Snowed In

And

Howling

A/N: I had a lot of fun with this chapter. Even though some of it is eccentric, it's exactly how I've always thought to crazy, dismembered vampires with a grudge against the love of their lives would act... if that makes XD

Love, peace and chocolate!~Elle

disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fan fiction! It is my interpretation of Stephine Meyer's characters, and nothing more. All characters, places, etc belong to their respective : pay no attention to

the magic behind the mayhem!

"We have a slight problem." Picia said, coming into the suite with the presence of a nervous queen. Dora followed at her heels, just as scared looking.

"What is it?" I asked, looking up from cutting up the Cub's steaks. They needed their blood, and steaks were the easiest way of getting it in to them while also settling the wolf/human needs of meat. Jake continued frying his steak and eggs, but did turn the heat down and listen intently. Everyone else, Carlisle, Marcus, Ani, Jane, Alec and Daddy sat attently listening to the conversation.

"Well..." Dora said, as if she was trying to find a place to begin.

"Are you serious?" Daddy said, totally shocked. He was, naturally, the first person to know what was going on.

"Hey, it wasn't our fault." Picia said. "That safe said it was impregnable- it lied."

"Why don't you just tell us what happened, Picia?" Ani said bluntly. She was the only one who wasn't afraid of Picia. Everyone else, vampires, wolves and humans included, treated her like the queen she thought she was.

"Aro and Caius got out."

"I told you we had to burn them!" Marcus said, showing the most emotion he ever had. "Now what are we going to do? Bail? Set fire to the building? What is your plan, dear sister?"

"Hey, this was your idea in the first place." Picia defended.

"Sure, I had wanted to kill him for years. He murdered my wife! But it was you that bit off his head."

"Because we all decided go kill them." Picia defended.

"It was you who set it in motion, ripping off Caius' arm!"

"Regardless, it's done." Dora said, attempting to quiet the situation. "and besides, what does it matter? They're not assembled yet."

"Yes, but you can me damn sure that if they get reassembled, we're the first on the bloody hit list! They're not a god damn jigsaw!"

"Alright, alright! Settle down brother." Picia said, attempting to calm him. "I don't feel like being ripped to shreds either."

"Ripped to shreds! Shreds!" Marcus grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. "Shreds is the least of our worries- its the fire that's the problem! That's what will end you, not the ripping!"

"Alright, back from our trip in LaLa Depression Land yet?" I asked.

"Trust me, I hid all the matches." Dora said.

"Oh, like they can't just use the fire downstairs!" Picia said, beginning to panic like Marcus. Neither were too keen on dying, I guess.

"Peace, please. I'm getting a headache." said Carlisle, "And I didn't think that was even possible."

But the ancients worried on.

"He couldn't kill me." Dora said, only half-convinced herself. "Caius loves me."

"Yes, and he liked being in one piece too." Picia said.

"Like you're one to talk! You got us into this!"

"Oh, like you weren't tired of them too."

"we will be nothing but a smoldering pile of ash! Ash! To be reduced to ash after all this!" Marcus said, clearly more concerned with being killed then with who got them into this mess.

"Can anyone shut them up?" Chira said.

"One moment, please." Said Conan, who got up off my lap and stalked over to the three ancients who were behaving more like three preschooler's who got caught cutting another kid's hair- literally.

"Excuse me?" he said, ever polite.

"Dead! D-E-A-D!" Picia said, shaking Dora. "We'll be liver pate! Barbaque! Gondie! Ended! DEAD!"

"Excuse me!" Conan said, a little annoyed now.

"We'll have to run away." Marcus said, pacing back and forth. "Maybe China, or the Alps. We can always hide in an underwater cave somewhere... And the Dali Lama does owe us a favour... Of course, there's always outer space as well."

None of them noticed when Conan dragged a chair over and stood on it.

"EXCUSE ME!" Conan shouted in their faces.

"Maybe we can just say we're sorry, but then just kill them again in a few decades!" Dora offered cheerfully, and the two other ancients groaned.

"HEY!" Conan hauled back and slapped Marcus across the face, followed by quick pulling of Picia and Dora's hair.

This snapped them out of it pretty quickly.

"THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! THEY ARE A JIGSAW AT THIS MOMENT, AND ARE TOTALLY DEFENSELESS!"

"The child is right." Marcus said. "We're acting like children." the ancients took their seat again on the couch.

"What do we do?" Asked Dora, her head in her hands.

"Well, with all due respect, you wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't started a mutany." Said Alec.

"We can fix this easily." Said Ani. "Picia, me, Edward and you can all track down Aro and Caius's heads, thanks to the active thought patterns. I'm sure that the triplets and Jake can catch the scent of all the other parts, and we can burn them up before the day is through. Easy."

"Fine by me." Marcus said.

"I still can't burn him." Dora said, and Picia groaned.

"Really?" she said.

"Oh please, like you could stand to either." Dora countered.

"We don't have to burn them." Ani offered, and both the girl's eyes lit up.

"Seriously?" they asked, totally in sync.

Ani nodded. "There's always other dementions. I know of nine different ones, and I'm sure that one of them will suit."

"Perfect." Dora said.

"So I guess we're going on an immortal jigsaw hunt." I said, and the triplets clapped happily.

A few minutes later we were all walking down the hallway, Jacob in the lead, sniffing and/or thinking our living jigsaw out.

"I'm catching something over here." Chira offered.

"Me too." Jake added.

"Well, it's a start." Ani said, "I can hear a buzz, but nothing's too clear."

"We're getting closer though." Daddy added.

"Most definitely." Picia said. "I've heard that man's thoughts for the better part of five hundred years- I can pick him out of anywhere."

"They're in here." said Jake, nodding his head towards one of the hotel rooms.

Conan went up to the door and pressed his hand against it after removing his glove. Conan's gift made life a bit too hard without his hands being covered. Everything my son touched told him everything, where it had been, who had used it, their thought about it, the user's pasts, everything. On top of that, just a glance into a person's eyes was like drowning in their soul for him- he knew everything that was going through their head, why they thought that, their emotions, their pains, everything. However, as in cases like this, he was very useful.

"They are inside, waiting for us to attack."

"Attack?" said Carlisle. "What is there left of them for us to attack?"

"Well,"Jake said, turning the handle to the door, "Let's find out, will we?"

What was inside was something I didn't expect, accept or even begin to comprehend.

"They attack!" shrieked Caius. Or rather, his head, which was propped up with books and a pillow.

"Fire!" Aro's head commanded, which was sitting- er, resting in a similar way to Caius's.

And then it was raining body parts.

They're hands- severed, might I say, began hurling toes, fingers, feet and anything else at us, pelting down. It wasn't even gory, really, because there was no blood- only a bit of sparkling powder like granite chips.

We struggled through the haze of severed vampire limbs, and at one point Jane screamed and Alec beat an arm off of her skirts with a nearby chair. Carlisle had to pry a finger from his hair, and Daddy was jumping around trying to get a hand that had wrapped around his leg off.

Picia and Dora were the first to reach them, with Marcus close behind.

"Really?" Dora asked.

"This was the best you could do?"

"Severed limbs, Aro?" Marcus said, " And you were the one that called the Romanian's barbaric for firing severed heads at us!"

"Seriously? This was all you could come up with?" Picia seemed honestly dissapointed.

Aro looked away. "Limited resources, that's all."

"And the fact that you couldn't really bare to hurt me." Picia said. "Admit it."

"Oh fine, I'll admit it." Aro said.

"But we were this close to firing lit torches at you." Caius warned. "I could have been much worse."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever." Dora said.

"Excuses, excuses!"

"I'm still getting over the flying fingers." Marcus said.

"So we failed?" Caius asked.

"Yes, it's pretty obvious you've failed this one, darling." Picia said, smoothing out her husband's hair.

"So I guess we're going to die now?" Caius asked Dora.

"Sweets, what are we to do but burn you?" she answered.

"We can at least die like men now, brother." Aro offered, "We gave it all we could."

"And an extra severed hand to boot." Alec said, finally beating the hand off Jane's skirt and jumping on it for good measure.

"We aren't going to kill you." Ani said.

"Really?" both the severed heads said, truly surprised.

"We'd kill us." They said, after a glance between them.

"After all, we are maniacs." Aro added.

"And we're a tad bit too controlling." Caius said.

"Get us together, and we can massacare a city."

"Remember that little Scottish hamlet? That fell in half an hour with barely any work."

"In short, we're crazy, and you're not going to kill us?" Aro finished.

"Nope. We're just going to send you into another demention." Ani offered.

"Ah, I see." Aro said, "That's nearly as bad."

"I have to agree."

"I think I'd rather be dead."

"Yes, yes. Will you burn us instead? Burning seems to be a much better alternative."

"No." Picia and Dora said gleefully.

"Please?"

"No."

"This is the first time you've denied us anything." Caius said.

"We know."

"Anyways, are you done?"

"I think." Dora added.

"Just one more thing." Picia said. "I love you, even though you're a complete nutcase that I'd be better off without."

"Love you too, darling." Aro added. "And trust me, I had been planning on having you ripped to shreds as soon as we were back in Volterra, so there's no hard feelings, trust me."

"And I love you too, Caius." Dora followed suit. " Even though I'm pretty sure you burned Troy and have killed nearly all my friends over the years."

"Love you too, dear. Be sure to keep those jewels in the vault, because they're already worth a fortune and have been in the family since Jesus walked. And please know that if we ever escape the other demention, you two are the first on our hit list."

"I think we can live with that risk."

"Everyone ready?"

"Yes. Goodbye Sulpicia, and be sure to go to the opera at least twice a year."

" 'bye Athenodora, and attempt to grow up a little. It's terribly out of fashion to act so childish."

"Goodbye dearest!" the two girls waved, and Ani sent out a zap to end all zaps, leaving nothing but the pillows and books behind the ancients.

And I think it's pretty safe I'll never forget this holiday!