Author's Notes: So I have officially decided that it was a very good thing that I split up the one bonus chapter into multiple chapters; the whole thing written out in my notebook is 19 pages, and I'm not done yet! (Normally one chapter written out is only about 5-8 pages XD) Anyway, this probably could have been up sooner but I ended up spending more time than I had planned out at the lake today... (I spent just a tad too much time in the sun, and now I resemble a tomato XD)
Oh, and just thought I should clarify: A few readers have brought this to my attention. Crow does care, and to a point he did do the right thing. He did the right thing in the sense that when he saw Yusei cutting, he stopped him. Taking the knife, however, was still the wrong thing. Crow just doesn't understand how to help.
Anyway, thanks again for all the reviews^_^ You guys are great! So here you are: Enjoy^_^
Chapter Ten - Escape
"You told him WHAT?" Crow asked angrily.
Kalin held out his hands in defense. "Just let me finish, okay? You need to understand something, here. We can help him stop, Crow, but it won't be by confiscating his pocketknife. You've already seen what he'll do in that case: He'll just use his fingernails or anything else he can get his hands on instead. If we take his knife, it'll just make him want to do it more. Not to mention, it's probably safer this way; it takes a whole heck-of-a-lot more force to cut with something dull than something sharp..."
"So it'd actually do less damage for him to use a knife," Crow finished. "But ya still shouldn't have told him you wouldn't try to stop him."
Kalin sighed. "I know it doesn't seem to make sense, but you're gonna have to trust me, Crow. I've known people in the past who have cut, so I know at least a little bit about how to handle this. You need to trust my judgment; I need to know that you trust my judgment."
"Alright, yeah," Crow stated softly with a sigh. "I'll go with whatever you say. I just don't like seeing him like this is all."
"I know," Kalin agreed. "I don't either. But that's why you need to trust me."
"So what do we do?" Crow asked after a moment. "What's the plan?"
"You're gonna think this to be backwards too, but we don't do anything. I know you think I'm crazy, but we can't do anything to help unless he wants us to help. Right now, at least, he doesn't, so all we can do is be supportive. Let him know he can talk to us if he wants to - that sort of thing - but it'll still be easier said than done for him, I'm sure. When you're in pain that intense, it's difficult to want to be around people, much more to talk about what's wrong; you just want to be alone.
"And that's another thing: Don't tell Jack anything about what's going on. The fewer number of people know, the easier it'll be for him to want to talk to us. He might be more open to us if he knows we aren't gonna go pass it on to someone else."
"Yeah," Crow confirmed, "most of that sounded the opposite of what I figured it would be."
"I know, but, believe it or not, it works."
All was silent for a moment. Crow sighed. "So, you have any idea at all what's bothering him so badly?"
Kalin shook his head sadly. "I can see that he's in a lot of pain mentally, but I have no idea over what. He's desperate for a way to ease that pain, and that's why he cuts. But, since he's already admitted to me that it only helps for a short time, it might not be as difficult as we think to help him break this addiction."
"Wait, 'addiction?'" Crow asked. "This is something he chooses..."
Kalin shook his head again. "It's true that he chooses to do it, but cutting has a similar effect on the mind as drugs. You do it so many times, and your mind will start to crave it. You start to need it, and the longer you use it, the harder it is to stop. ...We're lucky in that respect; I think Yusei has only cut a few times. It'll be easier for him if he decides to try to stop now after, say, three cuts, than a month from now after, say, thirty cuts."
"So how do we get him to decide to stop?"
"That's the tough part," Kalin sighed. "He has to decide on his own that it's not what he wants. So, once again, we can't really do anything."
"Man!" Crow exclaimed. "That's not fair! There's gotta be something!"
Kalin sighed again. "The only thing we can do is be supportive. That's all. Trust me: I wish there was something else, too, but there just isn't.
"You just can't force someone to want help."
"Hey, Kalin, can I talk to you?" Yusei asked softly. A few days had past, and the two boys were sitting outside, watching Jack and Crow go at it dueling once again.
"Sure," the older boy responded simply.
Yusei swallowed. "Alone, please?"
"Sure," he replied calmly, standing up. "Let's go inside."
Kalin and Yusei disappeared inside, the other two duelists not even noticing their sudden absence. Yusei followed Kalin into the kitchen area before the older stopped and asked, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
Yusei hesitated, staring at some obviously fascinating spot on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact. "Here," he finally spoke without looking up, as he held out a silver pocket knife. "I don't want it anymore."
Now it was Kalin's turn to hesitate. "Are you sure?"
Yusei nodded. "Positive. I don't wanna keep doing this, Kalin."
"I'm glad to hear that," Kalin spoke softly, taking the knife from his friend's outstretched hand. "But are you sure you can deal without it?"
The raven-haired teen hesitated again. "No," he sighed. "No, I'm not sure I can. Not without something to replace it, anyway."
Kalin smiled slightly. "Well, we can some up with something together. How's that sound?" He sat down at the table, and Yusei followed suit.
"What if it doesn't help?"
"Then we come up with something else. And we keep coming up with ideas until we find one that works."
Yusei nodded. "So what would you suggest?"
Yusei hated running. Well, he didn't hate it exactly; he just didn't particularly enjoy it either. That's why running had been made a last resort to replace his cutting. But here he was, three weeks later, running through the streets of Satellite, hoping he wouldn't get jumped by a rival duel gang since he no longer trusted himself to carry a knife. They had simply run out of ideas; nothing yet had worked, and those failures had resulted in several more purposeful injuries to Yusei's arm. The raven-haired teen was starting to get desperate; hence the running. Kalin had told him that running was a good way to work of tension, stress, just about anything - and as Yusei continued to run, he was starting to believe it. The further he went, the better he began to feel, as his negative emotions were left behind with every footfall. He pushed himself to the max, running about three miles in just under twenty minutes, before coming to a stop in front of the hideout.
Kalin appeared from the shadowed hall inside, holding a glass of water with a few ice cubes floating in it. Handing the glass to Yusei, he asked, "So? How'd it go?"
Yusei took a sip of the cold drink. "I think," he panted, "that this just might work..."
Kalin smiled. "Good! I'm glad to hear that!"
Yusei smiled back, wiping the sweat out of his eyes. "Yeah, me too; especially since we're kinda running out of options..."
"Heh, yeah..." Kalin commented, as he thought, 'Let's just hope it continues to work...'
Yusei leaned against the closed bedroom door, breathing heavily. It had been nearly two weeks since he'd first started running, and he had just returned once again from a three-mile run. But this time it was different.
This time it hadn't helped.
Over the last week, the positive effects of running had slowly begun to diminish. No matter how hard he pushed himself, he still felt the need to cut a little stronger each time afterward. His friends were deceived to this fact, however; he had told Kalin and Crow that running was still helping just fine.
Oh well; it was just one more thing they were oblivious to.
He sank down to the floor, head leaning back against the door. He was starting to wish he hadn't given Kalin his knife after all. It would be so easy to just slit open his arm here and now to quell his raging thoughts.
NO. ...No... He couldn't do that; he didn't want to do that...
And yet... The thought was so inviting. He started to shake, his hands clenching into fists where they rested on the floor. 'Do it!' his thoughts screamed at him. 'DO IT!' He could no longer control himself as he rose back up off the floor and moved across the room to the broken window. He opened his eyes to search the frame for a shard of glass large enough to use. Spotting one, he moved to pull it out.
"Yusei?" a soft voice spoke from the doorway. "Are you alright?"
The raven-haired teen didn't need to turn around in order to know that Kalin had followed him up. Yusei was still shaking as he backed up towards the nearest wall, sliding down it until he once again sat on the floor. He shook his head.
"I though maybe you weren't," Kalin sighed as he crossed the room to his friend's side. Crouching down next to Yusei, Kalin hesitated before continuing. "I hate to say this, but I think the only way you're gonna get through the pain is to talk about what's causing it. I know you don't like the idea, but it's the only one I've got. Otherwise..." Kalin brought out Yusei's silver pocketknife and set it on the floor next to the troubled teen. "It's back to this." He sighed again as he stood. "I'm not gonna force you to talk, Yusei, but if you want to, I'll be down stairs. Jack and Crow went out for supplies, so it'd just be you and me." Without another word, Kalin turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again...
"Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
"I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
"I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream. ...
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright.
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight"
~Linkin Park: Breaking the Habit
Author's Notes: So? What do you guys think is gonna happen? Is Yusei gonna go back to cutting? Or is he gonna find a way to break the habit?
As always, I love reviews^_^ They always have - and always will! - make my day^_^