Chapter Ten
Jane sat at the edge of her bed the following morning with her leg jiggling up and down up and down up and down. The events of the night before turned over and over in her mind. From Sif attacking her to Loki admitting to spying on her and then then, fucking Thor turning on her –
She swallowed back a cry.
Here she was in fucking space with powers and an immortal life –
Jesus fuck. She was immortal. She was going to live forever.
Darcy and Erik were going to die one day and there'd she be, still living. On Asgard. Could she ever leave Asgard? Could she travel the world? Could she return to Earth as a mortal and visit and maybe do her work still? Did she have to be tethered to this godforsaken planet – Realm – whatever the fuck it was?
God, she was swearing a lot in her head.
Okay, no. She didn't have to be stuck here on Asgard. She didn't have to stay and fight for a planet – Realm – whatever-the-fuck-it-was – and be miserable. She was human just a few days ago. She belonged to Earth, not Midgard because what the fuck was a Mid-gard? She belonged to Earth because she was human. She wanted to fight for Earth not for Asgard because she didn't care about Asgard.
She'd – she'd be an Avenger or something if the Norns didn't take her power away due to her sheer hope and will that they would just return her back to normal.
But she wanted to keep She-Ra. Just cause her sword was kind of cool and awesome and hi, it was a sword.
Jane got up and found the clothes she'd been wearing when she'd arrived on Asgard. The clothes she'd been wearing on Earth. She slipped on her jeans which felt wonderful and her t-shirt which felt even better than wonderful, and then shoved on her red boots because they were her red boots and she loved them.
She grabbed She-Ra and stalked out of her room and down to the bridge. Breakfast wasn't for a while – she'd been up all night unable to sleep after Loki had escorted her back to her bedroom and ordered her to calm down.
That was rich coming from him. She'd flung Sif against a pillar and slapped Thor when she was pissed, Loki had killed people and tried to take over Earth during one of his little snits. Hello, Loki? This is the pot. You're black.
Fuck Asgard, fuck Odin, fuck Loki, fuck Thor and double fuck Sif. Not fuck Frigga though. She liked Frigga. You had to be a monster not to love the shit out of that Goddess.
"Jane Foster," Heimdall said without turning his head.
Jane rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can see everything blah blah blah that's fantastic. I want to go home. Send me home to Erik."
"Do you think that's wise?"
"Yes, I do. I do think that's wise. You know why? Because if you don't send me home I'm going to lay waste to Asgard. You don't want that do you, Heimy?"
"You would not do that, Jane Foster."
"Why do you have to call me by my full name? What is the deal with that on this planet? Just sent me home, please!"
After a long moment of silence in which Jane thought she was going to have to resort to something extreme even though she had no idea what that could possibly be, the Bifrost opened and she was beamed off to Earth.
She landed on the balcony and dropped to the floor. She sprawled out on her stomach, placing She-Ra beside her and just rested her cheek on the cool stone of the balcony. She loved Earth. She was never leaving Earth again.
"Uh, Jane?"
Jane looked up to see Tony Stark and Steve looking down at her as though she'd gone mad. She probably had. "Hi," she said. "Just give me a moment."
"Uh…are you sick?" Steve asked.
"No, I just – I really love it here. I mean, not just Earth – and I love Earth, it's home, ya know? But here. At Erik's. It's home."
Tony mimed drinking to Steve and Jane rolled her eyes. "I haven't been drinking, Tony."
"Is Thor coming?" Steve asked and looked up at the sky.
Jane rolled over and sat up and glared at Steve. "No, the big bumbling jackass will not be coming. I'm so very sorry to disappoint you."
"Hey, hey, now, who says we're disappointed?" Tony said and squatted down beside her. "I'm not disappointed. Are you disappointed, Steve?"
"Not at all," Steve said quickly.
Tony reached out and patted Jane's head. "What's going on Princess of Power? You feeling okay? How's Endora treating you?"
"Endora – Asgard – sucks. I hate it. I'm staying here. I'm going to be like, ya know, Wonder Woman or something. I mean I don't want to encroach on her territory or anything, but maybe I could have my own thing. I mean, maybe I could actually call myself She-Ra and have someone sew me her outfit – she doesn't really exist, right?"
Tony and Steve just looked at each other.
"Where's Erik and Darcy?" she asked.
"They ran to the lab to get something. We stayed behind…" Steve said.
"Did the big bumbling jackass by any chance tell you about how we thought you'd maybe make a great asset to the Avengers team?" Tony asked.
Jane looked at Tony. Blinked. Then looked up at the sky and screamed at the top of her lungs. And as she screamed, all of Erik's potted plants around her lifted high into the air. When she finally stopped screaming, they dropped and crashed upon floor. The terra cotta shattering gave Jane a sense of satisfaction.
She looked at Tony.
"You're absolutely right," Tony said. "We definitely need to get a drink."
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"It's a good thing we're in New York. I don't think very many places will let you take a sword into their establishment," Tony said an hour later while he, Steve, and Jane were sitting in a darkened bar. It was afternoon in New York, but it was perpetually five o' clock somewhere for Tony and Jane really did need a drink or two or a hundred. She wondered how her constitution was now. As a human she had been a lightweight.
Steve had a Coke.
"It's a good thing you're an Avenger," Jane countered. "I think they only let me bring in my sword on account of that."
"So, I take it Thor didn't tell you about becoming an Avenger?" Steve asked.
"No, because why would he want me encroaching in on something else in his life? It's bad enough I lifted Mjolnir and got She-Ra and all these powers that I can only control half the time, but to join the Avengers? I mean I'm nothing but a mortal—"
"Well, you were," Steve said matter-of-factly. "You're not anymore."
Jane's eyes welled up in tears. "You know what they should call you, Steve? Captain Obvious. I know I'm not mortal anymore, that's part of my problem!"
Tony held up his hand and signaled for the bartender to bring over more shots. "You're not wasted enough yet to start crying," he said.
"Everyone hates me on Asgard. Who says I have to stay there? Who says I'm an Aesir? Maybe I just have super powers – maybe it wasn't The Norns, maybe it was something else. I really think I could sell this She-Ra theory—"
"Janie, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you and Thor had a fight," Tony said. "Why don't you tell Uncle Tony all about it?"
So, she did. She spilled everything from Loki daring her to lift Mjolnir to that very moment where she was holed up in some sketchy bar taking shots of tequila. She might as well have been taking shots of water for all it was affecting her.
"Do the Norns have a website?" she asked. "They should. With an FAQ section." She lowered her voice, "If you should find yourself with magick quite suddenly, here's what you can expect. Are you now immortal? Purchase our helpful kit on how to make a smooth transition."
She downed another shot and thought – finally, finally! she was starting to feel it.
"Things like that don't just happen here," Jane continued. "On Earth you'd have to sign a contract for something that big. You'd have to read all the fine print about what happens when your boyfriend decides you're good enough to fuck but not good enough to lift his fucking hammer. And a hammer? Really? A hammer? Can we all agree that a hammer is a stupid weapon?"
Tony raised his hand. "I can."
"I don't care about stupid Asgard," Jane said with a pout.
"Now I know that's not true," Steve said.
Jane glared at him. "Shuddup, Steve. Drink your Coke."
Steve shifted in his seat and looked at Tony expectantly.
Tony just beamed at Jane.
"I hate them all, I really seriously do. Except for Frigga," Jane said. "She's a gosh darn delight. But Odin? Pfft. Fuck that guy. He's such an ass! No wonder Loki is so fucked up."
"Speaking of…what about him? Do you like Loki?" Tony asked with a little grin.
Jane made a face and knocked back another shot. Where were they even coming from? "Depends on the day," she replied. "Or what he's just said. Or done." She mulled it over. "I like him when he's sleeping."
"That sounds about right," Steve muttered.
"Janie, listen to me now. You ready? You're about to get advice," Tony said. "From me. I'm usually pretty horrific at it."
"Usually?" Steve piped up. "Try consistently."
Tony ignored him. "What you need to do is forget about Thor, Odin, Sif – the whole lot of them. You've been given something that some people would literally kill to have. It is a gift. You want to protect the Earth? Please do. We could use you. You want to protect Asgard and keep it your dirty little secret because you don't want anyone to actually think you like that goofy little Realm? Have at it. But do not, under any circumstances, let this gift go to waste. Who cares what Sif thinks? Who cares what Thor thinks? They are just background noise to this new life that you've been given. Screw them and do what Jane Foster does when her back is against the wall time and again."
"What's that?" Jane asked in wonderment.
Tony smiled. "The right thing. You, Janie, always do the right thing."
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I actually agree with Tony," Steve said.
"You know who you kind of just sounded like just then?" Jane asked.
Tony shrugged. "Who?"
"Loki. He said something similar to me the other day."
Now Tony looked horrified. "That makes me nervous."
"Right? I mean, how screwed up is life when Loki starts making sense and gives good advice?" Jane asked. She rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand. "But guys, iss not even that. Iss that Thor doesn' love me anymore. He can't assept what I've become. And he believed that twiggy bitch over me! Why iss that?"
"Ah, and here we have it," Steve said. "The root of the problem. Janie's got a broken heart."
"We are no stranger to that, my friend," Tony said and took a shot.
"No we are not," Steve said and sipped his Coke.
"So, whad do I do?" Jane asked.
"You drink now, sleep it off later, and then when you wake up, you decide," Tony said. "No decisions need to be made right this second. Okay?"
Jane nodded. "Okay. I finally feel the alco – alco – the liquor. How many have I even had?"
"Twenty."
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Loki heard Jane before he actually saw her. She was singing. Quite terribly, too. The door burst open and a falling over Jane with one arm around Tony's neck came through the door. Steve was carrying She-Ra and came up behind them. Jane continued to sing:
"Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry!"
She stopped abruptly at the sight of him. "Loki! Hey guys, look! It's Loki!" Jane unwound her arms from Tony and stumbled forward. Loki caught her before she fell over. She gripped his tunic as though she needed it to keep herself upright. His nose wrinkled. She smelled awful, like she'd spent all day in one of Asgard's pubs.
"Where's Erik?" she asked.
"He saw me and left," Loki sighed. "Then Darcy Lewis. I've been waiting for you to return."
"I better go find Erik," Steve muttered and left.
"You sticking around, Trickster?" Tony asked.
Loki shot him a look and then looked down at Jane who was smiling at him in a peculiar way. It was actually making him nervous. "It appears I am for the time being," he replied.
"Why don't you take Janie to a hotel – my treat – since her apartment currently has a Thor-sized hole in it that needs repairing."
"Will do," Loki murmured, unable to take his eyes off Jane. What was she about?
"You know how you're always wanting to piss off Thor and your brother?" she asked him.
He frowned. He started to tell her that Thor and his brother were the same person, but then figured eh, why bother?
"Well," she said. "I think I know how." And then Jane Foster kissed Loki full on the mouth.