Chapter 10

Keith got them started with the guitar lick at the beginning of 'Am I Losing You'. When the time came, his voice soared out over the crowd, 'Something's in the wind' and Shirley finally let her breath out and a smile spread across her face. She was relieved beyond belief that Keith's playing and singing were the same as any other night. She'd still keep a close watch over him throughout the show, but so far so good.

Keith smiled and sang, chatted up the crowd and all around entertained the pants off the enthusiastic audience. If she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, she wouldn't have believed it. The sullen, sleep deprived teenager of earlier was nowhere to be seen. Keith was his usually exuberant, energetic self once again. It was like night and day. Shirley was just starting to believe that performing had been all he'd needed to pull him out of his funk when he turned from the mic to switch guitars. As soon as his back was to the crowd, his smile slipped off his face faster than Danny could calculate interest rates.

Dear Lord, the whole thing was an act. Performing hadn't lightened his mood at all; he was just putting on a good face – literally. As the set progressed, she noticed that Keith didn't interact at all with the rest of the family. At different times during the set he would usually turn around and smile at herself or Laurie. Or he'd make eye contact to get the next song started. Tonight, it was all done with head movements. It was like he refused to look at them.

When his smile disappeared again when he put his guitar down to start a group of songs that didn't require him to play, Shirley knew for sure that he was holding it together by pure stubbornness alone. He pulled the mic from the stand and sang the next few songs while wandering along the front of the stage. Never once did he wander into the audience, a time he usually enjoyed when they played at the type of venue they were playing tonight; a dinner club atmosphere with tables and a more relaxed crowd. It allowed him to flirt with the pretty girls closest to the stage. Tonight he kept his distance. Those who had seen previous Family shows would be the only ones who knew anything was different.

Shirley glanced off stage to notice Reuben frowning in realization himself. They shared a knowing look and Reuben shrugged as Shirley put on a false smile.

When Laurie started the opening notes of 'Summer Days', everyone in the family expected Keith to do his usual routine of visiting each one of the family members during the course of the song. He never once turned around as he charmed the crowd.

The Family's concern escalated as the show continued with Keith practically ignoring them completely. It was as if he was performing on his own. Though they played their instruments and backed him up vocally, he separated himself from them as effectively as if he'd built a wall.

Just before the end of the set, Keith would normally hand the microphone to Shirley to introduce her family. Once she had introduced Keith he would normally step aside to grab his guitar for the last song. Tonight, he put the microphone back in the stand and turned his back on his Mother to grab his guitar. Shirley was now, not only concerned but starting to get a little ticked. She hid her feelings and proceeded to make the introductions as per the norm.

The minute Shirley finished the introductions and returned to the keyboards, Keith started the opening chords of 'I Woke Up In Love This Morning'. As the final notes of the song faded, the crowd roared their appreciation. The family bowed their acceptance of the appreciation and waited for the curtain to close. If Shirley had had more time, she'd have laid into Keith for his rude and unusual behavior. As it was, she held her ground and glared at the back of Keith's head.

As soon as the curtain closed completely, Keith blew out a breath and pressed his fingers into his temples. Who would have thought that acting happy and carefree could cause so much stress and such a big headache? He was not only exhausted, but his head hurt so bad he was almost seeing double. He rolled his shoulders to relieve the tension and massaged his temples.

Shirley saw his actions and her anger turned to sympathy in the blink of an eye. He wasn't being rude and inconsiderate; he was just trying to hold it together. Dear Lord, how could she have missed that? If she didn't miss her mark, he was holding on by his fingernails at best.

As the cheering on the other side of the curtain raised to another level, Keith finally nodded to the stage hand to reopen the curtain. Thankfully the family was so well rehearsed, because before Keith could even think of signaling Chris, he had started the opening beat of 'I Can Feel Your Heartbeat'.

'Thank God, only two more songs', was all Keith could think as he forced his mind and body to focus.

He put everything he had left into the last two songs. 'Heartbeat' and 'I Think I Love You' were two songs that no one would have forgiven them if they hadn't performed. And though he'd wanted to throw his hands up in defeat, he'd forced himself to continue. It was hard to find the emotions to pour into the songs, but he dug deep and delivered possibly the best encore he'd ever performed.

As the family walked off with the cheers still following them, Keith realized that he had almost no energy left at all. He almost dropped his guitar before setting it in its stand and then felt like he was dragging himself down the hallway to the dressing room.

Danny had been just about to lay into Keith about the way he'd performed the set that night when he took a closer look at his brother. What he saw shocked him. Keith looked older than his 18 years and also looked like he was about to keel over. Danny looked at his Mother to see her reaction and wasn't surprised to see what looked almost like fear on her face. He swallowed his words and quickly herded Chris and Tracy into the changing rooms with Laurie close on his heels. He knew an adult conversation was about to take place and had no desire to be included in this one.

"Keith, sit down before you fall over." Shirley said as she led Keith to a chair and pushed him down. She knew he wasn't feeling up to par by his lack of fight. He simply fell into the chair and closed his eyes. "What is going on?"

Keith didn't have the energy at the moment to answer.

"Keith!" Shirley was concerned by his lack of response. "Are you alright?"

"Mom, I'm fine." Keith whispered. It was all he could muster.

"You are not." Shirley pointed out the obvious.

Keith struggled but finally opened his eyes. "Mom, I'm just really tired. Can we do this later?"

Reuben knocked and walked into the room. "What in the world was that?"

"Reuben, not now." Shirley instructed not taking her eyes from Keith. Reuben was surprised at her tone. Shirley was rarely short and never rude. She'd been both.

"No, we cannot do this later. Are you sick?" Shirley asked again. He'd never been this drained after a show even when he'd gone on while sick. Usually performing gave him more energy not less. It was often the reason they would drive home the night of a performance when they were close to San Pueblo. She and Keith both had too much nervous energy left to sleep anyway, so they would just drive home.

"No, I'm not sick." Keith assured her. He was getting some energy back though he still felt a little like a newborn colt. His legs were shaking and his head was spinning. He was a mess. Who knew lack of sleep could mess you up so badly.

"Then what's wrong?" Shirley asked again.

"Nothing really. I just haven't slept much in a couple of days." Keith finally admitted.

"Why not?" Shirley quizzed.

"Just can't. Isn't that enough?" Keith said defensively.

"No. There has to be a reason. Normally you sleep at the drop of a hat. If you're not sleeping, then there's something wrong. Do I need to take you to a doctor?" Shirley threatened knowing how much he hated doctors.

"No, no doctors…..please." He looked at her with the saddest eyes she'd seen in quite some time. It reminded her of every time Tracy misplaced one of her favorite toys.

"Then what is it?" Shirley was not giving up.

"Alright, alright. I'll tell you." Keith said and closed his eyes again. Should he tell her the truth? He almost had to. He was too tired to make up a good lie. Besides, she could usually see right through him when he tried lying.

Shirley was just about ready to shake him. She could tell he was stalling for time. What could it be? His reticence to talk was driving her crazy but she didn't want to push too hard. At least at this point he hadn't clammed up completely or stormed off. He'd been doing both things for the last couple of days.

"I haven't been able to sleep since the note from Juliet two days ago." Keith finally admitted.

"That's it?" Reuben said in relief.

"Why not?" Shirley wasn't as easily mollified as Reuben. If Keith couldn't sleep there was an underlying reason that needed to be explored.

Keith ran his hand down his face and blurted it out, "Because every time I try sleeping, I have a dream about Anne dying right in front of me."

"Oh, Keith." Shirley reached out and put her hand on the side of Keith's face. Tears sprang to her eyes and she looked at him with sympathy.

Shirley's look forced Keith to close his eyes again. His emotions were too close to the surface and he started talking again just to fill in the empty space. "She's with me and we're so happy. Then for some reason, she gets into her car and drives away from me. The next thing I know, her car comes crashing down not too far from me. She's screaming for me to help her."

Keith's voice cracked, but he continued, "I try running to her but just before I get to the car it explodes and throws me back. That's when I wake up."

He'd glossed over the vivid details, but hadn't lied. He hoped that would satisfy his Mom's curiosity.

When no one said anything, Keith opened his eyes to see his mother looking at him, tears still in her eyes, "So, I won't let myself fall asleep anymore."

"You haven't slept in more than three days?" Shirley asked in surprise.

"Only long enough to have the dream. Twice." Keith admitted.

"Keith you need to try again. Twice isn't that often." Shirley pointed out.

"It's the only two times I allowed myself to fall asleep. It happened both times within 15 minutes." Keith told her the missing pieces.

"What about if you took a sleeping pill?" Reuben asked. Keith needed sleep or the tour was over.

"Reuben, I don't want him taking sleep aids. He's too young." Shirley didn't like the prospect of her son becoming hooked on a sleep aid.

"Just for one night. What could go wrong? He can't get addicted after just one pill." Reuben tried again.

"I don't like it, Reuben." Shirley said but took a good look at her exhausted son. If he didn't sleep, and soon, he'd end up in the hospital.

"Shirley, it's either that or a doctor." Reuben pointed out.

"No doctors!" Keith said emphatically.

"Alright, but where do we get sleeping pills?" Shirley thought she had spiked the plan with that little problem.

"I have some." Reuben offered.

"Oh." That was definitely not supposed to happen. Now she almost had to let them try it.

"Reuben, if we try this. Can I bunk with you tonight?" Keith asked.

"I suppose. Why?" Reuben answered.

"Because, if the dream comes back and I don't wake up right away, I don't know what will happen." Keith saw Reuben's still questioning look. "I don't want to scare Chris or Danny if I wake up…..suddenly." He'd almost said screaming, but that seemed melodramatic seeing he'd only woken up startled both times before.

"I'm alright with that. Shirley?" Reuben looked at Shirley for her reaction.

"I'd rather have you near me, but I see your point. We'll give it a try and see how it goes. How strong are these pills, Reuben?" Shirley asked.

"Hmmm….Maybe we could try a half a pill?" Reuben suggested.

Shirley smiled gratefully at Reuben's suggestion. "That sounds better."

xoxo

This time Keith had stopped to pick up his suitcase so he'd have a change of clothes in the morning. He knocked on Reuben's door and was let in.

"Why don't you get ready for bed and then you can take the pill. How does that sound?" Reuben asked nervously. Now that the time had come he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with Keith's dream issues on his own. What if Keith woke up screaming and Reuben couldn't calm him down? Reuben didn't handle emotional situations very well.

"What are you nervous about? I'm the one who gets the dreams." Keith frowned at his Manager.

"Who's nervous?" Reuben said as he loosened his tie as if it was strangling him.

Keith just rolled his eyes and headed into the bathroom. He came out minutes later in his shorts and a t-shirt. It was too hot for pajamas. Keith sat down on the bed he would be sleeping in. At least, he hoped he'd be sleeping in it. He really was tired.

"Here. I already cut one in half." Reuben handed him the pill.

"Can I have some water?" Keith looked at the pill. He wasn't sure if it was his ticket to paradise or a rocket sled to hell. But, he was about to find out. Reuben had just come back with a glass of water.

Keith swallowed the pill and set the glass down on the night stand. He pulled back the covers and crawled under. He looked up to see Reuben watching him intently.

"Would you quit staring at me?" Keith asked.

"What, hundreds of people stare at you on a nightly basis and I can't?" Reuben seemed offended.

"Yeah, well, they aren't looking at me while I'm in bed." Keith pointed out.

"Fine, I'll just…..." Reuben said as he waved his hand vaguely and headed for the bathroom.

Keith turned on his side facing away from Reuben hoping he was asleep before Reuben came back. He didn't want to end the night in another staring contest.

xoxo

Reuben came out of the bathroom to find Keith sleeping peacefully. He turned off the lights in the room but left the light on in the bathroom. He intended to stay up and keep watch over Keith as he slept; hopefully for the entire night.

Reuben pulled the desk chair to the end of his bed, took a seat and propped his feet on the bed. He stared at the back of Keith's head waiting for something to happen. What, he wasn't sure but when it happened he would know it, right?

Reuben sat there for over an hour with the only movements from Keith being that of breathing. He was so dead to the world that he had yet to move. 'Bad choice of words, Kincaid', Reuben chastised himself internally. Death had come too close to them recently to be using the word lightly.

As Reuben began to relax and even consider dozing off, he noticed Keith roll over onto his back and noted that his eyes were moving rapidly under his closed eyelids. As Reuben sat forward to watch more closely, he noted that Keith's breathing had increased dramatically from the heavy sleep of earlier. Keith was definitely dreaming.

Soon, Keith began to fight his body's inability to move during the dream induced paralysis. His breathing became erratic and very labored. Reuben had just risen from the chair and was trying to decide whether or not to try to shake Keith awake when suddenly Keith sat upright in bed and screamed, "Anne, no!"

The sound was tortured and raw.

Reuben jumped back slightly as he could not control his surprise at Keith's quick return to the waking world. Or was he awake? His eyes were glazed and unseeing. He was staring at a spot across the room and it appeared that something terrifying was running like a film on the blank wall. Keith was now almost panting in panic.

"Keith?" Reuben said quietly; way too quietly for Keith to hear. When he realized that his voice was muted, Reuben tried again. "Keith, are you awake?"

When Keith didn't answer, Reuben finally moved forward to stand next to him. "Keith, can you hear me?"

As Reuben waited for his response, he finally realized that Keith was repeatedly whispering, "No, oh God no."

"Keith!" Reuben grabbed his shoulder and began shaking him. "Keith, wake up! It's Reuben. Come on kid, wake up!" The last was said in desperation.

Reuben noted that Keith's muscles were bunched and tense throughout his entire body. He shook his shoulder harder and continued to talk to Keith to reassure him that he wasn't alone.

All of a sudden, as if the puppet strings has been cut, Keith fell back to the bed in a dead sleep. His breathing almost immediately returned to a deep slow level. Reuben just stood there and stared at the strange phenomenon.

"What the hell just happened?" Reuben asked the quiet room.

Reuben's first urge was to call Shirley and get her to come to his room as quickly as possible. However, he knew that he would wake up the rest of the family if he called at this hour. He decided to wait a little longer. If Keith had another dream, he'd call her then. After all, Keith was sleeping peacefully now, right?

There were two more incidents during the next 4 hours and each time Reuben decided not to wake Shirley as Keith would fall back into a peaceful sleep. That's what the kids needed, right? Sleep.

As the sun began to rise, Reuben finally lost his battle to remain awake. He nodded off in the chair and didn't see Keith begin to stir as his body fought the effects of the sleeping pill and his mind forced the dream on him one last time.

Keith's body jerked awake, but he made no sound as the dream reached its horrifying end again. With his heart racing, Keith opened his eyes to find himself in a hotel room, not on a beach. There was no burning wreckage and no blood curdling screams. As he tried to slow his racing heart and rapid breathing, he glanced over to notice Reuben asleep in a chair facing him.

Keith glanced from Reuben to the clock on the nightstand. It was just after 5:30 in the morning. He'd slept for about 6 hours. So why did he feel like he'd just closed his eyes? His body felt like he'd been run over by a train and his brain felt sluggish. He ran his hand down his face hoping to wipe some of the sleep from his eyes. When that failed to make him feel more awake, he finally threw back the covers and tiptoed past Reuben to get a change of clothes from his suitcase. Maybe a shower was the ticket. It was worth a try.

Reuben slept through Keith's shower and right through the loud whir of the blow dryer. Keith stepped back into the room still feeling only half awake, but with the dream still fresh in his mind he had no desire to lie back down and try to sleep. He grabbed a hat and sunglasses and slipped quietly from the room. If Reuben had stayed up most of the night, Keith was sure he'd be back before Reuben even knew he'd left.

He needed fresh air. Something, anything to drive the cobwebs from his mind and exercise to push away the tension from his muscles. The shower had gone a long ways toward making him feel more human, but he needed to just get away. Be by himself. When the family was on the road, privacy was a rare treat. He hoped it was early enough that he could walk around the city without being recognized. It had to be or he was in trouble. He was too tired to run very far and if the girls started chasing him, today they'd get lucky because he'd have no choice but to let them catch him.

He used the reflection in the elevator door to make sure that his hair and eyes were covered and exited the car to an empty hotel lobby. He walked past a doorman who barely took note of his passing and headed toward the river. Water was supposed to be soothing so it seemed a likely destination.

xoxo

Two hours later, Reuben was startled awake by a knock on the door. He forced open his scratchy eyes and immediately noted Keith's empty bed.

"Keith?" He looked around the room quickly and once again headed to the closed bathroom door. Before he could open the door, the knock on the outer door sounded again reminding Reuben why he'd been woken up.

He changed his course and opened the door to a worried looking Shirley. "Good morning."

"How's Keith?" Shirley said without preamble.

"I'm not sure. He must be in the bathroom." Reuben said as he invited her in.

"What do you mean, must be in the bathroom?" Shirley asked as she walked by him, her eyes scanning the room for her son.

"Well, I just woke up and he's not in his bed, so he must be in the bathroom." Reuben told her.

"Oh, how did the night go?" Shirley asked as she took note of Reuben's rumpled and tired appearance.

"Strange." Reuben said reliving the evening in his mind's eye.

"Strange? Strange, how?" Shirley raised an eyebrow.

"Well, he had the nightmare about three times but never woke up. He'd sit bolt upright in the bed and scream 'Anne, No', but I'm pretty sure he wasn't aware of anything going on around him." Reuben explained.

"Oh?" Shirley urged Reuben to continue.

"He would never acknowledge me when I'd go over to him. He'd just keep mumbling something to himself and then a few minutes later, he'd lie back down and fall into a deep sleep." Reuben glanced at Keith's bed and relived every episode from the night before.

"Did it seem like he was getting any restful sleep?" Shirley asked.

"Yeah, a few hours at least. Between each dream, he appeared to be sleeping peacefully." Reuben assured her.

"Well, how long has he been in the bathroom? The best way to find out if he feels rested is to ask him." Shirley said and walked to the bathroom door.

As Shirley raised her hand to knock on the door, Reuben told her, "I'm not sure. A couple of hours ago I must have fallen asleep. Your knock on the door woke me up."

Shirley knocked a second time with no response. "Are you sure he's in here?"

"Well, where else could he be?" Reuben asked as Shirley opened the door to find the bathroom empty.

"He's not here!" Shirley looked at Reuben trying not to panic.