Everything had moved in slow motion. Desmond was on the ground seizing and miles away Charlie was doing the same thing. James surged forward and then Desmond became Juliet, crying out in pain. He tried to reach her, but the room got longer, and he started to run in place. "Juliet! I'm coming!"
"James, are you alright?" Kate asked quietly. Sawyer looked up. He and Kate were sitting at the kitchen table, dim light coming from an overhead lamp. Kate was patching up his arm. Her hands moved carefully and steadily, as if she had stitched someone up before. Sawyer heard her counting under her breath. She looked tired, her eyes had bags under them and her long dark hair was pulled into a messy bun.
"Desmond got you pretty good, huh?" Kate asked. She smiled and then looked back down at what she was doing. The smile seemed forced; Sawyer could tell that her mind was miles away. She didn't know it, but he felt the same way.
"Ahh," Sawyer winced and looked away as Kate poured antiseptic on the wound. Sawyer wasn't usually the kind of guy to get squeamish, the wound wasn't deep at all, but getting your arm scratched by a guy who was convulsing on the ground didn't feel to comfortable.
"Sorry," Kate said apologetically. She dabbed a bit of the alcohol off with a cotton ball and then covered the area with gauze. Sawyer reached over and put pressure on the wound with his other hand, pressing firmly to keep a grip on reality.
They sat in complete silence, apart from the occasional wince from Sawyer as Kate moved her attention to another scratch further down his arm that looked a bit more serious. From the other room, Sawyer heard Penny fretting over Desmond as he lay in bed. "Finished," Kate said, "I'm gonna go see if she needs any help in there." she added, motioning to the open doorway.
Sawyer nodded his understanding, "I'll go check on Claire and the munchkins." Sawyer wondered how they were doing. He knew what it felt like to witness your parents suffer. No kid should have to go through that alone.
Kate smiled slightly before walking over to Penny, who was closing the curtains to alleviate Desmond's headache. Sawyer got up himself, and walked past the room. He could distinctly hear Desmond was saying that he was alright, that he just needed rest. Sawyer chuckled grimly to himself. If the others were fooled, he wasn't. He'd lied, conned, cheated, and stretched the truth enough to the point where he could tell when a person was being honest. Desmond wasn't.
Sawyer walked down the hall alone and remembered the last time he was on a ship. He and Kate had sailed to Hydra island, got on a plane, and left the island for good. They had found Claire, and Sawyer had almost tried to leave her behind on the beach alone; again.
Sawyer finally made it to the kids' room. He stopped at the doorway.
"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket.."
He could hear Claire was singing a lullaby to the boys while her voice shook slightly.
Sawyer knocked politely before entering to give Claire the time she needed to wipe away the tears he knew she would try to hide. Charlie was in pain, and she couldn't stop it.
The lullaby stopped. Sawyer heard a sniff, and the sound of Claire taking a deep breath. He waited a bit longer before peaking his head in the door.
"'m I interrupting?" he whispered, "If I am, I can leave." Claire turned and smiled at him. She was holding Aaron's hand, and smoothing back Charlie's hair with the other. You almost left her, Sawyer reminded himself.
"No, it's alright." She whispered back softly in her thick Australian accent. "I just got them to fall asleep." Seeing her there with Aaron, made his stomach churn in guilt.
"I'm sorry." Sawyer said abruptly. He couldn't help it, it had to come out eventually. Claire looked at him, obviously confused.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Claire got up to leave. Her hand lingered in Aaron's before she let go and then they both left the room. Claire closed the door softly behind her.
"Sorry for what?" she asked. Sawyer looked at her, expecting the worse; even though she was no longer crazy, she still sometimes seemed distant and angry.
"I didn't looked hard enough." he got out. She waited for him to finish. "When you went missin', and I found your kid in the jungle, I didn't look for you hard enough. And then, after Jack and Co. came back to the island, and we planned to leave, it was my choice to leave you behind. Not Jack's."
"I'm so sorry Claire, it was my fault you ended up the way you did, and then I tried to leave you without Aaron again." Sawyer said, referring to the plane. He stopped and looked down, too ashamed to face her. Claire stood silent for a while, contemplating her response.
"It's okay," she said finally, "I forgive you." Sawyer looked up in surprise.
"Just like that? You a'int even gonna yell at me, Blondie?" Claire reached over and hugged him. Sawyer felt relieved, and protectiveness surged through him. He would not let anything bad happen to her again. Not on his life.
"Charlie will be alright you know." He said to her, patting her back, "I'll make sure of it."