Emerald Shard from Shadow and left.

2nd Emerald Shard Acquired.

Out of the pile, Shadow crawled injured to the ringing phone and picked it up. "Maria?"

"This is Surely Insurance, and I'd like to..."

"I'm sold already!" Shadow said with enthusiasm. "Tell me where your headquarters are, and I'll be over to sign up right away."

15 Minutes later, a building is blown up. Bystanders report they heard the words "Chaos Blast" right before the incident.

Rouge vs. Knuckles: The Better Club

-- At Club Rouge

"Hey, Rouge," yelled a customer, "when are you going to get good chairs in this club? My butt always seems to get a little more dead with each sit in this joint."

"What are you going to do?" replied Rouge with a smirk. "This is the only club around."

(And here begins our story. Told by me, the Narrator.

Club Rouge was the most hip club in the city, partially because it was the only club in this particular city. It started out as an A-Rank establishment full of promise and dance, but then, Rouge seemed to get lazy with the club maintenance. Rouge started neglecting the club in favor of Treasure Hunting and Knuckles-baiting. Soon Rouge became very greedy and didn't value her customers at all. Instead of going and mingling with her club visitors, she'd be watching TV in the back while eating ice cream.)

Another customer moaned. "Rouge, could you get a TV in here? I want to watch the Rugrats."

"I will get a TV for this club once somebody produces a diamond for me," bellowed Rouge.

"But diamonds are so expensive, Miss Rouge," everyone in the club complained. "Isn't the fact that we're loyal customers here enough for you to get this place a TV?"

"And comfortable chairs," continued another customer.

"And a Rugrats DVD boxset," continued another. The room got quiet after that comment though. "What? It's not like the rest of you 'cool kids' wouldn't be watching it."

"My response to everyone is stop complaining or leave," replied Rouge.

A person came running into Club Rouge and said "Hey, Everyone! This great new club called 'Club Knux' opened up across the street. And they give free pencils to everyone that comes in!"

"Free Pencils!?" yelled everyone in Club Rouge. They rushed over to the new club.

"You'll be back," shouted Rouge.

-7 Days of Club Rouge emptiness later-

"I thought they'd be back," Rouge said, walking outside and hearing everyone at Club Knux enjoying themselves. She heard such comments as "This Hangman competition is da bomb," "Anyone else still amazed by the free pencils?" and "This club is so cool that even my Mom is here. Hi Mommy!"

"Oh well," said Rouge. "Time to go watch more Spongebob episodes in the back."

"Not so fast, Rouge," said Knuckles. He came up in his 'club wear' (which was only Knuckles with black sunglasses). "My club is murdering yours. Hahaha, now surrender the Master Emerald shard!"

"Why?"

"Don't you want me to leave so your club will be number one again?" questioned Knuckles.

"I don't care."

"But what about your customers. They love you."

"Then why aren't they over here?"

"That's not the point. The point is friendship."

(And on that day, Rouge had a change of heart.)

"Saying the word 'friendship' doesn't make things happy," replied Rouge.

(My bad, I thought the friendship line would do it.)

"Hey wait, Knuckles, you're supposed to be in the insane asylum. So, unless you're going to become my new boyfriend then I'm calling the cops.."

-Punch-

(Rouge lay on the ground stunned. ..wait, I can't do this. My heavens, what's wrong with you?!)

"Why don't you finish the story the right way, lest you want to end up like Rouge, Mr. Narrator."

(um...Um...but Rouge decided that she shouldn't call the looney cops because she just learned about friendship. Rouge decided to get a flat screen TV for her club and also decided to give Knuckles the Master Emerald shard in the name of friendship. From that day on, Rugrats reruns were played everyday at Club Rouge. And they all lived happily ever after...)

3rd Emerald Shard Acquired.

Tails vs. Knuckles: Some Tea, Please?

"This tea tastes so bland," commented Tails on his latest batch of tea. "I've tried every tea on the market, and none of them have a special kick to it."

Just then, the Master Emerald shard in Tails's pocket started glowing. "I wonder what this means?"

-Lightbulb-

"...what if I brew my next batch of tea with the Master Emerald shard?" Tails wondered.

5 Minutes Later.

"It's Tea Time!" Tails said after brewing his tea. After pouring some into a cup, Tails took a sip and there was a big thump inside his mouth. "Wow, this tea is really great and really has a great kick to it!" Tails said with enthusiasm, even with the blood now running out of his mouth.

Loud explosions were heard from a distance. The explosions were getting louder and closer.

"Arrgh!!" said a red blur that was quickly approaching Tails's household, breaking every rock in its path.

"Oh no! Knuckles is coming here, and I have the Emerald Shard inside my teapot! I have to dispose of it quick!"

But it was too late. -Knock- -Knock-

Tails cautiously opened the door. "H-Hi Kn-Knuckles."

"Hey, Tails. I was gonna come here and beat the pulp out of you for the Emerald Shard, but I'm just too thirsty from my marathon to get here." Knuckles walked inside the house. "Oh, you have tea?" Knuckles said with a devilish grin.

("I heard about this on the news. Knuckles is very crafty when given tea. Who knows how crafty he'd be with a cup of emerald-flavored tea,") Tails thought as he panicked.

"Mwahahaha."

"Um, Knuckles."

"Mwhahaha!"

"Kn-Knuckles."

"Mwhahaha!!"

"KNUCKLES!"

"Oh sorry, I was thinking about something ...um funny... relating to tea. So yeah, can I have some tea, please?"

"I'm sorry, but there are no clean cups."

"It's okay. I carry some with me just in case."

"I meant that the tea is too hot to drink."

"I'll wait 'til it cools then."

"No, you can't because.."

"Hey, your tea pot is glowing green," commented Knuckles.

"Yikes! The tea was exposed to nuclear radiation. We have to get out of here right away!" Tails hurried himself and Knuckles out of the house.

"Wait, that's the glow of the Master Emerald!"

Tails pressed a button on his wristwatch and the whole house barricaded itself in steel. Try as he might, Knuckles could not bust into the house.

"You'll have to deactivate it by pressing the button on my watch again. But to do that you'll have to defeat me first."

Knuckles picked up a large rock. Three seconds later, everything went dark for Tails.

4th Emerald Shard Acquired.

Sonic vs. Knuckles: The Battle for Sanity

-- On the Beach

Sonic was lounging on a beach towel and Knuckles approached him. Sonic looked over. "Woah, if it isn't Knuckles," Sonic smirked.

1 moment later.

"You locked me up in an insane asylum," Knuckles yelled and banged Sonic's head against the ground.

"Didn't you learn anything from your stay in that emerald-deprived asylum?!" said the shaken-up Sonic.

"Why yes. I learned I was being a too extreme with the Master Emerald. Somewhere after Reverend's sermon and the endless craving of emerald shards in that prison, I came to believe there's some power that can make me live normally and emerald free."

"If you learned that then, then why I am I getting beat to death now!" said the very frustrated hedgehog.

The other characters walked up (3 out of the 4 of them could only crawl up due to the damage inflicted upon them).

"Yes, Knuckles, why did you go on this shard quest and piss us all off if you already were sane?" demanded Rouge.

"I was stuck in the insane asylum for 15 days. I needed something entertaining to do when I got out. I didn't really care about reviving the Master Emerald that much. It was all like a fun game, right guys?" Knuckles smiled.

"If I had decent leg strength at the moment, I'd run over and beat you to death," commented Shadow, "but I'll just settle with sending you bad vibes for now."

Step Two is now officially a success!