Chapter 10
'John Ambrose!' Lara Jean says, excitedly. She doesn't know if it's the alcohol, but she launches herself at him and gives him a hug.
There's something about them being skin to skin that feels so nice and she feels him wrap his arms around her too. Eventually they let go of each other and slides to sit next to him.
'How are you going, Lara Jean?' he asks, with a bright smile on his face.
'I'm good. I'm good. Maybe a little tipsy, but good! How are you?' she remarks.
He laughs at her. 'I'm good as well.'
He takes a moment to look at her with sympathetic eyes. 'I would ask you about how Kavinsky is doing but I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it.'
Lara Jean wonders if he is making this assumption purely based on the fact that she has said she is now single or if John has also seen Peter interacting with so many other girls at the party and doesn't want to ask.
'Yeah, what can I say, the distance got the best of us.' She knows that she doesn't need to justify or tell him anything, but she doesn't want him thinking that it was something else that brought her and Peter apart.
'Yeah I understand completely.' John replies, resting his head back against the side.
'Oh so you and your girlfriend didn't work out either?' she asks carefully. For the life of her, she can't remember his girlfriend's name despite having met her before at Beach Week.
'Yeah, I mean if you and Kavinsky can't make it at UNC and UVA, then me and Dipti definitely didn't have a chance.' He looks at her with understanding eyes.
Lara Jean gives a light laugh. She remembers him saying that Dipti was going to another state much further away that North Carolina for college, though it still sad when it doesn't work out.
'I guess, but you know that's how life works.' Lara Jean tries to lighten the mood so that they don't dwell on their exs for the rest of the night.
'That's true. Who knows it might hardly be a coincidence that both of us have just gotten out of relationships before I transfer to UNC.' John winks at her as he says that.
She tries not to blush. 'Wait, what? Tell me more about this transfer.'
'Well you know how my Dad was super keen for me to go to UNC? Yeah I just worked super hard at William and Mary and got early acceptance into UNC for next year. It's not that I haven't been enjoying William and Mary, but I kind of haven't really been interested in making friends or being as social because I know I'm not going to be there next year. As much as I have also liked living at home and commuting every day, I feel like I'm still kinda friends with the same people and haven't changed or grown as much as I would have liked in college.' John trails off as he talks to Lara Jean.
He doesn't need to say much more, because she understands. 'Yeah that's why I am so happy to be at UNC, cause I have honestly just given it my all instead of only one foot in and one foot out hoping to transfer to UVA.'
She playfully nudges his shoulder. 'I mean, worse comes to worse, I might even be your only friend at UNC.' She laughs.
He laughs with her. 'Wow, what an offer!' he says sarcastically.
She reaches out and hits his arm. 'Oi, I am a great friend to have, thank you very much.' She pouts. 'And one you might need given you've told me that you are a loner.'
'What? Who said I was a loner?' John is smiling at her as he asks.
'You did, when you said you hadn't made any new friends, but you know, that's probably what happens when you take Model UN as seriously as you.' She teases. She isn't sure when their playfulness is coming from, but it feels nice to just be able to joke with someone and she immediately feels relaxed in the way she always does, when talking to John.
He puts his hand to his heart as if he is hurt. 'That was so harsh. It's not my fault you are jealous your model UN career ended in fifth grade. Admit it, you wish you could talk as smooth as me when I was arguing for the Human Rights of China.' He leans closer to her and gives her a mischievous smile.
'Oh boy, the only feelings I had towards you talking about Chinese Human Rights was pity.' She throws back.
They both share a laugh at her insult.
John throws his hands up. 'Fine, fine, you win. You might have to be my only friend at UNC.'
She gives him a shocked look. 'Oh no, can I take it back?' she jokes.
He laughs again, it's a hearty laugh the one the he always gives here whenever they are joking wih each other.
'You've changed Lara Jean. Not much, but you've grown into yourself a lot more. I really like that.' He says, holding her gaze.
She has to move her eyes away as she feels herself shiver under his gaze. 'Yeah I like it too.' She agrees.
'Damn I can't believe not only did you get UNC but you also got the experience that I was hoping to get out of college.' He shakes his head at her.
'What experience is that?' she asks, confused.
'The experience like you have become the person who everyone close to you has known but now it's finally on the surface for everyone to see. You aren't afraid to hide that anymore and you've found new people who you get along with better than anyone from home and who understand you better as well.' He explains to her.
She nods. 'Yeah, yeah I really have.' She feels a warm sensation inside, the one when you feel understood, like someone is finally putting into words exactly why you are so happy and fulfilled.
'Don't worry John Ambrose, it'll happen to you as well. Before you know it, everyone will know what are dork you are but they'll like that about you.' She assures him.
'I hope so.' He smiles at her.
They stay in the hot tub for over an hour. Talking about their courses, their different campuses and how things have changed. She recommends to him the best residence halls for next year where she knows that a few good people are staying. She doesn't mention where she is going next year and he doesn't ask. He then asks her about all the best restaurants and places on Franklin Street and she has a lot to say about that. She describes to him as great the Mexican place is and even how cheap the Chinese takeaway spot is. She watches as he actively listens to everything she says, nodding and constantly asking questions in response. It feels so good to her to have someone who is so interested in everything and wants to hear about every single thing happening at college.
Eventually more drunk people come into the hot tub. She gets pushed onto John's lap. They share an awkward glance as she feels the bare backs of her legs against his. He shifts uncomfortably before suggesting that they get out which she agrees to immediately. She is so grateful that he has a towel waiting for her and proceeds to wrap her in it as soon as she stands up. She can feel herself sober up a little bit which is making her more self-conscious of standing up (particularly in front of him) in nothing but her underwear. Though he is an absolute gentlemen and even turns away when she is changing despite her being covered by her towel. The twins have left out a whole bunch of jumpers and sweat pants just by the hottub which she is grateful for because she honestly can't imagine how difficult it will be trying to get back into her tights and knitted dress when still having a wet body. She changes into a pair of grey sweat pants and a maroon jumper as John asks if she wants another drink which is readily agrees to.
The other girls must have left the hot tub while she was distracted talking to John, so she isn't sure where they are. She waves to them as she follow John towards the cocktail table. Just like before there are still trays and trays of drinks on offer for everyone.
'Ok what do you recommend?' John asks, jumping between each option.
'I love the berry one, though the mint one is pretty good as well, but I really didn't like the citrus one.' She says, picking up two glasses of the berry cocktail.
'Oh we taking two are we?' John teases as he picks up a berry one and a mint one.
'Well unlike you I was actually having fun at college and learning how to drink.' She retorts.
'What? Who said I didn't know how to drink?' he asks.
Lara Jeans narrows her eyes as she gets a mischievous smile. 'Prove it.' She challenges him.
She picks up one of her cups and downs the contents, not breaking eye contact for a second with John. She watches as he realises what she is doing and his eyes widen in excitement.
'Alright.' He says willingly after watching her finish her drink and he tips his cup back as well.
'Mmmmmm, damn Lara Jean, I like this new side of you.' He compliments her and he tries to catch his breath after finishing his drink.
She flashes him a cheeky smile before she leads him inside to go back to sit near her friends.
They sit on the ground side by side, mostly talking to each other and occasionally joining into the rest of the conversation.
'What? Did Lara Jean tell you that the 'Burrito Bar' is the best? Hell no, definitely chez Carlos is way better.' Bonnie argues.
'What? I've been there and I didn't think it was anyway as good as Burrito Bar.' John debates back, he flashes Lara Jean a smile as he stands up for her choice.
'Oh well now I see how you two are friends, you both have awful taste in burritos.' Bonnie rolls her eyes.
'That's right!' Lara Jean looks over at John happily and nudges his shoulder.
She is definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol as she figures that all of her drinks are catching up to her. Since they got back from the hot tub, she is already on her fourth. Luckily John is pretty much on her level as well so they are both enjoying laughing at the most random jokes and going on tangents about their theories of the universe.
He gives her a fake gasp and then nudges her back. She swings away from him then brings her full body weight hurdling towards him, colliding with his shoulder much harder than a simple nudge. She watches as he almost tips over from his sitting position.
'That's it!' Suddenly he jumps on top of her and starts tickling her.
'Ahhhhh!' she screams, as he goes straight for her stomach.
It feels weird being this close to him but she doesn't pay much attention to that feeling as she bursts into laughter.
Suddenly he stops and softly says 'Do you wanna build a snow man?!'
Lara Jean explodes in laughter. She knows that it isn't that funny but just watching him singing frozen just like they did when they were in the snow at Belleview, makes her absolutely crack up.
She puts on hands on John's cheeks and squeezes them together. 'It doesn't have to be a snowman.' She sings through pursed lips to imitate the same tone as the song.
'Ok bye…' John sings with Lara Jean's hands still squeezing his cheeks together.
It sounds and looks so funny that both of them collapse into fits of giggles, with him still on top of her and her hands now resting on his back.
'Yes Lara Jean, get on it!' she hears someone cheer.
She is blushing as she looks over and sees Charlotte and Amber giving her bright smiles and their thumbs up.
She shakes her head in disbelief as John raises his hand and waves at them. All three of them are enjoying watching Lara Jean become mortified by the situation. Eventually she just hides her face in John's chest to try and minimise their amusement.
'If you need protection, just let us know.' She hears Amber call out.
She moves her head away from him so that Amber and Charlotte can see her roll her eyes at them, but when she looks over to where they were before she sees that Peter is now standing behind them, shirt off and towel around his neck. She now notices that Amber and Charlotte are wrapped in towels with only their bra straps covering their shoulders.
'Right back at you.' John interjects, winking at them.
She notices how tight Peter's jaw is set, telling her that he is getting annoyed, but his eyes have stopped flicking between her and john and are now boring into hers with such sadness, that she has to look away.
'Well we're going to the hot tub! Don't do anything that we wouldn't do!' Amber says in a sing-song voice. Then she walks out and Peter swiftly follows her. Just before Charlotte leaves, she points a Peter's back and gives Lara Jean a big thumbs up.
John crawls off her, checking that she is ok. She gives him a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.
'Was that Kavinsky with them? I'm a bit too drunk to see that far.' He jokes, squinting as he says that.
'No, no it wasn't. I haven't seen Peter for months.' She lies. She knows that it is wrong to do that, but she doesn't want to have to think about this and explain everything that has happened to John all the while Peter hasn't done anything like that with any of the other girls he is getting with.
She decides that she has done enough drinking for the night and opts for water every time someone offers to refill for everyone. She is still sitting next to John but he is carrying much of the conversation with and the rest of the group. He is making everyone laugh with his quick wit and funny jokes. Even a bunch of the guys who are from UNC give him their numbers so that they can get in touch next year when he transfers.
John looks over at her. 'I'm actually really glad we ran into each other Lara Jean. I think this could be the start of something great.' He says incredibly sincerely.
She smiles back at him and pats his knee in agreement, before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
She is still feeling a bit light headed but is finally able to have clearer thoughts. She looks hard at her reflection in the mirror. Her makeup is almost smudged off, so she grabs some toilet paper to try clean up the dramatic smudges. It's ok, she tells herself, you are allowed to be with other people and you need to give them a chance. There is no more Peter.
She nods confidently at herself. She isn't trying to convince herself to do anything with John tonight or with anyone, but she can't just shut them all out because Peter saw. Hell, he walked out to be in the hot tub with a bunch of girls without hesitating, so she shouldn't either. With a final nod at herself, she opens the door and exits the bathroom.
'What the fuck, Covey!' she hears before her back is pushed against the wall.
She is now face-to-face with Peter who is staring at her intensely with very little space between them. She feels her heart start to race not only because of the fright, but also just being this close to him after so long.
'What do you want, Kavinsky?' Her voice is cold and unwavering.
'What's going on with you and McClaren?' he shoots another question at her, his eyes still looking hard into hers.
'What's going on with you and Charlotte? Or should I say you and Polly? Or you and any other freaking girl who comes up and talks to you?' Lara Jean retorts, she leans her head up and stares him down.
'You can't be mad at me for talking to other girls. You broke up with me, remember?' Peter takes a step back from her but continues to stare at her as if he has the moral high ground.
'Yeah I know, so don't try get mad at me about John Ambrose.' She declares, she takes advantage of the fact that he has finally stepped away from her and turns to walk down the hall.
She hears Peter make an enraged sound as she turns her back.
'Fine I won't be mad, but seriously, you couldn't find anyone better to rebound from me with?' Peter says, as he swiftly runs past her to stand in front of her.
'Is there anyone who you AREN'T rebounding from me with?' she tries to push past him but he is blocking her way.
'Seriously Lara Jean, just because I'm having conversations with other girls, doesn't mean I'm trying to get with them.' He rolls his eyes at her and talks down.
'Because who doesn't talk about a girls flexibility in a normal conversation? Peter, I'm not stupid so don't try make me out to be.' She spits her words at him. How dare he try to talk down to her or pretend as if she is reading too much into this and he is the perfect angel, she saw what he was saying to those girls and acting with them.
She knows she has caught him when he opens his mouth but then quickly closes it when he realises that he can't defend himself.
'That's what I thought.' She smiles him, then squeezes past him to keep walking.
'Lara Jean, come on, can't we just talk?' he calls out to her.
'Nope.' She calls back as she continues walking. She can't talk to him. If they talk then she'll realise what she has lost and what other girls are getting. She remembers how it felt when she hugged him in the holidays and how her heart ached for him, she doesn't want to go through any of that again. They both just need time to be as far away from each other as possible so that they are can both move on. It's not fair for either of them to still be noticing who they are talking to or hanging out with at parties, that's not how a friendship or any relationship should be.
'Please?' Peter pleads.
She can hear the sadness in his voice and how defeated he sounds. For some odd reason, it flares her up. Why does he want to talk to her? They are broken up. There is nothing left to talk about. They are both doing so much better now that they aren't together, she is finally no feeling bad about putting herself first and doing what she wants and he is having the time of his life being the womanizer that he has always charmed himself to be.
'Peter, why don't you just go pull some moves on some girl in the hot tub?' she responds. She feels just as defeated as him, because she doesn't want to talk, because if they talk then all she will feel is hurt.
'I already did, now I just want to talk to her.' He gives her sad smile as he says that.
'Well then you better go out and find her.' Lara Jean calls out to him over her shoulder walking away.
'Covey.' She hears Peter's amused voice.
She spins around in confusion. What is so amusing about her leaving so he can go talk to the girl he wants to talk to?
'The only girl I've pulled moved on in a hot tub is you.' He says, walking slowly towards her with a smirk on his face.
She feels her cheeks blush. Damn, he's good, she thinks to herself. Bringing out the memory of her going to him in the hot tub and finally kissing him after months of only fantasizing what it would be like and wishing for it to happen.
With a sigh, she walks back and leans against the wall opposite him. 'Fine, talk.' She snaps, hoping to get this over with.
He gives her a funny look. He probably isn't used to be on the direct receiving end of this attitude, usually he would only see it when she would be ranting and getting mad about someone else to him.
'I didn't know that you were here. Douglas told us that Ethan never invites freshman from UNC so I thought for sure you weren't coming.' He says softly, looking down at his shoes.
'How does me being here change anything?' Lara Jean narrows her eyes. She has only witnessed a few hours of being at this party with Peter, so she can only imagined how the last few months have played out for him.
He tips his head back in frustration. 'Do you really need me to spell it out for you?' he asks, trying to avoid the questions.
Lara Jean crosses her arms and just blinks at him expectantly.
He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. 'If I had known you were here, I wouldn't have been so…forward… with any girl.' He confesses, his eyes still on the ground.
Lara Jean rolls her eyes as he tries to excuse his flirting as 'being forward'. 'Me being there didn't stop you flirting with Polly.' She finally confronts him about what happened while she was on the bus.
He sighs again and clenches his fists. 'What else was I supposed to do, Covey? You were literally ignoring me that entire morning, I had to do something to get your attention.' He argues.
'And flirting with another girl right in front on my entire baking club was your best option?' Lara Jean snaps back.
He rests his head back against the wall. 'No it wasn't, but I didn't realise that… until after.' He looks at her, his eyes are sad and enormous, full of regret.
It's not hard for her to believe him. She remembers how annoyed he looked at himself as the bus was leaving and how she was trying to ignore him as much as possible so he wouldn't come talk to her. In saying this though, she is still mad at him for what has happened tonight and wants to call him out on it.
'Ok so you stuffed up by flirting with her before I left for New York, but then what about tonight? You can't tell me that it was because you were trying to get my attention, because you didn't even know I was here.' She corners him.
'I don't know.' He admits.
There it is. Those three words again. The three words that have caused their relationship so much pain in the past and now they are back again. She remembers the second time she broke up with Peter and she asked him whether he would have kissed Gen if she had gone out to him in the hot tub instead of Lara Jean and he had the same answer. The same answer that broke her and truly told her that they were over.
She feels tears grouping in her eyes, while standing in front of him. Maybe because she is just so overwhelmed by everything that has happened tonight or maybe just because he is finally confirming what she had hope didn't exist, he was moving on.
'I can't tell you what you can and can't do, not anymore. We're broken up so you can flirt, kiss or bang whoever you want.' She says with a slight edge to her voice.
He looks at her in disbelief with traces of anger and sadness. 'Is that what you think I want?' he demands.
'It doesn't matter what I think, but for the record, yeah I think you do.' She says firmly to him.
'Well that's better than constantly living like a grandma and baking cakes, obsessing over fantasy books and studying.' He insults her back, clearly hurt by what she said to him.
'Oh Peter, don't you know the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?' She fires back at him. His insult stung her especially when she was so insecure about her interests and no one sharing them with her in high school, Peter used to make fun of her until he realised how much joy she got from it. Instead of cowering from his words now, she knows that she has made some of her closest friends and had some of her dream opportunities by having those interests and she isn't going to let him insult them.
'Is that advice for me or for you?' he snarks back, his eyes darken.
Lara Jean gives him a smile. 'Both.' She answers. Obviously the advice is only for Peter, but she doesn't want to let him know that given that he is out here flirting with girls in their underwear, she can at last give him the façade that she is doing the same thing as well.
She can tell from the way that his face scrunches up that she has hit a nerve and hit it hard. He tries to look away to calm himself but she can see his fists clenching at his sides and his nostrils flaring. She feels her own heart tug as she considers this new ground. They had never really discussed it, her viriginity. Peter was just letting her drive the vehicle on it all and she was just going to let him know when she was ready, because it was always going to be with him. Before the only question was when, she already had her why in him and their love for each other, but now there were no answers. Now, she honestly had no idea who the person would be, why it would be them or even why it would all happen, she didn't have a clue. There is something about the unknown and knowing that it might not be special or might not happen the way she imagined it would with Peter that pulls at her heart.
'So that's what you're doing with McClaren?' he finally speaks in a soft voice, raw and vulnerable with emotion. He is searching her eyes for any hint of doubt or disgust even.
'Why do you keep bringing him up?' she contests. She is almost a bit annoyed that it's the first thing he mentions is being jealous of McClaren instead of being hurt that he has lost what was supposed to be a special moment together.
'I just don't understand why you would be so stupid to make the same mistake twice. You already tried to rebound from me with him and it didn't work, so why the fuck are you trying it again? He is just a twat that you only feel connected to because at some point in your naïve childhood you thought you could like him as soon as he was out of your reach.' He rages. His voice is still soft, so that no one can hear them.
The tugging that she felt on her heart has completely disintegrated. She looks at him and now she is enraged and annoyed at him. How dare he say this to her? Her 'mistakes' (as he called it) wouldn't be necessary if he could just get himself together and finally know what he was doing. It also wasn't fair that he was able to flirt and hang with multiple girls, but for her, when it is only one, she is being roasted for it. She also flares up thinking about his words about her being naïve and liking him only because he was out of her reach. This is the second time he has brought up something that infuriates her because he isn't seeing how far she has come and how much she has changed. He is still living with this image of her being this girl who needed saving and brought out into the world and taught how to love, when he had already done all of that before and now it was time for her to navigate her life with these skills. She can't believe that she was even considering or hoping that they could get back together, because it is clear to her that he hasn't changed a bit and he would still just be expecting her to be at his beck and call in order to work around his schedule.
Don't say it. Don't say it. You can't take it back after you say it.
'He is transferring to UNC, so maybe I just want to know what it feels like to finally not have to say good night.' The words spill out of her mouth before she can stop them.
Peter flinches as she says those words and his back falls against the wall behind him. He looks at her, his eyes shining with sadness as he comprehends what she just said.
She feels her own tears start to fall as she understand her words as well. Not having to say good night was the main thing that they both wanted in college but it ended up that they got the opposite and not only had to say it every night, but had to say while being miles apart.
'Peter, I'm so sorry, I…' she starts but he puts his hand up to silence her.
'It's ok, Lara Jean. I shouldn't have said what I did. I am sorry.' He says it with a blank look on his face, as if she didn't just shatter his heart to pieces with her words.
He walks away quickly as she stays standing where she is. The only thought that is going through her head is that she has to get out of there. Just get out of there and then she can go home and be able to cry and let out her emotions after this interaction.
She rushes in to where her friends and John were sitting and quickly sneaks behind them to grab her clothes from where she left them. She is much drier now, she is able to go back to the bathroom and get dressed in her tights and dress. She has to take a moment in front of the mirror to pull herself together and wipe away all of the tears that had fallen from her face. When she thinks she looks somewhat presentable she walks swiftly out of the bathroom, she can hear some of her friends calling her name but she powers on towards the door. She doesn't get a glimpse of Peter or John as see leaves, which she is grateful for.
She walks out of the front door and into the yard, breathing in the crisp, cold air. She isn't sure where she is going or what she is going to do next. She just keeps walking down the road, trying to get her thoughts together and stop thinking about the pain and hurt that she has caused herself.
The air is still crisp and the wind is getting harsher and harsher. Eventually she slows down her walk and takes a look around. She has no idea where she is now. She looks at her phone, intending to try get an uber to pick her up and take her home, but she feels her body go cold as she read 3% on the battery life. She didn't think that she had been using her phone at all, but then she remembers that she gave it to Bonnie at one point to play music from.
She is getting messages from her friends wondering where she is. The more she looks around, the more she can't recognise where she is. It is getting cold as well and she can feel the dampness of her clothes start to feel like ice against her skin. She tries to text back her friends, looking around to find a street sign close to her, eventually she gives up and decides to just call Bonnie.
She can feel her panic rising as she looks around and is only surrounded by darkness.
'Lara Jean! Where are you?' Bonnie asks in panic as the phone connects.
'Bonnie, I'm so glad we can talk, I've got no idea where I am.' Lara Jean responds.
'All good, we'll get an uber and come to where you are, whats the closest-'
The phone goes dead and Bonnie is cut short. Lara Jean feels tears springing to her eyes as she realises the situation. Her phone is dead, she has no idea where she is and it is getting really cold in the middle of the night.
Suddenly she whips her head around and sees a pair of headlights coming down the road. She can't see any other cars or anyone else out on the street. It is also getting incredibly dark as none of the houses have their lights on and there are no street lights around. She watches the car coming closer and decides to step back into the bushes, hoping that they will make her invisible in this darkness.
She creeps back and observes the car slowly trudge down the road, something which she finds even more unnerving being alone. Did someone see her? Is this how it ends? A murderer saw a young, innocent girl leave a party by herself and decides to follow her and kill her in the darkness. She feels goosebumps on her skin and her legs begin to shiver from the cold and the fear.
The car gets closer and she sees that it is black in colour. Suddenly it stops. Lara Jean retreats further back into the darkness until she is leaning right up against the bush. She hears the ignition turn off and a car door opens. She feels herself go numb in fear as she realises that the person must have somehow seen her and knows exactly where she is. Maybe if she yells out or screams then someone will come out of their house and help her, but she is so petrified, she doubts her vocal chords could even move at this point. She can sense footsteps on the footpath near her.
'Covey, where are you?' she hears a voice.
With that her legs finally get back feeling as she sprints towards the voice. She collides head on with what she initially thinks is a wall but realises that it is his back. Reflexively she wraps her arms around him and she can't stop the tears of relief flowing down her cheeks.
'Hey hey hey….' Peter splutters. She felt him almost jump out of his skin as she ambushed him from behind with a hug.
He wraps his fingers gently around her wrists and loosens her hold so that he can turn around and wrap his arms around her. She immediately turns into his shoulder and continues to sob.
'Oh Covey, I'm so sorry.' He breathes into her, rubbing her back.
He waits patiently for her to calm down, just like he always does. She keeps her head buried against him as she tries to catch her breath and stop herself from crying again. She can't believe that she is being comforted by her ex-boyfriend again. Eventually her breathing settles and the tears stop. He gently pushes her away to look down at her.
'Come on, Rabbit Eyes, I'll take you home.' He whispers down to her. He wraps his arm around her and leads him to his car. She now sees that it was his Audi that was approaching her before. If she hadn't been so panicked about her phone, she probably would have realised.
They sit in silence for a while.
'Do you have a charger?' she croaks.
He nods and pulls out a cord from the console. She plugs it into her phone and watches as it lights up. She knows that her friends will be incredibly worried about her and hopes she can calm them down and let them know that she found a way home.
She waits, looking down at her phone but sneaking the occasional glance at Peter. He looks tired. His eyes still look sad and defeated, while his mouth rests in a tight line. She has no idea how he knew that she was out there or even why he cared given that she was so awful to him in the corridor. They get closer and closer to her house as she continues to rake her brain for ways that she can start conversation. She messages her friends and lets them know that she caught an uber home to her house. They were going to stay at Selena's, but she very much wants to be alone tonight and she brought her house keys with her, so hopes that she can stay there tonight and then pick her stuff up from Selena's tomorrow. Bonnie asks her why she doesn't want to come to Selena's to which she simply replies 'Peter was there.' Bonnie sends back her understanding and love and promises to make up an excuse for the others so they don't pry. She is again thankful for Bonnie being so understanding, despite her not being Peter's number one fan, she knows how deep of a connection he holds to Lara Jean and she respects that.
Finally they arrive out the front of her house. She is confused at why he hasn't tried to talk to her. It seems weird that he would offer to pick her up and drive her home almost half an hour from his dorm and then not say a single word to her. She breathes a small sigh of relief when she see him turn off the ignition, indicating that he wants to talk for a bit.
When he doesn't say anything, she goes first. 'I'm really sorry about what I said.' She says in a soft whisper.
'Why did you say it?' he asks. He doesn't look angry anymore, he just looks sad and slightly confused.
'I don't know.' She tries.
He gives her an unconvinced look. 'Try again, Covey.' He says lightly.
She gives a big sigh as she thinks about what was running through her head before she snapped at him. 'Sometimes I just think that I'm always going to be that girl who you brought into this world. When we were in high school, I loved being by your side just as much as you loved being needed, but things are different now. I'm not just the girl that you brought to live in your world. I'm the girl living in the same world as you, trying to live my life as best as I can. Sometimes I think you would rather see me how I was in high school instead of who the person I have grown into today and it upsets, or rather, frustrates me.' She looks at him hard as she explains herself.
His eyes flicker as he stares intensely at her, hanging off every single one of her words. He pauses to look out of the window but nods in understanding.
'But that still doesn't excuse what I said.' She adds at the end.
He looks over at her thoughtfully. 'You're right, Lara Jean. I haven't been giving you the respect that you deserve. You truly are amazing and I know it's too late and it probably doesn't mean anything, but I am really proud of what you have done in college…' He assures her confidently.
She nods and reaches for her door, unsure of what to say next and how they go from where they are.
'I know you'll have an amazing life, even if I'm not in it, but just know I'll always be here for you.' Peter says.
She sees his eyes shining in the darkness.
'Right back at you.' She throws back at him.
They share a smile before she opens the car door and jogs up the steps to her house.
She throws herself back in her bed and allows her mind to finally comprehend the night she has just experienced. She can't remember the last time she had so much drama occur in a single night. Overall though, she feels better and good about tonight. She thinks about John and how they are still friendly. She doesn't think about it too much but she feels her heart flutter as she considers having him at UNC next year. She absolutely won't make a move or anything as soon as he does, but it's nice to have that hope, like a butterfly just land on her shoulder. She thinks about the night with Peter and instead of feeling upset or angry, she feels surprisingly content. She knows that they said awful things to each other but after what they shared in the car, they have both recognised that they will each hold a special place in each other's hearts forever. As hard as it was watching him flirt with those other girls, she knows that he would ditch them if she ever needed him. That night she imagines that Peter is a letter, a part of her life that has stolen her heat but right now, she has to fold him up and put him in her hatbox. One day, she'll find his memories again just like Stormy did with her suitors and she will pass them on to her kids as she tells them about the man she was with before the father, the first man she ever loved.
A/N: Yay! I'm back, or am I? This chapter actually seems like a pretty good ending to have and to kind of put a ribbon around the story of Lara Jean and Peter. I honestly was kinda planning on ending it here, but YOU GUYS PULLED THROUGH! We literally broke 20 reviews! Ahhhhhh! Which I don't know if that's because I didn't update as quickly or because you guys enjoyed the last chapter more, but definitely resulted in this update coming earlier! (I wasn't going to post until next weekend). I hope you guys like this chapter, how do you think this conversation and this night is going to be affecting Lara Jean and Peter now? Does anyone else want more appearances from John? I really hope you guys like it and I love all of your reviews! Lol I figure that the longer I wait to update, the more people who review, so I might try space my updates out a bit more instead of just cramming them all together so people can give more feedback! Love hearing from you guys and all the silent readers, it's never too late to let me know what you think of the story! XXXXXX