So here it is! To those of you that are surprised at the gay revelation coming so soon, let me say that there is a lot more to this story than simply two boys falling in love, and therefore the issue of Frank's sexuality is only a minor detail in comparison to everything else he needs to tell Gee about.

Also, to Sarah 3, Bulimia is where people binge, and then purge. Anorexia is where they abstain from eating. Technically Frank is both, as he doesn't eat, then still purges. However, as Gerard only saw him vomiting, his immediate assumption was bulimia.

In this chapter you will have a lot of clues towards Frankie's past, which is very complicated, and obviously, very tragic. Who can guess who any of the character I refer to are?

/

The words seemed to reverberate through the air between us, stretching across the gap. His eyes widened, and I swear I was as shocked at what I had said as he was. What, what in God's name had possessed me to tell this beautiful creature kneeling in front of me, that I was gay?

Oh no no no what had I done? I couldn't take it; I couldn't bear to see him look at me with the disgust and disdain that they all did. I had to share a room with him! I couldn't face seeing the revulsion in his eyes every time he looked at me. Every night when he went to sleep, and every morning as he left the room when he thought I was still asleep and he didn't have to look at me.

I felt so sick. I leaned over the ceramic toilet bowl and retched again, releasing a thin stream of bile, but nothing more. I had already thrown up almost everything I had to give. His hand was still in mine, unbelievably soft and warm, and I felt the pad of his thumb as he traced soothing circles into my hand. No oh god no this was all wrong!

Why did someone like me have to be born? I was unwhole, and wrong. I was forsaken, and broken. I was a disgusting creature that deserved to die, and was only still alive out of some ridiculous respect for family that mama had instilled in me –family who I knew would actually be happier if they heard I was dead. But I couldn't die without knowing the truth once and for all, and they had promised they would tell me the truth when I was eighteen!

I was such a fucking nightmare, a burden on anyone. Surrounded by demons, I had no will to fight, and I had no will to live. So sedated as they medicated my brain, and I slowly went insane, and I was lost and ruined forever. I was unlovable!

But I had to know for sure.

Just the fact calmed me slightly. I could still remember the look on her face as she triumphantly told me he was alive. That he was alive and didn't want me. That he had a new family, that he didn't love me. That he went out of his way to make sure I wasn't okay.

Then she told me she was lying. That he was dead after all.

Then she told me that was a lie too.

As I lay there in her arms, on the filthy carpet, blood dripping down my torso, and sticky residue coating my chest, she told me on my eighteenth birthday, she would tell me the truth.

I had spent the last few months trying to block it all from my mind, to act and pretend that the reason I was still alive wasn't because I thought they might actually come back and tell me the truth, but because I wanted to go off the radar, and not leave a child suicide for anyone to clean up. But I couldn't fight the truth anymore. I was just desperate to know if there was one single person left on the planet, who could remember, and maybe remind me that I hadn't, in fact, been born this horrible deplorable creature.

Someone who could remember as anything more than my Fathers son.

/

It was only then that I realised Gerard was still kneeling by my side holding my hand. His fingers entwined with mine, despite the vomit that covered them, and the secret I had just told him.

I looked at him. Looked at his pale face and deep hazel eyes. I was so frightened, and I was begging with my eyes, for him to reassure me. That he wouldn't hate me now he knew I was gay. But his expression seemed torn somehow, and I knew he was just trying to decide whether or not I was being serious. I knew that once he found out I was being serious, that I was gay, any sliver of friendship we may have developed over the last day or so, would vanish instantly. I couldn't bear to watch it happen.

Pulling my hand out of his, I tried to stand up abruptly, but my stomach muscles wrenched and twisted, and I doubled over in agony. Next moment Gerard was beside me, and pulling me into his arms. He didn't say a word, just cradled me softly as he sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

Against my better judgement, against all my best intentions, against what every bit of experience I had ever had was telling me, I wrapped my arms around his neck and burst into tears like a child, against his shoulder.

I had thought that after all these years, I was finally numb. No matter what they did, they hadn't been able to make me cry. How was it, that all the pain, both physical and emotional, that they had inflicted upon me, couldn't break me, while this simple act of kindness could? I knew it wasn't real. That he just didn't want to disappoint his parents, and he felt it was his duty to comfort me. But for the life of me, I couldn't break away from the feel of strong arms around me, arms that were holding me to him not to hurt, but to comfort.

My body was still convulsing with sobs, but I knew I couldn't stay in his arms for too long, or I wouldn't be able to take it when he rejected me. Pulling away from him, I staggered to my feet, and leant against the sink for support. I could see my haggard and filthy reflection in the mirror, and I looked like a corpse.

The idea amused me and filled me with longing at the same time.

Three months.

I didn't realise I had said it out loud, 'til Gerard turned towards me, confusion written on his beautiful face.

"Three months 'til what Frank?"

Ah shit.

/

In the end I simply shook my head. My throat hurt too much to speak anyway, even if I had the slightest inclination.

Gerard seemed to understand this, but then he stood up and took a step towards me. I flinched away instinctively, and he looked horrified at himself.

"I...I just thought you might want to clean up" he said slowly, trying not to scare me. "besides, I can't guarantee my parents or Mikey won't be along soon"

I could see him point, but I couldn't muster even the energy to turn on the tap, let alone clean off all the vomit.

Leaning past me, Gerard flushed the toilet, and then turned on the tap. Wetting a flannel, he brought it to my face, and gently wiped around my eyes to get rid of the tears, then removed the streaks of vomit down my chin and chest. The feel of the warm water running down my body was enough to bring tears to my eyes again. Gerard gently wiped these away, and then poured me a glass of water from beside the sink.

I gulped it down greedily, wincing at the burn in my throat. I swilled some around my mouth, and spat into the sink, watching as the pink water swirled down the plughole.

Seeing the confusion I Gerard's eyes, I rasped "my throat burns all the time...and sometimes I cough up blood".

Yeah just like the freak I am. But any food that went into my mouth made me feel so disgusting. I didn't deserve to be full; I didn't deserve any kind of nourishment at all.

Gerard didn't look away from me however, just gently cupped my face in his hand. I realised then, that he hadn't responded to my statement regarding my sexuality yet.

I was torn.

I didn't want to lie to this bizarre beautiful boy who had sung to me to help me sleep. Who had cleaned me up when I had been trying to destroy myself a little more. And who had simply held me as I cried.

But as I opened my mouth to tell him that it was true. That I was gay. That he shouldn't be touching me for that very reason, he stopped me by asking a question of his own first.

"Frankie...what about three months?"

It was then that I realised for some reason, for some stupid reason I could not lie to him. I lifted my head and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Three months until I can die, Gerard. Three months until I can end this ridiculous farce of a life"

/

I considered continuing this chapter for longer, but I think it would be better if we hear a little bit more from Gerard, about how this makes him feel. Was I right? :)

Does anyone have any clues as to what might have happened in Frankie's past yet?

I was also listening to 'Nightmare' by Avenged Sevenfold when I wrote this. Did anyone get the quotes?

I will wander 'til the end of time, half alive without you.

-Hana Belladonna xoxoxox