Chapter Ten: Big Time Plan (Posted 10 February 2011)
Kendall was sitting on a bus, not quite sure where he was going, when his cell phone started to vibrate in his pocket. "Why did I even bring this along?" he whispered to himself.
He looked at the screen to see who was calling. Logan.
He let it ring.
Twice more Logan called, but Kendall would not answer. He might talk to him eventually, once he figures out exactly what he's gonna do, but he can' face him yet. Who knows what's going on inside his head.
Then the phone vibrated again, a single pulse, telling Kendall he had a text message. From Carlos.
"Please don't leave us."
He read it. Over and over, as if he couldn't quite remember what it said once he wasn't looking at it anymore. He didn't respond. But more kept coming.
"I need you."
"We all need you."
Then some came from James.
"We can't succeed without you."
"You're just gonna abandon us?"
"What about your mom and Katie?"
And finally, one, one, from Logan.
"We love you."
Kendall sighed. Silently thinking, Does that matter at all? Did it? Did it matter that they wanted him? Surely they would be better off if he left. But which was really better? They wanted him to stay, but staying would make everything worse. Both leaving and staying would cause pain for them. And himself. So which was the right thing to do?
The cell phone rang again, earning Kendall some nasty glares from the other people on the bus who were too busy having their own noisy conversations to be interrupted by the barely audible vibrations of some hipster dude's cell phone.
Logan again. He let it go to voicemail.
No more calls or texts came for a few minutes. He thought maybe they got the hint. But then the stupid piece of plastic rang again. He held it, not wanting to even look at the screen to see who it was. But he had to know.
Carlos.
He contemplated answering it. But he couldn't. What would he say to him? He'd always watched out for Carlos, and now he was leaving because he wasn't strong enough to stay.
He was about to turn the phone off once and for all when the damned thing vibrated yet again. Didn't they understand that he didn't want to be bothered? He was ready to hold the power button when he saw who was calling this time.
James.
It only took him a second to decide to answer it. If it had been Logan or Carlos again, he probably would have chucked it out the window and watch as it was smashed into a million little pieces by the cars racing past. But James he could handle. So he answered.
"Hello?" Kendall said with a shaky voice.
"Finally." James said, trying to sound amused. "We thought you ditched your phone."
"I was just about to." Kendall said.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't. We all are."
"Why?"
"Because we need you, Kendall. We wouldn't be here without you. We can't do this without you, man."
"Why not?"
"Because you're our friend."
"I'm not a very good one." Kendall didn't mean to say that out loud, and mentally scolded himself for letting it slip.
A new voice answered him. "Yes, you are." It was Carlos.
"You could have told me I'm on speaker phone." Kendall said, not angry but more upset at himself for not thinking of the possibility.
A third voice spoke. "Kendall... I'm sorry."
"Logan, there isn't anything you need to apologize for. I'm the one who..." Kendall was cut off as Logan started talking a little louder.
"No, Kendall... I didn't realize what I was doing to you. I just thought that... that you didn't want to work things out. But I was the reason nothing got better. I know you were trying, but I never even bothered to help you. And I'm sorry."
Kendall didn't know what to say to that. Logan was sorry? He hadn't done anything wrong. At least... he never thought so.
"Kendall, please." James said. "Don't leave us. We all need you. And your mother and sister are here, they need you too. Get off the bus at the next stop, then call me and tell me where you are, and I'll come get you. Just me, and we'll talk. You can say anything you want to me, no matter what. Ok?"
Kendall hesitated. He was so confused. Leaving wouldn't clean up the mess he made, but it would ensure he wouldn't make any more. But he couldn't just desert his mom and baby sister. He hadn't even thought of them. He was trying to be selfless, but of course a tiny bit selfishness had come through. And now it was coming through again. He really didn't want to leave.
"Ok." He said, hearing three relieved sighs from the boys who must have been holding their breath on the other end of the line.
"Good." James said, proud of himself. "Remember, call me as soon as you get off. And I'll come for you."
"Ok." Kendall said again, hanging up.
James hung up his phone and looked at Logan and Carlos. Logan kind of looked shell shocked. Probably left over from what he'd just discovered about himself. But Carlos looked relieved. He'd been so afraid of losing Kendall. He was fine not having him as more than a friend. But losing one of his friends would break him.
"James," Logan said, "are you really going to go get him by yourself.
"Nope." James said, his voice sounding like he was getting ready to give a pep-talk. Then he looked at Carlos. "Carlos is."