Hi! So, once again, long wait for this chapter. Sorry. I went away for a few weeks you see and didn't have much time to use the computer and even less time to write. Anyway, I felt the need to write this chapter, it was calling to me, and also I had a feeling you lot were in need of some more BxE fluff. I'm gonna give it to ya with a side dish of angst, confusion and pain though so be prepared.

Ok, without further ado...

Let's get on with it!

Chapter 9

My Heart Within You

I was bombarded by an entire lifetime of images, memories of a different time, a different life, a different me. Yet, it was my life I was remembering. It was like the thick veil that had once obscured a part of my mind had been drawn back and suddenly I was seeing clearly for the first time.

I remembered a time of innocence and joy and prosperity. It seemed so far away and yet so close to me. I remembered the house I had once lived in and the school I had once attended. I saw the faces of people I had once known appear as if before my very eyes and the face at the forefront of my mind was Edward's.

Edward.

Edward Masen.

My Edward.

Yes, that was his name. I remembered him saying it to me when we had first met. I had tripped in the street and he had caught me in his arms. I remembered his eyes smiling down at me. His beautiful, sparkling green eyes. Eyes that were the exact same colour and shape as his mother's.

Elizabeth.

Oh Elizabeth.

I felt tears sting my eyes as memories of her filled my head. She had been the kindest woman I had ever known. She treated me as if I was her own daughter. I remembered her sipping tea and chatting to me about her day. It was through watching her that I learnt how to be a proper lady, and just what being a lady truly meant. I remembered her getting sick and I remembered her dying.

I choked on a sob.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong?" I heard Edward asked worriedly, his cool hands pulled me closer and smoothed over my hair gently.

"She died," I whispered blankly, "I loved her so much and she...She's gone. She's been gone for so long now."

"Bella, who-?"

"Your mother," I said tearfully, "sorry, it's just all so fresh for me. It's all coming back to me now and it's too much all at once. I can't take it!"

Edward took a firm grasp of my trembling form and shook me slightly, anchoring me to the present.

"Take deep breaths," he said seriously, "try to calm down. Try to focus on one thing at a time and block out all else. Carlisle worried this might happen if something managed to trigger your memories."

I took deep shuddering breaths and tried to focus on the tingling sensation that I felt as Edward's soothing hands caressed the bare flesh of my arms. However, that too was familiar. I had experienced it before. I was overwhelmed by my love for him now. It was like a tangible force that surounded me, pushing me towards him. Before, my mind and body had hinted at this feeling but now it was unleashed and unrestrained and I had no power over it. He was my life now.

"Edward," I breathed softly.

He looked into my eyes, bringing a hand up to cup my cheek. "Yes?"

"I love you," I said without shame because it was true. I did love him and I felt compelled to let him know that I did. His face became clouded with emotion. His jaw clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut tight.

"I love you too," he said huskily and tucked his face into my neck, "I love you so much Bella. I missed you so much. I was nothing without you, nothing."

It was my turn to soothe him as he shook against me. I was almost certain he was crying, but I felt no moisture on the skin of my neck.

"Shh," I cooed gently running my hands through his silky soft hair, "It's alright my love, we are together now. We'll figure this out together, you and me. Nothing will come between us again."

I felt him shake his head. "No," he pulled away to look my in the eye, "I will never be parted from you again. I can't lose you again. Nothing could keep me sane if that happened. Not even a promise."

"You did keep your promise," I said smiling as a new memory blossomed, "you lived, you went on."

"Yes, for you," Edward pressed his forehead against mine, "I felt as if the entire world had ended but somehow I still lived, completely alone. I wanted to die without you here with me. I thought death had to be a kinder fate than life without you. But I had made you a promise and I had to keep it."

"I had a feeling you know," I said burying my hands in his hair and inhaling his sweet scent, "I had feeling I would see you again. Nothing can part us Edward, not even death."

He hummed his agreement as his eyes roved over my face hungrily, yet he held himself back, as though he were a man lost in the desert for months who had unexpectedly stumbled across an oasis but dared not approach it lest it turned out to be a mirage.

"Kiss me Edward," I whispered, unable to take it any longer as his eyes lingered on my mouth.

He groaned loudly and then I was being kissed with a passion that set my body and soul aflame. He was gentle with me, almost too careful, but I could feel his love, his desire, in the way his mouth, cool and sweet, moved over mine. His kiss both heart warmingly familiar and excitingly unfamiliar as I remembered his honeyed warm breath washing over my lips all those years ago.

But now his lips were as cold and hard as the rest of him, yet they still caressed my own with a tenderness that brought tears to my eyes. His hands, tangled in my hair, moulding me to his body, were likewise gentle yet I felt the tense desperation trembling in his body and I longed for him to let go. Slowly I moved my hands up and down his back, massaging his rock hard shoulders, running my blunt nails down his neck. He released my mouth momentarily as he groaned and I took the opportunity to lean forward pepper soft open mouthed kisses along his jaw until I reached his ear.

"I love you Edward," I breathed.

He moaned softly, and pushed me gently back so that he was looking down at me, lying on the couch with my hair fanning out around my head.

"You are so beautiful Bella," He whispered, leaning down to kiss my forehead, "so tempting. You always were."

I grinned. "Kiss me again, please?"

And he did.

oOo

Later he lay next to me on the couch, stroking my hair as I smiled lazily up at him.

"You're so different," I remarked casually as I studied his face, "yet you're the same, why is that?"

He frowned slightly and his hand stilled.

"I went through something," He said hesitantly, carefully slow, "a sort of... change. I am different both on the outside and in, in all matters except those related to you. Where you are concerned, I am the same, I loved you with all I am then and I still love you, just as deeply, now."

I sat up. Bringing my hand up to cup his cheek, I stared into his golden eyes.

"I know you love me Edward," I said steadily, "but I want you to know you can trust me too, whatever secret you are keeping if you told me it I would never speak a word of it to another."

"If it were a matter of trust I would have told you already," Edward muttered, running a hand through his already tousled hair in frustration, "though, I must admit, the thought that what I am will frighten you... that terrifies me."

"Frighten me?" I asked nonplussed, "You could never frighten me Edward."

"Oh, but I could," He said wide eyed with regret, " and what is worse is that even if I didn't scare you away, the consequences of what I told you would put your life at stake. You see, it isn't just my secret I must keep."

"Your family-?"

"And others like us."

I regarded him for a long moment even as he avoided meeting my eyes. Eventually I used my hand to turn his face towards me.

"What if," I started calmly, "what if I figured it out on my own?"

"I wish you wouldn't try," Edward said in a hopeful tone.

"I need to know Edward," I said wrapping my arms around his neck, "I need to know what happened to you. Do you remember that day, when we first met, and you insisted on walking me home and making sure I was alright, even though I had never really fallen at all because you caught me? Remember how we talked to eachother that day, I told you basically everything about me on that walk to my house, because from the moment I looked into your eyes I knew I was yours forever. It feels like that now, only I need to know you Edward. I need to know what you are because it's a part of you, an important part, and if I'm going to be yours I need you to be mine."

He stared at me for a long moment as though stunned.

"I am yours Bella," He said in disbelief, "All this time I've been wasting away without you, I felt as though half of me had died with you, it had...Every beat of your heart I count as mine because without that sound, without your heart, I am dead. I am yours Bella, please believe me. I'm only trying to keep you safe."

"I know that Edward," I said suddenly ashamed of what I had suggested, "I'm sorry. It's just, I need to know."

He nodded gravely.

"I understand," he said softly, then looked at me with stern eyes, "but you need to listen to me, if you do find out what I am, no matter your reaction, you can never tell anyone. I will leave you alone forever if that is what you wish, but you must never reveal what you know. If you do, I will attempt to keep you safe at all costs, but I would not be able to for long. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said casting my eyes down, "I understand and I promise Edward, I would never tell anyone."

He nodded and looked away. An awkward tension built between us.

"Edward," I whispered desperately.

He looked at me, his jaw clenched and his eyes aflame.

"I would never leave you," I vowed solemnly.

He chuckled bitterly.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, love," he murmered.

"I will keep this one," I said firmly.

"Then stay alive alright," he growled, "don't put yourself in danger. I told you before Bella, I can't lose you again. I won't have it!"

"I'm not expecting you to," I countered, "I'm not a masochist Edward, I don't want to get myself killed and I certainly don't want to suffer the pain of never seeing you again. What I want is for there to be no secrets between us. I understand that you can't tell me the truth but don't prevent me from seeking it out."

Edward looked at me briefly, before nodding his head.

"Fine, I won't prevent you from looking for answers," he conceded, "I do understand your curiousity, I just want you to be safe."

"I know that," I said softly and crawled onto his lap where he cradled me in his arms, "and I love that you want to take care of me. You make me feel safe Edward."

I felt him smile against my cheek as he pressed kisses there and along my neck.

"I should go," he said reluctantly, "Your father will be home soon and I don't think now's the time to introduce us."

I laughed lightly and shook my head.

"No, we should probably get reaquainted with eachother first shouldn't we?" I teased tugging lightly on his hair.

"Hmm," Edward groaned before prising me gently away from him , "yes, I certainly think so. Now, be good, I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow alright?"

I nodded disappointedly and followed him to the door.

"Just one more thing Bella," he said taking my hand as I let him out and pressing it to my own chest, "from this moment on I need you to take good care of my heart, it's yours to keep for as long as you want it."

"Forever," I promised leaning up on tiptoe to press my lips to his.

Ok peoples, what do ya think?

Ok, just a note on what just happened. Yes, Bella has remembered alot of what occurred in the previous life she shared with Edward. However, she has not remembered everything. There are somethings which remain cloudy to her and somethings which she will remember gradually or when influenced by a trigger. Edward will also help to fill in some of the gaps in her memory.

Hope you liked it!

Leave me a review, please!

Alrighty, til the next!