Chapter 10: (Skyeward) I Don't Even Know Where to Start

"But I want daddy."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

Grant hadn't meant to eavesdrop.

During his miserable trek to his therapy session he realized he had no clue where he was going so he'd turned around and returned to common area hoping to find someone to point him in the right direction.

When he walked in to find Skye he did a one-eighty, not wanting to intrude on her mom time but then she said the one thing that stopped him in his tracks.

"I will always love him."

His heart began to race, and he forgot how to breathe.

Sure, he'd hoped she still loved him but to hear it from her lips?

The fantasy that she loved him had kept him going during his darkest days, but he hadn't really thought she did. And after all this time?

"I know you're too little to understand why I don't want Grant to be your daddy, but you need to trust mommy when she says it's not a good idea."

She wasn't wrong.

His own father had been the worst and his substitute father hadn't been much better. He had no idea how to raise a kid or to be a good dad. All he knew was what not to do and he wasn't sure that made him father material.

And though he loved them both he still had a lot of work to do in therapy before he could trust he was well enough not to slip and try to kill himself again.

He couldn't bear the thought of disappointing them further or even worse, hurting them because he had a moment of weakness.

Besides, they both deserved better.

All he did was hurt the people who loved him, and he'd hurt Skye enough for a lifetime.

He'd do everything in his power to protect them. It was the least he could do. And maybe, if he succeeded, Alice would become the one person in this life that he didn't disappoint.

Grant vowed to do whatever he could to keep them both safe, including keeping his distance; not that it could ever stop him from loving them both.

He turned to leave but Skye caught sight of him and their eyes met for a long moment. He stared back at her in silence, unable to look away. And not just because she was the most beautiful person in this world but because for the first time since she'd waltzed back into his life she didn't look ready to hit him.

"Ladies, it's time for someone's appointment with Doctor Jemma," Trip announced as he shoved past Grant and scooped Alice into his arms.

"No want," Alice cried, crossing her arms defiantly.

"Too bad, little miss," he teased, kissing her temple. "Besides, I think your mom and Agent Ward need a minute alone."

His palms began to sweat but Trip was right. He still needed to make the rounds in his apology tour but hers was the one that mattered most. He'd hurt her the most and she was the most important person in the world to him. He owed her a million apologies and explanations.

"Okay," Alice sing-songed with a smile. "Bye mama! Bye Mister Gwant!" She gave him a wink as Trip carried her past him.

He smiled, in awe of this little girl. Were all children this amazing or was she just special?

Skye stood nervously, wiping her hands on her jeans and avoiding his gaze.

He stepped into the room but made no moves to get closer to her, wanting her to be comfortable.

They stared at each other for the longest minute of his life.

"This shouldn't be so awkward," Skye whispered, breaking the silence.

Grant shrugged, scratching the back of his head to have something to do. "That's my fault."

"It is," she said, taking a step forward. "But maybe I don't help in that department."

Grant didn't know what to say so he kept his mouth shut, waiting for her to speak.

Skye toyed with the back of the sofa and took another step forward and then another, until they were standing close enough for him to make out the dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Skye whispered, taking him by surprise.

"If anyone needs to apologize, Skye, it isn't you. You've done nothing wrong."

She gave him a half-smile and his heart clenched in pain.

"I'm sorry about earlier. She's seen pictures of us together and she's confused. And I know when you first saw her you thought…" Skye glanced down, unable to look at him as she spoke. "I know what you thought," she whispered before looking up to meet his eyes. "It must have been painful and no matter what happened between us in the past, I would never intentionally hurt you."

Once again instinct took over. Tears filled her eyes and before he could stop himself his arms were around her, holding her against his chest, one hand buried in her curls.

"I know you wouldn't. You're too good," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

Skye didn't pull away. Instead she hugged him tightly, pressing her face into his shirt.

His shirt was soaked through with her tears and he held her tighter, hating that she was in pain.

"I'm sorry," Skye whispered.

Grant gave her a squeeze, trying not to cry himself. "So am I, Skye. You'll never know how much."

She slowly drew away, her arms still around him, and stared up at him: eyes red, face wet, shaking her head. "But I do." She linked one hand with his and moved it over her heart, lips trembling through a sob. Skye licked the tears off her lips and took a quaking breath, composing herself. "I know," she whispered as a wave of regret washed over him and he realized that Alice wasn't the only gifted person on this base.

Grant smiled, finding this bittersweet. He'd always known she was special but not like this.

"I'll do whatever I can to make things right," he promised, pressing his lips to her forehead, letting them linger while she clutched his hand even tighter.

After a long moment, Skye let go of his hand and stepped back, leaving his hand cold at the loss of her warmth.

"I'll talk to her, but I can't promise she won't do it again." Skye wiped away more tears. "She really wants a dad because I'm not enough for her."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Grant replied before he could stop himself. He took a step forward, touching her cheek with his palm. "You're enough, Skye. You always have been."

How was she so beautiful when she cried?

Skye reached up to cover his hand with her as she stepped forward, taking his breath away.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from her. And with that look she gave him, he didn't need powers to know she really did still love him.

Her chin tilted as she leaned closer, and for a moment he was sure she was going to kiss him, but then she abruptly stepped away, breaking the connection they'd been sharing and leaving a pain in chest.

"Grant, I'm glad you're here and safe and that you're getting help but I'm sorry, I can't do this," she whispered, voice breaking.

She gave him a lingering stare of longing before rushing from the room.

"Skye, I'm sorry!" He rushed after her, but she was long gone.

Fuck.

Skye rushed off, hoping no one saw her flight through the halls, tears streaming down her face. She didn't stop until she reached a supply closet and locked herself inside. She leaned against the door and continued sobbing, both arms around her middle, keeping her upright.

What she wanted didn't matter, she reminded herself. Her feelings for him didn't matter. She had to keep this up, had to keep being the bad guy, had to keep denying her heart what it wanted. Because at the end of the day that little girl was the only thing that mattered.

But damn if the pain in her chest wasn't crippling.

And the fact that she wasn't the only one in pain made what she'd been forced to do a million times harder.