The surgery was done.

She had done the best she could.

Heart taken out: check. Tumor removed: check. Putting the heart back together: In progress.

It was all going according to textbook. Then, as always in surgery, the switch happens so swiftly you can hardly tell when it happened.

"He's bleeding too much, we need to control it."

Cristina's and Bailey's hand flew around his open chest, grabbing instruments from outstretched hands.

Then the heart-dropping (literally) high-speed beeping started.

"His heart rate is dropping."

Cristina spoke as her hands flew into action double what they already were.

"No way, Burke, no fucking way, you do not do this. Don't you dare die on me. You stay here, I'm not letting you leave, you are NOT allowed to leave!"

Beeping decreased.

"Heart rate's back up."

Hands slowed down.

Cristina stepped back for a second, closed her eyes, and breathed.

After the second, she stepped back forward and said, "Ok, let's finish up here."

He was fine. Things could change in recovery, but for now, he was fine. They'd see when he was awake the next morning.

She had no other surgeries scheduled, and all her other patients were attended to.

She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

She can hear the door open, and already knows who it is. She wishes it to be someone else, but she knows it not him.

"He's gone."

"I...I...I don't think he's gone. Uh, his stuff is here."

"No, it isn't. His trumpet was here. His entire Eugene Foote collection...vinyls and cds...his grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door. He's gone."

"I'm...I'm free. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it."

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. But she was too late.

"Damn it. Damn it."

He's gone. She was too late. He's gone. He's gone.

Suddenly, the dress feels like fire on her skin.

"Oh, god. Get this off me. Take this off! Take this off!"

Meredith runs over, unzips the dress, starts pulling it off.

"Please, just... I can't... help me, help me..."

He was gone.

"...help me!"

He had walked away.

He walked away from you, you idiot. He tore your world apart, she thought.

It had just been one of those days. Han had been extra bitchy, and the thought had somehow slipped in of how she'd actually be learning something if Burke were still there.

Everything would be better if he were still there.

Six months have passed since she had last seen him. At work, at the bar, in the presence of anyone else, she lives a lie. She is still living, yes. But her reality with other people is different from her reality when she is by herself. When she is with people, she is moving on. When she is with people, she hates the asshole who left her at their wedding, she is over him, she knows she deserves better than him. But in the darkness, in the solitude of the apartment... she can admit it. Not to anyone else, but to herself, which is far more than she can do otherwise. She can admit that she misses him.

Oh, god, she misses him so much.

If only, if only, she could have explained.

And now, she had explained. She had gotten to explain, and he said he was wrong.

So what was going on now?

Could they try again?

Should they try again?

Fuck, did she even want to try again?

He's already asleep when she climbs into bed.

She looks at him through the darkness.

He could have died today.

"Burke, you awake? Burke?"

He snores softly.

"...I love you too."

The next morning, she checked in on him at around nine, wanting to make sure enough time had passed for him to be awake and talking.

His eyes fell on her when he heard her enter, and when their eyes connected, the aura of the situation changed. His life was no longer in danger, he was no longer relying on her to change that. Things were different now.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

"How're you feeling?" She grabbed his chart and scanned it.

"Pretty well, for just having gone through a heart surgery."

"Everything looks good here. The surgery went well."

"I'm sure it did. You've always been top-notch. You know, although I knew you might have some obstacles along the way... I always knew you'd become a brilliant surgeon," he said, saying the last part so tenderly, it threw her off-guard a little bit.

She kept her gaze locked with his. "That means a lot, coming from you, Burke. Really."

He smiled at her.

Their gaze stayed locked.

She was finally the one to break, but the mood shifted only slightly. "Anyway, if all goes as planned, you'll be out of here in about two weeks, so you can inform your Chief of when you'll be back."

"Well, actually... I took a leave of absence. Got a one-way ticket here. I didn't know just how serious this would be. I was thinking... of maybe... of staying in Seattle for awhile."

"Really?" Oh, god. Do I want this?

"Yes. Should I..." he paused, cautious to go on yet dying to say it, "...stay in Seattle?"

"What?" ...oh, shit, maybe I want this?

"Should I stay in Seattle?"

"And it's not quite the same as those first few adrenaline-filled surgeries you had. It will never be exactly the same, and you know that. But it somehow becomes a whole new game, still extraordinary, still everything you want it to be, just in different ways then before.

And it's infinitely better than the alternative."

Teetering on the edge of action, she finally (finally, finally) fell over, and abruptly bent down and kissed him, lightly, on the lips. He responded gently, after a second of being stunned into paralysis. After a few seconds, she pulled back.

"Yes. You should stay."

"Look, I'm just... what is this... that we're doing here? What is it?"

She says, slightly scoffingly, "You need a definition? You... really want to be that guy?"

Of course not, he thinks. They do not need a definition. They never have, and they never will. They are beyond defining, because what they have cannot be put into words.

That's just what makes it so difficult sometimes.

But at the same time, it is what makes it so utterly wonderful.

He smiles at her.

"Lock the door."

end

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for reading! I've been wanting to write this literally since the season 3 finale, and it was so great to finally get it out. Reviews would make me very very happy, ESPECIALLY if you went back and reviewed other chapters as well ;) Hope you enjoyed it :)