I appreciate your reviews! I'd love to know what you think of the story thus far.

Kaidan stood in the doorway to the cabin for what felt like an eternity. He willed his legs to move, one leaden step at a time, to the foot of their bed. Kneeling, trembling, he reached down and grabbed a fistful of her clothes in his hands, slowly bringing them to his face. Tears began to flow freely, mingling with the fleeting scent she had left behind. Ragged sobs racked his body; he clutched her clothing to him as if he could will her back. They were supposed to die together. Now, once again, he's left behind.

It was foolishness to think she could have survived the blast from the Catalyst. Everyone but him had accepted that. He had to come to terms with it as well. Slowly unbuckling the clasps to his battered armor, he let each piece fall to the floor. Only his dog tags remained, but without the familiar silver band he had carried for so long.

He turned the water to the shower as hot as he could make it, hoping to sear the vision of the Crucible exploding from his memory. All he could picture were the pieces of shrapnel flying outward, one of them likely being her body.

Cerberus wouldn't revive her this time. He didn't have the luxury of counterfeit hope. He had a crew to lead, and he needed to be strong for them now more than ever. The time for grieving was over. His purpose was to find a way to contact the Alliance and get his crew home. Shepard always told him to look ahead, not behind.

Finally clean from the soot and dried blood of his final battle with the reapers, he collapsed on the bed, shoving the sharp pain of sorrow aside and replacing it with the dull, steady ache he recognized all too well. What only EDI knew was how much the tears still fell as he slept.

Ash hung in the air. Trees were stripped of their leaves. Echoes filled the air. He strained to make out the sound, squinting his eyes to see through the dense fog. Was he back in the forest outside the Normandy? Something wasn't right, but he couldn't think clearly. Then he saw him. A small boy, laughing as he played in the dead leaves. And then he saw her.

Shepard was in full armor, red and black. It reflected a light he couldn't see that created an aura around her that pulsed with each step she took. She was running toward the boy, arm outstretched, but as soon as she would get close, the child would run away. Kaidan began to chase after her, but his legs wouldn't move fast enough. Soon she would be lost to him in the fog. He tried to call her name, but his voice was only a whisper. Nevertheless, she began to turn toward him…

Startled, Kaidan awoke to see the faint orange light of dawn streaming through the porthole above him. As the memories of the past day flooded back, he sat up slowly, his mind reeling. "EDI, how long have I been asleep?"

"Good morning, Major. You have been asleep for 5 hours, 23 minutes."

The dream…it had seemed so real. She was right there, so close, but he couldn't catch her. He rubbed his eyes to clear the fog from his mind that the dream had left behind. He couldn't sleep any longer. Crawling out of bed, he looked for his pants. "Give me a sitrep."

EDI replied as he quickly put on the familiar pieces of his Alliance uniform, gathered his data pad, and exited the cabin. "The crew is currently at their stations awaiting your instructions. Garrus, James, and Liara are in the comm room formulating a plan."

Apparently they couldn't sleep either. After pushing the button for the elevator five times in rapid succession as if that would make it arrive any faster, he tried to gather himself, running his fingers through his hair to tame it. His uniform was a wrinkled mess, but there were more important things than looking completely presentable, he supposed. She always managed to look perfect, even in the middle of a Cerberus attack. At least, she always looked perfect to him.

The elevator doors finally opened and once inside, he pushed the button for the main deck. "So what's the plan, EDI? What am I walking into?"

"Garrus has proposed scouting for materials that could be used to repair the Normandy. I have provided a list of the objects required. James has suggested hiking to the nearest colony to gather information about our location."

Not bad, Kaidan thought. As the elevator came to a halt once more, he headed straight for the comm room. Crew members snapped to attention as he approached and whispered in hushed tones as he passed. They were restlessly awaiting answers, he knew.

As he entered, he found Garrus and James huddled around a 3D model of their surroundings as far as the Normandy's scanners could reach.

"Couldn't get a good night's sleep either, Alenko?" Vega motioned him over as he pointed to a particular spot. "You see that? That's the fortress that pointy-eared dude was talking about."

"Those pointy-eared dudes are called elves, I learned," Kaidan replied. He leaned in closer, studying the image. "It's about 100 klicks west of here, straight through this forest. No rover is getting through that. Is there anything closer?"

"That's as far as our scanners reach before being limited by either mountain ranges or the curve of the planet's surface," Liara said. "It's our only reliable bet."

Kaidan nodded. "All right, we'll take a team and leave ASAP. EDI reported that there's a plan in place to begin repairs on the Normandy?"

"Our mineral scanners picked up some deposits EDI can synthesize for getting our girl back up and running, but it's going to take a hell of a lot of time," Vega said. "We don't have a proper dock or the right tools to make the repairs. But come hell or high water, we'll get her in the air again."

"We've already been through hell," Garrus stated flatly.

Vega elbowed Garrus in the ribs. "So we can check that off the list."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Liara replied.

"Where's your sense of adventure?" James turned to Kaidan. "So what's it going to be, Alenko? Me and you as Team Fortress, Garrus, Tali, and EDI as Team Calibrate the Engines, and Liara and her little drone pod thing as Team…Figure Out What the Hell is Going On?"

Liara snorted. "That's so creative, James."

All eyes turned to Kaidan, waiting for his command. He put on a smile, determined to lend strength to those that had come so far with him. He owed them that much. "It's a good place to start. Garrus, do me a favor and stay out of sight. The elves seemed convinced you're some kind of evil demon."

Vega laughed. "A face only a mother could love."

"I'll have you know I've had my share of female…interactions," Garrus retorted.

"All right already, jab it out while you get to work. Vega, pack up only what we need. We've got a long walk ahead and I want to travel light."

"Before you go..." Liara hesitated, exchanging glances with the others in the room. "Well, we were hoping to have a small ceremony. To say goodbye to…those we lost."

Silence filled the room. Lowering his gaze, he tried to speak, but all he could manage was a nod. As Garrus and James left to begin their new assignments, Liara came to stand by Kaidan's side. Before he could say a word, she embraced him in a tight hug. "We all miss her. I loved her, too. But no one as much as you. It's okay to feel that, you know."

He wrapped his arms limply around her waist, then pulled away. "I've done enough grieving. She's gone. It's time to lead those who are still alive."

Liara looked at him as though he had struck her. Sorrow filled her as tears began to flow unchecked down her cheeks. He gritted his teeth to keep himself from doing the same. "Most people only have to lose those they love once. I've lost her twice. I gave her my heart and now she's dead. I'll never be whole again. I'm sorry, Liara, but I don't have any words of comfort. You deal with it in your way and let me handle it in mine." Kaidan turned and left, leaving her to mourn alone.

Those who knew Shepard well gathered in front of the memorial wall. Kaidan held a plaque with her name engraved on it: COMMANDER SHEPARD. All of them had one. It was standard issue before dangerous missions. You just hoped your crew never had to use it. Grasping the cold metal in his hands, he ran his fingers over her name. In his mind, he went back to the first time he had met her so many years ago on the bridge of the Normandy SR-1. She was the most captivating thing he had ever seen. He had a school boy crush on her from that moment on. With everything they had been through since that day, he was most grateful for the last moments they had together. Seeing that ring on her finger filled him with so much joy. That was what he had to cling to.

"Commander Shepard sacrificed everything she had to win this war. She brought the entire galaxy together and because of her, we're still alive. We will always honor and cherish her for that. And somehow, I think she's still with us." He slowly pressed the plaque onto the memorial below Admiral David Anderson. His crew gathered around him in a mass embrace.

"Good bye, Lola. You were the only woman who could beat the hell out of me."

"So long, Shepard. I knew you let me win up there on the Presidium. You're a hell of a shot."

"Shepard, you saved my life at Therum and helped me understand the Protheans. I will miss you always."

"Because of you, the Quarians have a homeland again. You will go down in the history of my people as our savior, Shepard."

As each crew member said their good bye, Kaidan saw for the first time how much her life had truly impacted each one for the better. He was not alone after all. And that was something to hold onto.