Observations: Krogan
"Do we have to keep talking about this, Mordin?"
To be fair, all Primarch Adrien Victus heard over the past two days was how the salarian doctor was trying to play matchmaker between the female krogan, Eve, and Vakarian. While he understood why Vakarian didn't want to hear the chatter anymore, Victus was interested in hearing the reactions of Urdnot Wrex, Lt Vega, and Lt Moreau.
"Hah! As if this pyjak could attract a female krogan," the large krogan boasted.
"Entirely plausible. Facial scars significant, but not obscuring; still retains attractive features. Shows signs of resilience and strength. All attractive qualities for female krogan."
The flight lieutenant burst into laughter while Lt Vega grinned. "Scars, I didn't know you're becoming a ladies man."
"I'm not," Vakarian groaned.
"Good, because if you talk to Eve I'll kill you," Wrex grunted.
Victus resisted the urge to sigh, but Vakarian simply grinned and leaned back into his chair casually.
"You know, after seeing the way Eve handled your shotgun, I'd say she can kill anyone she wants herself," Vakarian drawled.
The clan leader grumbled to himself as the humans laughed and the salarian chuckled. "Yeah, well," the krogan started in an attempt to regain his honor, "if there wasn't a female who didn't know how to handle a shotgun, then she's no krogan at all."
Chatter broke on the merits of combatant female krogans, but Victus tuned into the sound of someone approaching briskly, impatiently. He recognized the gait and stride accurately as the Commander came into view. She marched directly to the kitchen and turned on the hot water machine dressed in her workout attire. From his angle, he could see the orange glow from the Omni-music in her ears, her arms crossed as she leaned against the counter, and the hardened look on her face made him think twice about approaching her. Victus' attention snapped back as he heard Vakarian sharply cut into the krogan's laugh.
"Don't say anything to her. She's not in the mood to-"
"Hey, Shepard!" the krogan called. The Commander did not acknowledge him.
"Wrex, she has her Omni-music on. You know that-"
"Have you heard? Garrus is a female krogan magnet."
The Commander's back straightened and she turned around slowly. The table went deadly silent as she stood with one hand on her hip, giving them the coldest look Victus had ever seen on her. Victus was convinced Harbinger had never met the Commander face to face. Surely if that abomination did, he would turn tail and run if he knew what was good for him.
Her other hand raised and she tapped the orange glow in her ear lightly. "What was that, Wrex?"
There was a pause and Victus relished that the awe mighty krogan leader was hesitant to respond. "Uh, you heard the rumor about Vakarian trying to rope a female krogan?"
The Commander's gaze snapped to Vakarian, whose mandible was tightly pressed together. "Garrus, are you interested in krogan women?"
"No, Ma'am! Never, Ma'am!"
If Vakarian didn't look like he wanted nothing more than to hide under the table or strangle the krogan, Victus might have laughed. Of course, that would have attracted the Commander's attention to him and he knew better.
The Commander turned back to the krogan. "Then that settles it." She reached back up to her earbud when she paused. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and when she spoke it was akin to a growl, "If I hear anyone else spouting that rumor, I'm going to personally throw them out the damn airlock. EDI, mark that on the record."
"Commander, I do not think adding such a comment is professional, and I do not think Javik will appreciate that you have stolen his favorite phrase."
When the Commander turned her now clearly angry gaze to Lt. Moreau, Victus swore he heard the man whimper. "Joker, have you talked with EDI about jokes and timing?"
"No," Joker said weakly.
There was a pause that felt like an eternity before the AI finally chimed, "You comment is noted in the record. Logging you out, Shepard."
Scowling, the Commander said, "Now, I'm going down to the armory and I'm going to clean my shotgun while attempting to enjoy my tea. Anyone else have something to say?"
It was fortunate the Commander took the silence as a yes and tapped her ear piece, tuning the world out once again. Still, no one said a word until the elevator doors closed.
"I think I should warn Esteban," the Lt. Commander muttered.
"I think Cerberus jipped her by not installing lasers that shoot from her eyes, you know so she can do it physically instead of metaphorically," Lt. Moreau added.
Ignoring the human males, Vakarian's talons curled into a fist. "I am going to kill you!" Vakarian growled, staring angrily at the krogan. "Why do you keep pushing her buttons?!"
"She needs it," the krogan shrugged. "Plus it's fun."
"That's because she never gets mad at you!"
"I didn't say it was fun for everyone."
As the Lt. Commander struggled to keep Vakarian from hurling himself across the table to strangle the krogan, Victus stood and noticed the salarian following in similar fashion. He walked over to the salarian and said quietly,
"You know, Dr. Solus, I imagine you are right in your observation about Vakarian and krogan women."
With a twinkle in his eye and a wide grin, the doctor responded, "Of course. Personal observations almost always correct."