Chapter 10: Liz

After their conversation at the pizza shop, Liz began calling Will every few days to see how he was doing. He told her that mother's condition was worsening. His sister came home, and he and Jenny converted the living room of their mother's home to a bedroom for her, so she wouldn't have to climb the stairs. Will was still working, so he'd visit with his mother in the evening for a few hours, and then return to work and often stay until the early morning hours. A nurse and a hospice worker came by regularly to support them.

One Saturday morning in late August, Liz rose to prepare for track practice, only to be surprised that her parents weren't around. She found a note from them on the kitchen table, informing her that Janelle had gone into premature labor during the night. She wanted to keep her commitment to the kids, so she attended the practice despite her worry and told Will what was happening as soon as it was over.

"But she's only seven months pregnant," Will said.

"I know. I'm on my way to the hospital to see her. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course."

They drove their separate cars to the hospital, and learned that Janelle was post-partum when they arrived. They found her sleeping, with Chuck and both sets of grandparents in her room.

"How's the baby?" Will asked.

"He's doing pretty well," his aunt Lois said. "They took him by C-section. He's only three and a half pounds, but everything is there and everything is working. He's in neonatal intensive care."

"And Janelle?" Liz asked.

"Tired," Chuck answered, looking pretty tired himself. "She has to rest so she can start pumping a lot of breastmilk, because Philip can't yet suck."

"That's his name?" Will asked.

"Yeah, Philip Charles."

"Sounds like English royalty," Liz giggled.

"That's because my son's going to be a king," Chuck said with a grin.

"Can we see him?" Will asked.

"I'll take you," Liz's father offered.

They weren't allowed to enter the NICU, but one of the nurses carried Philip to the window so Will and Liz could see him.

"Poor kid," Will said, "He has his dad's big head."

"Oh, he does not!" Liz protested. "He's beautiful!"

Liz watched Will admiring Philip and wondered for a moment what it would be like to have children with him. She shook her head. The vision was too painful, since it wasn't going to happen. She turned her thoughts in a different direction, asking her father about the whereabouts of her niece Sophia.

"She's with Dee for the weekend. I think Jeff and Lois are going to keep her for the rest of the week."

Will pulled his vibrating phone out of his pocket and excused himself to take the call. When she and her father caught up with him by the elevators, he looked distressed. "Are you all right?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Jenny called. My mother's having trouble breathing. I have to go home."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Liz made the offer instinctively.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate that."

She turned to her father. "Daddy, please give Janelle my love. Tell her I'll come by to see her tomorrow."

"I will."

Liz and Will arrived at his mother's home in time to see the rear doors of an empty ambulance being shut. The EMT walked toward her waiting partner in the cab and the ambulance slowly pulled away. Liz got out of her car and noticed that Will had made no effort to get out of his. She walked over and tried the passenger side door; finding it unlocked, she climbed in and sat down.

Her heart ached for the pain he must be feeling, not knowing what the empty ambulance meant and whether or not Mrs. Darcy was still alive. She took his hand, lifted it to her mouth and kissed it. "We have to go in, Will. I'll be right beside you."

Will squeezed her hand and nodded, and then got out of the car. He took her hand again as they walked toward the house.

Jenny answered the door. "Mom…?" Will said as they stepped inside.

"She's okay, Will. The EMT's stabilized her. She's on oxygen now. She just fell asleep."

Liz felt Will finally release his breath.

"Your mom's a trooper, Will," said a tall, somewhat heavy blond woman who appeared behind Jenny. She held out her hand to Liz. "You must be Will's girlfriend. I'm Meg. I'm with the hospice program."

Liz realized, with a little embarrassment, that she was still holding Will's hand, and had to release it to introduce herself to Meg. "I'm Liz," she said. "I'm a friend."

"Now that you're here, Will, I'm going to get going," Meg said. "I'll come by tomorrow afternoon. Call me if you need anything."

Jenny and Will thanked Meg and said goodbye to her. Liz worried that she might be intruding and wondered if she should leave as well.

Jenny wouldn't allow it, however. "Liz, it's great you're here, because I haven't seen you in such a long time. I haven't had a chance to eat, so I was thinking about ordering a delivery of Chinese food. Are you guys hungry?"

An hour later, the three of them were sitting in the kitchen, eating. While Jenny and Liz caught up with each other, Will remained quiet. Liz looked over at him from time to time and noticed him watching her. She wished she knew what he was thinking. For a brief moment, she thought she saw the look he used to give her in his eyes, but wondered if she was imagining it. Stop it, she warned herself. This wasn't a time to focus on her own desires.

About five o'clock, they heard Mrs. Darcy start to stir through the baby monitor. When Will and Jenny rose to go to their mother, Will held out his hand to Liz. "I want you to come, too."

She took Will's hand and followed him into the living room and beside the bed where Mrs. Darcy was resting. An IV pole stood next to the bed, providing her with fluids and pain medication, while the oxygen tank hummed beside it. Liz felt a sharp sadness to see a woman she had once found intimidating looking so thin, pale and helpless.

Will leaned over and kissed his mother. "Hey, Mom, you have to stop scaring me like that," he said with a grin and a cheerful tone.

Liz thought she saw Mrs. Darcy attempt to smile. Will turned and motioned Liz to come closer. "Mom, do you remember Liz? She came to see you."

Mrs. Darcy weakly lifted her right arm, the one not attached to the IV. Automatically, Liz reached out to touch her hand. She felt Mrs. Darcy give her a gentle squeeze and saw tears in her eyes before Mrs. Darcy let her hand go.

Liz felt herself getting emotional again. She wasn't sure what to make of the gesture, since Mrs. Darcy had never liked her and at certain points had actively opposed her relationship with Will.

In the same upbeat voice, Will said, "Mom, Liz has had some adventures on the other side of the world. We're going to sit down and let her tell you about them."

He and Liz sat down on a small loveseat by the bed, while Jenny took a nearby chair. As Liz started talking about her travels, she noticed Mrs. Darcy responding with small smiles and nods and felt an unprecedented connection with her, even in the older woman's weakened state. She also soon felt Will's arm drift around her shoulder. She wasn't going to complain; in fact, she leaned into his embrace. She had to pause a few times when the closeness with both Will and his mother almost brought her to tears.

At one point, she began describing Mafuane, one of the most enterprising women she had worked with. She stopped abruptly. Mafuane had a warmth about her that evoked memories of Abner's mother Rebecca. And like Rebecca, she had always called her Elizabeth, too. Thinking of Rebecca and Abner reminded her that she had promised herself she wouldn't interfere in Will's relationship with Diane. Liz was suddenly engulfed by a tidal wave of anger, jealousy and embarrassment.

"I really should get going," she mumbled. "Mrs. Darcy, I'm glad I could come see you." She stood and touched the older woman's hand again.

"You don't need to go," Jenny said.

"No, I do. I'm sure your mom is tired."

"I'll walk you out," Will said. By Liz's car, he gave her a hug. "Liz, I really appreciate you coming. It means the world to me."

She nodded, wishing he hadn't said that. She had wanted to not care, and found that she couldn't.

"Will you come back tomorrow?"

She hesitated. "I need to see Janelle."

Will ran his hand over his head. "If there's time, maybe you could stop by? If you can't, I understand."

She closed her eyes to try to ease the bitter battle in her heart. OK, she'd let her better self come out. Will was reaching out for her support as a friend. "Yes, I'll stop by."

He looked relieved. "Thanks, Liz. I'll see you tomorrow."

She sped home, venting her frustration through aggressive driving. It continued when she arrived and started pulling all the pots, pans and containers out of the kitchen cabinets.

Her mother popped her head in not long after she started. "Girl, what are you doing making all this noise?"

Her mother was dressed for bed, wearing her pajamas and, as always, a single roller in the front of her head. Liz and her sisters often teased her about that. "Ma, what do you think that one little roller is going to do?" The answer was of course, nothing. Ma always had to pull out the curling iron in the morning.

Noticing the bags under her mother's eyes, Liz suddenly remembered that her parents had been up during the night with Janelle and were probably exhausted. "Sorry, Ma. I'm just doing some cleaning. I'll be quieter."

"Ooh, then you must be mad about something. You always start cleaning when you're mad. Did you and Will have a fight?"

Liz's head snapped toward her mother in astonishment.

"Don't look at me like that, baby. You think we couldn't see at the hospital that you and him have something going on again?"

"We don't have anything going on and I DON'T want to discuss Will!" Ouch. That came out harsher than Liz intended.

Her mother didn't take offense. She walked over and gave her a big bear hug. "All right, baby. You clean as much as you like. Whatever it takes to get that man out of your system, or back into your system. Whichever one you decide you want more."

Liz almost smiled. Which one did she want more? She didn't know. She started scouring the bottom of a skillet using every ounce of elbow grease she possessed, turning something that currently appeared charcoal gray back to its original silver color. Why couldn't she get him out of her system? Will had been both her first love and her first lover. Did that give him some hold over her life that men who came after him didn't have? She hadn't been in love with anybody since Will.

Liz threw the skillet into the sink to rinse it, and winced at the noise. She had to calm down. She thought about Abner. Why couldn't she love him? Life would be a lot easier. There were so many things she liked about Abner, and she was pretty sure, based on how badly she'd hurt him, that he'd been in love with her at one time.

But that was just it. As much as she loved Abner as a friend, she'd never been in love with him. Yet even now, years later, she was still in love with Will. Why? He wasn't the only man she knew who was intelligent, or well-educated, or successful professionally. OK, she had to admit he was really good looking. He was, in fact, the handsomest man of her acquaintance. Despite her bad mood, Liz giggled unexpectedly. Where had she heard that phrase before? It sounded like something from a novel.

She gathered the many plastic containers she'd found in the cabinets and attempted to match them with lids. She gritted her teeth in aggravation when she achieved only two matches, despite the fact that there were both dozens of containers and dozens of lids. She finally gave up and put all the unmatched containers away, spotting a roach in the darkened cabinet while doing so, letting her know it was probably time for the landlord to fumigate again. As a child, she'd both hated the roaches and hated the horrible smell that followed fumigation, but now that she'd seen far worse living conditions, she knew that her family had it pretty good by world standards.

A few years earlier, Chuck and Janelle had offered to help her parents buy a house and get out of Longbourn City. Her mother eagerly jumped at the chance, but her father, a proud, self-reliant man, refused.

She was so much like her father. She had that same stubbornness and pride. Early in her dating relationship with Will, she'd told him she wasn't ready for sex. That was only partially true. Being with Will had literally woken her up sexually, generating desires she'd never felt before.

But then she thought about her sister. Janelle had started college the year before and, as a graduate of the rather poor performing Longbourn High School, had really struggled academically. Then she got involved with Chuck and started sleeping with him, blowing off her studies to be with him. She'd ended up on academic probation, and it led to a break-up with Chuck for a while.

Liz didn't want that to happen to her. She wanted to prove she had the chops to do well in college, and that she could be involved in a serious relationship without letting it consume her. So she told Will she wanted to wait. He was very respectful and never pressured her, something she really appreciated since she knew he'd been sexually active before they were together.

Will didn't know what she had in mind, however. At the beginning of freshman year, she'd gone to her college's health services center and gotten a prescription for birth control pills. She was pleased to find out that her student fees covered the cost. She was well-versed in sex-ed because she'd been a peer counselor in high school, so she knew it took a few months of being on the pill before it was fully effective.

Her college hired students to serve food at receptions and conferences, and she worked a few events and saved the money. The thought of having her first time in Will's dorm room or car was unappealing. She wanted to rent a hotel room, and a nice one at that.

After finding out she'd done well on her finals the week before Christmas, she called Will up and told him she wanted to take him out for a surprise. When he arrived to pick her up, she asked him if she could drive.

Driving. Will had taught her how to drive. She'd been unlicensed at eighteen. Her father had given her some lessons, letting her practice with his old clunker in parking lots. He was an ineffective instructor, however, because he overreacted to every little mistake she made. Will, in contrast, was the most patient and encouraging of teachers, even as he trusted her behind the wheel of his brand new Jeep Cherokee, and she was able to get her license after just three weeks of his tutelage.

She drove to the hotel, and Will's jaw dropped when he realized what she was doing. That day and thereafter, he had been gentle and tender and passionate. No man she had been with since then had ever made her feel the way he had. Not that there'd been that many in her life.

Afterward, Will offered to pay for the hotel room. She'd refused, letting him know that this was her Christmas gift to him. He pressed his offer, telling her, "Being with you is my gift."

In her stubbornness, she still wouldn't allow him to pay for it. When second semester started, she thought she had enough money saved from her summer job to pay for all of her books, and she didn't. The money she'd spent on the hotel would have helped. Instead, she'd spent the semester checking out her macroeconomics and world cultures textbooks on reserve at the library, too proud to let Will know she couldn't afford to buy them.

Freshman year in college had been such an exciting year. She loved learning. She loved being in love. She loved being with Will. She remembered her early encounters with him in high school as part of the LOFTY Dreams program and thinking he was the most arrogant jerk she'd ever met. Then she got to know him, and realized that he was a sweet guy who was still reeling from his father's death and trying to put up a brave front in public.

He wanted to be so much like his father. Will had grown up in Pemberley, one of Meryton's wealthiest suburbs. His father didn't want his kids to view their privilege as some sort of entitlement, and he wanted them to care about the world around them. And Will had internalized his father's heart. She recalled when he told her about seeing kids as young as ten hanging out on the street near his campus when they should have been in school, and wanting to do something about it. That's when his dream of creating the track and field and tutoring program began.

What she really loved was that it didn't remain a dream, but he'd done something about it. He broached the idea with his university's Director of Community Service, who told him to create a proposal. He and Liz worked on the proposal together, met with school principals and youth workers in the neighborhood to recruit kids, enlisted classmates to serve as tutors, and developed a training program to help the student volunteers be effective. There were times when Liz wanted to give up, especially when dealing with inconsistent attendance by some volunteers or resistance to the tutoring by the kids, but Will had been so determined to make the program succeed. And it had.

She respected Will's intense drive which always called her higher, but she also helped him temper it. She remembered him freaking out after his second semester midterms, because he didn't think he had done that well. "I have to make my dad proud of me."

"If you did your best, your dad would be proud of you no matter what grades you get."

"How would you know that, since you never knew him?"

"You've told me about him, so I know he was a great guy. And I know something about love. Do you think if you get a B in poli sci, I'm going to tell you I won't go out with you until you bring it up to an A?"

Will started laughing. He got the point. "I wish you could have met my dad," he told her. "He would have loved you."

She had hundreds of memories like that, of laughter and joy and being much better together than they ever would have been apart. She had admired him enormously then, and admired him even more now. At such a young age, he had taken on the responsibility to be the emotional rock for his mother and sister in the wake of his father's death. Liz was deeply moved by Will's ongoing love and commitment to his mother, even though his mom had hurt him badly on numerous occasions. He had said his mother was becoming more alive despite her terminal illness, and she'd sensed that this evening. How much of Mrs. Darcy's change resulted from her son's unconditional love? Then there was his sweet involvement with her nephew Kyron, something he was under no obligation to do. Even his friendship with her was touching, since she had initiated the break-up and he could have easily hated her for it.

Liz dropped the scouring pad she was using to scrub the stove's burners and covered her face with her hands, overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through her, the depth of affection, esteem, and passionshe felt for Will. She had never stopped loving him, and knew now that she never would. Spending time with him the last few weeks had only made her feelings stronger. So why were they apart? Why hadn't their relationship worked out? Something had gone wrong long before the incident in the Caribbean. She thought about Dee's pregnancy, and the money issue… but no, that wasn't it.

She combed through her memories, searching for an answer, and her heart stopped on what had otherwise been a beautiful day: her nineteenth birthday in August, just before the beginning of sophomore year. She wasn't fully conscious of it at the time, but now, as a more experienced adult, she understood. She and Will had been dating a little more than a year, and talked that day about all the great times they'd had together and what they were looking forward to in the coming months. He had given her that special look with his gorgeous eyes and started describing his hopes for the future beyond that, including the two of them getting married right after graduation.

She didn't know how to respond. As much as she loved Will, that wasn't the future she envisioned. She wanted to get married someday, and he was the only person she pictured herself with. But she dreamed of becoming an independent woman after graduation, traveling the world and making a difference, not settling down as someone's wife.

When Will mentioned it again a few days later, she realized this wasn't an idle wish on his part. Suddenly, ordinary interactions between them carried an added intensity. She had never before had a serious boyfriend, had never slept with another man. What if Will really wasn't the one? She was still trying to figure out who she was, and what her goals were. What if her aspirations ended up being irreconcilable with his? Would they even know at this point in their lives? How could they figure it out if they were married and tied down to one another?

Her contacts with Mrs. Darcy began to feel nightmarish. As much as Liz's courage always rose with any attempt to intimidate her, the woman's ongoing hostility had started to chip away at her self-confidence. Her parents both had good relationships with their mothers-in-law, and Liz had always wanted that for herself. Would she be able to deal with a nasty mother-in-law for the rest of her life?

Soon after, she started trying to pull away from Will. She didn't understand why at the time; she only knew that she yearned for a little space. Now she grasped that she desperately hoped to convince him to reconsider the trajectory toward post-graduation wedlock he was sure they were on. Since she was unable to express her subconscious fears and agitation, it was no surprise that he'd reacted. With each step she took away, the tighter he tried to hold on, until the love that had once seemed so amazing started to feel oppressive. Yet they'd gone through too much together and were so close that she couldn't imagine not being with him. It was only when Will and his family went away for a two-week Christmas vacation that Liz felt free for the first time in months, and began to wonder whether or not it was time to end the relationship.

Then they came back. Liz knew something was wrong as soon as Will returned. He couldn't seem to look her in the eye. And she really should have been suspicious that Mrs. Darcy was acting so nice to her. Normally, her chilly politeness barely cloaked her contempt for Liz. She still recalled the woman's hurtful accusation early in her relationship with Will that Liz was nothing but a tramp who wanted to get pregnant and trap her son. That day Mrs. Darcy was downright friendly, and no wonder. She had finally found a way to separate Will and Liz.

Seeing Will with the girl in the picture totally crushed her. Prior to that, she had always been confident of his fidelity. True, she was considering a break-up, but she thought they'd still be friends and would maybe—even hopefully—get back together one day. That would still be possible as long as their foundation of trust remained.

Will destroyed the foundation that day, and she started to question whether she had ever really known him. Then there was Janelle's wedding, when he again showed his willingness to cheat on a woman he was supposedly committed to. Yes, she was the recipient of his attentions, but that didn't make Liz feel any better about it.

And what about tonight? She had felt so stupid earlier this evening! Will was another woman's boyfriend. There was always some other woman in his life. A man as good looking and talented as Will would always attract lots of women, including women who were far more gorgeous and sophisticated than she'd ever be.

She also had to admit that her own behavior left something to be desired. When she was around Will she'd have foolish thoughts that he could be hers again, even when he was dating someone else, and she'd abandon her standards about how she should behave with an unavailable man.

She couldn't do it anymore. No matter what had happened in the past, she now knew he was exactly what she wanted. She couldn't continue to be his friend and pretend that friendship was enough; and yet, she was afraid she had lost her chance to be more. She had to stay away from him; otherwise, her regret and misery would become unbearable. She suddenly remembered the expression on his face when he asked her to come back tomorrow. With a sharp pang, she realized she cared too much about him to abandon him in his time of need. But she had to protect her vulnerable heart. Maybe Diane would show up the next day, to slap her in the face as a reminder that Will was taken.

She'd continue to support Will for however many days Mrs. Darcy had remaining. But after that, no more. She'd have to quit coaching with him. She thought about the kids on the track team, and took a deep breath so she wouldn't cry. She'd try to find a woman to replace her. Still, she'd miss them. And she'd miss him. Dammit, the tears had started. She hated crying. And Will Darcy always made her cry.

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Let me answer in advance a question you're probably asking: why doesn't Liz know about the break-up? Answer: Will hasn't told her. Why not? I'll let him reveal that in the next chapter. In the meantime, please rest assured that I won't keep these two apart for much longer. Please comment!