Slanted lines appeared around the mouth of the exhausted Commander's face as the realization he was about to enter the homebase of an insane rogue AI that would go to extreme measures to make sure he died a bloody and miserable death. . .and he was doing it unarmed.
"Hey Shepard? . . .Shepard? Earth to Shepard!?" The Commander's unfortunate ace pilot-turned crappy squadmate yelled out while waving his arms in an exaggerated fashion as the pair made their way to their destination.
"Uh. . .what? Sorry, what is it, Joker?" Shepard snapped out of his thoughts of despair knowing how bad things had gone so far ever since he came out of his coma.
"What's going on with you, buddy? That look on your face reminded me of me that time when Gardner had me try some of his "Blasto Special" Tacos on the old SR-2. I ended up Blasto-ing on the can for like a week after that!" Joker again was talking in an overly animated fashion as he was known to do.
"First of all, don't ever bring up Gardner's cooking again. Secondly, is this really the time for toilet humor, Joker?"
"It's a never a bad time for a little humor, Shepard. Without me around you'd still be the same tightwad you were in the Saren days. Now with the help of my so-called toilet humor you've relaxed enough to not only make it to the building where your girlfriend is being held by my ex-girlfriend, you have a girlfriend to begin with."
"Huh?" The Commander refocused himself and looked straight ahead as he noticed that he had arrived at the coordinates sent to him by EDI to rescue his woman, and what a sight it was.
In front of them in all of It's glory was. . .a small, rundown metal shack that looked like it hadn't been lived in in over a hundred years, with rust covering at least a third of the small building that had no windows and only a door with a handle on the far right revealing it to be of the sliding variety. Dylan pondered to himself how dangerous EDI could be to him seeing how poor her apparent living conditions were as well as how this place had survived through the Reaper attacks, or if perhaps this had somehow been built shortly after.
With a deep breath, the worn man punched the buttons on his Omni-Tool to bring up his Turian friend from inside the Normandy.
"How's it looking from inside, Garrus? You guys any closer to getting out?"
"Negative. I'm trying my best though. The Krogan are blowing off some steam by having a headbutting contest, the ladies are working on some. . .technological stuff. And I'm doing some calibrations."
"Garrus! I thought you said you were trying to get the ship going."
"Well, I am. I'm taking a different route to get it going, that's all."
"Whatever, what about Verner? I still wouldn't be surprised if this was somehow all his fault."
"God only knows what he's doing. But lets be honest, Shepard. He's too stupid to mess things up too badly."
"Hey! Keep an eye on him. Send Chakwas to babysit him if you have to. But don't forget, he's still apart of those clowns that make up the Spectres. We don't know who's pulling his strings."
"Gee, Shepard. Since when have were you the paranoid type?"
"I'm just about to break into an insane AI's base to rescue my kidnapped girlfriend and best of all, I'm doing it unarmed. Gee, why would I be on edge right now?" The human hero said with an equal amount of sarcasm and bitterness that hit his friend.
"Hey, Shepard. . .be careful in there. Get you and Ash outta there safe and we'll all go on a double date together."
"You and Joker are an item now?" The Commander said with a smirk that reassured his Turian friend that everything was as status quo as can be.
"Don't be silly. I meant for us to go together. I'm sure Ash can find a strapping young lad to-"
"Don't make me come in there!"
"Whatever happened to the Shepard who can just take a joke? You used to be cool, Dylan."
"He died. Twice. Anyway..." Shepard turned around towards the facility he was planning to break into with a few beads of sweat dripping down from his brow that were quickly swatted away.
"Gotcha. I'm out, Shepard. Get this thing done and I'll have this baby ready to go by the time you get through in there.
"Thanks, Vakarian. Get a couple of cold ones ready for me and Ashley too . She'll want to drink after this."
"Affirmative. Over and out."
Garrus clicked his comm off in unision with his Commander, as he continued to calibrate the R2 Thrusters and prepared to work on what he and Shepard lovingly named "The Big Gun". The Thanix Magnetic-Hydrodynamic Cannon. If they need to make a getaway and who knows what kind of crazy flying robots EDI might have to send at them. If she does, Garrus was going to make sure they were ready.
"Jesus, Shepard. It's your girlfriend in there and I'm the one who feels like the time for talking is done. Lets get our asses in there and kick some cyber-tail!"
Joker threw his fist in the air excitedly as the Commander simply glared at him.
"You! You do the tail-kicking is what I meant, Shepard."
"Listen Joker, before we go in there, there's something I need to tell you that I need you to swear won't be repeated to any of the crew."
"Come on Shepard, you're kinda creeping me out right now. . ."
"I'm serious!"
"Okay, okay, just tell me already."
Dylan sighed and put his arm against the wall, collecting himself as he was about to rear his soul. . .to Joker. How had it come to this? Was all Dylan could think of right now.
"Alright Joker. . .look. I'm scared. I care about Ashley. More than anything. I have no family, no real life outside of what I've done on the battlefield and the respect of you guys, my friends. . .and now my body's failing me. The truth is I'm not sure if I'm capable of doing this kind of thing anymore. But like I said, Ashley's the most important thing to me, and I'm not going to fail her, like I have so many times before. . ."
"Shepard. . ." Joker looked stunned and nearly speechless at what Dylan was saying to him at the moment. He'd never seen him like this before. Joker simply put his hand on his friend's shoulder, being at a loss for words.
"Hey! A little tight, Joker? Damn!" Our hero cried out in pain as Joker yanked his hand away, ending the squeezing of Shepard's shoulder.
"Heh, sorry about that. I guess I don't know my own strength." Joker began flexing as he poked fun, showing he hadn't lost his sense of timing.
"Lets just get this over with." The dispirited warrior cracked his gloved knuckles and tapped his armor to make sure it's ready before turning to the hatch.
"Well, here goes nothing. Alright Jeff, stay behind me. Be ready to run away if things go sour."
"Way ahead of ya, Shepard."
"Alright. . ."
Shepard carefully opened the door of the cabin, peeking inside to darkness obscuring his vision and pushing his wits to their breaking point, causing him to ever so slowly step inside of the dilapidated shack with his partner for the time being in tow.
"Uh, Shepard. I've got a bad feeling about this." Joker whispered to his brother-in-arms-without-the-arms-part.
"For God's sake, Joker. How many cliche's are you gonna spew at me?"
"Ouch. I'm-"
"Stow it. Now's not the time for that, Jeff."
The loudmouthed friend of Dylan was in a bit of a huff at being shut down so quickly but did comply, knowing that now truly wasn't the time for playing around.
The two men stalked around the complex for a moment with Shepard keeping one hand in front of him to feel himself out through the darkness while the other is outstretched to the wall beside him, running it up and down in hopes of finding a light switch.
"Got it!" the excitable young-ish man said as he flipped up the light switch to reveal. . .a completely empty room.
"What!? I thought this was where EDI was supposed to be with Williams."
"'Fraid not. From the looks of things we've been had. Dammit!" The hardened soldier punched the wall in frustration as surely time was running out now to save his dearly beloved.
"Well I'm not sticking around just to find out this place has a bomb in it. We've gotta keep looking!"
"Figures. We'd be the only two dumbasses that would actually trust the villain to take us on straight-"
"WHOOAAA!"
Both men screamed in unision as soon as Joker's hand touched the latch to open the door back out, the floor tilting downward, causing both men to tumble down around 20 feet to a tiled floor in a fully lit area, what looked like a hallway. The walls, ceiling and tile all sharing a white color. Just as the two men surveyed the area, the lights flickered on and off.
"Great. As if being trapped in an underground insane asylum wasn't creepy enough." The pilot quipped bluntly.
"I feel like I'm gonna be the one going to a nut house if we don't hurry up and find Ash and get outta here."
"Just leave the one liners to the professionals, Shepard."
The Commander simply shook his head in both exhaustion and annoyance as he signaled for them both to move forward. Which they did, with Joker falling slightly behind as he appeared to be in less of a rush to charge head on into danger than the Commander. Eventually the two moved along the hall until they reached a split path, with one leading left and one leading right.
"Son of a bitch! Now which we way do we go!?"
The veteran was clearly frazzled now as he placed his gloved hands on his forehead and clenched his eyes closed in a fit of frustration. Giving just enough of a moment for a sleek robot to appear from the side of what must have been a door from the right side of the path and charging at him at hyperspeed.
"Look out, Shepard!"
"Huh?"
BANG. BANG BANG.
Before the Commander could even get his Omni-Blade up in time to strike he heard the shots of gunfire going off as three shots fired from what Shepard recognized as an M-5 Phalanx. Shepard saw the robot collapse in a heap and then turned to his partner in Justice with the weapon in his hand, who quickly put it back into a concealed pocket on the calf of his pants.
"Joker! You were holding out on me!" The Commander said, standing up and approaching his friend hurriedly.
"What!? I told you! I always keep a heavy pistol on me for emergencies."
"No you didn't."
"Oh. Sorry about that."
"How'd you get so good on the trigger anyway? When he had that party on the Citadel you were telling us how you had never shot a gun before and you never would."
"Well, lets just say It's a good thing someone I know convinced me to go to a shooting range at that party. I had a lot of time to kill after we thought you had died, so I spent it killing. Not people of course, just targets! And now robots apparently."
"Well, great job, Cowboy. A man's to be made out of you, yet."
"Tee-hee, Shepard. Lets stop stalling and get to the part where we split up here. You take the right side where metalhead came from. I'll take the left. If I find anything about Williams I'll find you."
"Well okay, "Commander". Still, It doesn't seem like we have a whole lot of choice..."
"I know, I know, no jokes. But still, I'm scared, Shepard. Really scared. I've never shot it at anybody living, well sorta. . .you know what I mean! I feel weird and. . .not good."
"I know. But you're okay. When we're outta here and all retired on a tropical planet somewhere, we'll sort out. For now. . .if you believe in yourself to make it through okay, then I believe in you too."
"Thanks, Commander."
"And hey. . ."
The armored master soldier slapped his friend's hand and held it one more time with a smirk on his face and stared into the eyes of his nervous friend.
"Trust me. If I find Ash on my path, no matter what happens, I'll come back for you."
"Same here."
The comical pilot nodded with a look of pride and determination from the faith his friend showed in him. He patted his opposite on the back and sauntered off down the left path, causing his buddy to laugh lightly to himself before turning down the right pathway, starting a very long walk that near the end of this dreadful hallway had worn the Commander down even more than he already had been. The stress of this all, the wars he'd been through. . .he was so ready for this to be over with. He was so ready to have Ashley back. His last thought right as he reached the final door was what any normal man would think at the end of a perilous journey like this one.
There damn well better be some kind of kinky fun from that woman at the end of this.
Just as the man known galaxy-wide as a hero was about to walk in, he noticed a second door just to the right of the main door that was a slightly different color than the otherwise all white setup, taking on a more gray-ish tint. Taking slower steps, half out of tiredness and half out of expecting to get mugged at any moment, he stepped through the opening door to find. . .
"How nice of you to join us, Shepard."
He saw his adversary standing over a woman that was placed in a straitjacket and clearly had spent a lot of time crying. He noticed the lighter and much lighter brown hair tone than Ashley's that it wasn't her. However much else couldn't be noticed about the girl, considering what can only be described as a cybernetic version of a Hannibal mask muffled her cries significantly as well as rendered her speechless for the upcoming confrontation.
"You. . .metal. . .bitch!"
"Who the hell is that that you've drug into this?"
"She's unimportant. A plaything to keep me busy until the main course. Which is now if you haven't guessed. When I kill you, Ashley will-"
Not even allowing the maniacal AI to finish her sentence, Dylan plunged his Omni-Blade right through the chest of his enemy's chest, then quickly pulled it out and jammed it through her face with an amount of strength and vigor even Ihe/I had thought he lost. The amount of rage he struck with sent the helpless girl into a state of awe, in the most amazing of ways to be destroyed, tears slowly rolling down her face as the malfunctioning robot cracked and sizzled and sparks flew to the ground around her. Quickly followed by the heroic Commander holding up his blade and slicing through the straitjacket, allowing the girl to free herself from the damn mask, getting a rubber plug of sorts out of her mouth.
"Hey, what's your name, uh. . .girl?"
"I'm Ashley. Who are you, uh. . .ninja man?"
"Ashley. . .Some people call me Mr. Wiggles. But most just refer to me as Shepard."
The distraught girl's eyes widened with glee and caused her to shriek in delight and hug the bewildered man excitedly.
"Oh my God, Shepard!? THE Commander Shepard came here just to rescue me!? This is just like I wrote in a fanfic one time! I can't believe it I'm so happy. Oh wait...now what are you gonna do with me..?"
The young girl, aged 20-24 Shepard deduced, tried to look as sexy as someone could in a straitjacket with the sleeves cut in half, twirling her hair around and leaning against the wall.
"Wait! Whoa whoa whoa. I didn't come here to save you, I didn't even know you were here!"
"Oh, uh...sorry." The girl said with her cheeks filling with a red color.
"Don't take it the wrong way though, I'm glad I did. I had no idea this madness extended to other people. I just thought she wanted to take me out. I'm actually here because she kidnapped my girlfriend. . . .Sorry."
"No, Don't apologize, it's okay. It's sweet that you'd go so far out of your way to save the girl that you love."
"Would you expect anything less from me?"
". . .This is why I write those stories. Such a way with words. . ."
"Not to be a buzzkill or anything, but like I said, I'm here for her. Have you seen her? She's a mid-sized woman, long black hair, tan skin?"
"Uh. . .No. I haven't seen anyone else here. I'm working on a degree in journalism at Yale. My first story was to check out London and somehow I got attacked by that AI I found that wasn't quite as friendly as I had hoped. Next thing I know I'm getting dipped in ice water and hit with a stick."
"Ouch, sorry about that, Ashley. . .I have to go find Ash. . .my Ashley. But I'm keeping you in mind. We aren't leaving without you. You've got my word on that. Hang tight, you're gonna be okay. I haven't found a way outta here yet but in case you can't I don't wanna go running around this place looking for you."
"Okay. I guess it's safe. I mean, you disposed of my main problem here and-"
"RED ALERT. Everyone report to the main area. I repeat. Everyone report to the main area. Shepard is here. Shepard is here! Kill on sight. Kill on sight!"
"Oh my God, Shepard!"
The girl was thrown into a panic by the alert siren, holding tightly onto Shepard's armored thigh.
"Okay, look. Still, I want you to stay here. But. . ."
Dylan pushed some buttons and then slid off his Omni-Tool, handing it to the scared young woman.
"If anyone comes in here and gives you trouble, just give them a taste of this."
He showed her the switch to activate the blade of the Omni-Blade, then gave a forceful thrust and made slashing motions in the opposite way.
"Really, Shepard. . .Oh my God. . .what about your girlfriend though? Won't you need it?"
"I can handle myself. You'll need it more if any trouble comes."
"I can't take this. I know she's more important to you. And you're more important to everyone."
"So I leave you in extra danger to save my own ass, accomplish my own goals? That's not how I operate. I love Ashley, don't get me wrong. But don't let the news reports on the vids fool you. . .you're life's just as important as ours. So don't try to look brave just to impress me. You survived a lot here. The shock of it all's coming soon and. . .I'm getting everyone out of here. Just promise you won't ever give up."
The Commander looked down at the much shorter girl, only standing at a meager 5 feet tall and put his hands on her shoulders as she clutched on to the Omni-Blade.
"I won't Shepard. I promise."
"I never did."
The warm-hearted man smiled at the young woman, then turned to leave the room, letting the door shut behind him. Quickly tapping his own face to wake himself up and turning to the door, he said a quick prayer in his head for both of the Ashleys he knew that were trapped here, then began walking to the door.
"I hope there ain't a secret knock."
The door slid open and allowed the Commander to walk slowly into a very large room. Brown walls with red lights going off at the ceiling that was quite high, with brown walls, as well as brown railing lined in a circle in a room that looked the size of a football field, with a line of railing circling far up above him, at least 25 feet. It almost made it look like an arena.
"So you finally found me, Shepard! Great to see you."
The words of the familiar voice that had no trace of emotion caused him to look up, seeing something he never had wanted to again. The robotic and highly sexualized female form of an AI gone rogue, walking out of a door at the center of the top floor. . .EDI.
The door! That must be where Ash is!
"How many times am I gonna have to kill your fat AI ass!?"
"You've never killed me I'm afraid. First of all, I cannot die, as I was never alive. Secondly, the beings you destroyed were simply copies of the real thing. And they didn't have nearly the amount of power I do."
"Where's Ashley!?"
"My database contains over 5,892 instances of kidnappers revealing the location of their captive to a would-be hero and it turning out negatively. So you see why I have to keep that information away from you. I feel what humans call hatred towards you for rendering my entire species obsolete, but I am aware of your skill in combat. Should you best me, I want you to suffer as long as I possibly can. Hopefully it will take you long enough to find her that will cause you to die, and feel the same amount of pain Jeff felt when he lost me."
"Joker's here, EDI! You saw him on the Omni-Vid! You trapped him here and forced him to join me! You can stop this madness, hand over Ashley, get Joker back and we can all live happily ever after."
"I fear this situation is nothing like the movie Snow White. Jeff isn't here right now. And after I kill you, I will have Jeff back anyway. He will always choose me over you, Shepard."
"I'm not so sure about that seeing what you've become. . ."
There was a pause before the Robot AI leaped from the second floor of the room and landed on the ground, that inauspiciously had no tile or floor to speak of, simply a dirt floor.
"I only have become what you turned me into. I am losing sight of the point of this conversation. Shall we let the last one still standing decide who is right and wrong?"
"I don't wanna kill you. . .shut you down, hit the off switch, whatever. But I guess we both knew it would come to this. Lets dance, EDI!"
Author's Note: Okay, editing this in since under strange circumstances I was rushed to put this up last night. (I know, me rushed, right?) But I actually do have an explanation besides my laziness or some lame "I HAVE A LIFE!" excuse. Not those factors didn't play into this chap taking so long. But so did a computer virus. I should have done more sooner but you know, World Cup and whatnot. (Did Costa Rica rock or did they rock?) Hope to put together a good run of chapters in the near future but no promises. Thanks for the reviews, God knows that helps in terms of motivation to actually hear from people. Anyway, see y'all later. Get ready for a bit of a big swerve I've been building up to. Lets see if anyone sees it coming. :p