Chapter 10- Trust Me
I stared out the passenger window at the spanning deserts of Esthar as Quistis silently drove the car that we had rented. I observed the sand that was sent high into the air by the rapidly spinning wheels, and the miniscule particles repeatedly beat against the glass with an irritating tapping noise. I was immeasurably bored by the inaction and monotonous landscape; I hated not being able to do anything.
I slowly traced my index finger across my scar, which brought to mind my fierce rivalry with Squall and the latest chapter we were adding to it. If everything went according to plan, and if my strange vision turned out to be reality, it would also be the last. I had always desired to claim superiority over him, but I wasn't sure I wanted it to go to this extent. For so many years, our competitive fire had burned so deeply and I believed it was an integral part of both of our lives. What would it be like to intentionally destroy a part of myself, and what would I have left, since my obsession of becoming a sorceress' knight had been abruptly ended? It had been painful to release my hold on that piece of me.
"Seifer," Quistis began, interrupting my thoughts, "do you ever…regret what you did?"
The query was completely random, and I looked at her with my eyebrows arched. "What…?"
"What you did as Ultimecia's knight…Do you ever regret that?" she repeated.
Why did she even care? Did she want to take some pride in my remorse, both of us knowing that I had been in the wrong? Did she rejoice in the fact that I had been abased after I had thought I was on top of the world? I didn't understand what motive she had or what she could possibly hope to gain from my confession of shame.
"I can tell that you've changed, Seifer. It even shows in your reaction. The old Seifer wouldn't have hesitated to say that he didn't regret anything. The cockiness is still there, but not to the same extent. However, maybe it's this mission that's causing this. You've been very pensive recently, and maybe it's because you actually empathize with Squall and Rinoa."
(Well, she's quite observant, isn't she?) I thought. "Why are you asking me this now?"
"Everybody deserves another opportunity to succeed. That's why you're in SeeD now. I want you to feel like you're one of us and not some outsider. Despite what we've been through, you still have a part with us, Seifer."
"How can you be so easily accepting of me after what I've done?" I asked incredulously.
"Because I know you. You were an arrogant bully who was looking for a fight, but you weren't a mass murderer, by any means. Ultimecia manipulated you, and as much as those who hate you would like to deny that, they know it's the truth. I'm not saying that I can readily forgive or trust you, but I'm willing to try. You've suffered internally for your actions, and it's made you a new man," Quistis explained. "I don't expect you to pal around with us all the time, but I think it'd be good if we could be able to trust each other, even just a little."
I hadn't anticipated my former instructor's kindness, and it caught me off guard. She did have a point about trust though, and I thought it was amazing how astute she was. I couldn't find the right words, so I opted to nod my head to signify that I understood what she was saying.
The journey continued quietly, and I was left to my own musings. I felt like I could at least trust Quistis when the time came, and I was aware that I would eventually need their help. Maybe this assignment was softening me because people usually weren't able to see through what I displayed on the outside. I had only felt somewhat comfortable confiding in Fujin and Raijin, and even then I had difficulty telling them my utmost personal feelings and experiences.
Then again, I didn't know a whole lot about my silver-haired comrade either, but I had never attempted to inquire about her past. I could only assume that it had been very distressing for her. Only the other member of the posse openly spoke about himself. He talked without reserve concerning just about anything, and although his constant babbling gave the impression that he was an idiot, he was actually quite intelligent. Raijin's main fault was that he often made outbursts before he gave himself a chance to think.
Eventually, my recent lack of rest caught up with me and I dozed off. Once again, I had a strange dream. I saw the Ragnarok landed in a forest near the coast with Squall and Rinoa stepping off of the airship with two other figures that I couldn't clearly recognize. Then I saw the four boarding a boat and speeding off into the ocean.
Before the "revelation" could continue any further, I was awakened by Quistis repeatedly nudging me. "What?! What is it?!" I snapped grumpily as my eyes gradually opened.
"We're at the Sorceress Memorial, Seifer," she informed. "Let's get going."
I gazed around with weary eyes and noticed that night was falling. I opened the door and languidly stepped out, stretching my limbs to get loosened up after sitting so long in one place. I took a few groggy steps as I was still trying to completely wake up.
I groaned loudly as I noticed the numerous stairs we had to climb. It wasn't something I wanted to do so shortly after rousing from sleep. It almost seemed like an arduous trial to reach the top, even with all the conditioning I'd had. I tried to act like it didn't bother me as I walked.
Two of Esthar's soldiers were guarding the entrance to the Memorial. "You're not allowed in here. This is a restricted area," one of them warned.
"What's in there that we ain't supposed to see, huh?" I questioned.
"Listen, only authorized personnel are permitted in here. No exceptions for anyone. We've already made that mistake once before."
My patience was already wearing thin and I persisted. "You're gonna let us in there," I said through clenched teeth.
"What are ya going to do when I don't?" he retorted calmly.
"Oh, you wanna know what I'll do…?" I asked as I stealthily reached into my trench coat and grabbed Hyperion by its hilt.
Quistis must have seen what I was attempting to do and quickly intervened, stepping between us and, placing her hands on my shoulders, slightly pushed my away from the guards. "Seifer, don't!" she reprimanded in a whisper. "Don't cause any trouble! It's not going to help us here! Just let it go!"
"But we need to get in there!" I challenged.
"But we can't! We can't fight them unless you want the entire Esthar army after us!"
"Bring them on," I said confidently.
"Oh, stop that! Quit being so reckless, Seifer! Even you know that we can't afford to do something like this!" Quistis exclaimed.
I relinquished my grip on my gunblade and reluctantly acquiesced. "Fine."
My former instructor breathed a sigh of relief and took her hands off of me. "Thank you."
We walked back down the stairs to our rental care, and, before we got inside, I remembered my dream. "Hey, are there forests on this continent?"
"Yes, on the northeastern part," she responded.
"Let's go there," I insisted.
"Why?"
"Somethin's over there," I said.
"What exactly?"
"The Ragnarok," I replied.
"How can you possibly know that?" Quistis asked in confusion.
"Hey, have I been wrong yet on this mission?" I asked, hesitant to divulge the truth since it would likely decrease the idea's credibility to her.
"Somehow these wild goose chases we've been on have yielded positive results so far, but we can't take risks like this on a hunch," the ever popular SeeD stated firmly.
This was all too weird to be just a hunch, I thought. For some reason, the previous dream had steered us in the right direction, and it seemed like a good idea to me to follow them until they were wrong since we had no leads.
"What do we have to lose here?" I asked, still relentless in my endeavor to persuade her.
"Time and ground. We're supposed to search this area," Quistis answered, equally stubborn. "Besides, if it's there as you say, Irvine and Zell will find it."
"Not necessarily. There's always a chance they'll miss it if they don't know where to look. Just make contact with them and tell them to investigate this."
She eyed my skeptically, still doubting my farfetched notion.
"Trust me," I said to remind her of the words she had said to me earlier.
Quistis nodded, and then activated her communicator. "Irvine, Zell, this is Quistis. You there?"
"Hey, this is Irvine here. What is it, Quisty?" the cowboy replied, the transmission coming in surprisingly clear with no static whatsoever. I even heard the roar of their car's engine roaring in the background.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Well, we left the Lunatic Pandora Lab a long time ago. No luck there though. It's almost entirely abandoned now, and the only scientist there didn't know anything useful. We've been drivin' ever since then…"
"You mean I've been drivin' ever since!" I heard Zell shout in frustration, interrupting him.
The sharpshooter ignored him and finished his report. "…Hard to say where we are exactly."
"Are you near the forests?" Quistis followed up.
"Yeah, I can see them in the distance. Why do you ask?"
"I need you guys to check them out…"
"Near the coast," I added.
"…Check out the ones near the coast. I've got reason to believe the Ragnarok is there."
"The Ragnarok? Why would it be there?" Irvine inquired, puzzled.
"Perhaps Squall and Rinoa hid it away, hoping we wouldn't find it. They would be really conspicuous flying around in it," Quistis reasoned, I believed trying to avoid making it sound like it was my proposal so they would buy it.
"You've got a point, but are you sure about this, Quistis? I mean, it sounds a little…too good to be true."
"Perhaps it is, but we'll have to find out. Will you do it?" she requested.
"Sure thing. It's not like we have anywhere else to go anyway."
"Let me know if you find it."
"Right. We're on our way as we speak. Irvine out," he said, and then the communication ceased.
"So what do we do now?" I asked in ennui.
"I suppose we can only wait to see if your latest crazy idea pays off," my former instructor replied. "Where do you come up with these anyway?"
"They just occur to me," I lied. "All it takes is a little deductive reasoning. Nobody knows Squall better than me."
"I'll give you that," she concurred," but you can figure out his every move that easily simply because you know him? I find that hard to believe."
"It shouldn't be, considering my superior intellect. You should know that well enough, my dear instructor."
My blonde teammate shook her head, and then she briefly smiled. "Some things never changed, no matter what, it seems. Even now, you still have that confident demeanor."
"Hey Quisty!" a voice suddenly chirped from our communicators.
Quistis raised the device close to her mouth and began to speak. "Selphie? What is it?"
"Just callin' to let you know what's goin' on here!" she informed. "There's really nothing of interest to tell you. Everyone but that Ropka guy is totally clueless, but he won't tell me anything else! I did learn that Kiros and Ward left about the same time as the Ragnarok, but I dunno if that would mean anything, as far as our mission is concerned."
(Those were the president's advisors, right? Then that might explain the other two figures in my dream.) I thought.
"By the way," the little messenger continued, "I overheard what you said to Irvine. Sorry, but it's kinda hard to prevent! I'm sure he's listening to us right now, too! Anyway, if we find the Ragnarok, where are we gonna go?"
Quistis looked at me expectantly, but I merely shrugged my shoulders. "I thought you knew Squall's every move," she said, lowering the communicator from her lips to avoid being heard.
"Well, I doubt Squall chose where they went," I stated.
"What are you saying?" she asked curiously.
"It's probably the president who's hiding him. I'm guessing that's why his two aides left at about the same time," I explained.
Quistis activated the device again and finally answered Selphie. "I'm not entirely sure where we'll go. We'll decide when we get together again."
"Sounds good to me! But I think I'm gonna find a place to rest for the night. I'm sleepy! Selphie over and out!"
My former instructor looked over at me. "Maybe we should get some sleep as well. Besides, it's sort of cold out here."
"Where are we gonna sleep?" I asked.
"There's no way we can reach Esthar again before morning, so we'll have to sleep in the car," she replied.
"Great," I replied sarcastically as I got into the rental vehicle.
It was actually fairly warm inside for some reason, and I was surprised how easily and how well I slept that night. I was pleased that I had no dreams and I was able to rest peacefully. In the morning, I was awakened by a voice echoing from my communicator. "Quistis, where are you two at?" It was Irvine's voice.
"We're still at the Sorceress Memorial," she answered. Apparently, she had already woken up.
"Great! So like, we'll be there in a little bit. Irvine out."
I ran my hand through my hair, and then I got out of the car. I was painfully stiff, so I desperately needed to stretch. The sleep had been refreshing, but I couldn't stand to be so cramped up. I paced aimlessly around the vehicle in immense boredom, occasionally kicking sand into the air with my shoes.
Quistis rolled down the window on the driver's side, electing not to exit the car. "They found it, Seifer."
"I figured that out," I answered.
"Well, you were right again," she admitted.
"Of course. What'd you expect?"
Eventually, I spotted the Ragnarok coming our way, and then my teammate finally decided to step out of the vehicle as well. As it slowly descended, it generated a high amount of wind that pushed my hair back and practically created a miniature sandstorm. I shielded my eyes until I heard the sound of the vessel landing, and the engines were cut off.
We got on board, and Irvine was waiting patiently for us. He led us to the bridge where Zell was in the pilot's seat with his hands on the controls.
"Zell! Let's go!" the cowboy exclaimed.
"And be quick about it, Chicken-Wuss," I added antagonistically as I strolled over to the gunner's chair and sat down.
"Hey! You wanna fly this thing, huh?! You think you could do any better than me?"
"Well, that's obvious," I replied coolly.
The martial artist gritted his teeth, closed his eyes, and loudly exhaled an exasperated breath. His fists tightened around the airship's controls as he exclaimed, "Yo Irvine! Tell Selphie we're comin'!"
"Don't worry. I'm on it," he replied nonchalantly, activating his communicator. "Hey Selphie, can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear, Irvy!" the eternally optimistic SeeD answered in a singsong voice.
"Meet us at the Airstation. We're on our way."
"Whoo-hoo! Awesome! I'll be waiting!"
The expedition to Esthar was much quicker in the Ragnarok, and it seemed like hardly any time had passed before we landed compared to our initial trip, although I couldn't say for sure how long it had actually been. I heard Selphie's shoes pounding on the metal floor as she dashed toward the bridge almost immediately after the airship touched the ground.
"Move over, Zell! I'm flyin' this thing now! I've missed the Rag!" she said energetically.
"Be my guest," he said, voluntarily abdicating the pilot's seat. "It's about time I get a chance just to sit back and relax."
The little messenger hopped into the position, and the Ragnarok took off with much a rush that I was forced to firmly grip my chair to avoid being pushed back by the velocity. She had too much liveliness for her own good, and besides being annoying, it also made her a danger to herself and to me, most importantly. I'd never met someone who could maintain such a bubbly personality all the time.
"Where are we headed, guys?" Selphie asked curiously.
"Circumnavigate the continent," Quistis commanded. "I doubt they've gotten a long distance away without the airship, especially if Laguna is the one protecting them."
The spunky SeeD flew west to the Horizon Bridge and began exploring the outside of the continent in a counterclockwise direction. We were as close to the ground as possible in order to be able to spot them more easily. We found many islands that were inhabited only by monsters as the day wore on closer to sunset. The ocean waters gradually changed from its usual shade to a reddish-purple color due to the effects of the dusk.
Eventually, we came across an almost imperceptible island that I could barely see, even as low as we were flying. "Stop there!" I ordered, following my intuition.
"Why?" Zell asked, questioning my orders.
"Because I'm the leader and I said so!"
"Enough of your power trip, Seifer," Irvine said.
"Just do it," Quistis said resolutely. "I can actually see some signs of human life there. See the small cabin right in the center?"
Selphie slowed the Ragnarok down to examine it closely, squinting her eyes. "Yep, there's a little house in the middle of the island! But there's no place for us to land!"
"Then drop us off," I told her.
"Okay, but you're gonna get a little wet, and it's not gonna be easy to board again! Hold on tight!"
Irvine grinned and waved at the little messenger as he made his way toward the lift. She waved back enthusiastically with a huge smile that revealed almost every tooth in her mouth. As we made our way off of the Ragnarok, I realized that we were already under water.
I hurriedly swam to the surface, and then I waded through the shallow water onto the shore and scrutinized my trench coat carefully as the others got off of the vessel. It was soaked, so I attempted to wring it out. Then my eyes came across the rip under the armpit and I moaned in disgust. Apparently, Quistis noticed me inspecting it and reached in her hand to touch it.
"How'd you tear it…?"
I slapped her hand away angrily. I didn't want to even discuss the duel with Squall right after I had become a SeeD. I wanted to put any failures out of my mind if I was about to confront him. "Don't touch that!"
She quickly backed away from me, and I was amazed that she didn't say a word, as if she actually had respect for my discomfort. I guessed that she thought it was because I treasured my coat, which I did, but that wasn't the entire story. I wasn't going to relay it to any of them either.
I approached the wooden cabin's door as I reached my hand inside of my trench coat to grab Hyperion in order to be prepared for whatever was behind it. I cautiously placed my free hand on the knob, slowly twisted it, and then I swung it open as I pulled out my gunblade.