A/N: I can't even find the words to apologise for the late update. I can give you excuses upon excuses but it doesn't change the fact that it was my fault entirely and I'm sorry. I will now be re-devoting myself to the story and I will definitely try to update more frequently.
[I'm even going to write a Christmas Oneshot in lieu of a special someone's birthday ;) ]
Enjoy!
The dim hallway is surreally ordinary compared to the bright afternoon spent with Levi. Eren can feel his content smile slowly fading from his face as he traipses down the gloomy stairwell.
Even with Levi's offer to train him, will he be good enough in time for the Evaluation?
Eren shakes his head in an attempt to rid himself of the melancholy thoughts. This is Humanity's Strongest we're talking about. Feeling slightly better, he prances awkwardly down the remaining steps while simultaneously trying not to hurt himself even further.
By the time he reaches the dining hall, the rest of the trainees are already loudly digging in to their own plates of food. He scans the room, trying and failing to find Armin or Mikasa.
"Eren," a voice softly calls out and Eren sees Mikasa sitting with Annie at one of the tables that are connected to the wall. He steps towards them and as he comes closer he notices how close together they are seated. He wouldn't be surprised if they are holding hands under the table. The thought brings a smile to his face and he ruffles the hair on each their heads affectionately before sitting down. Mikasa smiles back softly, eyes looking tired, but Annie's head snaps up abruptly like a startled wild animal. Her eyes are wide and she purses her lips, giving Eren a look that is equal parts incredulous and Eren-I-swear-to-god-I'm-going-to-fucking-kill-you-in-three-seconds. He is just about to yelp and try to get away but then Mikasa's arm shifts under the table and Annie stops. She turns to look at Mikasa with an expression that is almost apologetic before continuing to eat, not paying any more attention to Eren.
Eren's mouth is hanging open.
He's alive.
Mikasa can… control it?
He's about to say out loud that Mikasa really did tame the beast but she seems to sense his train of thought and silences him with a meaningful look. Eren closes his mouth but then pushes his lips out and makes kissing motions in Annie's direction, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Mikasa blushes beacon red and chokes on her food. She coughs and splutters and Annie looks up in surprise. She thumps Mikasa on her back until the latter waves her away.
It's now Mikasa's turn to glare at him and Eren bites his lip. He may have survived Annie through sheer dumb luck, but Mikasa too?
Nope.
Sorry.
Does not compute.
Do not pass GO.
Please leave a message after the beep and try again later.
"So!" Eren says loudly as Mikasa stands, just before she can launch herself at him, "Where's Armin?"
Mikasa seats herself again and stares at the table top thoughtfully. "I don't know," she says. "He left training shortly after water break. I haven't seen him since."
Eren mulls this over. It's strange that Armin misses training; even more so than Eren missing it. He hums thoughtfully and stands up to serve himself dinner. He manages to get a decent portion before Sasha descends on the table for thirds. Or sevenths. One can never be too sure.
Just as he's about to seat himself again, he spots a familiar blond head entering the hall.
"Hey! Armin!" Eren calls, waving to him.
The blond head turns towards him and Eren see that it is accompanied by an equally familiar head that is dyed two tones.
What.
Eren kind of just freezes with his arm raised.
Why would Armin be with Jean?
The two dish up their food together before Armin turns to face the table where Eren, Mikasa and Annie are seated. He says something to Jean and the latter moves off with a small nod and a glance in Eren's direction. Eren drops his arm awkwardly to his side. Armin navigates between the tables before seating himself in the chair next to Eren's. Eren is still standing as Armin begins eating. Mikasa is eating too, peering at Armin from under her lashes, while Annie continues to not give a shit.
"Eren," Mikasa says softly, still looking at Armin, "Sit down and eat your food."
Eren plonks down in his chair but he doesn't touch his plate.
"What were you doing with Jean?"
It feels like Eren should have shouted it, but it comes out really quietly and calmly, something Eren is aware of being unusual for him.
Armin doesn't even look up. "Why should it matter to you?" He eats another bite.
Why should it matter to me?
Not even why it should matter in general?
"I don't… I don't get it. What about yesterday?" Eren is confused. Armin never expressed any desire to be social with Jean even before yesterday's incident. Why now, of all times?
Armin sighs and puts down his fork, finally looking up at Eren. He looks irritated and impatient. He's never given anyone this look, much less Eren. At most, Eren would receive exasperation and a tired reproach that everyone knew wasn't even serious. Armin rolls his eyes, "Of course. Of course you don't get it. Why would you? Everything's always been clear to you hasn't it? God Eren, you think everything's about you, don't you? You're not my only friend, you know. You're not the only one that matters-"
"Armin," Mikasa suddenly snaps, causing Armin and Eren to both look up at her in surprise. Annie glances at her from the corner of her eye and Eren notices her arm shifting under the table.
Armin snorts, lips curling and eyebrows furrowing into another expression that Eren hasn't seen on his friend's face before – one he can't even name. Something like disgust. Anger. Bitterness.
Hatred?
"Of course you would protect him," he spits venomously, looking away, "Poor Eren. Poor baby. Stop treating him like he's the centre of everything. He's starting to believe it himself."
The table is quiet. It feels like the surrounding tables are quiet too but the sound could be just deafened by the blood rushing in Eren's ears. Is this… is this how Armin truly feels? Eren's eyes are wide, mouth hanging slightly open. He feels like the whole hall is staring at him. Mikasa is looking down, hair falling in front of her eyes. Annie is looking at Armin impassively, eyes dark and brows furrowed.
Armin clicks his tongue and scrapes his chair back. "I'm done."
The table is still quiet when he leaves, Eren and Annie simply staring at the full plate he left behind and not paying any more attention to their own. Mikasa gets up quietly and collects the mostly full plates from around the table; then leaving to the kitchen, not once meeting Eren's eyes.
"I'm done"
With what?
Is Armin done with… with Eren?
Eren pushes his chair back violently and prepares to go after him. He can't be too far. Maybe he's in the bedroom.
He didn't mean it like that… Did he?
Eren steps forward but feels a yank on the back of his shirt. Annie is standing gripping his hem, leaning over the table. He wants to scream at her to let him go, so that he can fix this. He can get better. He'll be less selfish. He's sorry. He'll start thinking less about himself and more about others. He can make it better. He can fix this. He can-
Annie stares at him and then jerks her head to the side. Eren's eyes follow the indicated direction and he sees Mikasa's retreating form disappear into the kitchen.
"Prove it," she says flatly, challenging Eren with her eyes. "Prove he's right, and go after him. Grovel and get his forgiveness. Make everything okay for you again. Prove him wrong, and care about someone else before yourself."
Eren stares back at Annie for a few more moments before he smiles faintly, "Thank you. Annie."
She sits back down and leans against the wall, "Whatever, dork."
When Eren pushes the kitchen door open, he finds that Mikasa is already washing dishes. He closes the door behind him quietly even though he knows that she is probably already deaf to the world. He grabs a chair from the small dining table that he often uses for breakfast and straddles it backwards, resting his arms on the back of it and his chin on his folded hands. He sits silently, listening to the rhythmic washing, rinsing and stacking of dishes. Some of the other trainees enter and leave their dishes next to the sink, well aware that Mikasa was unusually fond of washing dishes but not knowing the reason. He sits as people enter and exit, laughing and talking, oblivious to the despondent introspection of the siblings, only glad that they are free of the chore of washing their own dishes.
Eren suspects that everyone has left the dining hall when the door hasn't opened for a while. He considers saying something, trying to get Mikasa's attention, but he then notices that Mikasa's dirty dish pile is getting dangerously low. Eren gets to his feet and enters the dining hall again, then proceeds to collect the dishes that some people left at their respective tables. He notices that he was mostly right; the hall is almost empty. The only people left are the instructors still talking at their table. Eren sees Hanji talking animatedly to Pixis but Levi is absent. He re-enters the kitchen and places the dishes next to Mikasa. She doesn't even glance up, still methodically scrubbing. Her hair is shielding most of her face from Eren but he sees that her lips are clenched and pale, jaw moving slightly. He sighs and leans against the counter top with his arms folded across his chest.
When Mikasa finally stacks the last dish, she reaches for the dishtowel Eren holds out for her, silently drying her hands. She then leans against the counter next to Eren, position mirroring his. She turns her head and leans until she is resting her forehead against his shoulder. Eren wraps his arm around her, pulling her into an embrace. She's shaking, but he doesn't say anything. Just holds her.
"Why is my family breaking apart?" she eventually asks, so quietly that Eren strains to hear. "Why is everything so different?"
"I don't know," Eren responds softly. "But it's my fault. And I'm sorry, Mikasa."
"No!" she says violently, suddenly whipping her head up from Eren's shoulder and fixing him with a glare. Her eyes are red and moist. "It's not your fault! You did nothing wrong! We can fix this together! It's not you-"
Eren hugs her to him again. "It's okay. You don't need to protect me."
Mikasa sniffs and Eren thinks he can feel her smile a little, "With all the shit you get yourself into, I do need to protect you."
"I am perfectly capable of running away from my own problems, thank you very much," he says lightly, his breath ruffling the loose strands of Mikasa's hair.
"You know," Mikasa says after a moment, "You're wrong about yourself."
"I am?"
"You are. You're not as weak as you seem to think you are. You have this determination that really is just…"
"Yeah well, I'm not going to put out many fires by sheer willpower."
"I'm serious, Eren."
"So am I."
Mikasa sighs in exasperation, knowing that a stubborn Eren is not an easily convinced Eren. They stay together for a while, until Eren feels significantly less tension in Mikasa's body; though he suspects that he has been gleaning as much comfort from her as she him.
"I'll talk to Armin."
"Really, Mikasa, I think I should-"
"No. Listen, Eren. Armin was right about one thing. You don't get it. But I do. So I'm going to talk to him. Okay?"
Now Eren sighs, "Fine. Do what you want. You usually do anyway. Ow! You pinched me!"
"You deserved it."
"I did not!"
"Did so."
"We're doing this? Seriously?"
"Seriously," she confirms and pinches him again.
Eren yelps again. He lifts his head slightly and then brings it down harshly, head-butting her. Mikasa pulls away, holding her head.
"God, Eren!"
"Just Eren's fine."
At a stalemate, the siblings glare at each other. It doesn't last for long though as Eren laughs and Mikasa gives a small smile.
Eren then tells Mikasa that he's headed off to bed, and she bids him goodnight before heading to her own room. He wonders how she'll get through to Armin, feeling an underlying mixture of confusion and guilt.
We're not done, Armin.
This family is going to stick together.
Levi stays on the roof long after twilight has faded into night – after Eren left.
How could one little bratty kid bring up so many memories?
Levi unclenches his fist to look at the three rings nestled in his palm. Originally they had been simple steel bands – just symbols of them belonging to the Underground. Each member received one – as a sign of their loyalty. Whether that loyalty was forced or not didn't matter. Underground members recognised one another with these rings – that was all that mattered.
Levi still remembers how an excitable Isabel – only twelve at the time – had woken Levi and Farlan holding out these rings.
"Isabel," Farlan asked, mouth dropped and eyes wide, "What have you done?"
"I made them better!" she said enthusiastically, not picking up on Farlan's panic. "Look! This one's mine," she held out the smallest band. There was a green sequin glued to the top and green little swirls painted along the side. "This one's for Farlan," she said, pointing to the band with a blue bead and blue stripes. "And this one," she whispered, almost reverently, lightly touching the third band. "Is for Big Brother Levi." There was a little clear plastic gem glued to the band and three white dots – is that Tipp-ex? – drawn on either side.
Levi and Farlan were still silent. "Well?" Isabel said, "Put them on!"
Farlan kept glancing over at Levi's impassive expression nervously. Levi slipped the ring onto his finger and studied it. Isabel was almost vibrating with excitement.
"Hmm," Levi said finally, and Farlan visibly flinched, "Not bad."
He ruffled Isabel's hair and she beamed at him toothily.
Farlan began laughing, "Unbelievable."
Unbelievable.
Levi looks at the three rings now. Their paint – and Tipp-ex – has mostly fallen off now but the sequin, bead and gem still remain – probably because Isabel used industrial strength superglue. He shudders at the thought of how much she'd accidentally gotten in her hair.
What's unbelievable is that you weren't the ones sharing the sunset with me.
Levi was shocked to say the least when Eren stayed with him.
"…Besides, we haven't finished watching the sunset, have we?"
"We could make it a… daily ritual if you like?"
Levi huffs. If I like?
Like I had a choice.
Being faced with those bright green eyes so hopefully waiting for an answer after seven years of thinking he'd never see them again; he couldn't say no.
He couldn't say no to Eren.
Levi may have not been sure of Eren's identity when he was first tackled to the ground but seeing him during the fight sealed his certainty.
A kid blindly and bravely rushing into something that should have killed him.
A kid in pain still answering defiantly.
"I'm not a brat."
Levi smiles to himself. Yes, you are.
Who knew he actually would meet that kid seven years later? In a very similar situation no less. Levi thought that he'd only have the memory of the moment that a kid inspired him to do something with his life but yet…
He'd spent the entire afternoon with the kid. And he felt… happy.
Levi clenches his fist around the three rings again.
What right do I have to be happy?
Levi gets to his feet and exits the roof, glancing back once over his shoulder at the dark sky.
None. Not if you can't be here and happy too.
He walks past the dining hall, hearing Hanji's loud cackle, but deciding that he doesn't feel very hungry. The trainees fill some the hallways, talking, laughing and playing around – a ritual present even when Levi was in training. He acts on instinct and heads down another hallway which, for some reason, has never been a first choice for the socialisation practice. He walks briskly, aiming to quickly get to his room and shut himself away.
"-ren."
Hmm?
Levi stops, it came from the door slightly behind him.
"-still protecting him?"
"Why are you still blaming him?"
"You know why, Mikasa. You know how I feel about him. I just… feel so stupid. I've loved the guy for years, years, and he doesn't even know, much less reciprocate."
"You can't blame Eren for not knowing."
"Just why not? Why can't I be angry for no reason? Why can't I throw a temper tantrum? Why can't I do something completely stupid and have my friends' support. Why is Eren the only one that matters?"
I shouldn't be listening to this, Levi thinks, but he can't find himself able to move. The girl – Mikasa – is silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.
"Eren, isn't the only one that matters, Armin. The three of us are a family together. We've always been equal. We've always been there for each other. Eren might be the one always getting in trouble but remember that he's protected you. Always."
"I don't want to be the one that always has to be protected! And you're wrong, I've never been equal to you. I've always been in the background, just a pale insignificant shadow of you two. No one even notices me if you two aren't around. How can you say we've been in this together?"
"Armin-"
"No! Just listen to me, Mikasa. I thought that maybe Eren would notice me, and my life would be better then, but I was wrong. I'm tired of having to depend on the both of you. Can't you see? I'm not even my person. I need to… I need to…"
"Armin-"
"Just stop, Mikasa. Just let me sulk, let me rant, just let me hurt. Because it does hurt."
Mikasa is silent. Levi finds that he has slid down the wall and is sitting next to the door.
Armin speaks again, softer, "Have you seen how Eren looks at him? Eren. Finally reunited with his great hero, the great Humanity's Strongest. Captain Levi Ackerman. And the worst thing is-" Armin's voice breaks, "and the worst thing is, that the Captain looks the same way at Eren."
I do?
No.
This can't happen.
Armin's voice becomes fainter as Levi shoots to his feet and hurries to his room, almost running.
"How am I supposed to compete with that?"
Take him.
Please, take him.
I'm no good for him.
I'm no good for anyone.
Levi makes it to his room and crawls onto the bed. He hunches over, frantically tightening his grip on the rings.
I wasn't any good for you two either.