Whistling cheerfully, the blonde man made his way through the winding halls of the building toward his apartment. He didn't often look forward to coming back here, even if it was only for a few hours, but today was different. Before he'd left work, she'd kissed him gently, and promised she'd come visit him later, bringing some of her stew for dinner. "You don't eat enough. What if you get sick?" " she'd scolded, brushing some of the hair from his face.

"If I got sick, would you take care of me?" he'd asked in reply, grinning, and she'd sighed.

"Yes, I would. But not if you got sick from not eating. That'd be your own fault." Standing on her tiptoes, she'd brushed her lips against his, and promised to bring some stew for them to share that evening. Of course, he'd much prefer to eat at her house than at his spartan apartment, but any date with her was a date, right? Smiling to himself at the thought, he unlocked his door, and wandered into the tiny sitting room. It was quiet, neat and well-ordered, as he had been used to living, but very little like his current appearance. The sofa wasn't the most comfortable in the world, but it was good enough to collapse on after a long tiring day, as he did now with a colossal yawn. A little nap before Murrue arrived couldn't hurt, could it?

As he slept, he dreamed, but unlike the usual pleasant dreams of a half-remembered past, this was everything he'd been dreading.

"Ah, good evening. I wondered when you'd be coming back here." The man lounging on the sofa of the ship's stateroom waved a hand at the small amount of furniture and bare walls it contained. "Not much of a place, is it?"

Neo stared at the man for a moment, blue eyes hard. "Why is that any of your business?"

"Just an observation," replied the man airily, checking his manicured fingernails. "I never guessed you'd be in Orb, but then again, it seems to be popular with deserters."

The blonde man regarded his uninvited guest for a moment. He disliked everything about the man's demeanour, his oily affected charm, perfect clothes and appearance. Djibril. His 'master'.

Neo scowled, not bothering to hide his distaste. "Get out of here." he spat. "You're not welcome."

Djibril laughed, the sound harsh and mocking. "Found a spirit, have you? You have no right to say that. You still belong to me, you know. Bought and paid for, my own little puppet."

"I'm no-one's puppet," Neo replied angrily. "I'm myself."

"Myself?" laughed the man. "Who's 'myself'? You have no past, no life of your own aside from the one I created for you. My toy soldier, no different from those children that were left in your care. You're not a person, you're a marionette."

"I'm not your toy anymore," was Neo's response, calmer this time. "Whatever I was before, I'm not now. My life is my own, and my home is here. People in Orb, they don't care where I came from, they accept me at face value."

"Because they don't know what you are," Djibril replied smoothly, examining his fingernails again. "If they did know, knew the things you'd done, would they really accept you? Would your girlfriend?" At Neo's shock, he laughed again. "What has she been teaching you? That you deserve to be happy? Deserve this life? Do you really think she'd say that if she knew what you'd done?"

Neo flinched. Murrue had told him he could talk to her about anything, but he'd decided early on in their relationship that he'd never tell her about the things he'd done in the Alliance. Someone like her, with such purity and innocence, didn't deserve to be tainted by that knowledge. He'd concentrated on being the person she had helped him to become, not the shadow he'd been before, pushing those memories to the back of his mind. Hiding his sadness and bitterness behind a smile, and the love he felt for the one who'd saved him.

"Ah, I see," said the man. "You haven't told her. No surprise."

"Why are you here?" asked Neo quietly, gaze fixed on the ground. "Did you come here to torment me? What exactly do you want?"

"To remind you of what you are," Djibril replied. "You don't belong here, and deep inside, you know that. You're nothing but a shadow, a life created by us out of the remnants of another. You belong to us." Gesturing to the mirror on the wall, he smiled slyly, then left, closing the door behind him...and leaving Neo alone with the memories of his crimes returning to assail him, and the mirrored reflection of a man in a neat black uniform and almost featureless metal mask.

Humming to herself, she made her way along the narrow corridors, clutching the pot of lamb stew she'd made earlier. She knew how much he loved it, and giggled happily, hugging the pot close as she imagined his smile. The two of them spent more time together than apart, and it was very easy for her to picture a day when she and Neo could be together all the time. Perhaps...one day.. Walking up to his door, she knocked softly...and was surprised to receive no reply. After the next knock was also met with silence, Murrue opened the door and peeked inside. Her lover was fast asleep on the sofa, which made her smile again...but only for a moment. Something seemed...wrong?

"Neo?" Walking in, she set the pot down on the small kitchen worktop, and crossed the room to kneel by his side. His sleeping face wore an expression of barely suppressed pain...an expression she'd seen traces of before, but never like this. He appeared to be having a nightmare, and didn't respond when she squeezed his hand gently. "Neo, wake up..."

The blonde man mumbled something incoherent, frowning in his sleep, but didn't stir until she leaned forward and very gently kissed his lips, then the scar across his nose. Then, he did wake, blinking sleepy blue eyes to focus on her. "M-Murrue?"

She smiled, brushing a lock of hair from his face. "You don't mind that I let myself in, do you?"

He shook his head, rubbing his face and sitting up slowly. "No, of course not. Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep..." He smiled, tapping the end of Murrue's nose with a finger.

She wasn't fooled for a moment. "That's okay. But will you tell me what you were dreaming about? It looked like you were in pain..."

Neo looked away, the forced smile disappearing. For a moment, he squeezed his eyes shut, the pained expression returning.

"It was just a bad dream, that's all." he murmured. "A reminder of mistakes. Don't worry about it."

"But I do worry," she replied, moving to sit beside him on the sofa. "There are moments when you look so lost and sad, and I don't know why. Please tell me. Don't hide things from me..."

"I can't tell you.." he said softly, getting up to move to the window. "These last two years, I wasn't just part of the Alliance...I was a soldier of Blue Cosmos. The things I did for them don't even bear thinking about, let alone speaking. And well...I'm scared. I'm scared that if I do tell you..."

"That I'd leave you?" Murrue asked, getting up to join him. "Do you really think I would?" Turning him to face her, she hugged him close, resting her head on his heart. "Try me. Tell me everything, and if I'm still here when you're done, you'll have your answer."

Evidently taken aback by this, Neo hesitated, until she hugged him a little tighter. "It's okay.." she murmured. "Tell me."

And he did. Quietly, shakily, and more than a little nervously, he told her everything. All he'd been, all he'd done. His voice faltered more than once, but he kept talking, seeming to find some kind of absolution through the confession, just as she'd hoped. The tales he told were harrowing, speaking of horrendous crimes, and more than once Murrue found herself having to choke back tears at what he'd been made to do. All she could do was hold him close as he told his story, his own tears disappearing into her hair.

Finally, his voice trailed off. "That's it," he murmured. "Everything..."

Lifting her head, she gazed up at him, seeing the trails of tears on his cheeks and the red-rimmed blue eyes. He managed a little smile, and lifted a hand to stroke her hair. "Now you know. I'm sorry."

"For what?" she replied, scrubbing at her eyes. "You weren't the one responsible..." Standing up on her tiptoes, she kissed him gently. "It's all right, love. It's all going to be all right. I'm still here, and I will be for as long as you'll let me. Because I love you. And I forgive you. So don't worry..."

Neo's eyes widened, and he pulled her as close as he could, so much so that Murrue could scarcely breathe. But she smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. That's right, I forgive you. And I'm glad you told me. Something like that..it shouldn't be kept hidden. Pain is lessened when it's shared and understood. That's something we've both learned well...

( eheh.

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