June 1991
Chapter 10
Bella woke up and gave a small smile feeling Jasper running his hand through her hair. Waking up to Jasper was the best. It meant that he was there and that he hadn't left her during the night. Sometimes, she remembered, when she woke up she would sneak out of her room and see that Mama wasn't there and she was all alone. It always made her scared, but so far Jasper had been there every morning.
She looked up from where her head was on his lap and said with a small voice, "Mornin' Japser." She never knew how it happened, but every night she went to sleep with her head on her pillow and Jasper sitting on the bed next to her, and every morning she woke with her head in his lap.
Jasper smiled. "Good morning, little one. How did you sleep?" He asked even though he already knew she had slept fine. He made sure of it. Every night she had nightmares and every night Jasper sent the smallest amount of influence he could, that helped her out, to keep the nightmares at bay. He asked her, though, to keep getting her used to vocally articulating her thoughts, which was still a struggle for her.
"Good," was all she said and that was enough for him.
"Well, it's time to get up and start our day. Are you ready?"
"Yes."
Jasper got out of bed and scooped her up bringing her with him to the kitchen where he made her some oatmeal and a glass of milk with added whipping cream to give her extra calories. He could say with certainty that he didn't ever think he would cook human food, and there certainly was a part of him that looked forward to the day when he no longer had to. The smell of human food, especially dairy, was repugnant and he knew if he still was able to gag that he would do so. It was worth it though, to see Bella growing, putting on weight, and knowing that he had learned enough basics of cooking that he was able to provide for her.
Bella ate her oatmeal without saying anything. She still was slightly confused as to why she was given so much food. When she was with Mama she didn't get to eat very often and when she did it usually was cold and tasted icky. Since she met Jasper though, she had gotten to try so many wonderful things. On top of that there was so much. It seemed like she spent most of her day with someone trying to get her to eat something. Her belly had never been so full.
When she was done Jasper took her bowl as Rose and Emmett came in. Bella gave them a tiny smile, which was new. For the most part she only really felt comfortable with Jasper, but she had been spending a lot of time with his other friends and was getting better at being with them as well.
Emmett was very difficult to get used to because he was big and very loud which scared her, but Bella noticed that when he was helping her he was quieter and sweet, usually doing silly things. He had been working with her to strengthen her upper body so she would have an advantage when her cast came off. She didn't understand at all what that meant, she just knew that he did fun things with her arms, tummy and chest which made her a bit sore when he was done, but Jasper always told her how proud he was so she didn't mind it at all.
Rose came everyday to help Bella get dressed and ready for the day. Bella was secretly glad for it because it used to be Alice who came and helped her. Alice's constant energy and exuberance was a lot for Bella to take in, but she never said anything because she didn't want Jasper to think she didn't like his friends. She hadn't seen Alice in a while and hoped that it wasn't her fault she had left.
Rose was much calmer and didn't flutter all over the place so quickly. Her voice was also not as high pitched and she talked slower so Bella could understand more of what she said. In fact, Rose always spoke quietly about all kinds of things while helping Bella get washed up after she did her workout with Emmett and it helped keep Bella focused so she didn't get panicked with Jasper not being right with her. She always knew he was outside the door, but was always scared he would leave if she wasn't with him.
Jasper stood waiting while Rose was getting Bella dressed and talked to Emmett for a bit. He was both happy and sad that Bella was starting to do so well with his family. He was happy because she deserved to have the love of everyone in the world and to feel secure that she wasn't going to be alone. He was sad because a part of him wanted to be selfish and be the only one she turned to for everything.
Emmett smiled. "She's getting stronger. When she gets her casts off next week, she should be in a good position to work with her crutches and have the upper body strength to hold herself up so she can relearn to walk. I just wish she would say something if I am pushing her to hard. This would be impossible if you weren't here keeping track of her emotions so I know when to let up. "
Jasper sighed. "Yeah, I don't know what to do to get her to express anything she is thinking or feeling. All she does is she say she's happy and fine."
Emmett grabbed his shoulder in support. "Well she certainly seems happier. When she's with you she's always smiling and has finally started smiling at me and Rosie too. She's coming around."
Jasper nodded and heard the girls were almost done in the bedroom. He turned as the door opened and held his arms open to take his mate from Rose, who had dressed her in a Rescue Rangers nightgown. Jasper had sent Esme to get as many of the movies as he could when Bella had almost laughed out loud for the first time ever when she had seen it a few weeks ago. She hadn't laughed yet, but she was coming closer.
"Do you all want to stay for a little bit? I promised Bella some Play-Do time and there's plenty for everyone." Jasper knew he didn't have to add the last bit, anything that a little girl could possibly want had been bought for Bella and there was enough of all of it for thirty girls.
Emmett shouted. "Oh yeah, I would love to play with some Play-Do!"
Bella shrank back a bit at his exuberance, then laid her head on Jasper shoulder and grinned.
Jasper raised his eye brows at Emmett who looked down sheepishly knowing he had startled Bella again.
"Sorry Belly Bean, but no one will ever do cool things like play with Play-Do with me."
Rose had raised her hand to smack him on the back of the head before quickly putting it down. It only took her doing that to Emmett, for a thoughtless comment, one time and watching Bella cower from her for weeks to know that she wouldn't hit Emmett when Bella could see. She would punish him later and her devious mind started thinking of the perfect way to do so as the others walked to a table while getting Play-Do out.
Under her breath she muttered loud enough for Emmett to hear. "And remember to keep anything you make kid friendly as I doubt Bella needs to see anatomically correct pin-up girls."
"Oh man," was Emmett's only response.
Emmett and Rose left after Play-Do and Jasper cuddled up with Bella on the couch to read her whatever she wanted. Listening to Jasper read was the best. Using funny voices for the characters he made the stories come alive. When he was done reading a page he let her look at the pictures as long as she wanted before turning the page, drinking in the illustrations. He was even starting to teach her to read. She knew ten letters and he said he was proud of her.
Bella knew she would do anything to make Jasper happy. If he was happy then hopefully he would keep her and she really wanted him to keep her. Never in her life had she felt as warm and happy as she did when she was with Jasper and she didn't want him to leave or the feeling to end. So it was her job to make sure he wasn't ever sad and so far it seemed to be working. Jasper told her a lot that she made him happy.
Bella's tummy started to growl, which was a new thing for her. When she was with Mama her tummy didn't growl that often as it knew it wouldn't get full anyway, but here when her tummy growled there was food given too her to eat right away.
Almost immediately the door opened and Esme and Carlisle came in.
"I am so sorry," Esme said, "I was working on plans for the house and got lost in the details. What can I make you for lunch little Bella?" She came over and kissed Bella's cheek.
Bella smiled and shrugged. She never knew what she should or shouldn't ask for. Her mama told her she was a burden, too much effort to deal with and she never wanted to be a burden to Jasper and his friends. So she never asked for anything special or commented if she didn't like something.
Esme gave a small shake of her head. Bella was such a sweet little girl she couldn't really imagine how anyone, especially a mother, wouldn't love her to pieces. "How about some tuna salad for lunch? It's a little warmer and some tuna fish would be good for you."
Bella nodded not really understanding what Esme meant as she didn't think she had ever had tuna and couldn't imagine fish on lettuce, but if Esme wanted to make tuna salad she would eat it.
"Why don't you go make that dear and I will give Bella a quick look over," Carlisle said winking at Bella who gave him a grin.
Carlisle was probably the person she knew the best after Jasper. Every day he stopped in at some point and looked her over. She had no idea what he looked for, but when he was done he would usually stay and play a game or something.
Walking into the kitchen, Carlisle quickly ran his hands under hot water to warm them up and then walked back to Bella giving her a quick exam. He didn't see anything to cause concern. In fact, he continued to be happy with the weight that she was putting on and the overall healthy glow her skin now had.
"Emmett keeps telling me you are getting stronger and soon you'll be strong enough to carry him." Carlisle teased the little girl.
Her eyes shown with mirth. "Em't too big to carry."
Carlisle laughed. "Emmett is a big boy that's for sure." His eyes looked to Jasper and an evil smile crossed Carlisle's face. "Do you think Jasper is strong enough to carry Emmett?"
Jasper rolled his eyes.
Bella frowned as she thought about it before giving a decisive nod. "Japser strong enough to carry Em't."
Carlisle grinned and leaned in to whisper, "I bet you're right."
After that Bella sat down to eat her tuna salad and was completely confused why she was eating salad that had no lettuce and looked nothing like the salads she had before. Plus it had peas in it and Bella really didn't like peas, but she would never tell anyone that because she didn't want to make a fuss. When she tried the tuna stuff it wasn't so bad, but she wished Esme had made her a sandwich instead.
Esme watched Bella eat and noticed she wasn't eating as fast as she normally did. "Is the tuna salad alright?"
Bella nodded since her mouth was full and she was told she shouldn't talk if there was something in her mouth.
Esme glanced over at Jasper. He shook his head. Bella's emotions showed that she wasn't overjoyed about her meal, and Jasper couldn't blame her if the scent was anyway indicative of the taste. Stopping himself from doing a full body shiver at the nasty smell, he nudged her. "If you don't like something all you have to do is let us know. It isn't difficult to make you something new."
"It's fine, I pomise," she said with her eyes going wide and fearful.
Feeling her anxiety spike Jasper pulled her closed and shushed her. He hated when she got upset and the slightest hint of criticism directed towards her always set her off.
Unshed tears formed in Esme's eyes. She couldn't bear being the reason that the poor broken child hurt more, and it wasn't her intention to cause her more pain, the opposite in fact.
Carlisle walked over and held her closely, he knew how his mate was upset at the tears Bella was shedding right now and knew it wasn't anyone's fault really. It was just something that needed working through that would take time.
Esme let Carlisle hold her for a minute before she went to the kitchen and made Bella a peanut butter sandwich and put some grapes on a plate. She placed it in front of Bella and quietly took the tuna salad away.
Bella didn't even notice what happened. Her head was buried in Jasper's shoulder. She was trying to get a hold of herself and stop crying, but it was hard. Jasper might get sick of her if she didn't eat the food they gave her and if she kept crying. Mama hated when she cried, she remembered, and called her lots of mean things, most of which she didn't even understand, then she would lock her up. So far Jasper hadn't locked her away, but she knew now he would. Maybe it would be alright as long as he was there when she came out, and didn't get rid of her for good.
Jasper tried to keep himself calm; he was so overwhelmed by Bella's emotions. Negative emotions like, self hatred, anxiety, fear and despair, came off of her stronger then she had broadcast in weeks. It took him a bit by surprise as she had been doing so well. Rocking her gently he quietly kept telling Bella she was loved and that it was alright.
Slowly Bella started calming down. Jasper hadn't influenced her emotions, as he knew she needed to work through everything that happened to her and his making her feel good through false emotions would only hurt her in the long run. Since he influenced her sleep, so she didn't have nightmares, he made sure to not influence her in other ways.
Looking up, finally, Bella saw Jasper was holding a sandwich for her in one hand while he rubbed her back with the other. Glancing around she saw that Carlisle and Esme were sitting at the table, and no one looked mad or were raising their hands to hit her.
Seeing that his mate was calmer, he handed her the sandwich, while he carefully rubbed her face with a damp rag that Carlisle had gotten during Bella's break down. Then he held out a glass of milk for her to drink that she gulped down.
Once the sandwich was eaten and Bella was calm Jasper softly explained to her. "Little one, no one is going to be upset if there is food you don't like. Everyone likes to eat different things. All you have to do is let us know. I promise, no one's going to yell at you, hit you, or tell you you can't eat. We'll just make you something you do like."
Bella started shaking her head. "No, it's bad to waste food and only . . ." her face scrunched up as she tried to remember the words Mama said to her. Finally, giving up remembering the word she continued. ". . . some kinda riches don't 'preciate foods and must be punished."
Her solemn eyes broke Jasper's heart while he tried to work out what she said. "No, love, it doesn't make you a wretch because there are things you don't like to eat. You will not be punished. Honestly, that stuff smelled nasty and I can only imagine how much worse it tasted. I think it's amazing you even tried it. Now no worries sweet thing, you aren't in trouble."
Bella was so confused. She didn't understand why Jasper was so different than Mama and as much as she loved Jasper she didn't understand why he hadn't ever punished her. She knew she was a bad person and someday Jasper would know it and get rid of her. She held his arm a bit tighter as she burrowed into him. She would just have to keep trying to make him happy so he never had a reason to get rid of her.
After a bit Bella fell asleep in Jasper's arms worn out from the emotional outburst. He just kept rubbing her back and looked to Carlisle and Esme for words of wisdom. He didn't know what to do to make his mate understand that she was perfect just the way she was and that he wasn't going to get rid of her.
"I didn't know she wouldn't like the tuna salad. I figured the fish would be good for her and with it being warm out I didn't want to make her something hot. If I had known . . ." Esme trailed off.
Carlisle pulled her in again. "You didn't do anything wrong. There isn't any way to know what she will or won't like until she tries it." He looked at Jasper. "I know it's difficult, but she was with her abusive mother for years, it won't get fixed in days. Just keep doing what you're doing, telling her she's loved and safe. At some point it will get through."
Jasper nodded. He got up from the table so he could get a blanket to wrap Bella in. It wouldn't take long before his cooler temperature made her cold. With as thin as she still was, she got cold fast, not having much fat to keep her warm.
Nap time was one of Jasper's favorite times. He held her the entire time and she always snuggled into his arms. As much he wanted to hold her at night when she slept, he knew she needed to learn to sleep on her own, at least somewhat. Though, during the beginning of the night it never failed that she would move from her pillow to putting her head on his lap. But during the day she would snuggle up with him and he treasured that time knowing, eventually she wouldn't need a nap any longer.
When Bella awoke she turned her head so it was deep in Jasper's shoulder. He was wearing a soft shirt, but even better was the skin on his neck. It was so incredibly smooth. She'd never felt anything like it before. It was cool as well, she noticed he was always cool to the touch, but it didn't bug her. In fact now that she thought about it most of Jasper's friends were cool as well, or maybe it was her and she was just hot. She gave a small shrug at her thoughts deciding it didn't really matter which it was.
Jasper sat letting Bella's emotions wash over him. He had no clue what she was thinking, but she was curious about something. It seemed like she was often curious about things, but no matter how much he prompted her she never asked questions. He hoped that would change eventually. Never knowing what was going on in her head sometimes drove him crazy. While he could admit to himself the idea of a mate that constantly talked, would drive him crazy, but having a distressed, silent mate was a trial all on its own.
Bella's emotions started swinging from curios to distress with a tone of abandonment to it. Not wanting her to descend into negativity, he tried to cut off whatever she was thinking. "I have no idea what's running through your head right now, but it needs to stop. You are loved and belong here. None of us want you to go and that's not gonna change."
Looking up Bella's wide eyes pierced into Jasper's eyes wanting to believe him with all of her might, but scared to. Jasper and his friends were so different from her. It wasn't just their smooth skin, and she didn't know if they would get sick of her. Taking a deep breath she nodded.
Softly patting her head, Jasper got up and carried her with him into the kitchen to find a snack for her to munch on. Carlisle had explained to him how having smaller snacks more frequently was better for her. "What do you want?" He asked, hoping that for once she would give an answer, though not expecting one. He tried to tell himself that he wasn't disappointed when she shrugged, but he knew he was.
He handed her a banana as Peter and Charlotte entered the apartment.
"Hello, sweet thing," Char said sauntering in.
Giving Char a big smile Bella replied, "Howdy girl."
Peter and Jasper shook their heads. Char had decided Bella needed to have some southern in her and while working with Bella's speech was also peppering her with a few sayings. Bella found the whole thing incredibly funny and liked Char a lot.
Peter was another matter. Bella didn't know what to think of him. For the most part he didn't say a lot to her, but when he did it was usually funny. Though, he did say mean things to Jasper and she didn't like that even though Jasper didn't seem to get upset about it and said mean things right back. Bella wondered if it was a boy thing, because Emmett was the same at times.
Walking toward the kitchen Char called out, "Today we are working with peanut butter."
Bella's face scrunched up as she tried to figure out what Char was talking about. Like Emmett, Char played games with her, but Char focused on Bella's mouth. It was sometimes hard to do what Char wanted, but she never got mad if Bella couldn't and just found a new game to play. They had never used peanut better before and Bella had no clue what they were going to be doing with it.
Char pulled out the jar, glad that Bella wasn't allergic to it. Placing it on the counter Char quickly washed the already clean counter off and then spread a little bit of peanut butter on the counter. She then explained to Bella that she wanted her to try and make shapes with the tip of her tongue in the peanut butter.
While doing a lot of research and working with Bella, Char noticed that the little girl wasn't able to move her tongue with much dexterity and that was causing a lot of her speech issues. So she was working to correct it and finding fun things to help the tiny girl out.
Jasper propped her up against the counter so she could follow what Charlotte was asking her to do and turned to Peter. "When are you both leaving?"
"I figure we'll head out tomorrow. It shouldn't take us very long to get the house shut up and everything out of it we want. You know Char and I aren't big on collecting a lot of junk."
Jasper nodded. "Do you have any feelings?"
"Nah, nothing seems to be going on. If I had bad feeling about going I would've told you."
Again Jasper nodded, knowing his friend would have told him if there was the potential to be a problem.
Peter stood watching his maker and kept his cool. He knew, better than anyone, how difficult this all was for Jasper. His sire thrived on having control of all situations and being able to prepare for all eventualities. Throwing a sick, human girl at him to take care of was shattering his comfort zone.
To top it off, Peter knew what Jasper greatest fear was. The fear he wouldn't even acknowledge. Sure Jasper talked about hiding Bella from the Volturri, and he was right to do so, but the Volturri was the least of it. If they found out about Little Bit they would sweep in and pronounce judgment on everyone. At that point everyone would live or die. Yeah it would suck if everyone died, but the Volturri weren't known for torture so it would be quick and easy.
No the fear that plagued Jasper, was Maria, his maker, finding out about Bella. Maria was the hated spawn of the Devil himself. If she found out about Little Bit she would do everything she could to get to her and take her. Then Little Bit's life would be measure in tortures beyond the damned. Jasper would do anything Maria asked of him so that he could keep her from inflicting more pain on Bella that would come anyway.
"You know when you get your things settled it would be best if you all headed to Canada and help Edward and Alice out." Jasper said.
Char gave a quick glance up, not liking the idea of not being around for Bella. Where Jasper wanted to go in Canada was outside of communication and even with the Cullens throwing an obscene amount of money out they still weren't able to get a land line out there.
Peter simply nodded, knowing this was coming. "I'd like to wait until next week to see Bella with her cast off."
Jasper gave a quick nod. "That should be fine. Edward and Alice and are coming back for a bit next week to see her then too and talk to Esme, you can go back with them."
"Why are we heading up there now?" Char wanted to know.
Jasper glanced at Bella who was having a lot of fun licking the peanut butter, but he could tell her little tongue was getting tired. He would make a point of sitting down with Char before they left next week to see what else he could do to help her gain strength in the muscle she spent years not really using.
"You and Peter need to be able to sustain yourself on animal blood. There aren't humans up where we're gonna be. You both need time to adjust to that and I don't want you here, close to Bella, while you make that switch." Jasper didn't need to say, though they all knew it, if Peter and Char slipped when making the change from human blood to animal blood it would be better for them to kill a worker on site at the house than for them to go after Bella.
Looking around Bella couldn't find any more peanut butter to lick up. Her tongue hurt. Huffing out a breath she turned and looked up seeing that Char looked upset about something. Jasper lifted her and she gave a questioning look at Char.
Seeing the looked Char forced a smile. "It's alright, sweet thing. I'm just thinking about things. I promise, it's all good." She winked.
Bella simply gave a tiny smile not sure she believed the beautiful Char. She started wondering if she had done something wrong and if anyone was mad at her.
Jasper gave Peter a look letting him know it was time for them to leave. After reassuring her that he loved and cared for her Jasper sat down with her to watch television for a little while. Bella never ceased to be amazed at all the characters.
It was a quiet apartment the rest of the day, which was normal. After having been locked in a closet for most of her young life, Bella tended to want to be in quiet more than to have a lot of people around. Jasper tried to make sure that their evenings together were calm to give Bella a sense of peace to end her day with.
Tucking her into bed that night Jasper sat next to her brushing through her hair as his little mate fell asleep, both thinking about how much their lives had changed since they met and both wanting to make sure that the other never was sad again.
AN: Bella is referring to the Cullens/Whitlocks as friends of Jasper. No one has explained to her the inner workings of coven dynamics and no one will for quite some time. She is not mentally healed, and still has things she needs to work through. More than three years of abuse can't be fixed in months.
Alright so I am late with this chapter. Multiple people had commented about wanting to see more of Bella and what she was thinking, so my thought was to have a short 1,000-2,000 word interlude with her thoughts on a day in her life out for Christmas as a present and then to have the next chapter up for New Years. Yeah that didn't happen. This interlude ended up being almost 5,000 words on its own and didn't get done for Christmas. The next chapter will not be quite as fluffy as this, but I think overall this story will have a lot of fluff in general. Prayers that the next chapter gets written as I have written is 3 times now and scrapped each one, I am really having a hard time with it.
I am looking for a Dominant to help me as I am a bad submissive. LOL Seriously, I am so bad at getting my chapters out and responding to reviews. I looked today and I have messages from people asking questions that I haven't even read much less responded to. I HATE that. So what I am looking for is some one that is willing to keep me on task. Giving me goals of getting a certain number of words written a day, or respond to a certain number of reviews. Basically someone to kick me in the ass and keep me accountable. This isn't replacing Nissa, my awesome pre-reader, though I am sure I will share what I have written with the person willing to keep me focused. Please understand that I have a life too and I need someone willing to work with me.
Thank you to all that are reading. I have gotten a fair bit of new readers recently and I appreciate you all. Nissa, you are the bestest! Thanks for reading and letting me know your thoughts and giving me all of your questions, they keep me focused and where I need to go next. Thank you to all that are reviewing, I do a happy dance and squee every time I get a review!